So I split with my breeder-ific fiance for good. (Kinda long.)

The Bella 'Married, No Kids' forum is a good place to find examples of what women go through when they marry and have their husbands go breeder on them. Posts like this

It is definitely dodging the bullet to find out your SO is a covert breeder before you get tangled up with them legally.

That was...a close shave.

Ohh yeah, there are ass loads of topics over on Married No Kids from people who are dating, engaged or already married who are going through the whole, "He wants kids and I don't" thing...or, with the fencesitter presence, "He wants kids and I don't know yet if I want them."

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for the two of you, but it's good you still maintain your freedom. It would suck to have not found this out until after the marriage. Goddammit there are so many women out there who will spread and spawn for the first erect dick to point in their general direction - why do the breederific men have to gravitate to the CF women and try to change them?

But then again, you said you got Essured last year, yes? Did he not realize Essure = sterile = no babies? In any case, good for you for sticking to your guns and ditching his ass.

It's always better to be true to who you are, and never give in. It won't be easy, but it's the best in the long run.

JD

I know how hard breakups can be. They are incredibly difficult.

But, allow me to get on the "CONGRATULATIONS" bandwagon and say hey, you unburdened yourself of a real douchelord and are now free to find not only some kickass CF friends, but a real man who respects you (and clearly douchelord did not).

HUGE HUGS.

Good Gawd, I read through that thread over at Bella. How incredibly sad those stories are. If they aren't an advertisement to just move on when one person wants kids and another one doesn't, I don't know what is. Staying together, no matter how much "in luv" you are, does NOT make things better over time...it only makes things WORSE.

When a man tells you he wants to breed, cut him loose. Gawd, that poor woman in the thread whose guy LEFT HER for 10 MONTHS, then CAME BACK and said that being with her was "enough" for him, then LEFT HER AGAIN? A person who does that to another person in the name of theoretical baybees deserves to be bull-whipped.

The moral of the story? CF People, Take Charge of Your LIfe! Don't let it happen to you! Don't believe anyone who says, "I know I said I wanted kids, but I want to be with you more. I'm willing to give it up." Suuuuuure they are. If they are a guy, they'll just stay with you until they find your replacement.

Did you notice Cassie's story? They were in MARRIAGE COUNSELING. Do you know how PAINFUL and EXPENSIVE marriage counseling is? You are paying all this MONEY and hearing about all the SHIT YOU ARE DOING WRONG, only in her case she's doing all this work, only to find out later that her scumbag husband was going through the motions because HE HAD THE REPLACEMENT BROODSOW PICKED OUT ALREADY. In her update she said THE WHORE (AND HER KYDS) MOVED INTO HER HOUSE RIGHT AFTER SHE MOVED OUT. I'm sure she was furious. I'm a little bit disappointed that she's still pining for him because he sounds like a royal asshole, but I digress.

We have a board expression around here called "Keep The Pussy Rolling," which is what many men do on the issue of kids. They are content to keep you around, and keep riding the pussy express, until they find a replacement.

I applaud you, Maggie, for dumping this guy's ass and telling him the train stops here. Not many people have the courage. Brava.


Original "keep the pussy rolling thread" plus Bonus SlumSlut Favorite Thread

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bell_flower
Original "keep the pussy rolling thread" plus Bonus SlumSlut Favorite Thread

Always fun to see old threads SlumSlut linked to this thread as one of her favorites in the one you mentioned.

All of these relationship ones should be linked together, although in this case the OP already made the right choice. :yr

oh my god, maggie, you dodge a bullet!
we should throw an online party for raindancemaggie :bal congratulation on dumping his sorry ass. breeder guy doesn't deserve a cool, CF woman. I hope you're able to put yourself together again in no time smile

makes me wonder how to spot breederific guy who only pretend to be childfree.

I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup. Two years is a long time to have spent with someone. But you have time on your side - to spend by yourself getting to feel better, then to eventually (if you want to) meet someone else. Like someone said upthread, the concept of CF is more likely to be familiar and/or appealing to men 25 to 30, so you have a deeper pond to fish in than if you were older.

But I still don't understand this nonsense about "you'd have a baby with me if you loved me." Does he think sterilization can be reversed by "love"? Sheesh.

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felisdomestica
oh my god, maggie, you dodge a bullet!
we should throw an online party for raindancemaggie :bal congratulation on dumping his sorry ass. breeder guy doesn't deserve a cool, CF woman. I hope you're able to put yourself together again in no time smile

makes me wonder how to spot breederific guy who only pretend to be childfree.

Don't tell them you are CF first. See how they respond to kyds and get their feelings on breeding before you show your cards. Of course this may be difficult if you are sterilized. That is what I don't get about this guy, he knew she had Essure. He was most likely being irrational because he had been hiding the truth and he just wasn't going to get what he wants.

My mistake was being very open from the beginning and getting a person who just went along because he wanted us to be compatible. Of course later the spark dims and the truth comes out and it's ugly. It often ends with them cheating on you with a breeder.

I'm sorry about your breakup. Even thought it's meant to be, I'm sure you're heartbroken. Just know you made the right choice and you'll be better off in the long run.

And it really sucks having to deal with condescending douchcanoes. You are not a child. You should be spoken to with love and respect.

"Don't let it happen to you! Don't believe anyone who says, "I know I said I wanted kids, but I want to be with you more. I'm willing to give it up." Suuuuuure they are. If they are a guy, they'll just stay with you until they find your replacement."

Been there, done that. Do not fall for it. Ex-husband said those exact words when we were engaged. After he divorced me, he married the first woman who would have him and who had most of the qualities on his little shopping list and they started having kids.

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yurble

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bell_flower
Original "keep the pussy rolling thread" plus Bonus SlumSlut Favorite Thread

Always fun to see old threads SlumSlut linked to this thread as one of her favorites in the one you mentioned.

All of these relationship ones should be linked together, although in this case the OP already made the right choice. :yr

Oh yeah, that "Girlfriend wants child or breakup" is my favorite wanna-breed vs. CF thread. There is no need to look any further for every classic example and every answer to every classic example. It also contains some vintage Amethusos* before she hopped on the religion-go-round and decided we were too negative for her.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

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spinstar
I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup. Two years is a long time to have spent with someone.

I disagree. Two years is about how long it takes to get to know what someone is really like in a relationship. There is this concept called "NRE", or "New Relationship Energy", which is basically a combination of endorphins and partners being on their best behaviour for each other. Sometimes the phase lasts a little longer, sometimes less than two years. I used to think that a year or two was quite an investment in a relationship also, but the real relationship doesn't even START until you're past that "trial" period. Also, the older I get, the less long any given period of time seems to feel. When I was in my 20's, it seemed like a LOOOONG time to wait a year or two for say, a lease to expire or something like that. Now, it doesn't seem like a long time to be thinking in terms of things being five or ten years into the future.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

rain- sorry to come late to the topic but just wanted to give you three cheers for sticking to your guns and making the right decision. I am sure it was not easy but in the long term you saved yourself a lot of hell.

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blondie

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felisdomestica
oh my god, maggie, you dodge a bullet!
we should throw an online party for raindancemaggie :bal congratulation on dumping his sorry ass. breeder guy doesn't deserve a cool, CF woman. I hope you're able to put yourself together again in no time smile

makes me wonder how to spot breederific guy who only pretend to be childfree.

Don't tell them you are CF first. See how they respond to kyds and get their feelings on breeding before you show your cards. Of course this may be difficult if you are sterilized. That is what I don't get about this guy, he knew she had Essure. He was most likely being irrational because he had been hiding the truth and he just wasn't going to get what he wants.

My mistake was being very open from the beginning and getting a person who just went along because he wanted us to be compatible. Of course later the spark dims and the truth comes out and it's ugly. It often ends with them cheating on you with a breeder.

This is all very good information for a young woman like me to know. This thread has been more educational to me about relationships and men and breeding than any class I've ever taken in high school or college. This ought to be required reading.

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peace-n-quiet

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blondie

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felisdomestica
oh my god, maggie, you dodge a bullet!
we should throw an online party for raindancemaggie :bal congratulation on dumping his sorry ass. breeder guy doesn't deserve a cool, CF woman. I hope you're able to put yourself together again in no time smile

makes me wonder how to spot breederific guy who only pretend to be childfree.

Don't tell them you are CF first. See how they respond to kyds and get their feelings on breeding before you show your cards. Of course this may be difficult if you are sterilized. That is what I don't get about this guy, he knew she had Essure. He was most likely being irrational because he had been hiding the truth and he just wasn't going to get what he wants.

My mistake was being very open from the beginning and getting a person who just went along because he wanted us to be compatible. Of course later the spark dims and the truth comes out and it's ugly. It often ends with them cheating on you with a breeder.

This is all very good information for a young woman like me to know. This thread has been more educational to me about relationships and men and breeding than any class I've ever taken in high school or college. This ought to be required reading.

I've been in a few shitty relationships, but never once have I ever thought I would consider having a kid just to keep a relationship. And I've never pretended. It's always, "If you think you want a kid or ever decide you want one, you better find someone else to have it for you because it won't be me."

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

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Blondie
My mistake was being very open from the beginning and getting a person who just went along because he wanted us to be compatible. Of course later the spark dims and the truth comes out and it's ugly. It often ends with them cheating on you with a breeder.

Thanks Blondie! next time I am in the dating pool, I am going to use your advice

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spinstar
Don't believe anyone who says, "I know I said I wanted kids, but I want to be with you more. I'm willing to give it up."

my boyfriend once said that to me. alert.

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SlumSlut
"If you think you want a kid or ever decide you want one, you better find someone else to have it for you because it won't be me."

this.

Thanks guys! It's hard for sure, but I'm pulling through it. hankyou

I am all moved in to my new place, just been preoccupying myself with work and stuff like that. Definitely wasn't expecting things to end like this, but who does? I'm just very glad I dodged a bullet before getting in too deep.

One of our mutual friends has said that he already found a replacement. I seriously hope he's happy with his choice in life, because he doesn't deserve to have an independent, awesome CF chick if he's not CF himself. I just can't negotiate when it comes to breeders.

I'm a bit late to this too, just wanted to offer my thoughts and support

You did the right thing!

I can't believe he's already with someone else, too. To me, this does go to show that you did dodge a bullet.

Way to stay strong, Maggie, and take control of the very awesome life that is your life and only yours! We're really proud of you!

:partay

Bumping this thread because it has the classic "keep the pussy rolling" thread link & a link to the Bella Married No Kids forum.

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bell_flower
Bumping this thread because it has the classic "keep the pussy rolling" thread link & a link to the Bella Married No Kids forum.

Looks like I have some good reading to do.

Telling you that if you loved him, you'd want to have kids with him is the ultimate guilt trip to lay on somebody. You can't respect somebody who would say that to you, when he KNOWS you're CF and essured, to boot.

This guy was hoping he could sway you around to his way of thinking and bake his loaf. What, did he think your tubes could be uncorked like a champagne bottle?

Think what might have happened had you not had the essure. This thunderdouche might have sabotaged your birth control to try to oops you!

I know it hurts, but in the long run you'll be much better off without this asshat. Think of him in 5 years from now, with a screamig loaf or three, looking morose and miserable. Meanwhile, you're still young, pretty, and have a life free of screaming brats.

AND OF COURSE I posted in this thread WITHOUT reading it in its entirety or checking the thread dates!!

GAH, I'm so stupid sometimes!

z