"A letter to my friends with babies" September 22, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,440 |
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It happens every time. I know it will, and I don’t begrudge it. Except I do, a bit. It’s happened so often, and now that I’m in my late 40s, and I am so practised at this, I can’t help but have the same awful thought every time a friend announces she is pregnant: “Well, there goes another friendship.”
...
Years back, a friend announced that she was moving closer to me, and I blurted out, “Great! Maybe we can have a night out together!” Without even pausing to consider the option, she said, “I’m a mum now!” Her tone was plain: how could I make this suggestion to someone with such weighty responsibilities?
...
I wonder if my friends will want to re-establish our connection when their children leave home. I wonder why, just once a year, they can’t find a babysitter or leave the kids with their partner so we can talk and drink good wine on my patio, without their children throwing gravel into the neighbour’s garden.
What I don’t wonder, though, is if I can ever say these words to them – because I know I cannot. As a woman without children, I am supposed to just “understand” that relationships change, and change will always mean a sad lessening of ties for me.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 22, 2019 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,578 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 23, 2019 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,846 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 23, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,979 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 24, 2019 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,644 |
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Cambion
I think some of these breeders just drown in their parenthood roles and they stop knowing how to be people instead of just someone's mommy.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 25, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 4,097 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 28, 2019 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 652 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 28, 2019 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,578 |
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cfuter
It is unbelievable what I was told by some of my friends after breeding, about can't do this or can't do that w/ me, ...the sad thing is...they never wanted to just leave the kid w/ hub one afternoon and go for a fucking coffee w/ me. But at the same time feel dragged down by moohood. They have solutions, but they refuse to see them.
It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 28, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,841 |
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craftyzits
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cfuter
It is unbelievable what I was told by some of my friends after breeding, about can't do this or can't do that w/ me, ...the sad thing is...they never wanted to just leave the kid w/ hub one afternoon and go for a fucking coffee w/ me. But at the same time feel dragged down by moohood. They have solutions, but they refuse to see them.
It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.
Because of my special needs, my mother had to do much more for me than other mothers with their kids, but she was absolutely insistent on my doing for myself when I could. That included my making my own phone calls, even the dull ones, while she sat by to step in when I floundered. By the time I was in my 30s and 40s, I was able to handle all my medical needs and arrange my rides.
Right before she was hospitalized for the last time, she apologized for not leaving me an inheritance. I told her she did; she handed me myself.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 28, 2019 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,578 |
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mumofsixbirds
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craftyzits
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cfuter
It is unbelievable what I was told by some of my friends after breeding, about can't do this or can't do that w/ me, ...the sad thing is...they never wanted to just leave the kid w/ hub one afternoon and go for a fucking coffee w/ me. But at the same time feel dragged down by moohood. They have solutions, but they refuse to see them.
It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.
Because of my special needs, my mother had to do much more for me than other mothers with their kids, but she was absolutely insistent on my doing for myself when I could. That included my making my own phone calls, even the dull ones, while she sat by to step in when I floundered. By the time I was in my 30s and 40s, I was able to handle all my medical needs and arrange my rides.
Right before she was hospitalized for the last time, she apologized for not leaving me an inheritance. I told her she did; she handed me myself.
Aww, craftyzits, for some reason this really strikes me in the heart. Your mom sounds like she loved you so much, and gave you as much independence as she could, but she stood by you to help if things got tough.
You are so right. Money doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. What your mother left you with was so much more important than that.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 29, 2019 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,716 |
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cfuter
It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 29, 2019 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 299 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 29, 2019 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,578 |
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freya
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cfuter
It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.
I used to think, once their kid are past the little kid age (5 or so) we can hang out again. Nope because we live in the age of overindulgence and hyper vigilance. Then I thought by 13 we can hang out. Again, no because neediness is ingrained by that age. Even past the teenaged years and into adulthood there is no doubt that the brats will be calling and asking their parents how to do everything and the parents will spend hours with them on the phone at a time. Then their brats will sprog and the grandparents will be expected to do everything. It is a never ending cycle.
When I was a kid parents were thrilled that by age 5 we could mostly entertain ourselves and at least keep our room clean. By age 7-8 we could make simple meals and clean up the house and after ourselves. By around 9-10 we could do most anything for ourselves. I don't recall ever calling my dad at work as a kid. I work around people who have an open continuous line of communication with their brats. They call their parents for any stupid excuse you can think of because their parents never bothered to set boundaries with them and explain what warrants a work interruption.
A month ago a college kid called his mom at work to interrupt her and complain about how hot it is outside. And he went on and on about it. What the hell did he expect her to do about it, anyways? We're talking no coping skills whatsoever!
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 29, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,979 |
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 30, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 721 |
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freya
A month ago a college kid called his mom at work to interrupt her and complain about how hot it is outside. And he went on and on about it. What the hell did he expect her to do about it, anyways? We're talking no coping skills whatsoever!
Re: "A letter to my friends with babies" September 30, 2019 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,201 |
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When I was a kid parents were thrilled that by age 5 we could mostly entertain ourselves and at least keep our room clean. By age 7-8 we could make simple meals and clean up the house and after ourselves. By around 9-10 we could do most anything for ourselves. I don't recall ever calling my dad at work as a kid. I work around people who have an open continuous line of communication with their brats. They call their parents for any stupid excuse you can think of because their parents never bothered to set boundaries with them and explain what warrants a work interruption.
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It gets no better w/ the modern moo too. My friends kids now are in college and high school, if I do go for a walk w/ her, she's still looking at her watch, running off. What for? Especially after high school, my mommy wasn't doing anything for me and I never needed her home by a certain time...ever. But when you have given them their every need via SUV and cell phone, the teens still can't do shit for themselves I guess.