Happy early Smothers-giving

Posted by Cambion

Happy early Smothers-giving
November 12, 2015

Registered: 18 years ago
Posts: 9,976

Guess what I haven't done in forever? A Smothering compilation! It's been a while, so there should be plenty nuggets of goodness ripe for the picking. smiling smiley

Sadly, since most of the emoticons are MIA, I can't put fitting graphics to each entry this time. This got just a little long-winded.

We are living in a fertility world and I am an infertility girl

Fertility-challenged thread. I didn't read all the pages, but reply #70 on page 3 is from a Moo who keeps her used negative piss tests (all 30 of them) in a jar in her bathroom because she's so ~~obsessed~~ eager about getting a positive result. I assume she's also one of those women who frantically asks online if there's a very faint second line on the piss test when it's obvious there's only one. Fertility-challenged - the very essence of a first world problem.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/1533090-fertility-challenged-one-thread-fall-2015-a-3.html

Moo asks why she's so "resistant" to getting pigged up again. She's with a guy who wants to breed, but according to her, the second she knew he was The One^TM, the desire to pinch out a One Of Our Own^TM disappeared. She also says her one kid is enough for her, but is still asking the internet if she should just let her man knock her up anyway. The guy is also 50, so the swimmers are probably half-retarded by now. (There's also a lot of women in the family planning section who ask "should I have another one?" That's what you ask if you want another cupcake and want someone else to agree with you so you feel validated, NOT something you ask in regard to breeding).
http://www.mothering.com/forum/180-family-planning/1537130-do-i-want-another-one.html

At least this Moo is planning a brat rather than letting the chips fall where they may like most breeders, but she goes on about wanting advice on how to groom her toddler to be "prepared and happy" to be a big sister. Uhh, that's not gonna happen, sugar. A toddler is not going to be in any way happy with no longer being the center of attention. A vast majority of siblings do not get along until adulthood, and many still don't as adults. If you want a second brat, can afford it and are going to plan it, then good for you. Just don't expect your other kid to be doing cartwheels about it.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/180-family-planning/1537266-planning-baby-2-a.html

Birfin' funnies

Moo is "grieving" because her husband flaked around about whether or not he wanted another loaf before finally saying NO. Moo is butthurt because there are no books or support groups for "women like her" - as in not women who are unable to breed, but women who can't breed because their partners don't want to. She doesn't need a fuckin' baby when she's being such a huge one herself! Really?! Grieving because your partner said no more loaves? You already have one! What a fucking whiner. I'm shocked no one suggested getting pregnant anyway because He'll Love It Once It Gets Here^TM.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/180-family-planning/1495802-hurting-mama.html

Apparently, giving brith in a hospital means you'll be exposing yourself to "violence" because doctors are evil sadists who only want to hurt vulnerable piggos. So, therefore, you should sluice at home no matter what because doctors will just kill you. So says this Moo. I bet her ass would be whistlin' a different tune if she or her loaf required emergency medical care. I guess some study shows that more women have been dying while giving birth in the US over the last decade, but that's probably because more women get pigged up when they shouldn't and doctors can only do so much to save them. Some of the Moos blame "unnecessary" interventions during birth, but like I said, these are probably done because the women who get them shouldn't have gotten pregnant to begin with. Sure, some doctors and nurses are assholes, but a lot of these anti-hospital Moos think that all doctors and nurses are bad because they don't get their own way in the delivery room.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/502-healing-birth-trauma/1514689-they-killing-us-literally.html

There is a growing trend in the UK called "crowd birthing." Need I say more?
http://www.mothering.com/forum/502-healing-birth-trauma/1523833-crowd-birthing.html

Do the clump drop two-step

Moo writes a novel-length story about all her miscarriages. In 12 years, this bitch has had ELEVEN miscarriages and four live kids. Seems she lost her first two clumps, then had live kids, then all subsequent clumps fell out. I didn't read that whole mess. She's been married for eleven and a half years, meaning she's probably spent a vast majority of her marriage knocked up... and then bawling whenever the newest clump fell out. This is what you call too dumb to quit.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/22-pregnancy-birth-loss/1535530-12-years-11-losses-my-journey-honor-october-15th.html

There's a section where there are several topics called "Expecting Our Rainbow Babies" for every season of every year. This is a bunch of Moos who are either definitely anticipating miscarriages or who assume they're going to experience premature clump descent because they don't feel as pregnant as they'd like to or they have a cramp here and there.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/156-pregnancy-after-birth-loss/1528705-expecting-our-rainbow-babies-fall-2015-chat.html

Shit just got real

Moo feels that her 5-month-old loaf not cooperating with elimination communication and is pissing the bed because said loaf is being spiteful toward Moo. Umm, loaves don't have the mental capacity to be spiteful. Apparently it could just be that the kid has changed its "I need to piss" signals that one needs to constantly watch for, or stopped giving these alleged signals altogether. Moo is a psych major, so therefore she KNOWS her brat is intentionally not doing EC to spite her. The other bodily fluid fetish Moos are ganging up on her telling her she needs professional help and/or that Moo is a troll. Or, y'know, she could PUT FUCKIN' DIAPERS on her kid and stop being a masochist.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/227-elimination-communication/1451426-help-my-baby-spiteful-toward-me-ec.html

Daughter doesn't make a recognizable "poopy face" to signal she has to take a shit. Moo wonders what's wrong with the kid. More EC shit (no pun intended). What kind of empty life do you have to have to sit around all day and night watching your kid's face for subtle changes in expression so you can hopefully haul them to the bathroom in time to have them piss/shit in the toilet? I would kill myself if that's the only way I could find to stay busy.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/227-elimination-communication/1505569-no-poopy-face-normal.html

Slight parenting differences

Duh's new girlfriend told him co-sleeping is illegal, and bio-Moo has an atomic fit. Moo wants the kid to co-sleep with Duh when he has visitation/weekends. Sounds to me like Duh's new piece of meat (who is also a Moo) doesn't want to share a bed with some other bitch's brat and Moo says it's having "disastrous" effects on their ability to raise their kid separately.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/37-co-sleeping-family-bed/709933-co-sleeping-illegal.html

Grandmoo feels that teenagers should not babysit strictly for money. They need to adore children before getting paid to watch them. I'm sure it's easier to brat-sit if you can tolerate children, but I don't see why a teen (or adult) can't brat-sit just for cash. They should probably learn now that they'll almost certainly have to work jobs they hate to make a living when they get older.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/39-preteens-teens/1522425-young-teens-babysitting-profit-love-kids.html

Moo's new may-unn takes issue with every single thing her teenage son does (son just moved in a few months prior). The kid seems to be at least somewhat intelligent and has a typical know-it-all teen attitude, but it doesn't sound like anything out of the ordinary. Step-Duh wants to bitch at the kid at every turn, and when Moo takes her kid's side, Duh doesn't speak to her for days. Sounds to me that Duh feels threatened and does not like having to compete for attention from his wife with another male. Duh says the kid "triggers" him, but doesn't offer further explanation. He probably married Moo under the impression that her kid wouldn't be living with them, and then Junior moves in after the marriage.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/39-preteens-teens/1517521-new-husband-struggles-my-16-year-old-son.html

Moo allowed co-sleeping to happen when her kid was very little and now her almost 11-year-old daughter will not sleep in her own bed no matter what Moo or Duh says or does. I suggest a bedroom door that locks from the outside. Lock the little barnacle in her room and she'll tire herself out eventually.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/39-preteens-teens/1532009-i-feel-like-ap-has-failed-me.html

Failure, thy name is gentle discipline

Brat will scream, "NO!", "Get back here" and "We don't do that" whenever anyone else in the family tries to do something she doesn't want them to do. Sounds like she thinks she gets to make adult demands and managed to memorize what the adults in her life constantly say to her. This little cunt would be getting five across the face from me if she told me what I could and could not do.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/31-life-toddler/1537522-my-toddler-doesnt-like-when-i-have-fun.html

Kid screams and cries over EVERYFUCKINGTHING. Snacks being on a plate rather than in a bowl, the cat touching his stuff, laundry being in a bag instead of a basket. Sounds like a tard. I think I would strongly consider taking him to a hospital to have his mouth surgically closed until further notice. The best part? This constant toadler screeching over nothing is apparently completely normal. Tell me again what I'm missing out on besides a murder charge?
http://www.mothering.com/forum/31-life-toddler/1311576-two-year-old-crying-all-time.html

Slap-happy Moo screams at and hits her kid all the time, and occasionally hits her husband too (but he's okay with this). She won't seek help over this because she's ascared her kid will get taken away from her. I'm all for spanking kids when they act like shits, but it sounds like this Moo is abusive and/or has serious anger issues. Oh, but since she says she's sowwy for slapping everybody in the house, it's okay and she gets all kinds of udder rubs from the board heifers. I'm sure her anger problems didn't just magically manifest once her kid arrived - they've most likely been there all her life. I'd probably be like this with a kid too because I find every single thing they do irritating, but that's why I don't want kids. I don't think this idiot should have reproduced or gotten into a relationship with anyone if she can't quit being violent.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/1511601-please-i-m-desperate-need-help.html

Moo leaves Grandmoo in charge of 5-year-old brat for a couple weeks, and when she comes back, the kid is a giant asshole who responds to not having his own way with punching, biting and charging at people. Whatever Granny did, he did not like. If Grandma so much as opened her pie hole, Junior would charge her like a bull. Board heifers suggest not punishing him at all anymore, even when he tries to take chunks out of Moo's arms.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/1442489-aggressive-5yr-old-has-appeared.html

The joys of single parenthood

Moo and her husband separate (but don't divorce because Moo still cares about him) because of some chick he continuously talked to who Moo blames for their failed marriage (rather than her ex-husband for starting anything with her). Semi-ex-husband proceeds to date said side dish and wasn't going to tell Moo about it because she'd throw a fit. Moo inevitably throws a fit when she finds out and thinks she gets to dictate whether or not the side dish is around Moo and Duh's kid.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1525585-new-girlfriend-not-allowed-near-child.html

This heifer picked a real winner to breed with. When their kid was 2 years old, Moo went to the father's house to confront him about lies he told and he responded by punching the kid in the face, throwing her off the porch and threatening to kill her and Moo. However, Moo also didn't like when her stepmother told the kid (7 at this point) the truth about her Duh because the kid had been going around spouting off made-up stories about what a wonderful, awesome person her dad is. Moo's also pissed that the guy wed and bred another woman and just adores his son... but hates his daughter. Goldenpenis preference to the extreme.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1532185-daughter-learning-truth-about-dead-beat-dad.html

All the rest

Moo's friend's loaf becomes very sick at birth and is on a ventilator, multiple medications, antibiotics and developed pneumonia. Moo who is writing the topic is convinced that the hospital caused the loaf to become sick and other Moos on the board feel that if the kid's mother could just be allowed to hold and talk to babby, it'll magically get better. (Note: the mother is not allowed to touch, hold or talk to loaf because of how sick it is).
http://www.mothering.com/forum/17510-baby-health/1535426-friend-s-baby-born-sick.html

Moo's friend is a bitch for making her wedding a no-babby wedding, and Moo's loaf is no exception to this. It gives Moo a sad that her friend sees the loaf as a burden and will not allow it at her wedding. Because Loafley will just DIE if it doesn't have that crystal-clear memory of this person's wedding. Other Moos are saying that if the friend wants Moo to be a bridesmaid that badly, she will work with Moo to accommodate the loaf... since brat care for guests is the bride's responsibility and all that.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/27-breastfeeding/1531529-ebf-baby-bridesmaid-no-babies-allowed-wedding.html

So much horse shit about boob-feeding failures, tongue/lip ties, shallow latching, lactation consultations, projectile milk pukes, strong letdowns (besides the kids themselves). WTF, if your loaf can't even fucking figure out how to EAT when it has its food source right in its mouth, maybe it's time to allow nature take its course and let the little maggot starve. Fuck, I wouldn't put up with this shit for a second. You can't figure out how to suck a tit? I'll go start making your funeral arrangements, you little wanker.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/27-breastfeeding/1531793-about-give-up.html

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