Fill-in-the-blank single mom blog

I have developed a simple, fill-in-the-blank form for a single mom blog posting - they all follow the same pattern, after all:
_________________________

My ex-husband beat me with a (_blunt instrument_).But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience (_random glowy emotion_) again. I have found healing and a place of (_sappy simile for contentment_) to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in (_3 months to 3 years_) and the landlord wants to evict us.

(_name of child_) told me to go (_sexual act_) myself.

(_name of the wallet I'm dating_) wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of (_deity/brand of alcohol_)

Lastly, please visit my (_Etsy shop/Ebay store/Paypal account_)

My ex-husband beat me with a garbage can. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience serenity again. I have found healing and a place of Nirvana to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked since I quit (read: was fired from) my job at Walmart three years ago and the landlord wants to evict us.

Maddasen told me to go fuck myself.

Jeff wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Buddha.

Lastly, please visit Craiglist and type in "single mother." 90% of the posts begging for free items that you find are mine. Please respond.

Oh boy! Single mommy Mad Libs! Great idea, Miss H!

"My ex-husband beat me with a toaster. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience ecstasy again. I have found healing and a place of tranquility to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 15 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

Kahliopee told me to go blow myself up my nose with a rubber hose.

Max wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Mother Lakshmi and a bottle of Jim Beam.

Lastly, please visit my Etsy Shop, "Crunchy Mommy Knows Best Infant Fashions" to buy some of my handmade, crocheted diapers in the shape of a cabbage. When you buy one of my creations whatever little bit of money you add extra to the final cost would be so appreciated because it's not easy being a single mom! GOD BLESS!"

________________________________________________


"The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent." -- Mel Lazarus
"Women who miscalculate are called mothers." -- Abigail Van Buren
"Better to be deprived of food for three days, than tea for one." -- Chinese proverb

Ooh, Mad Libs! I'm looking forward to the GFG version. Update: I couldn't wait; I went ahead and made one, in another thread.

My ex-husband beat me with a diaper bag. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breath and experience O-faces again. I have found healing and a place of zen to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 35 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

Cryanna told me to go cornhole myself.

Bryce wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Cristal.

Lastly, please visit my Etsy shop, which was recently featured on Regretsy. I make signs with pithy sayings on them, like: "Motherhood: It's the Most Important Job in the World" and "Mommy: The Hardest Job in the World."

My ex-husband beat me with a dirty diaper.But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience fun again. I have found healing and a place of Xanax happiness to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in , well since I was bornand the landlord wants to evict us.

Ava told me to go screw myself.

Jim wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Wild Turkey and Buddha.

Lastly, please visit my site, life is better with kids and xanax. I don't make or sell anything, but send me money because I deserve it, afterall my husband beat me with a dirty diaper

T wo
H ousehold
I ncome
N o
K ids
E arly
R etirement

I had too much fun with this.

My ex-husband beat me with a whisk. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience joy again. I have found healing and a place of happy warm fuzzies to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 36 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

Rayundumb told me to go deedle myself.

Skippy Winthrop III wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of mother Mut and Wild Turkey.

Lastly, please visit my Etsy shop and buy my unicorn pasties.

My ex-husband beat me with a small Yugoslavian automobile.But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience trooooooo luuuuurrrvvvvvv again. I have found healing and a place of gratification to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 34 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

Braidan...or maybe it was Jaidan, Kaidan or Aidan told me to go blow myself.

The Doctor wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Bartles and Jaymes

Lastly, please visit my ad on Craigslist....Christmas is coming and Aidan (or is it Jaidan) wants a new iPod Touch and a Wii. Preferably new. Of course I have no money, since I am a single mother, doncha know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

You guys are taking this farther than I envisioned - nice job making me laugh at work!

My ex-husband beat me with a box of Hot Pockets .But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience rainbows and sparkles and little angel kisses again. I have found healing and a place of fulfillment in the Lord Jesus Christ to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 6 months or 2 years, I not sure, and the landlord wants to evict us.

Devynne told me to go shove a rusty trombone up myself.

Dr. Wallett wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of appletinis and the Virgin Mary.

Lastly, please visit my ebay store, Blue Water Artworks, where I sell my sweet angels extraordinary and unique creative designs.

My ex-husband beat me with a glass dildo.But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience the joy of living again. I have found healing and a place of peaceful serenity to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 364 days and the landlord wants to evict us.

Carlton Viagra told me to go fornicate myself.

Wentworth wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Jack Daniels.

Lastly, please visit my porn site www.yummysluttymummy and sign up.

My ex-husband beat me with a case a Pabst Blue Ribbon.But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience taking Extasy umm I mean ecstasy again. I have found healing and a place of drunk rednecks to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked the corner in 6 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

Ashleigh told me to go bathe myself because I smell like a wharf .
My Boy Friend Dead End wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Boone's Farm wild apple and Chuck the Biker Gang Chaplin

Lastly, please visit my _Etsy shop Diaper poop art

my ex-husband beat me with a tire presure gauge but i am fiercely strong and independent. now i am learning to breathe and experience my babys luv again i have found healing and a place of the luv of my baby to replace the brokenness.

i havent worked in 36 months and the landlord wants to evict us.

nevaeh* told me to go 69 myself.

jim bob wants some time apart and he has anger issues we are working through with the grace of baby jesus and a bottle of mad dog.

lastly please visit my paypal account stillsexymomof10.

*This name ("heaven" spelled backwards) actually was the 34th most popular US female name in 2009. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

Quote
thom_c
Chuck the Biker Gang Chaplin

larious

Quote
LoveToLurk
m

*This name ("heaven" spelled backwards) actually was the 34th most popular US female name in 2009. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

OK anyone remember the alleged satanic messages from Led Zeppelin records played backwards? I am wondering, is heaven spelled backwards hell? (If you are CF, the answer is affirmative.)

My ex-husband beat me with a gluten-free baguette. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience "Yes" again. I have found healing and a place of "Imagine" to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked since my last pork binge (they're getting closer and closer together lately) and the landlord, formerly known as the Chef, wants to evict us.

Lu told me to go celiac myself.

Chef/Lord wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of all the quinoa I can swallow.

Lastly, please visit my blog, now called The Sensuous Gluten-Freeloader.

My ex-husband beat me with a shillelagh (my great-great-great-great grandmother was Irish, so we're very proud of our heritage around here). But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience all those "intangible benefits" of being a mother again. I have found healing and a place of being bruise violet like that one riot grrrl song to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 260 months (almost as many months as my baby is old!) and the landlord wants to evict us.

Memphis Anna-Louisa Gettysburg told me to go vajazzle myself. (She's as big a fan of Jennifer Love Hewitt as I am, and she's so open to listening to my mooter woes, even when insulting me!)

Big Shane (a.k.a. Critter) wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of that guy with an elephant for a head and the Reverend Johnnie Walker, Texas Ranger.

Lastly, please visit my unique puke art montage craft shop at the former Bonanzle (now Bonanza), where I'm also selling some random shit from my garage.

My ex-husband beat me with a rancid salami. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience what it means to be a woman again. I have found healing and a place of delusional psychosis to replace the brokenness.
I haven't worked in three years and the landlord wants to evict us.
Tiny Tim told me to finger myself.
Foofyfoofy wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through with the grace of Aunt Hattie's homemade hooch supply.
Lastly, please visit my Paypal account, donations are desperately needed to repair all the broken clocks.

My ex-husband beat me with a sack of anthracite that had been blessed by the Bishop Of Durham.
But I am fiercely strong & independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience only occasional urinary incontinence.
I have found healing and a place free of Satan and all his little Wizards to replace the brokeness.

I have not worked since I got expelled from school for arson and the landlord wants to evict us.

Brianna-Princess Beyonce told me to donkey-punch myself.

DanDan The Lavatory Man wants some time apart,and he has anger issues which we are working through with the grace of The Dread Cthulu.

Lastly,please visit my Ebay store for 100% organic chocolate coated okapi droppings. Peace be with you.

Quote
Smiling_Varla
Big Shane (a.k.a. Critter) wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of that guy with an elephant for a head and the Reverend Johnnie Walker, Texas Ranger.

Lastly, please visit my unique puke art montage craft shop at the former Bonanzle (now Bonanza), where I'm also selling some random shit from my garage.

larious

I am LOVING THIS THREAD!!
Sorry..Have to have another go!

My ex-husband beat me with a bar of weapons-grade plutonium. But I am fiercely strong & independent. Now I am learning to breathe & experience relief from radiation-induced proctitis at its unspeakable worst.

I have found healing and a place of itch-free contentment to replace the brokeness.

I have not worked ever,unless you count the twenty quid Ahmed from the kebab shop offered me for a gobble.My landlord is threatening to evict us.

TeeJay Coolio told me to shove my head up a dead bear's butt.

'Vlad The Impaler' wants to spend some time apart. He also has anger issues which we are working through with the grace of Midazolam suppositories.

Please DO NOT visit my facebook page where that b'stard Ahmed has posted the gobble photos.

My ex-husband beat me with DD's Puke-n-Shit Egg Factory in Training Disco Doll. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience the unconditional love of DD who was so cute today when she mimicked my ex and beat me with her Puck-n-Shit Egg Factory in Training Disco Doll . I have found healing and a place to store the plastic bowels I took on the planes for DD to relieve herself in, in ex's tool shed, where I can lift the lid and smell the aroma to my heart's content to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked since I quit the bar when I married my ex at the age of 18 when I was blessed with the news of DD's arrival and the landlord wants to evict us.

DD told me to go nurse myself. Does this mean she's ready to stop breast feeding? How can I tell?

Future father of my future children wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of DD.

Lastly, please visit my Ebay Store and buy sand castles I have made out of DD's feces.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

My ex-husband beat me with a roll of chicken wire. But I am fiercely strong and independent. Now I am learning to breathe and experience fear-free flatulence again. I have found healing and a place of resigned desperation to replace the brokenness.

I haven't worked in 3 years and the landlord wants to evict us, but a quick gobble should settle him. (thx embraer135)

Rex Sephiroth III told me to go stroke the pink canoe.

Bubba wants some time apart, and he has anger issues we are working through, with the grace of Westboro Baptist church.

Lastly, please visit my Etsy shop MomOf3Angels, where I specialize in bronzing your miscarriages.