You might be a breeder if

You say to your friends "He'll love the baby when it comes!" or "Tough. he'll just have to deal with it. I want to be a mommy."

Just random thoughts running through my head. Any more to add?

This will be a big-assed list by the time others have put in their two cents. But you might be a breeder if...

Chicken nuggets and box mac-and-cheese are considered a good meal

You think "no" is an element of a foreign culture

If you're working minimum wage or below, living in a slum with rats and termites for roomies, think there's six possible men who could be the babydaddy of the fetus you're carrying and take speed and you've already got three children by different men, none of whom are in the picture or giving child support....you tell yourself that God will provide and everything will be okay.

Breasts are only bad if they aren't in a loaf's mouth

It's okay to get up in the face of someone who doesn't find Junior's screaming/snotting/shitting himself/breaking stuff/killing things cute and bitch them out for being a child-hater.

Getting broody when someone doesn't fawn over your fat ass when you're pregnant or throwing you a shower for every fucking pregnancy.

_______________________________

That's all I got for now. Will edit if I think of more.

You might be a breeder if...

...you do not know the address of your best friend but you can recite all of the lines from the latest Barney or Bratz video.

...your house looks like a bomb hit a furniture factory.

...you consider Lunchables to be gourmet fare.

...you are the most irritating bitch on the face of the earth and lose all of your friends because you cannot talking about anything more interesting than diaper shit.

... You consider having time to take a shower to be a special occurrence.

... The only "me time" you get is while you're on the toilet -- and even that gets interrupted most times.

... You think that describing poop color and consistency is normal dinner conversations.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> You say to your friends "He'll love the baby when
> it comes!" or "Tough. he'll just have to deal with
> it. I want to be a mommy."

I've heard moos-to-be use the last one of Tough. He'll just have to deal with it..." attitude. Then...these women wonder why their husbands are starting to work late but are nowhere to be found when they call the office. I can see why a lot of men do a "Scott Peterson"...I know...I'm a bitch! :spin

if you say someone must do this for the sake of the children.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

- You bitch and moan about how haaaarrd it is with the 1, 2 3...
kids you allready have, then go have another one.

- You give your child's age in months rather than years.

- You think a baybee will solve your marital/boyfriend problems & bind your relationship.

- You ignore your adult friends that you used to have before the cuntfruit appeared, but somehow have no qualms about sending them holiday picture cards featuring your kids.

- You bleat on & on about having no time, but somehow have never missed an episode of ER, American Idol, (insert lame TV show here)

You might be a breeder if...

You have 3 kids, all of the same gender but simply must try again to obtain a child of the other sex so that one parent is not deprived of the chance to teach their son to be a real man or dressing up a girl in pink.

You might be a breeder if..........

---you drive a breeder bus with soccer and autism magnets all over it

--you and hubby take Shitford to a fancy restaurant just because you are too cheap for a baby sitter, then proceed to make everyone around you listen to him scream all night, not caring who's dinner you've ruined

--you can't start any sentence without saying "As a parent......."

--you are merely "MOM" and have stopped being a wife to your husband or caring how your look, you spend the day in pink stretch pants drinking lattes at Starbucks while the kid screams in the stroller disrupting everyone around you

You might be a breeder if...

Adoption is out of the question because Moo wants one of her own.

Consider giving up the pet you adore because a baybee is on the way.

"But, that's what people do"

...you think that frozen, pre-made, crustless peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches are a good idea.
...everyone can hear your cooter flapping when you walk
...the main question in your head when discussing anything contraversial is "what about the children?
...you smell like poo and vomit
...everything you own is covered in a sticky film
...you can't have nice things

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

You have perineal tears causing urinary and fecal incontinence, but it "is all worth it" and it doesn't stop you from literally shitting some more out.

… you give people dirty glares when they expect you to discipline your child.
… you want to bring a baby into the world even if you’ve been exposed to nuclear material and the kid could be born with his brain outside his body.
… you expect a man to give you money for the kid, even if it’s not his.
… you save the money you receive from the gov’t to bail your boyfriend out of jail instead of spending it on nutritious food for your kids.
… you have a kid with your new wife to prove your penis works (even though you are 60 and already have two kids with the woman you cheated on).
… you tell people having children makes you a better person.
… you name your kids Alysynne and Mikyl, instead of Allison and Michael (insert other names here and replace all e’s and o’s with i’s and y’s and add a shitload of n’s, rendering the name unintelligible).

You guys came up with some great ones! Here are some others:

-You think Birth control=baby pesticides
-Damn it, she should have thought about not spreading her legs 9 months ago (Forced Birthers)
-ALL childwren are pwescious merriculls.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> You guys came up with some great ones! Here are
> some others:
>
> -You think Birth control=baby pesticides
> -Damn it, she should have thought about not
> spreading her legs 9 months ago (Forced Birthers)
> -ALL childwren are pwescious merriculls.

Forced birth breeders always love to use the "she should have thought about it before spreading her legs" attitude but let the guys off scot-free! NO one EVER says anything about the dicks who are knocking p these girls!

With the Christian attitude re: sex, many men act so startled when a new wife is afraid of sex or it takes a long time to actually like it. I knew a Catholic woman in the SF Bay Area who admitted that she did not like sex with her husband for the first five years of marriage. She was a virgin bride and kept having those babies Catholic-style. I am certain the man knew how his wife felt but kept at it with her.

As for the precious miracles, I got this thing in my e-mail box this morning of the "miracle" of the bay-bee that weighed less than a pound when the moo had to give birth at 24 weeks. It is not miraculous but modern medicine that kept the preemie alive. What gets me is how insurance is quick to pay for this shit while denying cancer patients or others with life-threatening illnesses...or will not cover contraception!

...You tell your childfree friends "You don't know love until you have a baby" while inhaling anti-depressants by the handful.

...You consider a fully closed-up car parked in the afternoon sun to be a babysitter.

...You're already a single mother, but you try to snag a husband by -- you guessed it -- GETTING PREGNANT!

...You’ve ever asked for free “gently used” name-brand clothing, furniture or appliances on Craigslist.

...You aim to spell names with as many letters as possible, because you think the yooneeknizz of a name is measured by how angry people get when trying to pronounce it.

You take your undisciplined brat over to your happily childfree aunt's house and think it's funny when she marks up freshly painted walls.

YMBaBI...(You might be a breeder if...)

--Your license plate and/or screen name refers to your child(ren)

--You have no identity outside of being Kyeleigheee's Mommy (i.e. do not have your own activities and such)

--You can be convinced to vote for/support ANYTHING if someone tells you it's for the children (i.e. the terrorists coming for your kids personally so we better attack half the world, it's okay to fuck the environment and drive a Hummer because it'll keep your kids safe in a crash, gay people are bad because it's a bad example for children and surely your kids will turn gay just by hearing about homosexuality, you should let the Roto Rooter guy ream out your ass with a drain-un-plugger because it'll make it cleaner to be around children, etc. etc.)

--Your car resembles a food archaelogical dig site (old fries and candy and crackers smashed into the carpet and seats, etc.)

--You think that if you give your kid the same name everyone else gives their kid (Kylie, Michaela, Caleb, Antoine, Bailey, Madison, Logan, etc.) but spell it in some freaky way, it won't be the same name everyone else gives their kid and you'll be different (don'tcha know kids know the difference and whether the teacher is yelling for Makayla or Mikaela or Mahkeilah?).



-You think Birth control=baby pesticides
Birth control =/= baby pesticides???? DAMMIT!!

My doG, I am so loving this thread. You guys have covered much ground and I can't add anything profound but I want to add this one that I witnessed firsthand.

I have an acquaintence who is DEFINITELY a breeder. You can tell by what's on the walls of her house. You know when you walk in the house of a "normal" non-breeder, and you see stuff on the walls? Stuff like....art? Not in Breederilla's house. She has NOTHING on her walls that isn't a picture of her kid! Her den doesn't have a single picture or print....it's all pictures of Princess Snotleigh, all the time.

She's a single Moo, of course, Not that it was a big surprise; the minute the kid was born, she slept in the bed with Moo. I met her when the kid was about 5. THE KID DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A BED IN HER ROOM! because she was still sleeping in Moo and Dud's bed, or rather with Moo while Dud slept on the couch. I'm surprised he stayed as long as he did, until the kid was 7. The kid is now 10.

Every wall in her house is a shrine to her kid. And you should see the piece de resistance: In Moo's bedroom, there is a poster sized picture of Moo-donna and Chyyyyyld when the kid was an infant. IT'S RIGHT OVER THE BED!

I'm female, and when I saw it I thought, "Man that is some libido-killing stuff. No man in his right mind will want to get busy under that picture."

I'll also add, when you are pregnant at the same time your daughter is pregnant, you are definitely a breeder, and probably the worst kind of breeder: THE GEEZER-BREEDER. Gawd, I hate Geezer-Breeders!

- You feel that "But he/she is just a CHYYYYUUULLLD!!!" is an acceptable excuse for any deviant behavior, whether it be it a temper tantrum in a restaurant or burning live puppies.

- You ply your kid with sugary oversized drinks, candy, and greasy popcorn at the movies and when the kid vomits, you rush it out of there and leave the mess for the underpaid theater staff to clean up.

- Bookstores, hotel lobbies, movie theaters, grocery stores, malls, art galleries, etc. are all Heely skate parks until the your kid hurts itself. Then it's everybody else's fault that Jimmy got hurt and how dare you suggest that I should pay for damages done in the store because you should just be lucky that I don't sue.

- Cashiers and other workers in businesses are your personal free babysitters, whether they are aware of it or not.

Nour Wrote:
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> … you name your kids Alysynne and Mikyl, instead
> of Allison and Michael (insert other names here
> and replace all e’s and o’s with i’s and y’s and
> add a shitload of n’s, rendering the name
> unintelligible).

I predicted whitebread moos would change the name "Ashley" to "Ashlynn". Welllll...it happened with a friend, whose daughter named her bratty three-year-old "Ashlynn".

when you are pregnant at the same time your daughter is pregnant, you are definitely a breeder,

Hrm, well, it depends, I suppose...because there are two ways this could happen! Breeder could be 35 and daughter could be 15, or breeder could be 45 and daughter could be 25...either way it's a trainwreck, just for different reasons!

(and, of course, if your family is early-breeder-iffic enough, technically you could have daughter pregnant at 14, mum pregnant at 28, and grandma pregnant at 42!)

K12144 Wrote:
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> (and, of course, if your family is
> early-breeder-iffic enough, technically you could
> have daughter pregnant at 14, mum pregnant at 28,
> and grandma pregnant at 42!)

Don't laugh - that kind of shit actually DOES happen, and of course the tax payer ends up footing the bill for these fucking useless oxygen thieves.

I had lunch with a coworker the other week and she mentioned how one of her friend's daughters (or something) is trying to have another kid so she stay at home instead of looking for a job because the youngest will reach school age next year (at which stage moo is expected to find work since she doesn't have to stay at home to do TMIJITW during school hours). Of course, this useless bitch is a single mother and and habitual breeder, having kids to any man who will do the honours so she can keep collecting welfare cheques instead of going out and fucking earning her existence.

"She'd be about your age" I was told by my coworker, who jokingly hinted she might be able to set us up if I wanted a "quickie". Umm... No fucking way! (no pun intended). Not even with a stolen dick and 15 rubbers! I'm not the kind who easily gets offended by things, but this came pretty damn close to doing it, even as a joke.

I really weep for the future after hearing about that kind of shit. It was recently revealed that in my state, 45% of children are born out of wedlock, and married mothers will be in the minority within a decade if the trend continues. Absolutely disgraceful.

All the more reason I want to get myself snipped - I'd hate for any offspring (heaven forbid) of mine to have to grow up among such fine "peers".

Non-PoliticallyCorrect Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> K12144 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > (and, of course, if your family is
> > early-breeder-iffic enough, technically you
> could
> > have daughter pregnant at 14, mum pregnant at
> 28,
> > and grandma pregnant at 42!)
>
> Don't laugh - that kind of shit actually DOES
> happen, and of course the tax payer ends up
> footing the bill for these fucking useless oxygen
> thieves.
>
You know you're a breeder if:

You're a moo with a public aid card which has your 5 kids' names on it and you don't even work.
>

who jokingly hinted she might be able to set us up if I wanted a "quickie".
And this person was implying what, that you'd like to be the next sperm donor??? That's sick!