has anyone else lost a marriage over reproduction?
Posted by Anonymous User
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Re: has anyone else lost a marriage over reproduction? January 21, 2009 |
Oh gosh FreeAndHappy, that's just awful. I'm sorry that happened to you. 
I agree with you, WaterLily...I hate when the youngest kid gets all the attention. They might need it during infancy, but they don't need it forever - being "the baby" in terms of age doesn't make your siblings meaningless. I also hate when parents show obvious favoritism toward one child, which is usually the male child. I am so glad I'm an only child - any problems I have weren't from a lack of a sibling. They were from my mom being a basket case (like not ever letting me go anywhere outside the house and not letting me have any friends over ever and never letting me work...I now can't make friends or be social and I'm terrified of getting a job. She also taught me to be scared of everything. Now I have anxiety. Go Mom.)
I agree with you, WaterLily...I hate when the youngest kid gets all the attention. They might need it during infancy, but they don't need it forever - being "the baby" in terms of age doesn't make your siblings meaningless. I also hate when parents show obvious favoritism toward one child, which is usually the male child. I am so glad I'm an only child - any problems I have weren't from a lack of a sibling. They were from my mom being a basket case (like not ever letting me go anywhere outside the house and not letting me have any friends over ever and never letting me work...I now can't make friends or be social and I'm terrified of getting a job. She also taught me to be scared of everything. Now I have anxiety. Go Mom.)
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Re: has anyone else lost a marriage over reproduction? January 22, 2009 |
Before I met DH, I made it clear to anyone I dated -- right up front -- that I didn't want kids, never wanted future kids, and was not going to change my mind. I even told DH, as we started dating, that if he had any dreams of being a Dad, one day, I was not the girl for him.
Until then he'd always had an "if it happens it happens" attitude towards becoming a Dad, and I know that he was surprised to hear from a woman who knew 100% that she didn't want them, and had clearly thought about it. At the time, he was "fine" with the idea of not having them.
Now, you'd never know he wasn't "one of us" from the very start.
We love our freedom, our privacy, the spontaneity, the ability to fulfill ourselves with all the things, little and big, that make life (and marriage) so much fun. I've even asked him, "If I lost my mind, and decided I wanted a child...", and he's said, "I couldn't do it. Not now. This isn't just me doing or saying something, because it's what you want. I don't want kids EVER."
The communication thing is PARAMOUNT. I think, at the very start of a relationship, both parties have to have an absolute understanding of how the other person feels. If one or the other thinks, "well, maybe..." or "he/she is bound to change their mind...", then you are planting the seed for problems down the line.
Until then he'd always had an "if it happens it happens" attitude towards becoming a Dad, and I know that he was surprised to hear from a woman who knew 100% that she didn't want them, and had clearly thought about it. At the time, he was "fine" with the idea of not having them.
Now, you'd never know he wasn't "one of us" from the very start.
We love our freedom, our privacy, the spontaneity, the ability to fulfill ourselves with all the things, little and big, that make life (and marriage) so much fun. I've even asked him, "If I lost my mind, and decided I wanted a child...", and he's said, "I couldn't do it. Not now. This isn't just me doing or saying something, because it's what you want. I don't want kids EVER."The communication thing is PARAMOUNT. I think, at the very start of a relationship, both parties have to have an absolute understanding of how the other person feels. If one or the other thinks, "well, maybe..." or "he/she is bound to change their mind...", then you are planting the seed for problems down the line.
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Re: has anyone else lost a marriage over reproduction? January 24, 2009 |
Welcome 
I can tell you that neither myself nor my husband ever wanted kids. Now here we are almost 25 years later, and neither one of us has ever regretted our decision to be CF. I think you have to decide what is best for you, as you are the one who would have to deal with children in your life, or not. One thing you might want to try is picture in your mind that you are pregnant. How does that make you feel? Try to really explore those feelings.
As far as wanting to teach a child through their life, you might want to consider becoming a Big Sister. Most communities have such programs. It would allow you to share your experiences with a child/teenager without having to have the responsibilities of parenthood.
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- The human gene pool could use a little chlorine
I can tell you that neither myself nor my husband ever wanted kids. Now here we are almost 25 years later, and neither one of us has ever regretted our decision to be CF. I think you have to decide what is best for you, as you are the one who would have to deal with children in your life, or not. One thing you might want to try is picture in your mind that you are pregnant. How does that make you feel? Try to really explore those feelings.As far as wanting to teach a child through their life, you might want to consider becoming a Big Sister. Most communities have such programs. It would allow you to share your experiences with a child/teenager without having to have the responsibilities of parenthood.
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- The human gene pool could use a little chlorine
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