1)TLC has contacted you about starring in your own show.
2)You currently have any frozen bodily fluids involved in a custody dispute.
3)You have ever used breastmilk in a recipe.
4)Your husband (or you) refer to your breasts as "nursies", "milkies", "num nums" or "binkies".
5)You are on the ToysRus preferred customer mailing list.
6)You have ever fished any bodily waste out of a toilet.
7)You have ever buried or otherwise had a "ceremony" for the product of a menstrual cycle.
8)You have ever named a pregnancy that didn't produce a visibly recognizable baybee, AND/OR you refer to a miscarriage as "Meaghan, Leighlia, or Jerramiah."
9)You let God plan your famblee.
10)You and your girl kyds have homemade matching Easter dresses.
11)You refer to your welfare check as your "paycheck" and think of yourself as a state employee;title: SAHM
12)You consider yourself a chef, accountant, event planner, maid, and doctor, because you cook dinner, balance your checkbook, throw kiddie birthday parties, own a first aid kit and load the dishwasher.
13)You believe that your husband doesn't notice the purple stretch marks or your cavernous cooch, because he loves you and respects you as the mother of his children.
14)You believe your most important accomplishment in life will have been having a baybee.
15)You often say, "My kids are the most important thing in the world to me", as you chug back another beer or take another toke off a bong while they are wailing in the background.
16)You honestly believe that co-workers don't mind picking up your slack because they understand that you are busy doing TMIJITW. You think that they realize that your kyds will pay for their retirement, so they really don't mind doing your job for you while you continue to draw a check.
17)You feel superior to people who have no children, afterall, it's the most selfless thing a person could ever do for the world. It PROVES that you are not a selfish person and that people without children ARE selfish.
18)You have had more than one court order requiring a DNA test proving paternity.
19)You have more than one kyd with a genetic mutation, awtism, adhd, bi-polar, etc..........
20)You have so many kyds that you have enough first batch kyds to take care of the second batch kyds, and so on.
21)Anyone calls you "maw maw or paw paw", and you haven't yet reached your 40th birthday.
22)You have ever used two separate buggies to divide cash items vs food stamp items while shopping.
23)You have ever had a kyd die accidentally via being locked in a hot car or by drowning in a backyard pool.
24)You have ever drank beer or wine from your baybee's bottle.
25)While at The Captain's Table on a cruise ship, you ask the waiter where the placemats and crayons are.
26)There is a breastpump in your dishwasher.
27)You leak.....anywhere
28)Anyone's hand or mouth is on your tit at night, besides your husband's.
29)Your entire wardrobe consists of moo moo dresses and stretch pants.
30)You have to borrow your husband's jock strap when you wear pants.