PANK? No fucking way.

Marketeers have created an acronym to describe child-free women who spend lavishly on their nieces and nephews: PANK (professional aunt, no kids). I suspect that this demographic exists largely in the minds of breeders and advertisers. All those "I'm child-free but I wub children" articles must be giving them such dreams of largesse that they're hoping being a recognized marketing demographic will open purses.

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...today will see a rush of click and buys, particularly if you are a Pank. It stands for Professional Aunt, No Kids, and despite the way it conflates money and love, it's an acronym that lifts the spirits somewhat. As The Cut points out, childless women are no longer spinsters but Panks, which implies they come bearing fun and gifts and tales about their glam life at the coalface of industry (sort of). In a culture that has Jennifer Aniston on womb watch, putting forth the idea that this hugely successful actor should be the recipient of pity because she isn't married with kids, a term that celebrates a childless woman's status, putting "professional" right up there at the top, feels like a victory of sorts.

No, this is not what victory looks like. Victory does not define us by our relationships with children, and recognize us as consumers of mindless products. Victory would be people recognizing that the world is overpopulated and we cannot persist in this manner, so having children should be reviled as the selfish act it is.

I guess only women spoil their nieces and nephews.eyes2 No PUNKs ? Even if I had any young relatives, my money would stay in my pocket. Breeder-pleaser article.

I wouldn't say that we spoil the nephews per se, but on occasion I find Really Cool Stuff to send to send them. It does help that they are halfway across the continent so we don't have to interact with them more than a couple of times per year. YMMV

sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken
indecision may or may not be my problem

Yeah, I love being a commodity.

Also notice how it's "professional". Up there with DINK.
What all these charming little pigeon-holes are not so subtly saying is that you need an excuse. You have to be too busy to have kids, materialistic.

The idea of being content with a comfortable income or, oh I don't know, just being like any other person doesn't get a look in.

Just as the idea of being career driven and not wanting kids at all seems hard to grasp. It's always a sacrifice that has to be made up for with secondhand sproglings- a whole legion of the little money sponges if at all possible.

All bullshit made up by people who don't know how to do their damn jobs. It's not that hard to market plastic straight at adults. And they'll pay more too.

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"Pro life childfree" is just another way of saying parent minus 9 months.

I nearly lost an eyeball rolling my eyes at this.

No wonder my sister thinks I'm a terrible aunt to her two ankle biters if this is what's routinely expected. They'll get an even worse shock when I croak and they realise I've left it all to the cats home

Pretty sure the only women who do this are childLESS wanna-moos who for some reason haven't been able to sluice.

Even among the breeder-pleasing CF, I've never heard of any of spend all their money on nieces and nephews. Most hardly even see them. All their going on about how they wuuub chiilldrun seems to be mostly for show so they can get head pats from society.

I, for one, couldn't care less. My half-sister is a trailer trash who sluiced in her teens that I didn't even meet until I was 12. I met her male brat once. I've never met the female one. I don't talk to her because she's crazy. And I sure as hell wouldn't spend money on her and her brats.

I also love how there's no male equivalent. Yet again, society trying to insist that all women are all about babies, even those who choose to have none.

I'll go along with it if it means Professional ASSHOLE No Kids

Works for men, too.

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omnishambles
I nearly lost an eyeball rolling my eyes at this.

I had to slap the back of my head to pop mine from the back to the front, where they belonged. Good lord :goggle

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omnishambles
No wonder my sister thinks I'm a terrible aunt to her two ankle biters if this is what's routinely expected. They'll get an even worse shock when I croak and they realise I've left it all to the cats home

PANK doesn't even have an attractive ring. It sounds like dropping a ball bearing to a concrete surface *PANK!*

I've decided to pirate the acronym: Pet Adorer No Kids

For me, it's Parrot Admirer No Kids.

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Snark Shark
larious rhymes with SPANK!

those marketing people sure are desperate!

Well, if you're a Single Professional Aunt; No Kids, sure!

:biggrin2

Let's hope my SIL doesn't catch wind of this idotic idea. The last thing she needs is more reason to think her loaf should be the center of my & DH's world.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

How about Professional Adult, No Kids?

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

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mumofsixbirds
For me, it's Parrot Admirer No Kids.

Right on! up

I actually thought this thread was about the color pink, pronounced with a certain dialect.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

LOL I guess then I am a SPANK!

The idea of being a doting aunt doesn't bother me. I have a nephew whose parents are PNB all the way and he's a great kid. When he's older, I'm sure I'll hang out with him and buy him things that mom won't. On the other hand, my breeder cousin's kids are complete turds and even though they call me "Aunt Writer" I can barely stand them.

I think what bothers me about this is by saying you're a "professional aunt" implies that Aunt is the cumulation of your life work, just like Moos think they should be paid $400,000 a year for changing shit diapers and reheating frozen food for dinner.

Being an aunt doesn't mean you give a shit, it's a choice just like anything else involving kyds.

My sister would love for me to be PANK. I've gotten her daughter a Christmas gift. A $25 item from American Girl. She recently sent me an email asking if I would be getting 'anything else' for her daughter. Uh, no. $25 is plenty to spend for an 8 year old girl. A single gift from her aunt is fine. No way am I spending more money and buying more crap so that I can walk into their home with armfuls of gifts for their kids.

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quiet home
My sister would love for me to be PANK. I've gotten her daughter a Christmas gift. A $25 item from American Girl. She recently sent me an email asking if I would be getting 'anything else' for her daughter. Uh, no. $25 is plenty to spend for an 8 year old girl. A single gift from her aunt is fine. No way am I spending more money and buying more crap so that I can walk into their home with armfuls of gifts for their kids.

Wow, the audacity. Way to be thankful, moo.

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mumofsixbirds
For me, it's Parrot Admirer No Kids.

Oh, that is me and my hubby! But he is more their slave and food dispenser.

I am the one the birds listen to. Like when they try to get in to something they know they shouldn't, all I have to do is give the death glare and they stop in their track. The birds don't pay my husband any mind. LOL!

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Shrieking babbies are the most effective birth control on earth.

I work in advertising and marketing, and the first time I heard that term I called my mom and thanked her for me being an only child. I also wanted to smack the asshole who loved using the term, but I digress.

I'm more of a FANK - Feline Attendant, No Kyds.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

PANK means "broke" in Swedish. What's up with all these acronyms btw? What about BLOB (Breeder, lots of brats)

How about SKANK = Single, Kids And Knows Nothing

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I'm a DICK.

Disinterested In Crappy Kids.

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mistress rotwang
I'm a DICK.

Disinterested In Crappy Kids.

In that case, I'm a CUNT - Can't Understand Natalism Appeal. smile

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

My money is in my computer and two monitors. I also have a sweet scanner and a laser printer. That's how I roll. My niece and nephiew are childfree adults. Their Mama raised them right. One is a rocker with a band called Murphey's Wagon in Santa Cruz and even has groupies. The other works in a photo center and does graphic art on commission.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Does it still count if you're helping your niece build up her own household items for when she finally leaves her parent's home? I don't think buying such exciting items like mixing bowls and cutting boards for Christmas exactly qualifies me to be a PANK.

Iin case you're wondering, my niece is truly appreciative about getting such gifts. She's 16 years old and has realized that she's shit out of luck if she hopes her parents will help her with anything, let alone plan her future. She already announced that she plans to be child-free.