Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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Q. Avoiding Family Holidays: My career has led me to go to school and get a good job far away from family. My parents and my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew still live in the same area so every holiday I fly to see them. Last Christmas, my father declared that holidays were only for people who had children and that anyone who doesn’t have children is worthless and has no reason to live. Everyone but myself at the table agreed. I was the only person at that table that doesn’t have a child and needless to say I was hurt. After the festivities were done, I took my father aside to politely express my hurt to him. He starting yelling at me that I was just jealous of my sibling and that he stands by his judgment. I’m glad my sibling is happy but I never want to be her and I love my life. Before that holiday, I thought I had a supportive family that was proud of me. Now I find myself not wanting to fly back for any of the holidays. How should I handle my family’s requests that I visit?
A: You could say something like, “After last year’s discussion, I’m afraid I simply can’t guarantee that if I fly out to see you my plane will be hit by a drone, explode, and then my worthless life will blessedly be over.†I’m glad you spoke up to your father because sometimes people say idiotic things then when called out on it, explain, “I didn’t mean you, honey!†But apparently he meant you. You say to your family that you remain shaken by the dreadful things said about your life. You don’t feel you’re being overly sensitive when you object to being told you have no reason to live. If they want to revise their stand, then you will be happy to listen, and then you will consider if you have reason to come for the holiday.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 259 |
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Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 16 years ago Posts: 3,454 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 180 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,835 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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Techie
I know how to fix this. A few years of no call/no show. They will be apologizing in no time.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 16 years ago Posts: 3,454 |
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Dorisan
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Techie
I know how to fix this. A few years of no call/no show. They will be apologizing in no time.
Whew. Not from what I've learned reading dozens of cases on this site
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation
What typically happens is that people like the father and family members in the OP become more entrenched, self-justified and feel an increasing sense that they are the victims. Flying monkeys from outlying branches of family - even members that are rarely seen - are asked to swoop in to bring the offending member back into the right thinking ways of the family fold. All forms of social media are deployed, black holing by the childless/childfree person usually does not work. Blocking, changing phone numbers, sometimes legal restrictions have to be used. It would not be unusual for the father to show up at the person's workplace or their home and throw a tantrum.
The subject of Prudie's column is lucky to live "far away." Hopefully they never feel pressed or have the desire to move closer to those people. The best thing they can do is just cut them off and pretend they are dead.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,003 |
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Dorisan
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Techie
I know how to fix this. A few years of no call/no show. They will be apologizing in no time.
Whew. Not from what I've learned reading dozens of cases on this site
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation
What typically happens is that people like the father and family members in the OP become more entrenched, self-justified and feel an increasing sense that they are the victims. Flying monkeys from outlying branches of family - even members that are rarely seen - are asked to swoop in to bring the offending member back into the right thinking ways of the family fold. All forms of social media are deployed, black holing by the childless/childfree person usually does not work. Blocking, changing phone numbers, sometimes legal restrictions have to be used. It would not be unusual for the father to show up at the person's workplace or their home and throw a tantrum.
The subject of Prudie's column is lucky to live "far away." Hopefully they never feel pressed or have the desire to move closer to those people. The best thing they can do is just cut them off and pretend they are dead.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 16 years ago Posts: 3,454 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 294 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 15, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
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Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,757 |
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jmc
I bet if that person didn't come for the holidays those breeders wouldn't care......
Fast forward 5 years and some aging parent or some sickly niece/nephew will call up th CF person with their tale of sorrow...... and then ask for 10000 bucks....
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 386 |
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cassia
Find your personal family-by-choice to enhance your life and leave these awful people behind.
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bunny
Yeah, a few years without contact and they'll behave just the same. They'll act like nothing happened at all.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
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alana
I'd bet my next paycheck that the toxic family will resort to the "we don't know why s/he cut us off, we didn't do anything to deserve it!" bullshit.
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Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 |
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I do agree with the idea that once they need someone to care for them, they'll expect the CF child to do it. I know the sibling does. When I was speaking to my sisters, they BOTH said they wouldn't care for our parents, period, and if they were forced to, they would cram them into the cheapest home available and never visit. Their words to me: "So you better take care of them!" Ha! Like that would happen.
Re: Dear Prudie: I don't have kids. My father thinks I'm worthless and should die. Family agrees :wtf December 16, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 1,469 |