Teenagers opting for motherhood
Posted by WaterLily
Anonymous User
Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 |
Sherz, that sounds like the job from hell! But I have a lot of admiration and respect for the work that these shelters do.
These women who keep going back to their abusers are fools. They have all sorts of resources at their disposal, but they just gotta keep that MAY-UN! I understand the pschology, too...these guys will beat them down both physically and emotionally, and make them feel that they are worthless, and that no other man will ever want them.
Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. When I was much younger, I lived with an abusive a-hole for a time. One night, I'd had enough, and called a shelter. I snuck out and did it from a pay phone when he was passed out drunk...could not use the home phone because he cut the wires when I tried to call 911 while he was beating on me.
I stayed there until I could find a new place to live. I could not even trust any so-called *friends* because they were all wives/GF's of HIS friends, and tehy'd rat me out in a second. The shelter workers were the only ones I could trust.
But it didn't end there. I moved into an apartment, and he found out where it was (even though I had an unlisted, non-published phone #). He would park his car up the street and sit there and stalk me. The police would not do anything, because he was just sitting there, and this was way before any anti-stalking laws existed.
I moved to another apartment and got a new job (as he started stalking me outside of work, as well). But he managed to find out where both were, and it started again.
And he got sneakier. One day, he must have parked his car someplace where I couldn't see it, and he snuck up behind me as I was opening the door to the apartment, and forced his way in. He beat the sh*t out of me, and then cut my phone cord so I could not call for help. Finally, he left.
The next day, I was able to get a new phone cord, and I called a friend in another state. I told him what was happening, and that I desperately needed a place to stay NOW to get away from this a-hole. He agreed to help me out, so I quit my job, closed out my bank account, packed as much stuff as I could, and left. I told no one but this friend where I was going, not even my employer. I trusted no one else at this point. I knew that if thse a-hole got to me again, I might not be here today to type this.
It was hard, but I managed to make a new life, get my own place, a job and all, and the a-hole never found out what happened to me. He didn't know about this friend in another state, he was someone I went to school with and had kept in touch with. If A-hole had known that I was talking to a GUY friend on the phone (and even seeing him sometimes when he used to live near me), I'd have been LONG dead.
The A-hole used to tell me the usual crap, that I was ugly and worthless and no other man would ever want me. And I believed it for a time. But then I decided I'd rather be old, worthless, ugly, and alone, than dead.
Now I am happily married, have lots of nice cats and human friends. I have no idea what ever became of the A-hole, and I don't care, as long as he never bothers me again.
And that is why it really bothers me to see these dumb moos taking back their abusers time and again. I was not eligible for many of the bennies that they are, because of being CF, but I still managed to get myself out of hell. Basically all I got from the shelter was a safe place to stay, food to eat, newspapers to look at for apartments and jobs, and the use of a telephone to call about said apartments/jobs. Nobody paid for me to *get settled* in a new home. It was better than nothing, though, and I am still grateful for it. I never really expected anything more, certainly not as much as these moos get.
It is sad to see this money go down the toilet when they go back to the abusers.
These women who keep going back to their abusers are fools. They have all sorts of resources at their disposal, but they just gotta keep that MAY-UN! I understand the pschology, too...these guys will beat them down both physically and emotionally, and make them feel that they are worthless, and that no other man will ever want them.
Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. When I was much younger, I lived with an abusive a-hole for a time. One night, I'd had enough, and called a shelter. I snuck out and did it from a pay phone when he was passed out drunk...could not use the home phone because he cut the wires when I tried to call 911 while he was beating on me.
I stayed there until I could find a new place to live. I could not even trust any so-called *friends* because they were all wives/GF's of HIS friends, and tehy'd rat me out in a second. The shelter workers were the only ones I could trust.
But it didn't end there. I moved into an apartment, and he found out where it was (even though I had an unlisted, non-published phone #). He would park his car up the street and sit there and stalk me. The police would not do anything, because he was just sitting there, and this was way before any anti-stalking laws existed.
I moved to another apartment and got a new job (as he started stalking me outside of work, as well). But he managed to find out where both were, and it started again.
And he got sneakier. One day, he must have parked his car someplace where I couldn't see it, and he snuck up behind me as I was opening the door to the apartment, and forced his way in. He beat the sh*t out of me, and then cut my phone cord so I could not call for help. Finally, he left.
The next day, I was able to get a new phone cord, and I called a friend in another state. I told him what was happening, and that I desperately needed a place to stay NOW to get away from this a-hole. He agreed to help me out, so I quit my job, closed out my bank account, packed as much stuff as I could, and left. I told no one but this friend where I was going, not even my employer. I trusted no one else at this point. I knew that if thse a-hole got to me again, I might not be here today to type this.
It was hard, but I managed to make a new life, get my own place, a job and all, and the a-hole never found out what happened to me. He didn't know about this friend in another state, he was someone I went to school with and had kept in touch with. If A-hole had known that I was talking to a GUY friend on the phone (and even seeing him sometimes when he used to live near me), I'd have been LONG dead.
The A-hole used to tell me the usual crap, that I was ugly and worthless and no other man would ever want me. And I believed it for a time. But then I decided I'd rather be old, worthless, ugly, and alone, than dead.
Now I am happily married, have lots of nice cats and human friends. I have no idea what ever became of the A-hole, and I don't care, as long as he never bothers me again.
And that is why it really bothers me to see these dumb moos taking back their abusers time and again. I was not eligible for many of the bennies that they are, because of being CF, but I still managed to get myself out of hell. Basically all I got from the shelter was a safe place to stay, food to eat, newspapers to look at for apartments and jobs, and the use of a telephone to call about said apartments/jobs. Nobody paid for me to *get settled* in a new home. It was better than nothing, though, and I am still grateful for it. I never really expected anything more, certainly not as much as these moos get.
It is sad to see this money go down the toilet when they go back to the abusers.
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 3,073 |
You were lucky to have one friend who was willing and able to help you out.
Alot of abusers will isolate their victim from ALL friends, and make impossible for that person to have any sort of autonomy, even their own money. Then there's pressure from soceity to "stay married" for whatever reason, abuser's threats against the pets or kids if you do leave (most shelters don't take pets), and a whole cycle of "Baby, I'll never do that again". Abusers pick on people who don't have a good sense of self worth, and really use that against their victim. If you don't feel like you deserve being safe, then it's going to be very difficult to do all the work necessicary to escape that whole mess, because what's the point if you're just a stupid, ugly, worthless cow who doesn't deserve any better?
I had a friend who, after the marrage, would routinely be beaten. In school she was smart, funny and beautiful, but always had this bad attitude about herself because her family treated her like she was worthless. Once they were married, she wasn't allowed to have a job, her husband was in charge of all the finances, and would stop at home at random times to make sure she was there. Eventually he moved them out to the middle of nowhere. I felt bad, he was such a creep I stopped hanging out with them a couple months after the wedding. The only way we could stay in contact was by letters, and she'd have to destroy them so he wouldn't find out. She stayed with him when they lived in town because he'd threaten to kill her cat if she left, and when they moved to the country, there was nowhere for her to go. One night at 1am, I got a phone call from her. Her husband had been held over for a second shift at work, and she decided that was her only chance. She walked a couple hours through the country to get to a truck stop. I drove 90 minutes to get her, and seriously, all she had was a backpack with a couple changes of clothes, a cat and the change she got from the couch. I won't even go into the horror of the eventual divorce or what it even took to get there, but lets just say there were times when she felt it would have been easier to just say with him and take a beating once in a while. Being stupid and being trapped are two different things.
Alot of abusers will isolate their victim from ALL friends, and make impossible for that person to have any sort of autonomy, even their own money. Then there's pressure from soceity to "stay married" for whatever reason, abuser's threats against the pets or kids if you do leave (most shelters don't take pets), and a whole cycle of "Baby, I'll never do that again". Abusers pick on people who don't have a good sense of self worth, and really use that against their victim. If you don't feel like you deserve being safe, then it's going to be very difficult to do all the work necessicary to escape that whole mess, because what's the point if you're just a stupid, ugly, worthless cow who doesn't deserve any better?
I had a friend who, after the marrage, would routinely be beaten. In school she was smart, funny and beautiful, but always had this bad attitude about herself because her family treated her like she was worthless. Once they were married, she wasn't allowed to have a job, her husband was in charge of all the finances, and would stop at home at random times to make sure she was there. Eventually he moved them out to the middle of nowhere. I felt bad, he was such a creep I stopped hanging out with them a couple months after the wedding. The only way we could stay in contact was by letters, and she'd have to destroy them so he wouldn't find out. She stayed with him when they lived in town because he'd threaten to kill her cat if she left, and when they moved to the country, there was nowhere for her to go. One night at 1am, I got a phone call from her. Her husband had been held over for a second shift at work, and she decided that was her only chance. She walked a couple hours through the country to get to a truck stop. I drove 90 minutes to get her, and seriously, all she had was a backpack with a couple changes of clothes, a cat and the change she got from the couch. I won't even go into the horror of the eventual divorce or what it even took to get there, but lets just say there were times when she felt it would have been easier to just say with him and take a beating once in a while. Being stupid and being trapped are two different things.
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 4,402 |
a lot of these abused women have the idea that if they stay long enough they will change their man, into a nicer guy, no, in this case these women are only fooling themselves.
i know a few women who well lets just say their partners where not nice people one of them even had snuff porn on his computer hidden but she found it one day. and needless to say she called the police, and got a restraining order..)
i known violent women, who beat up the men, its all about 2 things i have found, one they need to be loved, they need someone to validate them, and pain is a way of validation, they do love me, coz they wouldnt hurt me this bad if they didnt.. the other is the idea that you can change that person by the love you feel towards them..
this is true in some cases, in others not.. i have helped a few women realise that there are nice men out there, and they have left the abusive men, and havent been happier, the realisation that there are decent men out there, can be the greatest freedom and spur to get them out of that relationship.
i personal think violent men and women in relationships are scum of the earth, and deserve to be pounded on by someone much stronger.
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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii
Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.â€
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein
i know a few women who well lets just say their partners where not nice people one of them even had snuff porn on his computer hidden but she found it one day. and needless to say she called the police, and got a restraining order..)
i known violent women, who beat up the men, its all about 2 things i have found, one they need to be loved, they need someone to validate them, and pain is a way of validation, they do love me, coz they wouldnt hurt me this bad if they didnt.. the other is the idea that you can change that person by the love you feel towards them..
this is true in some cases, in others not.. i have helped a few women realise that there are nice men out there, and they have left the abusive men, and havent been happier, the realisation that there are decent men out there, can be the greatest freedom and spur to get them out of that relationship.
i personal think violent men and women in relationships are scum of the earth, and deserve to be pounded on by someone much stronger.
*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii
Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.â€
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 4,117 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 3,073 |
Sherz
Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 21, 2006 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 4,092 |
Sherz Wrote:
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> Catmommy---I'm so glad you got out of that
> horrible situation! You were very fortunate to
> not have had children with this psycho.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Can you imagine being tied to this nutjob for life through the kids - and having little DNA replicas of him? And fearing that your son might turn into a psycho too? Shudders. Good for you and I hope you'll never see him again.
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> Catmommy---I'm so glad you got out of that
> horrible situation! You were very fortunate to
> not have had children with this psycho.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Can you imagine being tied to this nutjob for life through the kids - and having little DNA replicas of him? And fearing that your son might turn into a psycho too? Shudders. Good for you and I hope you'll never see him again.
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 22, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 4,117 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 22, 2006 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 1,020 |
Catmommy, I am glad you got out of that horrible situation. It is scary when a woman has no support system. Feh's friend shows that women have not really come that long of a way when it comes to dealing with abusive mates. It made me so sad to think of Feh's friend believing that taking a beating once in awhile was almost better than a nasty divorce. I would never hear a male ever say such a thing! I was in an abusive situation when I was 19. I was able to quickly get out.
DrDanCorelli
Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 23, 2006 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 23, 2006 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 1,020 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 24, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 3,897 |
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Re: Teenagers opting for motherhood July 24, 2006 | Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 3,073 |
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