Why moms cheat on their man the day after Mother's Day

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kidlesskim




The acts of marriage and divorce themselves don't make you a better person, but experiencing committed relationships and a subsequent breakup thereof can have a way of making you a better person. So, while divorce and marriage per se' don't "make you a better person", you can become a better person afterwards (or during) in the sense that by living through those experiences you have grown and perhaps changed your ways for the better, learned to understand what is truly important to you in your life, and come to terms with what is of value to you and what isn't regarding long term relationships. In many ways, you can learn to appreciate things which you had never realized existed until you have lived a different kind of life which was shared with another person on an intimate level, which I believe can make you a better person. The success or failure of a marriage isn't the only kind of relationship that can make you a better person, it's just part of the topic of this particular conversation, that's all.

The act of marriage or divorce or any relationship might make you wiser. It might make you more well learned. It might give a better sense of street smarts. It might give you a better understanding of the family court system. But it won't make you more ethical. That's something that comes from within. And if you "changed your ways for the better," that's great. But what about those that change their better ways for worse? While there's no way of compiling statistics on that particular issue, there is no doubt that it must affect at least some people, if not perhaps the percentage is just as great as those who did the opposite.

Getting married.
Having children.
Getting divorced.
Getting a blowjob.

None of the above make you any "better" than anyone else. If you're concerned about demonstrating personal ethics and value, go volunteer at an animal shelter. Give money to a good cause. Mentor a young person. Help an elderly person in need. But don't dare shove a wedding ring in anyone's face and talk about how much "better" you are than the next guy/gal. That's insulting and outrageous.

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WaterLily

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StudioFiftyFour

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Miss_Hannigan

Biderman says that he plans to step it up for his own wife even more this Mother's Day. "The ironic thing about running Ashley Madison is that I -- maybe more than any guy on the planet -- am so aware of what transpires when you neglect your partner," he says. "As a husband and father, I personally look forward to Mother's Day as an incredible opportunity to celebrate our family dynamic, my wife's dedication and our interpersonal relationship. I intend to make my wife smile from the moment she wakes up -- hopefully a bit later than usual -- to the moment she goes to bed ... with me!"

But even if your guy comes up short, Dr. Golland warns moms to think before they cheat. "Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation -- and add more carnage to your marital problems," she says. "The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal."

__________________________________

Marriage is an unnatural human institution, and it is failing and failing quickly. Statistics demonstrate this.

Adding children+internet access+Ashleymadison.com+A pussy-whipped man+A talking head psychotherapist only serves to illustrate this particular example as being even more dysfunctional than the institution itself.

I'm starting to think that your just a lame guy who can't get laid. You've told us 45435345,34543534,45435435 times that you are against coupledom. Stop repeating yourself and enough already. We got it the first time.

larious

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yurble
As I may have mentioned, I would prefer to see marriage be a purely social/religious matter between people who choose to pursue it, and for individuals to be able to enter into contracts with any other individuals to address issues that are now assumed as part of marriage (such as end-of-life decisions). So I think my views, StudioFiftyFour, are fairly close to your own on this topic. However, I do not see why you take such a negative attitude towards women whenever you bring up the topic of marriage.

And while I agree that marriage and divorce do not make you a better person, it seems clear to me that law1204 was speaking of the process of personal development and discovery which accompanied this. You enter into a long-term relationship in one state of mind, and, over the course of the relationship, you develop, and as the relationship ends you may also learn things which make you a better person. For instance, when you enter into a relationship you may learn to curb your selfishness, and when you end a relationship you may learn self-reliance.

I have to agree with Waterlily: it is getting a little old. I, for one, would appreciate a bit less misogyny (which was less evident on this thread, but has come out quite clearly on other threads) and less harping on about the wrongness of marriage when it doesn't relate to the thread. The women that this article is about could still cheat even if they were just living with someone and not married; thus it was not a thread about marriage but about romantic expectations.

Ahh... I'm not a misogynist. I'm all for equal opportunity, voting rights, job opportunities for women. No sweat there.

I did however come home from work today a little bit salty... so I was probably a little bit over the top in my comments. Of course that doesn't mean I have a license to blow off any of my own steam in someone else's face. Consider my apologies for semi-hijacking the thread.

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StudioFiftyFour

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kidlesskim




The acts of marriage and divorce themselves don't make you a better person, but experiencing committed relationships and a subsequent breakup thereof can have a way of making you a better person. So, while divorce and marriage per se' don't "make you a better person", you can become a better person afterwards (or during) in the sense that by living through those experiences you have grown and perhaps changed your ways for the better, learned to understand what is truly important to you in your life, and come to terms with what is of value to you and what isn't regarding long term relationships. In many ways, you can learn to appreciate things which you had never realized existed until you have lived a different kind of life which was shared with another person on an intimate level, which I believe can make you a better person. The success or failure of a marriage isn't the only kind of relationship that can make you a better person, it's just part of the topic of this particular conversation, that's all.

The act of marriage or divorce or any relationship might make you wiser. It might make you more well learned. It might give a better sense of street smarts. It might give you a better understanding of the family court system. But it won't make you more ethical. That's something that comes from within. And if you "changed your ways for the better," that's great. But what about those that change their better ways for worse? While there's no way of compiling statistics on that particular issue, there is no doubt that it must affect at least some people, if not perhaps the percentage is just as great as those who did the opposite.

Getting married.
Having children.
Getting divorced.
Getting a blowjob.

None of the above make you any "better" than anyone else. If you're concerned about demonstrating personal ethics and value, go volunteer at an animal shelter. Give money to a good cause. Mentor a young person. Help an elderly person in need. But don't dare shove a wedding ring in anyone's face and talk about how much "better" you are than the next guy/gal. That's insulting and outrageous.

You're misunderstanding what was meant. Living through relationships, in this case marriage or divorce is the subject at hand, have made me a better person than I was before, NOT a better person than someone else. Walking outside on a pretty day makes me feel like a better person than I was before I did it, NOT better than anyone else who has not. I did, lived through, witnessed, etc......MANY things before I ever got married that I believe made me a better person before I did/lived through/witnessed whatever it was at the time. I don't believe that anyone has said that being married or having been married makes them a better person than the next guy, only better people than they were before having lived through the experience, which in this case was marriage.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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StudioFiftyFour
Ahh... I'm not a misogynist. I'm all for equal opportunity, voting rights, job opportunities for women. No sweat there.

That's also what I would like: equal rights and responsibilities for men and women.

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StudioFiftyFour
I did however come home from work today a little bit salty... so I was probably a little bit over the top in my comments. Of course that doesn't mean I have a license to blow off any of my own steam in someone else's face. Consider my apologies for semi-hijacking the thread.

It's not my thread, but nonetheless thank you for toning it down a bit. I have no problem if people want to complain about certain types of women, but I just don't want to see it generalized to all women. That offends most of the women here, because we do not embody the characteristics you object to, and in fact feel that women who favor female entitlement give the rest of us a bad name.

For me, the article's findings are hilarious simply because they reflect so much hypocrisy that we always knew was there (super-happy couplettes aside!).

It's not about the day. It's not about Valentine's DAY. Or Mothers' DAY. Or New Years DAY. And the ensuing disappointments that occur in that 24-hr period. It's about 365-day a year seething, brewing, stewing resentment and disrespect that festers in relationships and particularly childed relationships where there is MORE to resent, MORE to disrespect, MORE disappointment and no escape because of all the crying kiddie-kins. In other words, the so-called 'disappointment' (which comes as no fucking surprise) is used as an EXCUSE to pursue other partners.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Thanks kidlesskim and yurble for sharing your perspectives and fleshing out my original statements better. As for me, all I can say is having to go thru divorce made me closely examine what mistakes I made and how to be a better partner going forward. That may not happen for everyone, but I know a lot of people for whom it DID happen, which gives the lie to the idea that "marriage is a failure." It decidedly is not.

But don't dare shove a wedding ring in anyone's face and talk about how much "better" you are than the next guy/gal.

No one here said that and I don't think anyone here WOULD say that. If you've discovered that you are better off single or that relationships are beyond your abilities, well hooray for you.

As an aside, I fail to see why you are so upset about a married couple invoking the power of the law to protect their assets, most of which is what marriage is for. Ask the gays if you don't believe me.

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law1204
Thanks kidlesskim and yurble for sharing your perspectives and fleshing out my original statements better. As for me, all I can say is having to go thru divorce made me closely examine what mistakes I made and how to be a better partner going forward. That may not happen for everyone, but I know a lot of people for whom it DID happen, which gives the lie to the idea that "marriage is a failure." It decidedly is not.

But don't dare shove a wedding ring in anyone's face and talk about how much "better" you are than the next guy/gal.

No one here said that and I don't think anyone here WOULD say that. If you've discovered that you are better off single or that relationships are beyond your abilities, well hooray for you.

As an aside, I fail to see why you are so upset about a married couple invoking the power of the law to protect their assets, most of which is what marriage is for. Ask the gays if you don't believe me.

You're welcome! I think that StudioFiftyFour doesn't know or perhaps has never heard the phrase, "Doing that made me a better person", since he thought that this means the unspoken finish to that sentence would be......than anyone else. I hadn't realized when I used that expression that it was not commonplace or that it was possible that someone had never heard it. Honestly, I thought that the meaning of, "it made me a better person.." was CK (Common Knowledge, for those who may have not heard of that expression either)

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Unbelievable. "The dating website for married people..." whoa, whoa, stop right there. I'm not talking about polyamorous couples or swingers who have worked out an arrangement that works for them. "The dating website for married people"? Um. You're MARRIED. Remember the "for better or for worse" part? There was no "and date if you want to if your shriveled ego didn't get fed on some made-up holiday" part, sorry. Ridiculous.

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clematis
Unbelievable. "The dating website for married people..." whoa, whoa, stop right there. I'm not talking about polyamorous couples or swingers who have worked out an arrangement that works for them. "The dating website for married people"? Um. You're MARRIED. Remember the "for better or for worse" part? There was no "and date if you want to if your shriveled ego didn't get fed on some made-up holiday" part, sorry. Ridiculous.

This. Practice FIDELITY when your in a lifetime committed relationship to the one person your committed to. Not the whole bar, or website full of people. Sheesh.

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lab mom

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thursdaynext
I'm missing something here aren't I?

Mother's day for me is when you give your mum (and in my family- grandma) a present, card, meal, whatever.

I've never even heard of the men making an effort for their wives/SOs.

Is this an American thing, or is my Dad just an ungrateful bastard? (Wouldn't surprise me lol)

That is how it is meant to be. Breeders have made it to a day of 'worship me, I bred!!!!!' It's more attention whoring, ass kissing, narcissism and martyrdom for breeders.

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lab mom

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WaterLily

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thursdaynext
I'm missing something here aren't I?

Mother's day for me is when you give your mum (and in my family- grandma) a present, card, meal, whatever.

I've never even heard of the men making an effort for their wives/SOs.

Is this an American thing, or is my Dad just an ungrateful bastard? (Wouldn't surprise me lol)

That is how it is meant to be. Breeders have made it to a day of 'worship me, I bred!!!!!' It's more attention whoring, ass kissing, narcissism and martyrdom for breeders.

And I don't even do that (my SO's mother, of course, demands gifts). I'm sure my mother would prefer a charitable donation in her name, or a phone call, more than anything I could possibly buy her.

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WaterLily

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StudioFiftyFour

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Miss_Hannigan

Biderman says that he plans to step it up for his own wife even more this Mother's Day. "The ironic thing about running Ashley Madison is that I -- maybe more than any guy on the planet -- am so aware of what transpires when you neglect your partner," he says. "As a husband and father, I personally look forward to Mother's Day as an incredible opportunity to celebrate our family dynamic, my wife's dedication and our interpersonal relationship. I intend to make my wife smile from the moment she wakes up -- hopefully a bit later than usual -- to the moment she goes to bed ... with me!"

But even if your guy comes up short, Dr. Golland warns moms to think before they cheat. "Cheating on your spouse will only further complicate a challenging situation -- and add more carnage to your marital problems," she says. "The damage created by an affair is very difficult to repair. That is not to say that repair after infidelity is impossible, but to rebuild the trust after such a traumatic event is hard. Statistics show that many marriages do not survive this level of betrayal."

__________________________________

Marriage is an unnatural human institution, and it is failing and failing quickly. Statistics demonstrate this.

Adding children+internet access+Ashleymadison.com+A pussy-whipped man+A talking head psychotherapist only serves to illustrate this particular example as being even more dysfunctional than the institution itself.

I'm starting to think that your just a lame guy who can't get laid. You've told us 45435345,34543534,45435435 times that you are against coupledom. Stop repeating yourself and enough already. We got it the first time.

Hey, not everyone are FOR coupledom.

In fact, I am single by choice and I don't believe in the fairy tale of "true love" and that EVERYONE are destined to meet their "one and only" someday - whether they want it or not, sounds like. In fact, it's actually a "bingo" to the happily single that can be as bad as "oh, you'll desperately WANT to have a little baby with your beloved one day!"

But it looks like every childfree person on board are married or in a relationship, though.

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yurble
As I may have mentioned, I would prefer to see marriage be a purely social/religious matter between people who choose to pursue it, and for individuals to be able to enter into contracts with any other individuals to address issues that are now assumed as part of marriage (such as end-of-life decisions).

Works for me, which is why I wish people would get over their ridiculous stance against same sex unions. Jiminy cricket, I would have been fine if Dh and I had been able to merely declare that we intend to be life partners and that all legal decisions and most financial transactions we accede to the judgment of our partner if necessary - as in when Dh had a stroke and was not considered lucid enough to make decisions about his care. The only reason we went before a preacher was to placate my mother-in-law -- a STRONG Southern Baptist. Dh saw how wrathful she got when his brother became a father barely 6 months into his marriage - proof that he had been in "a sinful state"; I *shrugged* and said "sure, whatever keeps her from nagging us."

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Banshee
Hey, not everyone are FOR coupledom.

In fact, I am single by choice and I don't believe in the fairy tale of "true love" and that EVERYONE are destined to meet their "one and only" someday - whether they want it or not, sounds like. In fact, it's actually a "bingo" to the happily single that can be as bad as "oh, you'll desperately WANT to have a little baby with your beloved one day!"

But it looks like every childfree person on board are married or in a relationship, though.

I am in a relationship at the moment, but that could change, and I'm sure I would be fine on my own, as I have been in the past. I don't believe in destiny and most of my relationships have a 4-5 year lifespan, which I'm okay with. I think there are plenty of different ways to be content, be it being alone, being with one person for a long time, being with many people serially, or being with multiple people at the same time. It depends on the individual. Of course I've known desperate single people, but I've also known plenty who have been content to be single and preferred that, and I've known people in relationships who would have been happier single.

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Dorisan
Works for me, which is why I wish people would get over their ridiculous stance against same sex unions. Jiminy cricket, I would have been fine if Dh and I had been able to merely declare that we intend to be life partners and that all legal decisions and most financial transactions we accede to the judgment of our partner if necessary - as in when Dh had a stroke and was not considered lucid enough to make decisions about his care. The only reason we went before a preacher was to placate my mother-in-law -- a STRONG Southern Baptist. Dh saw how wrathful she got when his brother became a father barely 6 months into his marriage - proof that he had been in "a sinful state"; I *shrugged* and said "sure, whatever keeps her from nagging us."

Fortunately I live in a country where same-sex marriage is legal, but I nonetheless feel that the current system is discriminatory towards people who don't fit into the traditional notion of couplehood. Allowing gays and lesbians to marry is one step in the right direction, but it doesn't go far enough. What about people who want to stay single, but have a close friend in charge of end-of-life decisions? What about the polyamorous, who may want to give several romantic relationships legal backing? That's why I support the idea of contracts. The state only needs to be involved in personal relationships when it touches on issues like immigration.

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yurble

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Dorisan
Works for me, which is why I wish people would get over their ridiculous stance against same sex unions. Jiminy cricket, I would have been fine if Dh and I had been able to merely declare that we intend to be life partners and that all legal decisions and most financial transactions we accede to the judgment of our partner if necessary - as in when Dh had a stroke and was not considered lucid enough to make decisions about his care. The only reason we went before a preacher was to placate my mother-in-law -- a STRONG Southern Baptist. Dh saw how wrathful she got when his brother became a father barely 6 months into his marriage - proof that he had been in "a sinful state"; I *shrugged* and said "sure, whatever keeps her from nagging us."

Fortunately I live in a country where same-sex marriage is legal, but I nonetheless feel that the current system is discriminatory towards people who don't fit into the traditional notion of couplehood. Allowing gays and lesbians to marry is one step in the right direction, but it doesn't go far enough. What about people who want to stay single, but have a close friend in charge of end-of-life decisions? What about the polyamorous, who may want to give several romantic relationships legal backing? That's why I support the idea of contracts. The state only needs to be involved in personal relationships when it touches on issues like immigration.

I believe that by far THE most discriminatory practice regarding this subject, which is sanctioned by The United States government, is denying "survivor"social security benefits to ANYONE except a "legal" widow/widower and/or their kyds. Even in states where same sex marriage and/or same sex unions are legal the federal government still does NOT recognize them regarding social security survivor benefits. The second place winner for discrimination goes to health insurance. While a handful of health insurance companies are voluntarily allowing life partners to be placed on employee policies, it is NOT required and the vast majority do NOT allow it. These same companies will "cover" a new spouse of an employee added to a policy who had 20 kyds before they were married, and all of their subsequent pregnancies and of course THOSE kyds as well. SO not right! Aetna Insurance would NOT include my live in boyfriend on my policy UNTIL we were married, which is ALSO wrong.

What's even MORE fucked up are these state laws regarding stepbrats and health insurance. I'm not familiar with state laws except in Alabama regarding stepbrats because that's where it affected me at one time in the past, but many other states probably have similar laws, if not all! In that state, a divorce does NOT legally sever the step-parent-stepbrat relationship so therefore, a prior moo can legally place her biological kyd on the fucking health insurance of an EX husband who was nothing more than a step parent to that kyd at one time, regardless of how long ago or for how short a period of time that they had been married. I was married to a man for TEN YEARS who STILL had an ex-wife's bio-kyd on his health insurance with BXBS! Yet, that same company, BXBS, will NOT allow life partners to be added onto a policy, period, NOR will they allow an ex-spouse to continue to pay premiums and be covered, ONLY a step brat!!!!!! :sbx

However, an Ex-spouse can legally continue to carry life insurance on an ex-spouse as long as he pays the premiums because divorce does not legally sever his "insurable interest" EVEN IF no brats are involved! Even IF the Ex-spouse does NOT want to continue to have their life insured with Ex-Bastard husbands listed as beneficiary, if HE owns that policy they are shit out of luck!!!! There are some incredibly fucked up laws when it comes to insurance policies and there needs to be a complete overhaul on a federal level to make laws and regulations fair to ALL concerned, across the board. IMO.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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Banshee
But it looks like every childfree person on board are married or in a relationship, though.

I think it's because when you're paired off, people naturally assume you're going to have kids, so the married CF people get bingoed more often (especially with the "Why did you get married if you're not going to have kids?" chestnut.)

I only got married because I like having the fucker around, and he's a good cook. Isn't that enough?

Kim, what can I say, except that I'm glad those aren't issues where I live. The discrimination you mentioned in the first paragraph simply doesn't exist.

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Miss_Hannigan

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Banshee
But it looks like every childfree person on board are married or in a relationship, though.

I think it's because when you're paired off, people naturally assume you're going to have kids, so the married CF people get bingoed more often (especially with the "Why did you get married if you're not going to have kids?" chestnut.)

I only got married because I like having the fucker around, and he's a good cook. Isn't that enough?

Same here. Me, too. I also like the fact that if I'm in the hospital and either one of us is in surgery, we can be their for each other, not just our parents. It's that OK with you? Or is this some illegal unspoken sin?

This topic was about breeder women having a conniption on moos day, and having spasms over whether or not their own husbands were kissing their ass enough, and this alone causing some of these selfish moos to have emotional affairs with someone other than their husband.

Now chill. I'm not against anyone being independent. I'm all for it. It means your strong.

Yes, I've been bingoed.
Breeder: "Do you have kids", (me, with dh, obviously I'm coupled, not following life-script, being a rebel)
Me: "No",
Breeder: THAT'S WEIRD!

Talk about tacky.

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lab mom

I'm not about falling into the commercial "trap" for hallmark days, such a V-Day. I just ask for chocolates, and that's it. Husband and I do dessert after a home-made meal, that's it.

It's just another day, like moo and duh day, to get money from your wallet. I don't ask to have my husband kiss my ass all day, while he gets nothing in return. We are a 50/50 equal coupled-om, and we give each other 100%. I don't see many breeders doing this for each other. The moos in the article website get bent over shape, when their day was meant (really, truthfully) for them spend the day with their kids - what a parent should do.

ETA: Don't even get me started on those phony "every kiss begins with K" or other cheesy jewelry advertisements aimed to steal your money. C'mon give me a break. Love (whether married or not) is not about trying to break the damn bank. If this is what the breeder bitches are demanding on their spayshal day, they have issues. No wonder their husbands ignore them.

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lab mom

Even though I'm married I still can't really wrap my brain around Vallentine's Day. I mean just look at the initials -VD day.
And look at it from a CF perspective. It's a Hallmark Holiday celebrating a perverted juvenile delinquent flitting around on gossamer wings committing assaults with a deadly weapon! Oh and encouraging unsafe sex! And let's not forget the encouragement of teen sex and pregnancy!
everything about it says trailer park!

why I bet the little perv can sing Gretchen Wilson songs in Greek and Latin...

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thom_c
Even though I'm married I still can't really wrap my brain around Vallentine's Day. I mean just look at the initials -VD day.

Rev. Barky and I really don't celebrate Valentine's Day, either. What are we going to do - go out to dinner, and listen to some brat scream? Go to a movie, and listen to some brat scream? Buy a present, and listen to some brat scream that it wants the present? Go into the hot tub with drinks? Well... :beer

FFS, they should at least make it always fall on a weekend! What's the sense of "going out" on a workday night?

It's just a scam anyway to bilk you out of your money, and this article was one of the most depressing I have ever read.

I was never into V-Day either...the way I see it, I don't need a fucking holiday telling me I can tell someone (SO or otherwise) that I care about them. I can do that any day of the week, any month of the year. I know one year, my friend and I did V-Day stuff...nothing romantic, but just used it as an excuse to gorge ourselves on a cookie cake and get Chinese food. it was a Saturday and we took the bus to downtown Shitsburgh and walked through a goddamn snowstorm to get our food. But it was still a lot of fun, especially passing out in the library after lunch.

I digress...Valentine's Day, much like almost every other holiday, is just a bullshit way for companies to make money off suckers who want to get their honey-poos food and gifts (like those red and pink stuffed dolls CVS likes to sell for V-Day). I even hated Valentine's Day in school because if you didn't give every single kid in class a card, you weren't allowed to give out cards at all.

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Cambion
I digress...Valentine's Day, much like almost every other holiday, is just a bullshit way for companies to make money off suckers who want to get their honey-poos food and gifts (like those red and pink stuffed dolls CVS likes to sell for V-Day). I even hated Valentine's Day in school because if you didn't give every single kid in class a card, you weren't allowed to give out cards at all.

We had that rule too--in grade school. But in high school it wasn't a rule anymore. They would bring these slips to class to tell people that they had flowers to pick up after school. It was just wonderful for those of us who were unpopular to see other people accumulate stacks of notes. (Quick! Social exclusion! Get the parental pro-lice patrol onto it straight away!) Anyhow, I have absolutely no doubt that the kind of girls who were once receiving bouquets of roses from numerous admirers are now the ones who feel that they deserve diamonds for Valentine's Day and something equally expensive for Mother's Day.