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"I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"

Posted by yurble 
"I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 16, 2019
Article from one of the childfree lite types, so lots of cotton wool around the basic point, unfortunately. The basic point is to leave other people alone:

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No one asks grown-ass people why they choose to have kids, even though they’re making a life-altering decision with an abundance of unknowns. And no one should. I’m just looking for the same courtesy and acceptance. Ultimately, 18 years after I first made this decision, I know two things with conviction: that I have no desire to have children, and that I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 17, 2019
I am very lucky in that I never have to explain past the fact I had a malfunctioning reproductive system and I could not have children. The reproductive system was chucked, but my celebrations aren't shared with cows.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 17, 2019
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craftyzits
I am very lucky in that I never have to explain past the fact I had a malfunctioning reproductive system and I could not have children. The reproductive system was chucked, but my celebrations aren't shared with cows.

I've always said that I can't have kids medically (which could be true, but I haven't tested it for obvious reasons) but that doesn't stop them. Especially my MIL, who moves onto "why don't you adopt a child?"

Just because I don't want biological kids, doesn't mean I want kids as long as I don't have to sluice them. I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. AT ALL. MINE OR ANYONE ELSE'S.

These hardcore breeders simply cannot fathom a woman not wanting any kids in their lives.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 17, 2019
I was taught to be circumspect about my CF status when an elderly lady refused to speak to me simply because I said I didn't want children.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 19, 2019
" I’ve had hard talks with family members who’ve said, “But you’d be such a good mom.” To which I respond: “I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t do something just because you’re good at it.”

If you don't want to do the job, you won't do a good job. Why is it so hard for people to understand that? Plenty of people out there are gagging to have children, there's absolutely zero need for people who aren't interested, to have to join in.

I always find it amusing how freaking BENT some people get about my childfreedom. Like I'm totally getting away with something. Children don't get dropped off by storks - there's a whole process you have to follow to be blessed hitting over the head with a hammer with one, and you can say no at practically any stage of it. If someone chooses not to, that's totally on them, not on me - so drop the attitude.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 19, 2019
I've had several people tell me what a great moo I'd make too. I usually counter this comment by asking them how would I be a great mother, if I'd resent the hell out of it? I'd resent any child I'd give birth too, and that, by default, would make me a shitty moo.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
Of course the GOP are butthurt about any womb being empty so they are seeking to make choice out of reach in regards to childbirth.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
Ah yes, I've often been told I'd be a great mother, even by people who know me. What part about the bit where I loathe being around children and find their squealing painful gives you that impression, I want to ask. I assume they're attempting to compliment me on some characteristic they'd like to see among the general population - but it's not a compliment to be prepped for a maternal role simply on the basis of being female and having good qualities.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
I once had a co-worker who said she thought another co-worker named Joe would be a good dad. Joe had anger issues and was open about his dislike of children. I have no idea what kind of thought process made her think someone like that was a good candidate for parenthood. Of course this same co-worker thought I would be a good mom. I was also open about not liking children and everyone could see I get stressed out easily. Maybe some people just want everyone to have kids so badly they can't see any personal traits that could make it a bad idea.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
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ondinette
I once had a co-worker who said she thought another co-worker named Joe would be a good dad. Joe had anger issues and was open about his dislike of children. I have no idea what kind of thought process made her think someone like that was a good candidate for parenthood. Of course this same co-worker thought I would be a good mom. I was also open about not liking children and everyone could see I get stressed out easily. Maybe some people just want everyone to have kids so badly they can't see any personal traits that could make it a bad idea.

"You would make a good parent!"
"Oh, by what qualification?"
"You are an adult with presumably functioning genitals!"
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
Maybe they just want to share the misery.
sign 'I'm with stupid'

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 20, 2019
That must be it because I've never been able to figure it out either.

Zero regrets for me personally but other certain people seemed WAY MORE UPSET/REGRETFUL than I ever was.

I just ignored the assholes and was much happier for it.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 22, 2019
People have the same attitudes towards people who say they never want to get married.
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 22, 2019
At this point, I just don't share my status with people because I don't feel like having to defend myself against the bingo tsunami. I've been through that song and dance before and it always goes the same way. I say I don't want kids, I get bingoed, I explain just how much I dislike children and then get told, "Well it's a good thing you're not having kids, then!" like they're trying to hurt my feelings. Motherfucker that's what I was trying to tell you in the first place! angry smiley

This woman doesn't sound full blown CF, maybe like 75% CF and 25% on the fence, judging by how she's worried she'll miss out on mommy bullshit.

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Article
"I want to be a parenthood ally and to understand pregnancy and birth better, because doing so is essential to advancing women on the whole. I want to be able to have informed, supportive conversations with friends about IVF. I want to make the workplace better for parents, and every last one of us whose personal life calls for flexibility and compassion within our professional life. But I also want to go home to a quiet apartment and to never, ever feel guilty, insecure, or judged for doing so."

Great, so she's a breeder pleaser too. Stay the fuck off here, lady.

However, she does make some good points here and there, namely that people shouldn't have to defend their choice to not breed when parents don't have to defend their choice to have kids. But I disagree - I think we should grill parents about why they chose to have kids. It's only fair if they think our reproductive choices are up for discussion. Why can't I ask some Moo why she ordered the creampie and kept the aftermath? Why can't I tell a pregnant woman that she'll change her mind and act all smug like I know her better than she does? How come this is only acceptable to do to CFers?
Re: "I'm never having children - why does that make you so upset?"
November 23, 2019
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bell_flower
That must be it because I've never been able to figure it out either.

Zero regrets for me personally but other certain people seemed WAY MORE UPSET/REGRETFUL than I ever was.

I just ignored the assholes and was much happier for it.

Speaking of regret, one thing I noticed in recent years is vocal CF celebs not voicing regret, not that they are missing moohood, but they didn't realize by the time they were in 50-60s they are missing grandmoohood. The two I can think of are Lisa Lampenelli and Rickey Gervais' wife Jane. IDK, annoying brats are annoying brats to me, they take up time I could be doing something else. The way modern hipster moos raise them makes 'em extra annoying, so I dont feel as I missing anything. If these celebs are missing giving a 4 yr old too much ice cream and the lastest toy they want, or dragging 'em to Frozen 2 in a cesspool of other brats, they literally could become a big sister, and do all that stuff. Then, go home and feel some stupid sense of satisfaction.
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