I can't handle my stepson's growing tribe

I got down to page 3 and couldn't continue. I side with the OP on this, but it doesn't seem like anyone else does. Five grandkids (the latest born in March) and the couple is already planning their sixth (sounds like the fucking Duggars ) Grandma lays out the logistics, expectations, and current workload, explaining why it's all getting to be too much, yet the posters are still slamming her

I feel sorry for her and I also bet that her husband does NOTHING, even though these are his bio-grandkids. Of course no one expects him to either which is probably frustrating to her. I hate how in most every case the female is expected to leap with open arms and babysit, ooh and ahh, throw baby showers, etc............while the bio male just sits on his ass. I want NO part of it after having had a taste of it years ago with only a minor step kid and her breeders to deal with on a regular basis. That little excursion into breederville was QUITE enough, TYVFM. Step grand kids too? I don't think I could survive a fucking replay. :crz

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I'm trying to imagine myself in this situation, but I can't. I'd outright tell moo she's an entitled cunt who needs to fuck off and then run screaming from the entire house of horrors.

Right! She's only the stepmom and they're expecting her to assume her proper role of CuntWork^(TM) provider. Why should she give a damn about her non-biological kids?

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Having read some pages of it, the step daughter in law is basically batshit crazy and putting all sorts of conditions on the OP. Such as, she won't bring the kids over, the OP has to go pick them up. She doesn't want the OP visiting their home, she wants the OP to take the kids out or back to the OP's home. She won't accept invites to the OP's house. OP's stepson lives away from his home for portions of time due to work. When he's home, there's more frequent contact because he's there to facilitate it.

And most troubling/concerning is this post on page 7, post number 68 by the OP:

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Not caring to have anything to do with her. Neither one of us wants to visit without dss home. I wish I could post the crap she posted about me last year. She called me an abusive mother, said she and dss had been taking bets for years as to when my girls would beg to move in with them, referred to me as the monster in law and proudly posted how she'd, publically, trashed me...

Dss made her appologize to dh but she has never so much as spoken to me since then. I've been instructed to have all communication go through dss. Dh just wants to stay out of this mess. Dss just wants peace at home. I can understand him choosing to terminate his relationshp with me rather than make her appologize because he has to live with her. I don't. Dh just listens to dss vent about her when he does come over. It's a pretty messed up situation. The question is should I try taking the kids on a rotating schedule knowing full well I will not be able to continue doing so in the fall. One question is what will she tell her kids when I stop visiting because the school year has started, I'm back to work and have my hands full juggling my own kids and a full time job?

Thread was closed at OP's request so I couldn't reply there. Here's what I would have posted.

Considering the OP's SDIL has accused her of being an abusive mother, I think she's wise to limit contact with her SS & his family. Particularly given the conditions the SDIL has placed on her. What if SDIL falsely accuses the OP of abusing one of the grandchildren? Even if it never got to the point where the legal system became involved, it would affect her reputation in the community. While that would be bad enough for anyone, it could affect the livelihood of a teacher. Personally, I wouldn't have anything to do with any of them. Why risk a false accusation of abuse? Or spend time/energy on someone who publicly trashes you like that? It's sad that the children are collateral damage, but that is the consequence of the SDIL's actions, not anything the OP has done.

Another issue is that basically, with all of the conditions the SDIL places, it looks like she's not only looking for free babysitting, she's looking for it on her terms.

SAHPs say their work is worth x amount of dollars. Then why is it expected that others will do this work for free when the people they are expecting to do the work aren't receiving the economic benefits the SAHP receives from a breadwinning spouse?

And why do people feel entitled to child care services from family, but not other services? Would the posters criticizing the OP be as angry/sad at say a relative who was a mechanic but couldn't fix their car because the conditions didn't work with the mechanic's scheduling needs? Let's say the person who wanted the car fixed was putting all sorts of conditions on it. Such as you can't fix it at my house, you have to get it towed to your house. Or a plumber or electrician relative who declined to work for free? Free babysitting is a FAVOR. Like any other favor, the person receiving the favor should do what they can to work with the schedule and needs of the person providing the favor. Or find someone else to do the favor or pay someone for their work and time.

Yes, families help each other out. But that's something which should be appreciated. Not demanded. The OP's SDIL sounds highly entitled. As well as kind of crazy. I don't even have kids. But if I thought someone was an abusive mother and I felt she was treating her daughters badly enough for them to want to move in with me, there's NO WAY IN HELL I'd want that person around my hypothetical kids. LET ALONE PICKING THEM UP AND BEING ALONE WITH THEM. So either SDIL is trash talking the OP or she doesn't care about her children's safety.
Which is it?

And I wonder how well behaved the children are? Sounds like quite a chaotic home life for them. It's not unheard of for kids to act out in situations like that. If the kids are poorly behaved, that may be another reason the OP is reluctant to take them.

Finally, if parents of large families don't want to be judged, then they should make sure they are capable of taking care of the kids without expecting involuntary help from others. They lose their right not to be judged when they start trying to guilt other people into doing the work of parenthood they VOLUNTARILY signed up for. If someone buys a home or car beyond their means and they start trying to guilt other people into paying for it, they give up the right not to be judged.

I made it through page 10, and I want to slap the lot of them into next week, particularly JeepGirl 27. All of them keep insisting GrandMoo doesn't love the grandbrats, when it sounds like GM is being pretty reasonable.

GM's main problem seems to be that she (gasp!) works! and isn't willing to give up every free minute she has to her grandbrats. She's offered to have DIL's five kids over for dinner, but DIL insists that grandmoo take two kids at a time, and take them for a whole weekend day. I don't blame Grandmoo. If GrandMoo is expected to "spread the love" among five kids like this, she'll never have a weekend day to herself or to be with her own kids.

As a working person myself, I cherish my weekends. I would resent like Hell being used as a free baybee sitter. It needs to work for GrandMoo too. But of course those CityData Bitches can't stop trashing her for that.

GrandMoo has offered to have all the kids over for dinner, but that's not good enough for the DIL or the CityBitches.

I also like how GrandMoo is saying that DIL keeps having baybees just to get attention. Love it!

I wonder where Grandpa is in all of this? Probably being a typical Dud male. GrandMoo and her husband separated 3-4 years ago and reconciled and DIL and her husband (grandpa's son) separated, then had oopsie baybee number 5 and now they are back together.

Stepfamilies....is it any wonder why second marriages with children fare not better than first marriages with children?

One voice of sanity, from the comments -

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joe from dayton
Can't all of you just get together for a Sunday cookout or something?

Even like the screen name - joe from dayton wink

That's my kinda guy!

The rest of these lowing cows - I've only gotten through page 2, erg, - yes indeed it is a slamfest! Forget anything else - the woman has shit to do, job, and her own kids. Sounds like the SD expects a free babysitter on her terms, also.

Glad it's not me!

Something that definitely must be pondered about dating a childed person, also, even one with 'adult' kids. You could get lucky and they are CF. You might wind up with a tribe of Step Grand Kids though.

I side with Grand Ma on this. And Joe From Dayton.

People sure do expect a lot from a STEP-grandmother with absolutely no biological relation to the kids in question.

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Miss_Hannigan
CuntWork^(TM)[/sup

Nice wink

Her situation does suck ass, but this is just ONE of the risks you take anytime you marry a parent. For that reason, I'm giving this one a BML Award.

:bedmadelie

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan