Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,979 |
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Moooooo
After so many years of being in the pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding cycle I sometimes wonder if my body is now hardwired this way, caught on a loop. Or is having another baby the easy thing to do, the comfortable choice? Nudging my business along and stepping out into the world as a professional would be the most challenging thing I could do in life right now – it is the area holding the most potential for self growth.
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Moooooo
My husband is not keen for another baby, and now that our youngest is a toddler life has become that little bit easier. We can go out at night. We can take on more commitments and begin to work more purposefully toward our goals. We are enjoying the extra freedom, I am enjoying it. Then there is the financial pressure of another mouth to feed, and the social pressure that looks down on large families as the resources of our planet are gradually stretched.
But my heart, and that urge that flicks on like a switch but feels impossible to switch off. I am between a rock and a hard place – scared to rock the boat and the balance we have achieved by giving into my deep yearnings, and scared that I will one day be living with regret about not following my heart.
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Moooooo
I knew I hadn’t hurt my eldest when I put her in her booster seat, at least not physically. What left me shaking was not just the adrenaline rush but the disturbing, painfully clear realization that I had wanted to hurt her, and that it had taken an alarming amount of restraint to not hit her. In some horrible, dark corner of my heart, I wanted her to suffer and feel ashamed
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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Cambion
http://www.mothering.com/articles/urge-another-baby/
First one is a Moo of five who is feeling that familiar quivering and frothing in her loins now that her youngest has been weaned. She started at 23 and her eldest is 15, meaning Moo herself is pushing 40. Not a good time to breed again.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,201 |
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Moo #1
Nudging my business along and stepping out into the world as a professional would be the most challenging thing I could do in life right now – it is the area holding the most potential for self growth.
Anonymous User
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 |
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Cambion
Just because you get an urge doesn't mean you have to act on it. That's the great thing about being a human being (an allegedly intelligent life form): you have the mental capacity to think about shit and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision rather than acting on impulses. Ten bucks says she "convinces" Duh to have another one (read: oopses him).
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 1,706 |
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If women didn't have their kids, they might be expected to develop an identity outside their kids. They might have to deal with their husbands as a real adult facing another adult, and negotiate the relationship they want, rather than manipulating or guilting their husbands into what they want because the are The Mama.
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After so many years of being in the pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding cycle I sometimes wonder if my body is now hardwired this way, caught on a loop.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 04, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 1,706 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 935 |
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aliceblue
Bitch needs to read this article before her marriage is fucked for good.
http://www.salon.com/2015/04/01/i_called_him_pathetic_he_accused_me_of_ruining_his_life_what_children_did_to_our_marriage/
larious in the loins that the Moooothering moos seem to have that just compels them to neeeeeed to be preeeeeeeegnant. IDGI.Quote
Cambion
that familiar quivering and frothing
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,201 |
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We made the decision over a lunch of hamburgers and tears (mine). I don’t know how other couples navigate the rocky terrain of major marital disagreement, but we boiled it down to this: My desire for a third kid was greater than my husband’s desire not to have one. He was OK with the prospect of another child, at least in theory. But he couldn’t go back to diapers the color of mustard, to mewling cries in the dead of night. He made it clear to me that he didn’t have it in him to do that again.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 1,651 |
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night owl
So glad I must be missing whatever gene it is that makes me completely immune to that "siren call," or the "urges" akalarious in the loins that the Moooothering moos seem to have that just compels them to neeeeeed to be preeeeeeeegnant. IDGI.Quote
Cambion
that familiar quivering and frothing
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,788 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 294 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,430 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,735 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,979 |
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bell_flower
If women didn't have their kids, they might be expected to develop an identity outside their kids. They might have to deal with their husbands as a real adult facing another adult, and negotiate the relationship they want, rather than manipulating or guilting their husbands into what they want because the are The Mama.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 05, 2015 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,788 |
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catharsist
Vasectomy. They're both stupid. Honestly, I think it's hilarious that they had twins. What a shitshow!
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,578 |
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Cambion
Negotiation, discussing things, having a personality and an identity all their own... these are all marks of an adult, but they all also require special effort that some women are not willing to put forth. It's just easier to spread and sluice because the title of Mommy is relatable (in the sense that so many other women are Moos), it's an easy role to fill, there's plenty of support, you get more welfare benefits, and breeding is Just What You Do When You Grow UpTM.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 260 |
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StudioFiftyFour
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Cambion
http://www.mothering.com/articles/urge-another-baby/
First one is a Moo of five who is feeling that familiar quivering and frothing in her loins now that her youngest has been weaned. She started at 23 and her eldest is 15, meaning Moo herself is pushing 40. Not a good time to breed again.
Don't these people ever think of their lives in linear terms? By the time the kid goes off to college, she'll be pushing 60 years old. And then what? While all of your friends are discussing retirement, you're going to be starting a business?
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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amethyst114
From what I can tell, the answer is NO. All the moos think of their widdle babby as an infant forever, and some of the duhs do too - especially with girl-sprogs. In fact, I kind of this this is a tell-tale sign of a future breeder - can you look at something and see the long term or are you forever seeing the "here & now, as long as it's infantilized." If you can envision something 20+ years in the future, and it doesn't involve grandbrats, congrats you might not be a breeder!
Actually, from what I can tell, long term linear thinking is a problem for most people, which probably explains why most people are breeders. A good friend of mine just bought a business (she took it over from her former boss) and her long term thinking just isn't there right now. *Everything* is here and now. I think the longest she's thought into the future is a couple of weeks. It's driving me crazy. And she is 33, with no kids (although she does have 4 doggies), and is nearly killing herself to keep this *already established* business running and afloat. Breederwoman up there? She hasn't got a chance. She has a better chance of being accepted here than running a successful business. And I know what this place would do to her. mob :satan wink
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,788 |
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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evilchildlessbitch
Studio, I agree with your assessment of the numerous idiots who are failing to launch. However, I don't have so much a problem with waiting to breed as I do waiting to become an adult. Part of this is the Lifescript idea that one grows up between 18 and 21, is married by 25 and breeding within the next few years. I don't think marriage or breeding are signs of adulthood but I am fucking sick to death of people who won't start their own lives until their late twenties and "boomerang" back by the early thirties. I'm not talking about people who are caring for ailing parents or grandparents (and yay to my husband who approved the dependent relocation benefit for his single, CF employee who was primary caretaker to his elderly grandfather) or people who are disabled. I don't think not marrying, not spawning, spending money on hobbies or travel rather than brats makes one a child. I do think being a permanent dependent for no reason other than a personal choice is crap (and no, I'm not talking about a multi generation household where all contribute, I'm talking about people who contribute nothing to the household as if they were still 15).
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,788 |
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StudioFiftyFour
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evilchildlessbitch
Studio, I agree with your assessment of the numerous idiots who are failing to launch. However, I don't have so much a problem with waiting to breed as I do waiting to become an adult. Part of this is the Lifescript idea that one grows up between 18 and 21, is married by 25 and breeding within the next few years. I don't think marriage or breeding are signs of adulthood but I am fucking sick to death of people who won't start their own lives until their late twenties and "boomerang" back by the early thirties. I'm not talking about people who are caring for ailing parents or grandparents (and yay to my husband who approved the dependent relocation benefit for his single, CF employee who was primary caretaker to his elderly grandfather) or people who are disabled. I don't think not marrying, not spawning, spending money on hobbies or travel rather than brats makes one a child. I do think being a permanent dependent for no reason other than a personal choice is crap (and no, I'm not talking about a multi generation household where all contribute, I'm talking about people who contribute nothing to the household as if they were still 15).
ecb, Let me be clear in that I am in no way endorsing any kind of a LifeScript (TM) pathway. I do not care what kind of lifestyle people choose to live. What I certainly do believe is that there will be a lot of dysfunction and resentment in the LifeScript if current trends continue and the late 30s/early 40s breeding carries on.
Hypothetically, at age 40, the pahrunts breed and think that little Johnny is going to grow up to be wonderful. Twenty years later, he's not in college and is smoking pot in the basement, where he lives. They were expecting a "cancer curer" and instead got a LifeScript which they had not at all anticipated. What kind of resentment is that going to fuel? They're 60 years old and wanting to spend their time and energy on some of the things you've mentioned--travel and hobbies--and instead, they're dealing with a dependent who is unlikely to leave anytime soon. And with automation being what we think it will be in 2035, there will be significantly fewer decent wage jobs and significantly more Johnny's!
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 06, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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evilchildlessbitch
I am in no way endorsing "Lifescript" but I am endorsing independence. There comes a time where nobody is owed food, shelter and praise just for being born. I am not talking about people who are disabled due to conditions at birth, due to life experiences or age. But yeah, a 30 year old who still feels "owed" something for being above ground and sucking air? No. There comes a point at which parental obligation ends. People should be taking care of themselves by the mid twenties. This whole assuming a childlike dependent role until 40 while wanting adult rights at 18 is something I am over. We are all the captains of our own ship. With that right comes responsibility.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 07, 2015 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,201 |
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There comes a point at which parental obligation ends. People should be taking care of themselves by the mid twenties.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 07, 2015 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
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bell_flower
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There comes a point at which parental obligation ends. People should be taking care of themselves by the mid twenties.
This is a big difference between my generation (I am over 50) and the current generation. When I was 23 years old, I was fully self-supporting and not living in my parents' house. Back then, you WANTED to get out of your parents' house and it was expected they wanted you out too. When I moved out I lived in a crummy apartment (but it was clean, at least my room was) and was self-supporting. I looked for happy hours with free food. I had roommates.. I struggled financially but it taught me to live on less for the Greater Good. I do the same now because I want to retire.
Re: Smothering articles: spawning again and postpartum rage April 07, 2015 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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Dorisan
The youngsters talk about how hard it is today: a poor job market, big college loans to pay off, a higher cost of living .. but each generation has its difficulties becoming fledged. I was paying 17% interest on my car loan, took a job in the mail room at a corporation that had a data center I wanted to break into. I had to work up from there. I ate a lot of bologna and Hamburger Helper, to the extent that I can't bear to have those things in my house, today.
*shrug* It was simply considered The Thing to Do. Part of the American Dream, I guess, which is something that few folks feel exists, today. And it probably doesn't, not as defined by previous generations. But, living in very sketchy circumstances can be survived. I fault today's parents for thinking that their offspring simply wouldn't be able to get along on their own unless they had the same standard of living independently as they did when they were the responsibility of the parents. It won't kill young people to live a hand-to-mouth existence for several years, if that's what it takes to be independent.