When breeders know your feelings better than you

She's dead wrong about the husband thing. My ideal man is one who doesn't want kids, and preferably has had a vasectomy. I don't know about her, but when I found out that my partner had the V, it made me feel even MORE attracted to him then I initially felt.

Breeders always think they know better than the CF. Like they're all fucking armchair psychologists or something. IMO, they should just mind their own business and leave us alone. I'm sorry you had to endure that, blackpearl. I have to chuckle a little bit at the fact that she thought she knew you better than you know yourself.

I wouldn't bother arguing with an obvious halfwit, who can't think past her own screaming ovaries. However, I am partial to making these types squirm, by advising the bint that you have a deadly allergy to the byproducts of babbies and crotch-nuggets.

It wouldn't pass decades ago, but people are literally allergic to air these days, so it's a passable excuse...

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mumofsixbirds
Breeders always think they know better than the CF. Like they're all fucking armchair psychologists or something.

It's because breeders think that reproducing makes them so much more worldly than their unchilded counterparts. I think they also see CF adults as being more like children than adults because they haven't "grown up" by having kids yet. So they'll speak to CFers with condescension like they know it all and basically tell us that we're just being silly when we say we don't want kids or are actually happy dating/being married to someone who doesn't want kids either. Funny how if we were to follow the same path as they did, we'd be smart and mature... but when we follow a different path and make different choices, we don't know what we really want in life.

Imagine an idiot who never has had an insightful thought in his/her head. But the idiot has had kids and finds out you haven't. Ding ding!! It may be one of the only opportunities for the idiot to engage in a conversation where they feel superior for having experiences you haven't had and their regimented adherence to the lifescript. This idiot will either never have the intelligence to figure out having kids was a choice or the idiot may have just enough intelligence to figure this out after having kids. So the idiot could actually be unaware enough to believe their own line of bull and never figure out that having kids was a choice and connect the dots to the tremendous amount of effort, patience and money required to raise kids isn't worth the rare Kodak moments. Or the idiot is just aware enough to now regret their decision of having kids and are taking the opportunity to bully or shame the childfree because shaming sometimes works and misery loves company.

A decent parent would never attempt to shame or coerce another adult to have kids.

That's why i like this forum...because people here are in their right minds! You are right, this woman barely knew me and she got into this discussion doing cheap psychology and explain me what am i supposed to feel and worse, assuming things about my relationship. It's not the first time when this happens and i noticed that older breeders are like that. They treat you like a stupid kid and if they find out you don't have kids, the behavior is even worse. It makes you feel like an idiot who doesn't know anything about life. It's also frustrating because we work in the same organization and i can't tell her to f*ck off.

Umberto Eco once said something about how strange it is that a man convinced that all people are the same (football fans) is prepared to kill someone who supports a different team. I am reminded of that when dealing with bingos. How can a person be simultaneously convinced that all people have the same route to happiness, and distressed over you appearing to take a different path? After all, if it is inevitable, all they need to do is wait.

I also think about that when i deal with people disturbed by the fact that i chose differently. Do you know how we are always told be ourselves, stand out for our dreams, be different etc.? But when you actually do that, then people get so pissed and defensive. So, it's basically live the life you want as long as it follows the lifescript.

I am going to steal that quote, I think I saw it on this board.

Arguing with breeders is like playing chess with a pigeon. You can't win. All they will do is crap on the board and then strut around like they won.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

contem--forget playing chess! We are now about to be governed by that pigeon!

No. We are being governed by this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xaLlcc6vt8

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

that is one of the things I find fascinating. I have been to churches (generally pentecostal) and they have never bothered me about being childfree. Not one.. guess I'm in the wrong church?

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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freya
Imagine an idiot who never has had an insightful thought in his/her head. But the idiot has had kids and finds out you haven't. Ding ding!! It may be one of the only opportunities for the idiot to engage in a conversation where they feel superior for having experiences you haven't had and their regimented adherence to the lifescript. This idiot will either never have the intelligence to figure out having kids was a choice or the idiot may have just enough intelligence to figure this out after having kids. So the idiot could actually be unaware enough to believe their own line of bull and never figure out that having kids was a choice and connect the dots to the tremendous amount of effort, patience and money required to raise kids isn't worth the rare Kodak moments. Or the idiot is just aware enough to now regret their decision of having kids and are taking the opportunity to bully or shame the childfree because shaming sometimes works and misery loves company.

A decent parent would never attempt to shame or coerce another adult to have kids.

This! ^^^

That whole line of thinking, that the "right one" will make you broody, sounds like exactly the sort of after-the-fact rationalization you'd expect from someone who put zero thought into personal life goals.

"La-di-dah, doo-dee-doo, woops! I caught a baaaybeee!!! OMG it's destiny, and only This Maaaaayan could be The One destined to gift me a baaaybeee, this was Destined To Be, so he's The One! This random series of events is sooooo meaningful!!!
"This is how it happened for me, so now I can tell everyone I have discovered the truth! It wasn't an ...accident, nonononono no no NO, it was fate and destiny, and there was literally nothing I could do to stop fate and destiny, so you're going to have an accide... baaaybeee too someday! Because if it was destiny, an equal fate shall surely befall all of woman kind, for after all, we all have vaginas, so we're all really the same. Join me in my misery ...no, I mean fated bliss!!" -said many empty-headed idiots all over the globe, but particularly in breeder-advantaged countries like OP's where this sort of "fate" is showered with stuff and money and no individual thought towards life planning is really necessary, much less encouraged.

Circular logic at its finest.


I do not believe there is this breeding instinct. No, people who feel this way need to own up to the fact that their own brain generates this feeling, a desire to make mixed copies of one's self. We are all made up of many priorities subconsciously, and our brain does its best to compromise and gift us the experience of a "whole" consciousness. Some desire to breed on some level and the feeling doesn't come from the uterus, no matter how many describe it that way. It is the arousal of the idea of baaaybeee accompanied by a deep desire, strongly associated with sexual arousal because we all know sex CAN equal babies.

I'm sure everyone here has been torn over some other issue, deeply wanting both possibilities of a situation and having a really hard time deciding between two options. These are mixed priorities that our brain couldn't compromise subconsciously. A childfree person may try to disown the thought and ascribe it to the uterus because we identify strongly as not-breeders.

We CF can or could change our minds, it's possible, but your uterus isn't going to demand it of you. You are in charge of your life.

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blackpearl
I have been reading about this basic reproductive instinct in other places and the idea behind it was that us CF make a conscious decision not to have kids but we all have this instinct, we just suppress it and in some of us will come out at one point, triggered by different factors.

I'm no biologist but this theory makes no sense. For most of the history of humankind, people were not even aware of the connection between sex and childbirth, so an instinct to have babies is not the same as an instinct to have sex. To love a baby, to care for it is something that often comes only after the baby was born; there are lots of moms who don't feel that "special connection" with the baby for weeks after its birth. So it can't be an instinct.

I'm no psychologist either, but I think many moms see their babies as smaller versions of their husbands, they want a baby because they want a Mini-Him who is completely dependent on them, whom they can control (this also explains the Golden Penis Syndrome). Also many dads like it that their wives become more dependent on them when they have a baby. Doesn't sound like two adults in a healthy, equal relationship.

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tea princess
I'm no psychologist either, but I think many moms see their babies as smaller versions of their husbands, they want a baby because they want a Mini-Him.

That's really creepy. I did hear it from some women, they wanted so bad the baybee would look like the husband. I didn't really get it why, i thought because they like their husbands so much (in my then naive mind) but later i figure it out.

Wow, that's some nerve for a complete stranger to tell you that. I understand your worries though. Being a minority is not easy, especially when people in the majority are constantly shitting on you.

Not everyone has a maternal/paternal instinct. Some people have kids anyway (selfish breeders) while others honor their inner drive and abstain from having kids. Most people do have this instinct to reproduce to varying degrees because it's what preserves the species, but that doesn't mean you're defective or haven't found the right guy yet if you lack it. By her thinking, all gay/lesbian childfree people just "haven't found the right opposite sex partner yet" either! How offensive!

No, there are countless stories of women who never wanted to play with baby dolls, babysit or have anything to do with kids from a very young age. Some even have a legit phobia of pregnancy and childbirth. It's not that they haven't found the right partner because these feelings go back to early childhood. Don't let this random weirdo put unnecessary worries in your head.

I have to confess. I have been in maybe two relationships in my life where the physical passion and emotional feeling I had for the other person was so great that I had the fleeting thought that I'd possibly want to have a child with them. Then ten seconds later I snapped out of it. Thank god.