Crazy things your parents told you

I heard the thing about cracking my knuckles and arthritis too. I've also heard that if I crack my back, I'll break my spine. And if I lift anything "heavy" (which is basically anything heavier than 20 pounds), even if I lift it properly, I'll give myself a hernia.

And I heard about how listening to music too loud would make me "deef." Not deaf. Deef. Must be a symptom of infantigo.

This one wasn't really something I was told, exactly, just something that was done. My grandma seemed to always believe I would drown in the bathtub. Seriously, I didn't have my first unsupervised bath/shower until I was about 11 or 12 because Grandma was so worried I'd drown in 2 inches of water. That would be a legitimate fear when I was an infant, but it got real old when I got to be about 8 or 9. And even when I was allowed to bathe without a chaperone, every 5 minutes, Grandma would be knocking on the door, asking if I was okay.

I should also mention I took swim lessons since about age 6. Grandma knew this because she drove me to said lessons every year. But she still felt I would drown in the tub.

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Cambion
And if I lift anything "heavy" (which is basically anything heavier than 20 pounds), even if I lift it properly, I'll give myself a hernia.

Well, yeah, it can happen that way (also through pregnancy - HAH) I think someone must have once heard the correct term and then lopped off a word out of forgetfulness. You can also get a herniated disk if you lift something wrong, but that's in your back -- and it's hell to suffer.

My mother also spoke about the hemorrhoids and charm school. eyes2

Thought of a few more from my totally sane family:

From my mother:

"Don't keep the air conditioner on when it's raining or it'll blow a fuse."
Extended Version: "Don't keep their air conditioner on when it's raining or it'll blow a fuse and I ain't got no man to fix the electrical box downstairs."

From my grandmother:

"Don't wear a bra to sleep or you'll get sick."

"Don't keep the television on during a storm or the TV will explode."
Alternate version: The house will explode. Grandma always claimed her niece or someone like that had their TV explode because they kept it on during a thunderstorm.

From both Mom and Grandma:

"Don't stand in front of the microwave or you'll get cancer."

There's some merit to some of the statements, but it sounds like they only repeated half of the full story so that it doesn't make any sense.

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Cambion
From my grandmother:

"Don't wear a bra to sleep or you'll get sick."

I would expect this is a reference to lymph node constriction. Some people believe that when you wear a bra, you interfere with lymph node drainage which results in a build-up of toxins, potentially leading to cancer. It's not my field so I can't say if there have been peer-reviewed studies on the topic or if it's just one of those things which circulates on thousands of alternate healing websites. I tried to search and found this charming bingo:

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Childless women never fully develop their breast-cleansing lymphatic system. Nor do women who have never breast-fed. Working women who wear bras everyday and postpone having children could be at higher risk, the Singers warn.

Sure, dubious website, I'll go pop one out immediately so that my breasts can fully develop. If I gain a cup size or two I may manage to go from constant back pain to needing back surgery if I take your other piece of advice and stop wearing a bra!

Anyhow, I have mixed feelings about this belief, but I do try to give my breasts some bra-free time when I'm sleeping - unless they're so swollen from my period that they are painful from the slightest movement.

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Cambion
"Don't keep the television on during a storm or the TV will explode."
Alternate version: The house will explode. Grandma always claimed her niece or someone like that had their TV explode because they kept it on during a thunderstorm.

I think explosion is unlikely with a modern television, although a power surge might have been interesting in the days of cathode ray tubes. Power surges can destroy electronic equipment, but it doesn't matter if the device is on or not. I have never heard of explosions, but fires are a possibility. You should unplug expensive electronics during a thunderstorm.

I got the "Be more ladylike or I'll send you to charm school!" and "Don't lift anything heavy or your uterus will fall out!"

30+ years later, my husband loves when I help mix cement and cuss like a sailor, and after moving house 5 times, my uterus is still sadly intact.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Treatments for yeast infections work better if kept in the fridge. Yes, that's one I was actually told.

Let's see.... I am sure I can remember quite a few.

1) Don't go to sleep with your hair wet. It will make you go blind. I never got an explanation for that one. I just dismissed it as bs.

My parents were very judgmental about women and sexuality. According to them EVERYONE was a slut or a whore for some reason or another. So I have lots of those.

2) Never call a guy. He should call you. If you ever call a guy, you come off as desperate and easy.

3) It isn't really a date if you meet him somewhere else. If he really wants to date you, he should pick you up from your home. You shouldn't allow for him to just meet you somewhere.

4) You shouldn't have sex before you are married because your husband won't trust you. He will think you are going to cheat on him. Anyone remember Jessica Simpson's first marriage? Lol.

5) You shouldn't have sex before you are married because no one will want to marry you. You aren't worth as much as someone who has never been touched. When I was told this, I responded with, "Well what do you mean? Do you plan on selling me into slavery or something? Are virgins worth more in the human trafficking ring?" My mother got mad at me lol.

6) You shouldn't have sex before you are married. What if you are walking downtown with your husband and you run into the guy you had sex with? Yet, they never had a response for: "Well so what would happen if we ran into his ex gf?"

7) If you have a baby out of wedlock you are a slut. No man will want you. Well I know a lot of men don't want to have a relationship with a mother. Yet a lot of moo's seem to be finding baby daddies and other losers. *shrugs*

8) Never marry poor. Who cares if you love him? Love doesn't put food on the table. They have a point, but am I not supposed to contribute in some way? There is a difference between someone who has a great job and someone who is Bill Gates.

9) If you let a man live with you before you are married, he will never want to marry you. At this point in my life, I kinda don't see the difference except for all the legalities and what not. In this day and age, don't most people live together before they end up tying the knot?

I might have more, but I can't think of any right now. My dad is old enough to be my grandfather. So, I think a lot of this is just extremely old-school rhetoric. He is also a bit anti-woman and racist. I often can't decide if his being from a different time justifies this or not. I feel like he could change with the times if he wanted to.

Found some *good* advice to a relative from her Mom on FB -

Me reading the warning label on my touch up paint: "WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm."

My mom's response: "don't paint your vagina with it then."

z

wink

I just always dismissed the weird shit my mother and grandma told me because I knew they were both nuts. Or they heard from someone who knows someone who knows someone who heard about someone that died in their sleep and happened to be wearing a bra. I think their horse shit might have been set in some kind of distant truth, but once it passes through their brain-to-mouth filtering system, it makes no sense.

For example, I think the thing about contracting botulism from refrigerated warm food MAY have held some truth. Someone explained to me once that many years ago, refrigerators did not run on electricity. They were just insulated boxes with chunks of ice. So if you stuck hot food in the fridge, your ice could melt faster, food would not be kept cool enough to last, and you could get sick from it. I think this is also why my mother believes that putting food on the bottom shelf of the fridge will cause it to freeze - in old refrigerators, I assume the ice was on the bottom and the stuff closest to it froze.

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This one isn't so much stupid shit I was told in the form of advice, but just something fun in general. My mother likes to make up her own names for things and hearing her try to pronounce some words is downright funny when she doesn't know how to say them. For example, her reading the back of an Indiana Jones movie case and she comes across the word "Ophidiophobia" which is a fear of snakes.

She spells out the word first and then pronounces it, "Ooo-lee......pooky-pocka!" I still find it so amusing she wanted to be a teacher.

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Cambion
I think their horse shit might have been set in some kind of distant truth, but once it passes through their brain-to-mouth filtering system, it makes no sense.

Yes, that's the impression that I got. It looks like they take a tiny nugget of truth and confuse it so much that it's hard to tell what the original source was.

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Cambion
For example, I think the thing about contracting botulism from refrigerated warm food MAY have held some truth. Someone explained to me once that many years ago, refrigerators did not run on electricity. They were just insulated boxes with chunks of ice. So if you stuck hot food in the fridge, your ice could melt faster, food would not be kept cool enough to last, and you could get sick from it. I think this is also why my mother believes that putting food on the bottom shelf of the fridge will cause it to freeze - in old refrigerators, I assume the ice was on the bottom and the stuff closest to it froze.

It's a pretty common belief that you shouldn't put warm food in the fridge, but all modern advice I've read on the subject suggests that the sooner you get your food cooled, the less bacterial growth you'll have, and therefore it is best to not let it cool on the counter. A modern fridge should be able to cope with the introduction of something warm without the remaining contents being affected much.

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Zzelda
Found some *good* advice to a relative from her Mom on FB -

Me reading the warning label on my touch up paint: "WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm."

My mom's response: "don't paint your vagina with it then."

z

wink

Hahahaha.

I got told some wild stuff too when I was kid.

I often got the every time I got a bad grade on a quiz or an assignment that I had no chance of ever getting a job. The same thing if I was turned down for anything like a chance to be on a team, in club, honor soceity, etc.

When I was around 11 years old I was having a lot of pain in my left leg, especially after PE classes where we did too much running. It turned out one of my bones was twisted, a condition I've since learned is called tibial torsion. My mother insisted it was caused by not getting enough sun and said my leg would only get better if I got sun on it.

I was also told if I didn't get tanned and swim everyday so I could get big muscles, I had no chance of ever having a girlfriend because women only want men with big muscles and suntans.

I was also accused of having no personality and didn't know what that meant. I always tried to be nice to people but I didn't let others treat me like dirt. They insisted I had to kiss up to teachers, bosses, etc., and if they said something was beautiful, I had to say it was too even if it was dirt or I would never pass a class, never hold a job, or make anything out of my life unless I allowed myself to basically be a doormat.

Don't ever get mad, agitated, raise your voice, or do anything but smile and be happy because if you so much as raise your voice, you'll lose your job and never get another because everyone will say things like "he lost his temper I don't want him working for me." Of course, when I'd point out my sister engaging in the same sort of behavior, nothing was said about it and my parents would just joke about how "that's just the way she is." When I'd challenge them on what they'd say to me, I'd get accused of mouthing off or told simply "she's a girl."

Another was if I stayed in the house too much, I'd end up warped and unable to be around other people or function in the world, and the only way to stop that from happening is whenever my sister wants to go somewhere, I have to drop whatever I'm doing and go with her because the only activities done with her and chosen by her are the only kind of going out of the house activities that will keep me from warping.

That goes along with when my sister decided she wanted to try and get into medical school, whenever she wanted me to do anything with her at all, I had no choice but go wherever she wanted and do whatever she wanted to do for support because without my support, she wouldn't get into medical school. She needed my support at all sorts of places, like the mall, the library, football games, parties, even to just go buy a greeting card because the idea of her going by herself was insulting to her and insulting her was not supporting her.

Girls never do bad things, only boys do and if something happens when I and my sister are together, it's my fault because she's a girl and nothing is ever a girl's fault. This goes along with "how can a girl be bad?" and "how can a girl be wrong?"

Daughters are better than sons because once sons have their wives they don't want to spend time with their own parents anymore.

"Everybody swims" and "everybody likes swimming." I never understood all of the stuff they build around swimming. They insisted I had to swim 7 days a week whenever my sister did to build myself up into a human being and that it was not possible to not like swimming. My mother still refuses to admit I had no interest in swimming and actually once said I was a disgrace because of it because, since we had an inground pool, I was supposed to love swimming, have swimming parties, and not have any other interests.

Sometimes I think I should get therapy.

1)If you shave your legs above the knee, you'll be sorry because the hair will grow back black and thick

2)If you wash you hair at night, you'll get pneumonia

3)If you work out at a gym, then you'll become manly looking

4)If you live together, he'll never marry you

5)If you chew gum a lot, you'll get buck teeth

6)If you are too independent it will turn men off

7)If you use tampons, you'll get an infection

8)If you eat and then go swimming, you'll get stomach cramps and drown

9)You can "train" yourself to go to bed early and get up early in the morning. Being a "night timer" nocturnal person isn't healthy and will make you sick

10)You'll feel better about yourself if you dress up for work every day and work in an office full time for 12k a year than if you work in some restaurant or bar and keep "weird hours", even if you can earn 30k a year doing it part time. You'll make friends of a higher caliber if you work for pennies in a white collar job

11)If you smoke pot you will end up a heroin addict, eventually, because that's how they all start out

12)It's always better to let the man take the lead and make the decisions

13) If you eat late at night you'll have bad dreams

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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JohnDrake
I was also told if I didn't get tanned and swim everyday so I could get big muscles, I had no chance of ever having a girlfriend because women only want men with big muscles and suntans.

The tanning thing - my SO's mother comments all fucking summer about how pale he is and how he needs to get some sun.

We aren't really into sunbathing, and when we go out we use sunscreen. If she doesn't like my SO's skin color she should have bred with a darker-skinned man. I have some vision of her standing with some paint strips trying to decide which blend of him + her she likes best for her future offspring.

This multi-generational insanity reminds me of the meatloaf story. Have you heard of it?

A mother is making meatloaf with her teenage daughter; a ritual they’ve been doing together for years. As part of the tradition, the two chefs cut the ends of each side of the meatloaf before putting it in the oven. One day, the teen asks, “Mom, why do we cut the ends off the meatloaf before we put it in the oven?”

Taken by surprise, the mom began to think. She had no good reason, other than that’s how her own mother did it and that was the way she learned. Together, the two called up grandma. “Grandma, why do we cut the ends off each side of the meatloaf before putting it in the oven?” After a brief laugh, the Grandmother admitted that she didn’t know the answer either. It was the way her own mother taught her. Tradition. It turns out her mother was living in a nearby nursing home, so they all went to visit.

Upon hearing the question, the 98-year-old great grandmother roared with laughter. “I have no idea why you are cutting the ends off the meatloaf! I used to do it only because I didn’t have a big enough pan!”

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

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kidlesskim
1)If you shave your legs above the knee, you'll be sorry because the hair will grow back black and thick

2)If you wash you hair at night, you'll get pneumonia

3)If you work out at a gym, then you'll become manly looking

4)If you live together, he'll never marry you

5)If you chew gum a lot, you'll get buck teeth

6)If you are too independent it will turn men off

7)If you use tampons, you'll get an infection

8)If you eat and then go swimming, you'll get stomach cramps and drown

9)You can "train" yourself to go to bed early and get up early in the morning. Being a "night timer" nocturnal person isn't healthy and will make you sick

10)You'll feel better about yourself if you dress up for work every day and work in an office full time for 12k a year than if you work in some restaurant or bar and keep "weird hours", even if you can earn 30k a year doing it part time. You'll make friends of a higher caliber if you work for pennies in a white collar job

11)If you smoke pot you will end up a heroin addict, eventually, because that's how they all start out

12)It's always better to let the man take the lead and make the decisions

13) If you eat late at night you'll have bad dreams

Haha. Did your mom go to the same parenting class as mine? I have heard 1, 3, 4, 6, 7 (except it was specifically Toxic Shock Syndrome and I would die), 8, 9, 11, and 12.

I've heard the thing about shaving, only regarding facial hair. I can't help it, I get a little peach fuzz sometimes on my upper lip and I shave it off now and then. According to my mother, I shouldn't shave it because it'll grow back thicker and darker.

Another one I heard from both my mother and grandmother is this: If you scratch a mole off, you'll bleed to death.

Or I'll get pneumonia if I go out in the cold with wet hair or no coat. Trying to explain the concept of germs did nothing to change Grandma's mind on this one.

Oh and how could I ever forget one of her most classic bits of advice: If you go to college, you're guaranteed an easy, but high-paying job. No matter what you major in. When this proves to be false, it just means you need a master's degree to get an easy, high-paying job.

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Cambion
I've heard the thing about shaving, only regarding facial hair. I can't help it, I get a little peach fuzz sometimes on my upper lip and I shave it off now and then. According to my mother, I shouldn't shave it because it'll grow back thicker and darker.

Another one I heard from both my mother and grandmother is this: If you scratch a mole off, you'll bleed to death.

Or I'll get pneumonia if I go out in the cold with wet hair or no coat. Trying to explain the concept of germs did nothing to change Grandma's mind on this one.

Oh and how could I ever forget one of her most classic bits of advice: If you go to college, you're guaranteed an easy, but high-paying job. No matter what you major in. When this proves to be false, it just means you need a master's degree to get an easy, high-paying job.

Yeah I also heard the one about the cold and wet hair. I also was told the one about college.
As for peach fuzz, I just use a gentle depilatory cream that is made for facial hair. I leave it on for five minutes and wipe it off. I highly recommend. Very easy and no risk of accidentally nicking your face or something.

I always remember one that my grandmother told me many times. 'Can't eat ice cream in the evening if you had any kind of fish for dinner'

I also got the 'don't sit on the cement because you'll get piles' (hemeroids)

'don't run and jump when on your period'

I know there's more but I can't think of them at the moment

My grandma (who was a real-life prototype of Norma Desmond) had this blood-red, three-foot-plus art-glass vase. When I was four and my oldest niece was two, she told us that the thing was poisonous. When she passed away, it came to stay in The Hovel. To this day-- some thirty years later-- when I'm vacuuming and I want to do the corners, I can't go to move it without hesitating. She was a very scary lady, was Grandma. Cool-- in retrospect-- but scary.

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Nemo
My grandma (who was a real-life prototype of Norma Desmond) had this blood-red, three-foot-plus art-glass vase. When I was four and my oldest niece was two, she told us that the thing was poisonous. When she passed away, it came to stay in The Hovel. To this day-- some thirty years later-- when I'm vacuuming and I want to do the corners, I can't go to move it without hesitating. She was a very scary lady, was Grandma. Cool-- in retrospect-- but scary.

Depending on what was added to the glass it might be poisonous if you drink out of it 5 times a day for the rest of your life because the chemicals would leak out of the glass.

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kidless kim
1)If you shave your legs above the knee, you'll be sorry because the hair will grow back black and thick

OMG, my mom told me that, too! To this day I only shave below the knee, but that's because I don't have much hair to begin with. I don't wear shorts, either, so what's the point?

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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Snark Shark
"I always remember one that my grandmother told me many times. 'Can't eat ice cream in the evening if you had any kind of fish for dinner'"

larious WTF??

"Depending on what was added to the glass it might be poisonous if you drink out of it 5 times a day for the rest of your life because the chemicals would leak out of the glass"

Some old glassware/pottery was poisonous- because it had LEAD in it! :goggle

Lead, uranium, cadmium... and it can leach out in the right conditions.

Working off of Kim's here as it reminded me of some ~

1)If you shave your legs above the knee, you'll be sorry because the hair will grow back black and thick
I was lectured by several people to shave my legs when young, I guess it got notice able. I was rather a tomboy and did not care really and it embarrassed me.

2)If you wash you hair at night, you'll get pneumonia
Don't get a DRAFT! With the wet head yet!

3)If you work out at a gym, then you'll become manly looking
Another one here who was oft lectured to 'be more Lady like' eyes2 They were AOK on harping at me to practice Tennis once it dawned on them I could get scholarship $ for this though.

4)If you live together, he'll never marry you
Yep. Heard it. Also - how much money does he have? What does he do? What do his parents do?

5)If you chew gum a lot, you'll get buck teeth
If you suck your thumb you'll get buck teeth. And the semi related ever popular - "Keep making that face, it's gonna stay that way."

6)If you are too independent it will turn men off
Yep. Followed up with - Men are assholes, it's too much work, never get married never have kids, who's that guy you're going out with? He looks like an asshole, whaddaya want with a guy like that? Ad infinitum. Interspersed with much praise of the 'Family Oriented' relatives in your peer group :crz

7)If you use tampons, you'll get an infection
Correct. You will also get Toxic Shock Syndrome (the one thing they got partially right), 'Grays Syndrome' (no one knows what this is), you'll be sterile yet, Legionnaires Disease, Gout, Lou Gehrig's Disease, and you will also get 'a hospital file' and possibly arrested.

8)If you eat and then go swimming, you'll get stomach cramps and drown
Correct. But only in swimming pools and small lakes. Large bodies of water with rip currents are no problem at all. Because there are no such things as rip currents. Who ever heard of such a thing?

9)You can "train" yourself to go to bed early and get up early in the morning. Being a "night timer" nocturnal person isn't healthy and will make you sick
You'll go blind yet!

10)You'll feel better about yourself if you dress up for work every day and work in an office full time for 12k a year than if you work in some restaurant or bar and keep "weird hours", even if you can earn 30k a year doing it part time. You'll make friends of a higher caliber if you work for pennies in a white collar job
those people ...

11)If you smoke pot you will end up a heroin addict, eventually, because that's how they all start out
You smoke that stuff you'll be jumping off a building yet, thinking you can fly.

12)It's always better to let the man take the lead and make the decisions
Men are no good. You better watch what you're doing. How much money does he have?

13) If you eat late at night you'll have bad dreams
Correct. But maybe I'd *like* some bad dreams? Daytime with you folks is getting to be a bad dream ~