Have you had a personal situation that helped you decide to be child free?

Hey everybody, just curious if you have had any really bad experiences with children, kids, whatever, that helped you decide to go child free. If you want to read mine, here it is:

Back in middle school, my friend and I decided to go vegetarian. Soon, the whole school found out about it, and they began throwing meat at us, clucking at us, showing us pictures of dead animals, and anything to piss us off. I had chickens at the time, for companions, which had helped my friend and I decide to go this route. I made a website about the chickens, and everyone found out. They came onto my guestbook and wrote about how they'd kill my chickens. After that, I just snapped. I wrote--on the same website--that I'd kill all of the kids that made fun of me, and wrote a list of people. It was a shorter list than the around 60 kids who made fun of me, but it was all the major ones. Needless to say, I was expelled, and everyone else got away free. Soon I became suicidal, went into the hospital for it over the Christmas season, and just basically had a hard time. I had to homeschool for a year, went to public high school after that with the same people, and endured more--yet, lighter--bullying. Of course, then I told the principal every time.

It's made me a stronger person, and formed me into who I am today. I am now a vegan, business owner, fiance, and in my first year of college. I'm doing much better than I could have if I were that shy little girl I was a few years ago. However, this situation also made me childfree, amoung other things, because it makes me wonder...kids are innocent? Hell no. Kids are a gift from God? I think not. Kids are cruel? Absolutely. Why would I want to bring a horrible, cruel, mean little...demon into my life? (Sorry, first word I thought of).

Well, that's my rant for now. What are some of your stories?

I can identify with what you are saying timsgirl.... I think kids are the creulest cunts in the world.

I was bullied at school on a regular basis and when I fought back after a boy punched me in the head I hit him and unfourtunatley cut his eye pretty bad and I was susspended for that. It did not make me Cf though as I decided at 11 I was going to be childfree. Its just something I have always known.

Kids sense when someone is different from them and like a pack of wild animals they go in for the prey.... Just thinking about it makes me so mad!!!! Ahhhhh I think my tubes just tied themselves ( I bloody wish)

i was once stabbed we.. twice by 2 kids, i was 5 and this lad brought a knife into playshcool (kindergarten) and wanted to see what would happen so stabbed me, then when i was older i was talking to a teacher and the girl behind me had a crochet needle not a tiny one, and stabbed me in the bum with it,

i was bullied every day in senior school, things where stolen from me, books and homework stolen.

i never really liked kids, never wanted them, i was too busy in school, and the girls there werent ery nice, i got stood up lots of times, i asked one girl out, and she looked up and down and laughed outloud at me for daring to ask them.

but i thought if my g/f wanted a kid then might as well, but after a few years i become unmarriagable, i had no ambition, no get up and go, wanting a quiet life, then i met my fiancee, and i didnt know the term cf existed, and i found that i wasnt alone..

then last year if i wasnt cf then i def would be now. i stayed at her house and her dad invited a"friend" OVER( for 2 weeks she said, but became 7 months.) and she had 3 brats, age 4, 2 and zero. the boy monster is autsistic, loves to torture animals and beats up on adults kicking punching, screaming (we think he will be a serial killer he has most of the signs). they did that for over a week, and no sleep makes martin a angry boy.

so i am definatly CF,

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Actually, I knew from an early age that I did not want to be a mother - from about age 9 or 10. I did not like being a kid myself and could not wait to grow up and be self sufficient. I also looked at my mother and thought her job was the crappiest job in the world. It seemed unfulfilling, boring and thankless. I did not want to be a "house wife" or dependent on a man for money. As as I grew up, the tides have changed so much in American culture in that divorce rate is up and single moo-hood is rampant. A woman's standard of living is reduced by something like 70% when she gets divorced and is stuck with the kids. Why would I want that? I love my freedom. Freedom from dependency from a wallet and thankless brats!

I *hated* childhood and other kids! I found other children mind-numbingly dull and stupid, and activities with them, save for a few sports, irritating. The dreary drivel about the latest plastic toy or sandbox gossip bored the hell out of me and drove me to resent having to tolerate their presence. Independent from a very early age, I saw nothing to gain in being around other kids except for a splitting headache.

My parents had a very active social life when they could, and this included such adult activities as going to the theater and concerts, dinner and cocktail parties and interesting conversations about art, history and politics. I could not wait to become an adult so I could enjoy the world.

Having brats was just not in the equation. It was not one specific situation as much as it was my disgust of other children at that age.

I too remember hating being a kid. My parents split up when I was eight, and my dad went through a really cheezy mid-life crisis, complete with young girlfriends and an Iroc Z sports car. My mom decided that she had "missed out" on her youth (I was her first kid and born when she was 23), so she started acting like a teenager, complete with loud, drunken all-night parties and one-night stands with creepy weirdos. I figured if that was what I had to look forward to as an adult, then I would try like hell to avoid the typical trappings of adulthood - including kids. Other influences were teachers and other parents - they all seemed so unhappy and boring, and I suspected it had to do with the responsibilities of raising kids. I lived in an extremely breederific, conservative suburb and thought that hell would be to grow up and live like the people I grew up around.

I don't think it was a specific situation that pushed me. I think it was gradual, and a combination of several factors: my parents emphasized birth control when teaching us about sex, I was an independent kid, stereotypical sex roles weren't enforced, and my folks valued competence and intelligence. I've always been grateful to them for using their heads and encouraging us to do the same!

I was never terribly into the wedding/husband/baby daydream when I was a girl. I sometimes played with dolls...occasionally...but I also played with stuffed animals, Lego, blocks, and so on. I didn't mind being a kid--sure, I wanted all the stuff adults got to do, that's typical kid thinking. When I thought of adulthood I imagined having my own place, with some pets and a cool yard. That's it. I think that was an indicator in itself. I did eventually figure out that parenting wasn't for me.

RandomCFChick Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don't think it was a specific situation that
> pushed me. I think it was gradual, and a
> combination of several factors: my parents
> emphasized birth control when teaching us about
> sex, I was an independent kid, stereotypical sex
> roles weren't enforced, and my folks valued
> competence and intelligence. I've always been
> grateful to them for using their heads and
> encouraging us to do the same!



Random, you sound like me! My parents always told me I could do whatever I wanted with my life, and they gave me the life skills and confidence to do just that. My choices have obviously been different from theirs (my mom and dad were both in the military by the time they were my age, 22), but as long as I'm happy, they're happy. It's stupid, but sometimes I feel as though they don't know what to say to me when I succeed at something, like with my education (I have a B.A. in history and philosophy, and I'm working on an M.A. in applied history), but not saying anything is better than what some women hear from their families, that their only purpose in life is to get knocked up.

I grew up mainly with adults around me and was always around adults. I also look at ALL the moos at work, on the streets, in my family and at friends and think that their lives are boring, lack freedom, involve too much sacrifice and is absolutely not fulfilling. Many end up having to quit their jobs to stay at home and care for the baby and depend on their husbands financially. I love my freedom, enjoy coming to work and being around adults and have adult interaction 24/7; and love to travel with DH. I never ever can imagine my life with a kid!! The lives of the very few CF people I know in my languages classes and in general seem to be much more interesting, very appealing and attractive!!!Hip hip hooray for us CF folks!!!

I kind of always knew that I didn't want to have kids (I categorically refused to play with baby dolls as a kid, only Barbie with cool clothes and a cool house and stuff), but there was always a thought in my mind saying that's what I was supposed to do and it annoyed me (My answer was always in 2-3 years - who knows what might happen - but it never varied no matter how many years went by - In that time lapse, I dumped my former breederific long-time live-in boyfriend, met my wonderful husband and got married).
Still, I didn't put it into words and form a clear thought until Mother's Day of this year, when my in-laws, my mother and some distant cousin in an ax-soviet country started nagging me and asking "When are you going to have kiiiiiiiids?" (I had been married for less than a year by then). It annoyed the hell out of me, but it's when I started researching the subject on the Internet that I found out 1) that I was not alone, 2) that there was a word to define me: cf.
Suddenly, it all made sense.
So it was all a work in progress.
About that dumbass former breederific long-time live-in boyfriend. We stayed 3 years together, it started well, but after 2 years, it went down the drain. But he thought (typical breeder - I see that clearly now - I guess you have to be out of a relationship to see how bad it was) that having a kid was the solution. As I hated confrontation and should have simply kicked him out (I paid for everything, he did nothing), I agreed to go along (still thinking that's what you had to do). But my body knew better (good pal!). I was so stressed out by this relationship that it stopped by itself having its period (I wonder if there is a medical explanation)... for a whole year. I dumped him finally in June 2002 and got my period back in July.
I'm so glad it never worked! My husband told me early in our relationship that he wasn't very much interested in kids, and had I been a single moo, we wouldn't have asked me on a date.
So all is for the best!
Sorry for being so long, but I had to talk.

I was an only child also, and like so many people have said, I hated being a kid. I had a pretty traditional upbringing from most standpoints, but my mom and dad were very upfront about children being a choice and not a requirement.

Stupidly, I got pregnant by an asshole who I thought loved me and I promptly aborted it as soon as I found out. My mom knew all about it, and she ended up sitting me down and telling me that she felt like it was her fault for not being more upfront with me about my options. I was in the beginning of nursing school, and I damn well knew that abortion was available and legal, but my mom still insisted that she "failed" me. It took years for me to stop blaming myself and to get her to realize that it was a mistake that was very easily corrected. My dad was not happy about it when we told him years later, because he felt left out of my life in that respect. He was happy that I exercised my choice, and that I learned from that mistake. He always told me that he was pro-choice, as did my mom. That made me feel a hell of a lot better. When I told them I was childfree, my dad made a pitcher of Martinis and we celebrated. They never really wanted grandbrats, and I was more than happy to fulfill their wishes!

No specific incident really, more a combination of observations and experiences. I didn't have a great childhood; my mother should never have had kids. She was one of those people who did it because it was expected. My parents planned two kids, and ended up having four which meant that we were quite poor a lot of the time. Their relationship was also very up and down, and i think that was largely to do with having kids. They certainly weren't a model for happy family life. Ironically, they separated once all of us left home.
When i was in my teens, i used to babysit for a family with 6 kids (i know, gross right?). I once had to look after all 6 kids for five days and nights in a row. I remember thinking to myself: 'remember how hard this is', just in case rose-tinted glasses took over later in life.
My sister now has a baby, and even though i really like the child (even agreed to be godmother) i just can't see why anybody would want to have one.
And how come that with all these child-friendly people about, there are still thousands of kids in care that need foster parents? That's probably a discussion for another time though!

When I was about 12 I had my first babysitting job. The 5 year old next door when mom went to work on saturday. At 12 you just look at the $$ and say, OK! I think I did that twice and never again. I had absolutly no idea what to do, or how to get him to do what I wanted. I had no control, and he knew it better than I did. That boy tramatized me.

Also, being the baby of 5 kids, I saw my older sisters go out of the house and become dependent on their husbands. My mother was dependent and I realized a lot of that had to do with having kids. Like a lot of you said, it was a work in progress. I never really liked kids even when I was a kid, then all that stuff on top of it, while.. that just tied the knot.

The last time I "babysat" was about 15 years ago. (my 3rd experiance) It was for my sister to give her a break. I took her two kids for the weekend, about 2 weeks after I had my tubes tied. I was still green from the surgery and then having to chase around a 5 and 7 year old. Well, that was the last time. Now, I just make sure people know I don't like kids and they don't ask. But I will pet sit.

mercurior Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> i was once stabbed we.. twice by 2 kids, i was 5
> and this lad brought a knife into playshcool
> (kindergarten) and wanted to see what would happen
> so stabbed me, then when i was older i was talking
> to a teacher and the girl behind me had a crochet
> needle not a tiny one, and stabbed me in the bum
> with it,

I think that all that crap will come back to hunt those suckers. Their kids will do the same to them 10-fold. I have seen it. I see it. I will be seeing it!

> i was bullied every day in senior school, things
> where stolen from me, books and homework stolen.

These same kids are probably being bullied right now by child support payments. Remember, it is those "popular" boys who went and knocked up those "popular" girls. They are paying for it now. Feel free to laugh at them. Feel free be join the audience at their divorce court as judge announces the alimony figure

> i never really liked kids, never wanted them, i
> was too busy in school, and the girls there werent
> ery nice, i got stood up lots of times, i asked
> one girl out, and she looked up and down and
> laughed outloud at me for daring to ask them.

You are a good man. I am the same way. Why would you want to put anyone else through the same crap as you went through? I know you would not. Neither would I. Because we got brains.
That's just fine those stupid girls treated you with no respect, they are getting theirs. Girls of that caliber usually end up hooking up with the boys "from the band". Yeah, they get kicked, punched, ass fucked and more. Yeah, they are not enjoying it either. But that is all right, girls like that have chosen their destiny for them selves. Sit back and enjoy the show. I know you treat your woman like a queen, that's why she is there with you in the UK!


> but i thought if my g/f wanted a kid then might as
> well, but after a few years i become
> unmarriagable,

That was a very good thing. You have actually sidestepped a very severe punishment. If ever in doubt, read stuff about evil ex-wives. You hit a jack pot, it just takes a little bit of looking to see it.

>i had no ambition, no get up and
> go, wanting a quiet life, then i met my fiancee,
> and i didnt know the term cf existed, and i found
> that i wasnt alone..

You have what YOU need! Why abuse yourself with things that you would not enjoy?


> then last year if i wasnt cf then i def would be
> now. i stayed at her house and her dad invited
> a"friend" OVER( for 2 weeks she said, but became 7
> months.) and she had 3 brats, age 4, 2 and zero.
> the boy monster is autsistic, loves to torture
> animals and beats up on adults kicking punching,
> screaming (we think he will be a serial killer he
> has most of the signs). they did that for over a
> week, and no sleep makes martin a angry boy.

This was a reminder of where you could have been and where you actually are. I'm happy with your outcome.
>
> so i am definatly CF,

You are a smart man!

I think with me it was that I never had a burning desire to reproduce. I never liked baby dolls all that much; Barbies, stuffed animals, roller skates, art projects, and books were way cooler. My childhood wasn't that bad; I have young parents who were 21 when I was born, so we were poor for while, and had some problems (what family doesn't though). That's not the reason I'm CF; like I said, I think I was just born with the lack of desire for kids.

Like some of the previous posts, I had a hellish time in late elementary/junior high. In 6th/7th grade, girls were bitchy to me because I wasn't a future teen moo; I was a tomboyish nerd who played in the marching band and wore Metallica shirts. The first day of seventh grade, some girl made fun of me for carrying around a clarinet case; she was probably shitting out her 5th kid while I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Music Education.

People threatened to beat me up in high school because I dressed punkish/goth, and wasn't afraid to speak my mind. I refused to act stupid like most teenage girls, and wasn't ashamed to do well in my classes. I had some friends my age, but most of them attended other high schools. I also hung out with my older brother and his friends; plus some people in their twenties and thirties.

I couldn't wait to get the hell out of high school; I thought most people my age were freakin' dimwits. I guess the point of saying this is that I value adult company and would have no patience speaking baby language while watching Barney videos all day with a crib dweller.

No specific incident, really - I just never had the slightest desire to reproduce. As a kid myself, other kids bored the fuck out of me and I was bullied as a teenager. I had a brain and I used it - and I'm sure others on this board will agree that can make you a target.

I noticed my own mother seemed incredibly stressed and depressed when we were kids. I'm the eldest of four and I honestly think she had children cos it was expected. We were quite poor too.

As I got older, I noticed just how thankless and exhausting moohood is. I also remember seeing a video of a moo shitting out a loaf which traumatized me - and set the seal on my decision.

I was 30 before I had the courage to tell my family there would be no loaves from me. Some of them gave me a hard time at first but they accepted it when they realized I wouldn't be changing my mind.

If you ask me, it takes way more guts to be CF rather than go with the societal flow and breed.

No specific incident for me. When I was a kid, I didn't even like being around other kids, and I can remember not being able to stand babies either. I was not interested in them as other young adolescents and teens my age were at the time. Wanting to hold them, fussing on them, wanting to baybee sit, etc. I wanted to hang with the adults. I never played with the countless baybee dolls my mom and gram bought me. Barbie was my thing and she and her friends were always off to somewhere far away and fabulous, had great careers and fancy houses and clothes. I was very much into doing my own thing and always had something going. I can remember seeing parents tied down with kids and even as a young teen/pre-adolescent, thinking, "God, I never want that."

I was always very much into animals. We had lots of pets: ducks, geese, Guinea Hens, chickens, rabbits, gerbils, hamsters, rats, and dogs. I'd spend all day in the company of animals and I still prefer it to this day over any interaction with people. Except SO, of course! LOL

My wife and I don't want kids for a number of reasons, mainly because we're very happy as is and fully realize that having kids would dramatically alter our lifestyle. We have fun with each other, both have numerous hobbies and interests, like to be able to sleep in, do whatever we want to/whenever we want to, etc. Neither of us finds the idea of becoming a slave to a screaming baby (then a demanding toddler; then a teenager) appealing in the least. Also, we don't like the "breeder culture" that seems to be an inescapable part of being a parent today - from the neurotic obsession with safety/risk-avoidance-uber-alles to the over-structured and essentially mandatory social activities to the hyper-commercialism that targets kids (and thus, parents) from birth onward and suffuses them with the notion that they must have this and must have that to be "cool." But the over-arching reason we're not having kids is we've managed to achieve a near-perfect lifestyle of being debt-free and working for ourselves at a pace that is comfortable - and the idea of giving that up for the stress (financial and otherwise) of reproducing is not especially appealing!

..forgot to mention in my other post that we also really like critters (much more so than babies or kids) and have a growing menagerie that includes several turtles, 13 chickens, a rabbit, one black lab and three house cats!

I knew I would I wasn't going to have kids no matter what, however, after I volunteered to keep my 5-month old great-niece (OH WHY DID I DO THAT?!) for three weeks and that pretty much CEMENTED my decision to remain CF!!

No specific incidents here either.
My parents were very clear that what they wanted from me was that I would make intelligent decisions and live my life as I saw fit. That I wasn't there to do things to make them happy, but that what made them happy was when I was happy with my own life.

Most of my experiences with other children in the school system were a horror of abuse and taunting, because I didn't care about clothes, make up and boys, nor did my friends. I remember realizing in 5th grade that when a girl decides to fight a boy, she usually wins simply because of the element of surprise. Fortunately for me, that was a time before "zero tolerance" policies and I spent my middle school years wailing on the boys who teased my friends and I. They eventually stopped when I went psycho on the biggest boy in school. I tackled him, sat on his chest, hawked a loogie in his mouth, held is nose and mouth shut and told him I'd let him die if he didn't swallow it. He did, I jumped up and he puked all over the hallway.

When I got pregnant at 19 with my first boyfriend, I figured we'd keep it, because that's what people in love did, even though we were barely able to feed ourselves. My mother and father sat us both down for a long discussion about what it's like to have a child when you are young and poor, which was what had happened to them when they had me. That discussion ended up with an abortion, which they helped to finance.

What really fixed it for me, I think, was when I had re-entered the higher education system a few years after failing miserably at my first attempt at college. I was taking some sort of sociology class and one of our discussion topics was family choices. The teacher split us up into groups and each group was assigned a "family makeup" which they'd figure out the pros and cons of. Every version of "family" involved children, which was a concept I didn't agree with. When I brought up the idea that a couple could be a "family" and choose to forgo children, the entire class, teacher included, looked at me as though I had just pulled down my pants and shat on the american flag. I realized right then that most people don't actually make their life decisions, but just go along and do things because it's "what everyone does", and I just wasn't raised to be that way.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

There were no incidents. I was born with the CF attitude.

I have to say that I am sorry that those awful things happened to you, TimsGirl. Chickens are such beautiful creatures. A number of them lived on my college campus. They were so proud and happy pecking around and strutting around in the grass. I always looked for them walking to different classes. Plus the little chicks are so cute…

Feh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> No specific incidents here either.
> My parents were very clear that what they wanted
> from me was that I would make intelligent
> decisions and live my life as I saw fit. That I
> wasn't there to do things to make them happy, but
> that what made them happy was when I was happy
> with my own life.
>
> When I got pregnant at 19 with my first boyfriend,
> I figured we'd keep it, because that's what people
> in love did, even though we were barely able to
> feed ourselves. My mother and father sat us both
> down for a long discussion about what it's like to
> have a child when you are young and poor, which
> was what had happened to them when they had me.
> That discussion ended up with an abortion, which
> they helped to finance.
>
Wow Feh, I'm impressed by your parents evolved thinking. How unfortunately rare. I wish more were that realistic & honest.

Mine SAID the patented "we want you to be happy", but as the 1st born & a daughter, they really wanted me to be a Marcia Brady clone.

So along comes me, baby #1, hates dolls, babies, loves animals, science, tomboyish (the nerdy kind) artistic, wants to be the 1st woman on Mars, hates proms, dances, etc. I pretty much spent my whole teen years in severe depression with no friends & a raging case of OCD, bordering on Anorexia due to my unconsciously hating myself for not being this ideal daughter. I think I cried my way thru high school.

Oh, and I never got pregnant, but my mom reminded me on several occasions that "If you come home pregnant, we wouldn't kick you out & we'd help you raise the baybee". To this day I don't know WHY she said this- as a teen I didn't even go out of the house except for school! (GASP- maybe she WANTED me to get pregnant!)

I love them but wow- how much less painful it would have been without that pressure. I'm suprised I'm still here...really.

Milly Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
My parents planned two
> kids, and ended up having four which meant that we
> were quite poor a lot of the time.

Same here Milly! I was the first of four and we were very strapped all the time, even to the point of hocking stuff. Good thing for my mom's hysterectomy, 'cause I'd probably be the first of 7 or something.

> When i was in my teens, i used to babysit for a
> family with 6 kids (i know, gross right?). I once
> had to look after all 6 kids for five days and
> nights in a row. I remember thinking to myself:
> 'remember how hard this is', just in case
> rose-tinted glasses took over later in life.

Same here again, only my "babysitting" at age 12 consisted of playing helper to the neighbor woman (that my mom stuck us with before & after school) take care of the 12 younger kids she babysat along with me!

The stench, constant illnesses & noise purged any molecule of breederness I might have had from my DNA forever.

I hated being a kid, like many of you...I couldn't wait to grow up and run my own life and have people take me seriously (my biggest pet peeve is when people discount or ignore my feelings). My parents divorced when I was 9, and my mother (who cheated on my dad and left him) is not what you'd call supportive, demonstrative, or caring. She is a narcissist and a liar, and if something has nothing to do with her, she will make it all about her or ignore it completely. As a result of her behavior and my numerous failed attempts to have a relationship with her, I have cut off all contact with her. I haven't spoken to or seen her since June, and I plan to maintain the separation. I adore my father (I was a total daddy's girl), and while I do get exasperated with him now that I'm an adult and I can see his poor money management skills and frequent day-dreaming for myself, I love him and I'm grateful for everything he gave me. That includes his wife, my stepmother and the woman who raised me. She is a strong, assertive, self-confident woman, and she taught me to be the same way. I shudder to think about the kind of person I'd be if I'd been raised by my mother. My upbringing and the fact that I have a fierce independent spirit have led me to be childfree. I don't want to be in charge of another person's life and well-being, and I have no interest in child behavior or child-raising. And since I know that, and I can acknowledge it, I can spare any potential child of mine from having a rotten mother, like I had.