Craigslist Cavalcade of Contraception Catastrophies: December/Holiday Edition

Yes, I am keeping this going because it draws a few laughs and since Christmas is around the corner, the laugh track should be louder than usual:

First off, tell me she did not name her kids Heaven and Angel...ugh

I HAVE TWO GIRLS THAT ARE NOW STARTING DAY CARE I'M A SINGLE MOM WITH TWINS REALLY COULD USE HELP WITH CLOTHES THEY JUST TURN 2 ....THANKS FOR READING PLEASE CALL 281-824-4449 OR 832-657-2910

HEAVEN N ANGEL

They say a picture is worth a thousand words; this one says that the Grady twins are reincarnated, or their daddy was a troll doll:


I have a 3 week old, 3year old, & 6 year old. I can't afford to buy a baby swing or bassinett. I could really use them and would greatly appreciate the help!!! Please call or text

Your baby doesn't need a swing. It can sleep in a carriage, stroller or car seat.

And of course, we have the sobfest and all the swirling questions it provides:

hello i am looking for baby items for my neice who had a baby girl august 28 and the babies father was just killed in a auto accident. they were barely getting by before this and now she is a single mom with a tiny baby girl.so i am hoping there may be somebody out there with extra baby stuff they need to get rid of. she only has a bassinett car seat and bouncer and some clothes but is in need of everything else. Wait a sec...she had the kid three months ago and has squat? I smell :BSespecially now that its getting colder and the baby is growin out of some her clothes already. she has so much to deal with now i am hoping to help her out with things for the baby so she will at least have that worry off her shoulders. so any baby items from diapers to clothes,crib,swing,high chair,playpen walkers etc would be greatly appreciated. also the mom wears a size 12 if you may have items she can use as well. thanks in advance. i live in pasadena but will be leaving early tomorrow sunday to go to the funeral which is in livingston.so if you email me i may not be able to get back to you till monday but will answer and emails as soon as possible.


OK so it sounds like she has family and so does dearly departed duhd, if in fact he is really dead. Taking care of the loaf should be their responsibility.

And now would be a good time to say "just because you love it, does not mean we can afford it", or "if you want expensive designer clothes, get off your ass and help make the money for them":

My 4 year old loves barbies, im looking for a barbie castle or some sort of barbie doll house, barbies and clothes... Everything is so freakin costly now, im a single mom of three, cant afford this stuff new.. If you got what i need please contact me =)

I am a single mom that has a 16 year old son that really wants some designer jeans. We went to 2 Ross Stores, Marshals, Burlington Coat Factory and an upscale resale shop called Plato's Closet tonight with no luck. He wants True Religion, Mek, Rock Revival, Affliction or Buckle. He wears a 30 X 32.

And here are more people that somehow decide that moving with nothing is a good call:

I am writing on behalf of my cousin who is starting a new life. She is a single mom who is excited about her new apartment and is in need of furniture. If you have a dining table, sofa, coffee/end tables, lamps, dishes, bedroom furniture, almost everything, please consider my cousin who is trying hard to start a new life. If you have furniture you would like to give or sell for cheap, please call me between 7am and 7pm or email me.

I am a single mom trying to get all the furniture for my apartment. I dont have much money so I am looking for things that wont cost me alot. This is what I need so if you have anything and you need to sell or would like to donate to a family that needs it please let me know. I have a small truck and could get someone to help me load it. This is the main things;

Dinning table, entertainment center, tv, mattress( I need 2 a queen or 2 twins and a king) for the queen I would need boxspring and frame but for the king i only need the mattress. (I had a cat and she sprayed my mattress so I threw it away and me and my daughters used to sleep on it so that is why I only need the mattress. I need alot of things for the kitchen like pots and pans. Please send me an email with what you have and I will reply so that you can send me a picture.

Thank you so much in advance.

are you looking to get rid of your old but yet still good furniture? i just moved to pasadena and had to leave all of my belongings back in washington I am looking for everything and I need everything down to dishes and beds..I am a single mother of 3 and tryn to bring my kids into a better place if you happen to have anything please contact me i will be glad to go and pick them up thank you and God Bless!!

One for the "are you fucking kidding me" files:

Donate tv to our family. (Near Downtown)

Date: 2010-11-30, 10:20PM CST
Iam a single mother with two sons. Iam hoping someone could be kind enough to donate a decent tv to us.We would appreciate it so much.
Thanks

Oddly enough, not many Christmas ones yet but here is one:

Hello. My name is Misty and I have 4 boys. I am struggling with everything right now as I am a single mother raising 4 kids on my own and dealing with a mortgage etc on my own. I would appreciate anything you could help me with (clothes toys shoes puppies anything) for christmas. I just want them to have a christmas and without help I just cant do it this year. Please call me at 832-396-7248. Once again my name is Misty. Serious Inquires Only please.Thanks.

Just a thought: if you can't afford clothes and shoes, you can't afford a puppy.

And now is a good time to tell your son that "you can't always get what you want":

I AM LOOKING TO BUY AN IPAD ASAP!!! I AM A SINGLE MOTHER LOOKING TO GET FOR MY SON FOR CHRISTMAS, SO MUST BE PRICED REALLY GOOD!!!!
I AM LOOKING TO SPEND AROUND $200-$300, MUST BE IN EXCELLENT CONDITION!!! PREFER BOX!!!
PLEASE CALL 832 418-7158.

SCAMMERS .....DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!!!!

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

Holy crap, when I looked at the first picture, I thought they were Siamese twins.

I am a single mom that has a 16 year old son that really wants some designer jeans.

I AM LOOKING TO BUY AN IPAD ASAP!!! I AM A SINGLE MOTHER LOOKING TO GET FOR MY SON FOR CHRISTMAS, SO MUST BE PRICED REALLY GOOD!!!!

Holy shit people. I don't understand the allure of "designer" shit at all. I'm glad my parents didn't spoil me like that because it's so much easier to live without that shit. I have a Verizon Cosmos (and 95% of the teenage population goes WTF IS THAT?) that I only just recently upgraded to this summer because my old Verizon LG that lasted me since I first got it sophomore year of high school died the summer before my junior year in college of water damage. This new phone is clearly much cheaper quality, and I bet those designer phones everyone else has break even more easily, so parents have to rush back and buy replacements three times a year.

Also, designer clothes - WTF is the big deal? Jeans are jeans. Someone who doesn't make a lot of money should be glad to even afford basic clothing, let alone "designer" shit. If the sixteen-year-old boy who is old enough to get a job really wants those jeans, he should earn them and work for them. That's how society should work - we should want to EARN the things we want, then maybe we'd appreciate them and take better care of them, instead of letting them go through the wash in our jeans MULTIPLE TIMES, not learning our lesson, and send Mom off to buy another one because "It's her fault for washing my jeans while the iPod was in the pocket!" (I have heard this excuse before. YOU put the iPod in there and you don't even do your own laundry. Enough said.)

Speaking of iPods, I have a video iPod. I had no interest in iPods until later in high school. I preferred CDs and CD players but when I realized it was easier to work out with an iPod I asked for one for Christmas. That was the only present I got (and understandably, they're expensive). I got a video iPod and it's lasted a while because I take care of it. I don't feel the need to constantly upgrade what I already have if it's working perfectly fine. I don't see the appeal of the iPad (wtf is it anyway?), "smart" phones with apps (because I have a brain and I don't need apps to read maps for me or turn off the lights before I leave the house), or the Kindle (wtf is this too? I guess it's alright if it encourages reading, but my one friend dragged me into Best Buy to stare at it for twenty minutes and talk about which kind she was going to get and I just wanted to get home to an actual book.)

I sound like a crotchety old bitch before my time (I just turned 21 lol). I just cannot express enough how much of a flying fart I DON'T give about designer brands, clothing and devices.

Also, the woman who wants the puppy... complete idiot. If you can't afford stuff for your kids HOW ON EARTH can you care for a puppy? Who will walk it? Not your lazy ass. She probably won't even be able to afford vet visits. Anyone thinking of actually donating a puppy to that twat would be better off slaughtering it in their backyard. She'll probably end up sticking it in a shelter somewhere when it gets to be too much work.

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Christhead

Also, the woman who wants the puppy... complete idiot. If you can't afford stuff for your kids HOW ON EARTH can you care for a puppy? Who will walk it? Not your lazy ass. She probably won't even be able to afford vet visits. Anyone thinking of actually donating a puppy to that twat would be better off slaughtering it in their backyard. She'll probably end up sticking it in a shelter somewhere when it gets to be too much work.

This ad really bothered me, too. Pets are not throwaway playthings to amuse little crack monkeys that have the attention span of a gnat.

I've said it before, but I wouldn't SELL this moron a puppy for five thousand dollars.

People have no self-respect, do they? I'd do without just about anything rather than debase myself like this. The very idea that anyone owes you something just because you made bad choices and are irresponsible... blows my mind.

There were a lot of things I wanted when I was a kid. Sometimes I got them, sometimes I didn't. I knew better than to whine about it. Besides, the best Christmas gift and the one I looked forward to every year was that fresh new box of 64 Crayola crayons.

It annoys me to no end that these morons want all these handouts, especially when they just shit out a loaf. Well, if you're too poor for most things, you're too damn poor to have a kid.

Come play with us, Danny!! For ever...and ever...and ever!!!

Don't these cows read the "only baby things you actually need" lists on Yahoo? Last time I checked, Mek jeans and Ipads weren't on the list!

Melonhead mulatto twins AUGGGHHH!

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law1204
Come play with us, Danny!! For ever...and ever...and ever!!!

I had the same thought...the shot of the twins in the hallway. Also had this image in my head:

I have no idea why....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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REALLY COULD USE HELP WITH CLOTHES THEY JUST TURN 2

Turn 2 what? Don't leave us hanging here. Turn to turnips at midnight? Turn 2 corners and fall in a lake? Come on, give us more!

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

And a mom who is sick of the beggars:

Ok so i posted my baby stuff i no longer use at reasonable prices even cheaper than most on here. Well i am sooooo tired of e-mails that people send that states as follow:

I'm a single parent so can you take half of your asking price ?
OR
I live too far from you but i want to buy your items if you take half to make up for my gas.


Come on people that's crazy & your just using excuses. Whenever i'm buying something i know location & price and NEVER ask a seller to lower the price on something I WANT TO BUY!!!!!!! Would you want me to contact you & tell you your responsible for my gas?????? For all you single parents using that excuse it's a shame do you want people to feel sorry; do you want your kids to think that it's ok?

My mother was a single parent with 4 kids to raise & not once did she use that excuse we lived & had what she could afford!! Also, my sister is a single parent of 2 kids and never has asked for handouts or use that excuse!! you buy what you can afford is that so hard?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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navi8orgirl
And a mom who is sick of the beggars:

Nice to see, but she appears to have the same poor command of English as the people she's complaining about, so I still rate her as a

Does anyone fall for the bullshit in those ads? Is anyone stupid enough to give these leeches anything?

Small Apple Rant here:
Sorry all you Apple lovers out there, but I HATE iPods. They are not durable, too much money for what you get and just a whole lotta hype for nothing. I go for any other MP3 player than iPod. And I'll be waiting for the cheaper, not Apple version of the iPad when someone else comes out with it.

What it's like to own an Apple Product.

I am not one of those people who needs the latest and greatest electronic gadget. I still have my Motorola Razor (I got cheap after the first brouhaha died down) and will keep it until it wears out, if it wears out.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/wan/2088672895.html

Please I am trying to get some money together to buy my 6kids x-mas gifts.
I am a single mom,going to classes and have no income.Your cans and bottles would help me
out greatly.so if you have any please give me a call, my name is Shannon 503-891-8599
Please and thank you
marry x-mas as well

Maybe someone's cooter shouldn't have gone into overdrive before they could actually provide from them.

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nobunaga
Does anyone fall for the bullshit in those ads? Is anyone stupid enough to give these leeches anything?

Small Apple Rant here:
Sorry all you Apple lovers out there, but I HATE iPods. They are not durable, too much money for what you get and just a whole lotta hype for nothing. I go for any other MP3 player than iPod. And I'll be waiting for the cheaper, not Apple version of the iPad when someone else comes out with it.

What it's like to own an Apple Product.

I am not one of those people who needs the latest and greatest electronic gadget. I still have my Motorola Razor (I got cheap after the first brouhaha died down) and will keep it until it wears out, if it wears out.

I hate Apple products PERIOD. Especially the computers. They price gouge for the same goddamn hardware, just so someone can be part of their pretentious club.

Yeah, I would give that ho an I-Pad-a box of pads with a painted on I. And I would have no guilt taking her 200 bucks. Gotta get my tax dollars back somehow.

Hey, I finally found a few decent (decently bad) ones on our CL:

Desperately seeking transportation!
Hello! I'm a single mom and two months ago I got a fantastic new job after months of job hunting. It's a 40 mile drive to work one way. I was driving to work a few weeks ago and my engine blew out. My savings account is empty but I do get a healthy tax refund in February. I'm in need of reliable transportation that someone would take a few payments on until mid-February at which time I could pay the balance. If there is anyone out there that could help me I would be eternally grateful and would be able to keep my awesome new job that I LOVE. Please email me if you can help. Thank you so much and God bless.

Of course she's getting a healthy tax refund. She's a SINGLE MOO!! Still, I have to wonder what kind of car she thinks she can pay off with her tax refund. Can you imagine taking a risk on someone like her? She'd probably make one measly payment and then be gone like the wind.

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Hello I am a single mom of 3 my husband left 3 weeks ago and left us and he was the one who worked and made the money. I have been trying to get a job but no luck. So i thought id turn here to craigslist and see if anyone had a tree they dont need or arnt going to use. Could be a fake tree i dont mind. I cant afford much We just wanted this year to feel more like x-mas. I am looking for a tree maybe if you have extra lights or something we can put on it. My son comes home from school everyday and asks me mommy why you wont buy us a tree. I am hopeing to suprice him one day when he walks in the door from school. thanks

This one sure fits the bad spelling and grammar requirement. No wonder no one will hire her, despite the fact she's supposedly been looking a whole THREE WEEKS.

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Help! WTBnow suit, hat & gloves for struggling mom
My daughter is a single mother of 2 small children struggling to get off the system. She is working right now but the hours are bouncing between 32-40 and every penny she has goes into the household. I would like to see my grand daughter be able to get out and enjoy the beautiful snow. This can be done as I had to as a kid with old sock on my hands, plastic garbage bags wrapped around my legs and feet, my brothers hand me down jacket and my dads hunting hat on my head. Can you imagine how ridiculous I felt, not to mention how much the other kids poked fun at me? I sucked it up though and had the time of my life! I just don't want my grand daughter to ever have to go through what I had to. I am on disability and am on an extremely tight budget myself but can afford $15-20. She is 2 and wears a 2T-3T we are not particular on the color just as long as she stays warm and dry. Please let me know if your able to help us out by dropping me an email. Thank you and God Bless!

Well, now isn't that a doozy of a sob story. Yeah, a lot of us have similar memories. Did it kill us? NO. Either we put that lame shit on if we wanted to go play in the snow, or we stayed inside.
Besides, the kid is TWO. She won't know the fucking difference and it doesn't matter WHAT she wears.

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Single mom looking for king sized mattress and box spring preferably new or slightly used. I dont have much money just getting back on my feet....THANK YOU!!

I find this one especially hilarious. Does she want the king-sized bed because.....she's a "full figured gal"? For.....co-sleeping with her unnamed number of brats? And I love how she throws in that she's getting back on her feet....from her old, too-small bed which apparently worked just fine for getting knocked up by a bad choice of sperm-donor! :sx

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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CrabCake
Hello I am a single mom of 3 my husband left 3 weeks ago and left us and he was the one who worked and made the money. I have been trying to get a job but no luck. So i thought id turn here to craigslist and see if anyone had a tree they dont need or arnt going to use. Could be a fake tree i dont mind. I cant afford much We just wanted this year to feel more like x-mas. I am looking for a tree maybe if you have extra lights or something we can put on it. My son comes home from school everyday and asks me mommy why you wont buy us a tree. I am hopeing to suprice him one day when he walks in the door from school. thanks

This one sure fits the bad spelling and grammar requirement. No wonder no one will hire her, despite the fact she's supposedly been looking a whole THREE WEEKS.

I've got to ask--if your husband just left you and you don't have a job, why are you buying a tree, even if you can find one cheaply? Save your money--you're going to need it to buy rice and beans when you still don't have a job in 5 weeks. (I can be reasonably sure that she won't have one--most companies don't hire in December but save it until the new year, because there are too many holidays and people out of the office. Only retail hires in December, and they hire just for the holidays, so by January she'd be fresh out of work again if she went that route.)

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CrabCake
Single mom looking for king sized mattress and box spring preferably new or slightly used. I dont have much money just getting back on my feet....THANK YOU!!

What the fuck?!?!? She wants a NEW king sized bed for almost nothing? Probably skipped out of economy classes to get knocked up (do they still teach economy?). I've got a king size baseball bat I can take upside her head for next to nothing.

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

Here is one from my local Craigslist that prompted the Craigslist Smack Down topic I started. This bitch is just down right demanding.

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I posted this last night, but someone flagged and removed it.We are talking about children here and there is plenty to go around. I am asking you please do not mess with a childs Christmas.Due to the economy we do not have money for Christmas this year, If there is someone that would like to help, we would greatly appreciate it. There are 3 boys ages 14, 5. and 4, and a little girl 2..

Thank you and God bless

Of course she had the throw in the "God bless" BS at the end to validate her demands. I mean, there is "plenty to go around" so we should send some her way. :yeah

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

Send them condoms. Mom can keep spreading because there is plenty to go around, and the kids can turn them into balloons.

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KABA

Of course she had the throw in the "God bless" BS at the end to validate her demands. I mean, there is "plenty to go around" so we should send some her way. :yeah

Same thing I hear in the ER from all the homeless Vietnam Vets born in 1972 ... eyes2

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navi8orgirl

3kc3mc3l95V05U45P0abr8338ad63d35b19fb.jpg

That kid looks like an Anencephalite (*gross* warning)

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KABA
Here is one from my local Craigslist that prompted the Craigslist Smack Down topic I started. This bitch is just down right demanding.

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I posted this last night, but someone flagged and removed it.We are talking about children here and there is plenty to go around. I am asking you please do not mess with a childs Christmas.Due to the economy we do not have money for Christmas this year, If there is someone that would like to help, we would greatly appreciate it. There are 3 boys ages 14, 5. and 4, and a little girl 2..

Thank you and God bless

Gee, I wonder why her previous post was deleted. I hope the bitch gets deleted AGAIN and hopefully BANNED.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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KABA
Here is one from my local Craigslist that prompted the Craigslist Smack Down topic I started. This bitch is just down right demanding.

Quote

I posted this last night, but someone flagged and removed it.We are talking about children here and there is plenty to go around. I am asking you please do not mess with a childs Christmas.Due to the economy we do not have money for Christmas this year, If there is someone that would like to help, we would greatly appreciate it. There are 3 boys ages 14, 5. and 4, and a little girl 2..

Thank you and God bless

Of course she had the throw in the "God bless" BS at the end to validate her demands. I mean, there is "plenty to go around" so we should send some her way. :yeah

What does she mean by, "We are talking about children here"? Yeah, HER children who SHE should be buying Santa for, not "the village". This part about there being, "...plenty to go around..." WTF does OTHER PEOPLE having "extra" money have to do with handing it over to HER and her brats? Does she think that she is the only one affected by the "economy"? I would be willing to bet that the 14 y/o was an "oops" from another relationship and that the 5y/o was the first in a string of the typical, "one of our own" usually shat right off the bat to "seal the deal" with the new man. The 4 y/o was the first attempt at a girl to round out the hodge podge famblee and the 2 y/o was finally the token "little girl" that she just HAD to have.. She just also shat the first kyd with the new man in an effort to force him to "take in" the bastard oldest kid and then just kept on shitting loaves until she got the desired gender set.

She gave NO THOUGHT to whether these little bastards would get any Santa Claus in the future because she was completely consumed by the loaf shitting and all of the moo festivities that accompany all of THAT nonsense. I don't give a damn if those kids get Santa Claus or not and apparently NEITHER does their own moo or she would have planned better.. Christmas has been celebrated on the SAME FUCKING DAY every year for over 2000 years, so it's not like it just crept up on her and took her by surprise. If Santa Claus is SO important, then she could have set aside $50 a month, instead of getting her nails done, and she'd have had over SIX HUNDRED dollars to wipe out an aisle at Toys R Us. This is SO her problem and no one wants to hear about it or they wouldn't have deleted her bullshit the first time.:BS


I wish that Craigslist would install some software that did an auto DELETE on ANY post that had the following key words or combinations of those words in it:

1)Single Mom
2)Beautiful children
3)Santa
4)Husband, along with "left" or "abusive"
5)God bless you
6)..would be greatly appreciated


Just about ALL of the moo begging posts contain all or some of those words or varying combinations thereof

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!