My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 16 years ago Posts: 5,443 |
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 883 |
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ladybug2203
And growing up with her made my childhood nearly unbearable. And if she hears a baby or small child crying in public she'll try to attack. I can't even bear to be around her b/c it makes me panicky and my heart races so bad I feel like I'll throw up, and I don't experience such symptoms at any other time.
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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CFinPenthouse
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ladybug2203
And growing up with her made my childhood nearly unbearable. And if she hears a baby or small child crying in public she'll try to attack. I can't even bear to be around her b/c it makes me panicky and my heart races so bad I feel like I'll throw up, and I don't experience such symptoms at any other time.
I'm so sorry, ladybug, about the painful childhood and the stressful contact now . Early in my career, I worked with people taking care of relatives who will never get better (severely disabled children, post-stroke elderly, etc.) and I've found that exaggerated expressions of worry and fear often masked guilt. Care-giving is so burdensome and isolating. Even when the person is institutionalized. Many expressed that they wished the person would die peacefully but that carries alot of guilt. In response, they repeat to whomever would listen that they're worried about the person dying.
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 883 |
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ladybug2203
I've even considered running away and changing my name. She is in a group home but the more you do for them the more they expect, their always calling my parents to take her home for a visit and I'm worried they'll do the same shit to me someday b/c the staff doesn't feel like doing their job :x
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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CFinPenthouse
I wish you strength in whatever decision you make.
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 5,716 |
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 12,447 |
Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,846 |
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Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 |
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Re: My autistic sister June 08, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,449 |
At one point, I thought that I was the only person in the world who felt this way.Quote
CFinPenthouse
I don't fault you one bit for considering it and see myself doing just that. I think you've been around it long enough, the emotional toll alone seriously compromises a person's quality of life. I think life is to be lived, and the emotional and physical burden of caregiving a person who will never get better is tremendous.
I couldn't say this out loud when I worked with families but this what I truly believed. It was so sad to see 2, 3, or 4 people, walking around like shells of their old selves, hovering in guilt, worry, and resentment because of a person who is not even conscious of them. It sucks. And seems totally meaningless in the larger scheme of a life.
I wish you strength in whatever decision you make.
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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kellic
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, ladybug. My brother wasn't nearly as bad as your sister, but he did have behavioral issues that made my childhood hell at times. And my mother's inconsistent discipline never made it better as she would go to work and dump it all on me. And thats how I realized early on that I never wanted kids and parenthood sucks.
Today I don't speak to him unless I have to and refuse to help him with anything in his personal life. Fuck him. He never cared about me then and he still doesn't care now. Only now its my turn to also not give a damn.
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 120 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,043 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,975 |
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CFinPenthouse
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ladybug2203
And growing up with her made my childhood nearly unbearable. And if she hears a baby or small child crying in public she'll try to attack. I can't even bear to be around her b/c it makes me panicky and my heart races so bad I feel like I'll throw up, and I don't experience such symptoms at any other time.
I'm so sorry, ladybug, about the painful childhood and the stressful contact now . Early in my career, I worked with people taking care of relatives who will never get better (severely disabled children, post-stroke elderly, etc.) and I've found that exaggerated expressions of worry and fear often masked guilt. Care-giving is so burdensome and isolating. Even when the person is institutionalized. Many expressed that they wished the person would die peacefully but that carries alot of guilt. In response, they repeat to whomever would listen that they're worried about the person dying.
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,367 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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kman
Ladybug2203, depending on what state you're in, beware of filial responsibility laws that might try to make you financially responsible for your sister's care after your parents pass away. About 30 states have these laws, and some will pursue siblings for support if there are no parents or adult children. Utah and Pennsylvania are two examples of states that potentially make siblings responsible.
Moving far away and changing your name is a pretty good option. If you can, move out of the US entirely. The Republicans have talked about passing a national filial responsibility law to "solve" the problems with Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid (nursing homes) running out of $$$ in the future.
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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kman
The Republicans have talked about passing a national filial responsibility law to "solve" the problems with Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid (nursing homes) running out of $$$ in the future.
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...law student Shannon Edelstone, in her award-winning essay (cited below), studied all of the state laws and found that most agree that children have a duty to provide necessities for parents who cannot do so for themselves.
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Judges, accordingly, have considered such variables as the adult child's financing of their child's college education, as well as his/her personal needs for savings and retirement.
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,367 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,367 |
Re: My autistic sister June 09, 2012 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
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Eric
I fiercely oppose filial responsibility laws for several reasons. First, they selectively target children based on their parents' financial circumstances, something the children (usually) have no control over. Second, the burden of supporting parents would fall disproportionately on only children, who would bear 100% of the support liability while (for example) if there were three children, each would bear only one third of the liability. Once again, a person has no control over how many siblings they have. Third, the "reciprocity" argument that is often used to justify these laws discriminates against those people who choose not to have any children themselves. These childless people would have to support their parents but would have no one to support them later in life. Finally, the cost of elder care is so high that having to pay even a fraction of a parent's nursing home bills would bankrupt most middle class people. The wealthy could afford to pay, the poor would not have to pay, but the middle class would be screwed, as usual.
As an only child, and one who almost certainly will not have children, I stand to be doubly impacted by filial responsibility laws. It mystifies me that the issues I have raised do not seem to be addressed in any other articles or discussions I have found on this topic.
Enforcement of these laws will be inherently inequitable, cause resentment between family members, and wipe out decades worth of retirement savings for many people. Living in a different state from their parents may protect adult children for a while, but if filial responsibility ever becomes federal law, that option would also be gone.
Hopefully, there is enough public opposition that any elected official who favors filial responsibility laws will be committing political suicide. Even if the laws are ultimately ruled unconstitutional, they could do a lot of damage in the meantime.
Re: My autistic sister June 10, 2012 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 5,275 |