My autistic sister

This may be some maneuvering to get around families where the parent(s) will sign everything over to a child or children to avoid the government taking everything for the nursing home.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Ladybug, you have NO obligation to care for your sister, nor should you feel bad about not wanting to and don't let anyone try to tell you differently.

From the time I was 9 years old until I was about 28, I had to help care for my mother due to a back injury and later on, drug induced psychosis so I know how hard and stressful it can be to have to care for someone else. My childhood sucked because of the crap I had to deal with.

The reason why you feel sick when having to deal with your sister is more than likely due to the stress/ anxiety that it puts you through.

For me, the situation got worse with my mom when I was about 19 years old and she developed the psychosis. A couple of years after that, I started having full fledged panic attacks and had to be put on a very high dosage of Xanax just to be able to deal with all the stress that came with her illness.

Yes her back is still messed up and yes she still has psychosis, but things are a bit better now since she is highly medicated on anti- psychotics and other mood pills.

I use to always say that I would be the one who ended up taking care of her (my sister don't come around, can't say I blame her) but after the years upon years of misery that I went through putting up with everything and the downfall to my own mental health and well being, my mind has completely changed. I will not be the one who takes care of her when my grandparents pass away. Fuck that shit! I have already spent too many years of my life taking care of her and being miserable. Now it is my turn to get to live my life and to be happy.

Sounds like if something happens to your sister, the whole world would suddenly be a MUCH better world to live in.

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twocents
This may be some maneuvering to get around families where the parent(s) will sign everything over to a child or children to avoid the government taking everything for the nursing home.

Medicaid already has a remedy for that in that they will go back SEVEN YEARS to determine if a parent has signed over any assets to their kids and will DENY payment for nursing home or related care if that's the case. There's a lot of shit that doesn't make sense or isn't fair where elder care is concerned with one of THE most absurd to me being how many of the insurance policies designed for elder care are worded. For instance, most of the ones I have looked into won't pay for ANYTHING related even remotely or caused by alcohol related illnesses, disabilities, or injuries. They will DENY paying for home health care, for instance, if the elderly policy owner had any alcohol in his system when he fell and broke his hip, which would be most ANY time where my father is concerned.


There's lots of other loopholes specifically designed to deny claims and place the burden of payment and/or hands on care to their children.:headbrick

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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ladybug2203

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CFinPenthouse

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ladybug2203
And growing up with her made my childhood nearly unbearable. And if she hears a baby or small child crying in public she'll try to attack. I can't even bear to be around her b/c it makes me panicky and my heart races so bad I feel like I'll throw up, and I don't experience such symptoms at any other time.

I'm so sorry, ladybug, about the painful childhood and the stressful contact now . Early in my career, I worked with people taking care of relatives who will never get better (severely disabled children, post-stroke elderly, etc.) and I've found that exaggerated expressions of worry and fear often masked guilt. Care-giving is so burdensome and isolating. Even when the person is institutionalized. Many expressed that they wished the person would die peacefully but that carries alot of guilt. In response, they repeat to whomever would listen that they're worried about the person dying.

I wish she would die peacefully, b/c honestly if she stays alive I'll inherit the job and I resent the hell out of it, I'm sooooo horrible if I refuse to become her guardian yet our extended relatives who do nothing still have a clean karma slate, and thats bullshit. I've even considered running away and changing my name. She is in a group home but the more you do for them the more they expect, their always calling my parents to take her home for a visit and I'm worried they'll do the same shit to me someday b/c the staff doesn't feel like doing their job :x

your parents and the staff signed up for the job, not you. when the time comes, make it abundantly clear to them where you stand and visits to your home are out of the question. you obviously have psychological issues with this. you should not have to risk your own health and sanity.

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Snark Shark

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Miss_Hannigan
Just to threadjack, has anyone seen the Rosie O'Donnell TV movie, "Riding the Bus with My Sister?" It's taken from a book about a woman's life growing up with her developmentally- disabled sibling. Rosie's portrayal of a lumbering, screeching retard shopping for a toilet seat has to be seen to be believed.

http://www.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2hZ5PO6rpKA&v=2hZ5PO6rpKA&gl=US

rosienews.jpg

ha! we all KNOW rosie o'dumpy WASN'T ACTING.

" beware of filial responsibility laws that might try to make you financially responsible for your sister's care after your parents pass away"

IN-SANE!!! and being financially responsible for one's PARENTS?? HELLO!! they're ADULTS and have had 65 FUCKING YEARS to prepare for retirement! how is it the grown kyds fault fi they DIDN'T??

i'm kind of curious on this because my aunt lives in california, which has them. her daughter lives in florida, which does not. to further complicate matters, her mother signed away parental rights when my cousin was a child. if my aunt attempts to use these laws, would my cousin be forced to take her in, despite cutting her mom from her life?


and i think it is obvious rosie o'dummy is not doing a huge stretch on that role

Zatoth, your cousin's situation is across state lines, and filial responsibility laws are about support and not about a child having to provide care her/himself.

In Pennsylvania, according to a number of stories online, nursing homes are pursuing out-of-state adult children for payment under that state's law, but that seems to be the exception for now. California so far hasn't appeared on the radar for this kind of garbage, but the state did try to pursue out-of-state retirees from there for California state income taxes until the feds put a stop to it.

In terms of caregiving, no state can force any adult child to do it. At least not directly.

To make my position on this issue clear, I am against pursuing adult children for support or care/medical costs for elderly parents, with the sole exception of the existence of evidence that the children got hold of the parents' money illicitly. The parents had a lifetime to plan and save. The cost of long-term care will ruin most adult children, especially with their likely economic situation these days. Inherent inequities make filial responsibility laws quite possibly unconstitutional (compare the burden an only child might face as opposed to sharing the burden among several children, for example).

And with the out-of-state children much less likely to be affected, it seems sure that a state will pursue for payment an exhausted caregiver child still in the same state who finally had to give up caring for her/his parent(s) after being impoverished and otherwise ruining her/his life. Patently unfair.

(Getting parents into a nursing home is much harder than many people who criticize families for doing so think; you can't simply drive Mom to a nursing home, push her out the car door, and keep going. Some people seem to think that children can just do this, though. Medical needs for care are an absolute necessity to get into long-term care. By the time this stage is reached, the parent has usually been cared for at home or in assisted living for some time.)

We pay taxes for this stuff. There should be strict laws against asset transfers to children and other tricks to make parents look poor on paper to qualify for Medicaid and other programs, but guess what? Those are in place now and have been for several years. Cheating should be hit hard. But innocent law-abiding adult children should not be put in a position of paying massive bills created by their parents because of some antiquated state law. Beware, however, of Republican attempts to pass a national filial responsibility law. They're festering to. This is their solution to the funding issues for Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid.

Two words. Restraining. Order.

in my state if there is someone living in the house such as a spouse or a disabled person they get to stay.