Home
>
The Living Room
>
Topic
And they call us selfish?!
Posted by bree van de kamp
|
And they call us selfish?! November 18, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 41 |
My brother and his wife have one child. They are lazy parents who expect other people to shoulder the responsibility for my niece.
It's like they only had a child as an accessory because all they do is palm off my niece on my parents or nannies.
When my niece was born, my mother lived with my brother and his wife for 7 months to help with the baby. My SIL often went to bed at 9PM while my 65 year old mother was waking up all through the night with the infant. My mother didn't like this but she felt that she couldn't confront my SIL since she offered to help the self centered younger woman. My slothful and selfish SIL didn't even bathe her daughter until she was almost a year old because she "didn't feel comfortable." My niece has been raised largely by nannies and my mom. I don't believe that having help from loved ones means that the generous extended family members are to be treated as if they are the ones who gave birth to the child.
My brother and his wife constantly leave my niece with my mother. The last time she was left with my mom for a few weeks, my mother and my other sibling were trying to potty train my niece since the little one showed readiness and she's 2 years old. As soon as the child went back to her useless parents, they stopped potty training her because they "didn't want to deal with that". Now my niece is going to nursery school and still shitting her diapers even though she is quite capable of learning to use the toilet.
My brother was boasting to another family member about how my niece will be left with my parents every summer after school ends. That family member told me that my brother should be ashamed to tax his elderly parents with looking after a young child. My parents love their grandchildren but they didn't retire to take responsibility for kids that aren't theirs.
I don't understand why breeders have children if they aren't willing to do the dirty work. They say we are selfish yet they treat their children like inconveniences to be raised by others. My SIL has a high powered career so she thinks she is above such lowly tasks such as cleaning, cooking or heaven forbid taking care of her own child. Ugh!
It's like they only had a child as an accessory because all they do is palm off my niece on my parents or nannies.
When my niece was born, my mother lived with my brother and his wife for 7 months to help with the baby. My SIL often went to bed at 9PM while my 65 year old mother was waking up all through the night with the infant. My mother didn't like this but she felt that she couldn't confront my SIL since she offered to help the self centered younger woman. My slothful and selfish SIL didn't even bathe her daughter until she was almost a year old because she "didn't feel comfortable." My niece has been raised largely by nannies and my mom. I don't believe that having help from loved ones means that the generous extended family members are to be treated as if they are the ones who gave birth to the child.
My brother and his wife constantly leave my niece with my mother. The last time she was left with my mom for a few weeks, my mother and my other sibling were trying to potty train my niece since the little one showed readiness and she's 2 years old. As soon as the child went back to her useless parents, they stopped potty training her because they "didn't want to deal with that". Now my niece is going to nursery school and still shitting her diapers even though she is quite capable of learning to use the toilet.
My brother was boasting to another family member about how my niece will be left with my parents every summer after school ends. That family member told me that my brother should be ashamed to tax his elderly parents with looking after a young child. My parents love their grandchildren but they didn't retire to take responsibility for kids that aren't theirs.
I don't understand why breeders have children if they aren't willing to do the dirty work. They say we are selfish yet they treat their children like inconveniences to be raised by others. My SIL has a high powered career so she thinks she is above such lowly tasks such as cleaning, cooking or heaven forbid taking care of her own child. Ugh!
|
Re: And they call us selfish?! November 18, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 271 |
Bree, your mother needs to learn to step up and say NO! Your parents are in their retirement years and have done their job raising their own kids so they should be able to enjoy their golden years doing things that they want to do. As for yourself, you don't have an obligation to watch your niece all the time either, you have responsibilities and obligations and the ability to live your life the way you want without the burden of children.
If they didn't want the burden,then why did they have a child in the first place? Oh yeah, because it's what you're 'supposed' to do and 'It's different when it's your own ™' Your SIL should have stuck with her career. It sounds like your niece's own mother is doing more damage to the child than good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They are having children for selfish and narcissistic reasons, or are simply irresponsible. Funny... Those are the terms often used to describe the CF
~Live, Laugh, Love~
If they didn't want the burden,then why did they have a child in the first place? Oh yeah, because it's what you're 'supposed' to do and 'It's different when it's your own ™' Your SIL should have stuck with her career. It sounds like your niece's own mother is doing more damage to the child than good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They are having children for selfish and narcissistic reasons, or are simply irresponsible. Funny... Those are the terms often used to describe the CF
~Live, Laugh, Love~
|
Re: And they call us selfish?! November 18, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 41 |
I never have to watch that particular niece because she lives far away and when she visits, it's usually my mom or one of my other brothers who are taking care of her. I enjoy looking after my nieces as long as I don't have to do it all the time. What I don't enjoy is seeing my mom being run ragged by a toddler when she is nearly 70 years old. I also hate seeing my niece handed off to others by her parents like she is an inconvenience.
If my brother and his wife didn't want the responsibility of a child, they should not have reproduced so that they could focus on themselves. That's why my husband and I are childfree-we don't want to be tied down with kids! My SIL told my mother that she never wanted children until she met my brother. It appears that my SIL allowed herself to be pressured into having a child but she wants to live the same life she did before she became a mother. Moos make me laugh when they want to have it both ways. Idiots!
My mom will never say no because she needs to be needed and she's also a martyr. She loves to complain about how much work it is to look after a young child.
If my brother and his wife didn't want the responsibility of a child, they should not have reproduced so that they could focus on themselves. That's why my husband and I are childfree-we don't want to be tied down with kids! My SIL told my mother that she never wanted children until she met my brother. It appears that my SIL allowed herself to be pressured into having a child but she wants to live the same life she did before she became a mother. Moos make me laugh when they want to have it both ways. Idiots!
My mom will never say no because she needs to be needed and she's also a martyr. She loves to complain about how much work it is to look after a young child.
|
Re: And they call us selfish?! November 18, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,735 |
I am inclined to think that people who breed then have the attitude that it is "everyone else's" responsibility to raise the kid buy into the "but it is a duty to society to reproduce."
Um, no. That is not at all how it works.
Grandparents can help out with the grandbabies if they wish but in no way should they be "expected" to shoulder the responsibility of raising and caring for the babies.
Um, no. That is not at all how it works.
Grandparents can help out with the grandbabies if they wish but in no way should they be "expected" to shoulder the responsibility of raising and caring for the babies.
|
Re: And they call us selfish?! November 20, 2016 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,973 |
Career-oriented people almost never make good parents because they either feel they are above the cunt work involved in child care or because they care more about their jobs than about their kids. But people with well-paying jobs can usually afford to pay other people to raise their kids for them. Even then, it begs the question: if you obviously don't have time for kids or won't care about them at all because work is your main/sole priority, why even have them? If grandparents want to help out with their grandkids, then that's fine... the key words being "want" and "help." Not "forced to" and "raise." Your mother probably feels an obligation to be there for this kid when its parents don't want to be, but she already raised her kids. While I'm sure she loves her grandchild very much, it's not her child to raise.
The poor kid is going to be pulled in so many directions, probably developing an emotional connection to its caregivers instead of its parents because the caregivers are the ones who show the kid affection and raise it. Not to mention the parents undoing any progress made by its caregivers via neglect.
At this point, I would say it would be in everyone's best interests if your brother and ister-in-law surrendered the child to someone who will actually give a shit about it. If your mom is such a martyr, maybe she could adopt her grandkid. Since she's doing a vast majority of raising the kid to begin with, would it be that much of a difference? Does your SIL pay her for her time and effort? I'm assuming she doesn't because family are obligatory charity babysitters, as far as breeders are concerned.
I will never get career people who have kids. It's perfectly fine to be "married" to your job if that makes you happy. People who are so engulfed in their work often make significant contributions to their fields. Such people having kids is almost never a good idea because a child will not become a main priority to a career man or woman - it will just become an extra burden and will be treated as such. That's not fair to the kid.
The poor kid is going to be pulled in so many directions, probably developing an emotional connection to its caregivers instead of its parents because the caregivers are the ones who show the kid affection and raise it. Not to mention the parents undoing any progress made by its caregivers via neglect.
At this point, I would say it would be in everyone's best interests if your brother and ister-in-law surrendered the child to someone who will actually give a shit about it. If your mom is such a martyr, maybe she could adopt her grandkid. Since she's doing a vast majority of raising the kid to begin with, would it be that much of a difference? Does your SIL pay her for her time and effort? I'm assuming she doesn't because family are obligatory charity babysitters, as far as breeders are concerned.
I will never get career people who have kids. It's perfectly fine to be "married" to your job if that makes you happy. People who are so engulfed in their work often make significant contributions to their fields. Such people having kids is almost never a good idea because a child will not become a main priority to a career man or woman - it will just become an extra burden and will be treated as such. That's not fair to the kid.
|
Re: And they call us selfish?! November 22, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 41 |
Quote
Cambion
Career-oriented people almost never make good parents because they either feel they are above the cunt work involved in child care or because they care more about their jobs than about their kids. But people with well-paying jobs can usually afford to pay other people to raise their kids for them. Even then, it begs the question: if you obviously don't have time for kids or won't care about them at all because work is your main/sole priority, why even have them? If grandparents want to help out with their grandkids, then that's fine... the key words being "want" and "help." Not "forced to" and "raise." Your mother probably feels an obligation to be there for this kid when its parents don't want to be, but she already raised her kids. While I'm sure she loves her grandchild very much, it's not her child to raise.
The poor kid is going to be pulled in so many directions, probably developing an emotional connection to its caregivers instead of its parents because the caregivers are the ones who show the kid affection and raise it. Not to mention the parents undoing any progress made by its caregivers via neglect.
At this point, I would say it would be in everyone's best interests if your brother and ister-in-law surrendered the child to someone who will actually give a shit about it. If your mom is such a martyr, maybe she could adopt her grandkid. Since she's doing a vast majority of raising the kid to begin with, would it be that much of a difference? Does your SIL pay her for her time and effort? I'm assuming she doesn't because family are obligatory charity babysitters, as far as breeders are concerned.
I will never get career people who have kids. It's perfectly fine to be "married" to your job if that makes you happy. People who are so engulfed in their work often make significant contributions to their fields. Such people having kids is almost never a good idea because a child will not become a main priority to a career man or woman - it will just become an extra burden and will be treated as such. That's not fair to the kid.
I agree! My poor niece will grow up feeling neglected and unloved because her parents can't be arsed to look after their daughter.
No, my mother is not paid for her work. She would never dream of accepting any money for looking after her grandchild. The problem is that she isn't just taking care of her granddaughter....she's basically raising the little one!
Breeders always think that they can "have it all" by having demanding careers and children. All that means is they don't have the time to devote to each aspect of their life so one area is always lacking.
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.