Lets play amature psychologist!

So, I have a friend who is 31, I'm a few years older than her. She's spent that last 2 years spending about 90% of her time traveling for work, and is single. She seems pretty happy with it, at least I assume so since she does make more than enough money to quit, take time off and find a job she'd like more. She's been friends with my SO since college, and friends with me since before we started dating.

She knows my feelings on children, and in the past it hasn't even been a topic, even when our mutual friends began to spawn. However, since SO and I decided to get married, she keeps bringing up kids with me. Starting statements with "well when you have kids..." or saying stuff when we're around kids like "You'll be doing this soon" and other such ass-chapping nonsense. With other folks I know, I'd just assume they were joking around and trying to get a rise out of me, but she's never been like that before, so I'm thinking it's something less "jokey". What it is? I do not know, but I always end up getting mildly pissed and re-reminding her "no, I'll never be doing this", and she'll just keep bugging me about it.

So, help me figure this out what the hell is up her ass? and why won't she just shut the hell up about this?

she is probably being pestered by her family, so either using you for your reasons, so she can blast them, or she has a case of the baby rabies

Feh - I'm assuming your friend is CF?

If she is, d'you think she's starting to change her mind about wanting brats? It could be a way of trying to broach the subject with you ie by trying (vainly) to convince you and SO that you want to spawn, you won't be surprised when she makes the announcement - the one where she tells you she wants brats?

I could be totally off base here but maybe she's jealous you're getting hitched, although not necessarily who you're getting hitched to? I know from my own experience that even if you're happily single, you still feel a pang when friends get hitched. You wonder if they'll still have time for you. She could simply be worried about that. Maybe bugging you about brats is a way of grabbing and retaining your attention (which she's certainly doing)

can't think of anything else for now

Hmmmm, strange. I had a same-aged friend do this once also.

In my particular case, she was very unhappy, she was married with 2 very small kids, had quit her job and stayed home, and although a great guy, she was always unhappy with her husband over some trivial issue. I attributed it to her trying to brain wash me into being as unhappy as she was.

Your friend may not be as happy as she lets on?

On the flip side, I have another same-aged friend (Mrs. Breeder Pleaser, I've written about her before) who avoids me and my phone calls like the plague because I am living the life she left when she chose to breed.

To a lot of people, marriage = babies. Add that to the fact that you're in your 30's, which is when a lot of women start to hear the ol' tick-tock of their biological clocks. She [and a lot of other people you know, I'm sure] is just assuming that you and your SO have outgrown your "selfish phase" and are ready to grow up and start a REAL family.

Feh - one more thought, from my experience of 56 years of childfreedom: She may be AFRAID that you will now breed - so she keeps on you about this making SURE you're really, really, REALLY childfree !
She might deny it if asked..she may not actually be aware of how often and how much she is bringing it up. There are people who claim CFness and when married, yeah, suddenly NOT so CF. So she wants to be sure about you.
Try going ballistic the next time it's mentioned, with a passionate display of "not only NO, but HELL NO ", and see what happens !
Good luck , and the BEST to you and your SO !

ltnc clary,

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I love playing psychologist with other people’s lives!
Judging from your post, it appears that she hasn’t really indicated if SHE is CF or not. Like Clary said, there are people who claim CFness, then get married and aren’t so CF anymore, especially if the spouse and family are hounding them. So maybe she is just seeing if you really are CF. Also, like Stephanie wisely pointed out, A LOT of fucking people think marriage=kids. So she thinks you’ll be doing the famblee thing. Naturally! Yeah right, whatever.
Maybe calmly ask her what her deal is. Turn it on her: “Do YOU want kids?” Determining whether she really is CF will make a big difference in understanding WTF is up with her.

Maybe she's had the lifescript beaten into her all her life. She's single, so there's no reason for her to apply it to herself at this point in her life. After marriage, people are "supposed to" start the almighty family. She may have been raised to believe that. Then again, it may be what clary, said. Why not just ask her what she means the next time she starts with the bingos? It's possible that she doesn't even realize what she's doing.

Feh Wrote:

>
> She knows my feelings on children,

> So, help me figure this out what the hell is up
> her ass? and why won't she just shut the hell up
> about this?

She's a future breeder, and most people in this world are breeders, just like most people are primarily heterosexual, and "childfree" really is an orientation like being gay, or being hetero but it is not yet discussed or explored, although that seems to be changing a little due to more people realizing that they do not have to hide in the closet and make themselves miserable by breeding.

I've always thought that breeders who come to piss on the childfree boards or make vicious remarks were closeted childfree -- they didn't really want children but they went along with the breeder life script so as not to feel marginalized -- in some ways you really have to pity them, because they chose the sheeps way out while we childfree relax in a clean quiet home with our nice dinner and the movie of our choosing. Not being marginalized by the breeders was more important to them than being true to themselves, so they got what they asked for and now they are taking it out on us.

Very very interesting insights you all! Amature psychology is FUN!

To clarify, I do not know if my friend is CF or not. We've never really discussed it, I'm just more vocal about my opinions. I also don't know if she's really happy with her life, I know I wouldn't be in her shoes. She travels all the time for work, which makes it hard for her to meet people, and I am pretty sure she is frustrated with her single status. I'm basically the last of her single female friends, so I'm sure that's probably got something to do with it.