Anyone here who chose not to be in a relationship?

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blondie
I would however, like to see the laws changed so that someone other than a legal spouse can be assigned ALL the same rights and status as a spouse.

So would I.

OT a bit, but this talk of friends with benefits and prostitution made me think of it. I can't help but believe that some stay at home moms are nothing more than hookers. They receive pay for being a sperm receptacle and baybee incubator in the form of shelter, food, and clothing. Some may argue that point, but it sure seems like that's all that it is since they don't contribute financially to the marriage in any way, never have, and likely never will. Where there is an imbalance of power in a relationship, and the controller of the money generally has the "power", then that is one definition of prostitution, IMO. If it was the fairy tale love story that many moos would have us to believe, then why do so many of their husbands cheat with the newest model, move on, and leave them destitute if they possibly can?

I have actually been on dates where I felt like that the man thought I was a prostitute and that feeling is based on their indirect commentary, body language, and actual actions. Some men actually believe that if they pay for a date, then they are entitled to sex. THIS is why that I have always preferred it that I contribute equally when going out with an acquaintance or someone who I didn't know very well. I don't know why that some men behave in this manner because it would have been a lot easier and cheaper just to have gone out and outright paid for a hooker. I suppose that they don't want to get arrested, so they just try this John-Hooker stunt on a "regular" woman.

Sadly, they may have had past experiences that caused them to believe that this was a good and acceptable tactic to get laid. It takes a HELL of a lot more than a dinner and a movie for me to get naked. Besides, I can buy dinner and a movie (or whatever) for MYSELF and not have to "put out" for every Tom, Dick, and Harry. :sx

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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Tiquer

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blondie
I would however, like to see the laws changed so that someone other than a legal spouse can be assigned ALL the same rights and status as a spouse.

So would I.

Add me to that list. I'd like to get rid of all legal aspects of marriage, and replace it with contract law. Adults can then enter into contracts with whatever other adults they want. Have a best friend responsible for your end-of-life decisions? Fine. Agree to mutual financial support in your five-person polyamorous household? Fine. Just don't expect any tax breaks or other special perks from the government for any of your choices.

I am amazed that I am married, because I don't care for "typical marriages." That shouldn't be a surprise, because I'm not a "typical woman," aka Breeder WannaBe Cow who is looking to latch onto some guy and have him pay her way. DH and I are most definitely not in a typical marriage, and I'm thankful for that. We don't have chore wars because I insisted on a housekeeper (we split the cost) every other week. I do more inside, simply because I care more, but I wasn't buying that "I'll do the outside and you can do the inside" routine, because how many times does he have to mow the lawn in December?

If I have sex with him, it's because I want to. Just because I'm married, it doesn't mean I have to do something I don't want to do.

We are both introverted people. We each need our private time and space and we live in a house that allows us to live that way. One of my best friends has been married 30+ years to the same man. If she has to run to the store and get some socks, she won't be going alone. They are always smooching on each other. That would drive me freaking nuts--"total togetherness" would make me psycho. (It's the same reason I don't want a kid--who wants a human Velcroed onto you 24/7?) DH has definitely never seen me pee or poop, nor will he ever. I lived with a guy who thought that partners should watch each other pee and poop because it was part of being close. Excuse me? Why do you think I want to watch you take a shit?

The point is, some people will try to foist their version of life on other people, all in the name of "this is how it's supposed to be when you are in a relationship or mahwied," when it's really about their being in control. I couldn't stand to have someone micro-manage my every move and watch what I am doing all the time.

Thankfully, things aren't that way now. For one thing, I didn't want any surprises, see discussion about previous marriage. Surprises are good on your birthday, when you are getting a party or a piece of jewelry, but they are not good when you find out something about your now-spouse that you didn't know. DH was more jazzed about getting married than I was, and I made him wait 4 years. We lived separately for 3.5 years. We've been together 8 years, married for four and I was just thinking the other day how different things are. In my previous marriage I knew things were going downhill the first year. Well, I didn't want to admit it. I'd just think, gosh, this new factoid or behavior is going to be hard to live with for the next 30 years. These days, the longer my marriage goes on, it seems to be getting better.

In regards to being single versus being married, I've always felt neither state is perfectly happy and it's not a "one size fits all." Life is what you make of it. I do think it's crappy that people give the married and the childed more status. (This is why I contribute to Unmarried America.)

I work for a woman who is in a shitty marriage. She and her husband have nothing in common. She doesn't speak of him with any love or respect. When she talks about her marriage, my co-workers and I look at each other and think, why are those two together? I swear, she stays with him because she's uber-religious and she can say, I've been married for 38 years, as if that alone is an accomplishment. I'm not impressed. Any two fools can get a marriage license, but there is a huge difference between being married versus being happily married, and therapists say only about 20% of people count themselves as happily married.

Better to be alone than to wish you were.

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StudioFiftyFour

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yurble

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Banshee
Hate to be blunt and cynical, but "friends with benefits" sounds a bit like prostitution for free.

Sorry to say this, but I'm the kind of person who simply refuses to open my legs to anyone for any reason at all. And laying naked right next to a hot, sweaty naked human body with that damp baybee-causing organ would almost be like rape to me. And condoms creep me out, too.

If both parties are gaining sexual satisfaction out of it, and no money is exchanged, where is the prostitution? Or is the implication that of course only one of the partners is gaining sexual satisfaction out of it, and the other person would naturally want a more committed relationship, or wouldn't be doing it at all, given the choice?

I can understand if you aren't into that, but I don't see the leap from you not wanting that to it being prostitution if people who do enjoy it engage in it.

It's just yet another of the many different ways people can interact with one another, if they choose. It's no more wrong or right than any other sort of voluntary interaction (or lack of interaction).

Even if it was prostitution I don't see any good reason why prostitution should be illegal. It's your body--if you want to sell it for sexual gratification of yourself or someone else, what's wrong with that? So long as the parties involved are doing it voluntarily and are 18+, what's the big deal?

I have to agree with StudioFiftyFour. Honestly, actors use their bodies in their profession. The guy who moves your furniture is using his body for his profession. A singer, an athlete are all doing the same. If a consenting adult wants to use their body for sex I don't see why they cannot.

Also, I don't agree a fuck buddy is akin to prostitution for free. Sorry, but that makes no sense. Prostitution by definition is sex for payment. If two adults indulge in consensual sex what is the issue?

If you don't want to have sex with anyone, that is your own choice, have whatever feelings you want about it for your own situation. But characterizing everyone else who does so as engaging in some sort of illicit or wrong act and likening it to rape is a bit much in my opinion.

I am technically single, but in the FWB situation with my ex of 10 years. We live in separate places at the moment, and have our sleep overs but i have my own space and he has his. I like this arrangement and so does he, we are getting to enjoy each other.. without all the other bullshit and baggage. My lack of space in the relationship was one of the major reasons for the split, as i am very independant minded and he can be terribly needy. He has even said that if we get back together, i get a room to myself to chill in, and he is NOT allowed to enter! Yay!!

My friend and her boyfriend of several years are swingers... they are into the BDSM scene and have been for some time. It kind of freaks me out that they can go out and just "do things" with other couples... they still behave like they're in the 60's and it really eeks me out because I often wonder why they are not concerned about contracting some kind of STD's. But that's THEIR life. As long as they don't try to drag me into it, I don't really mind, but I sometimes worry about one of them telling me that they have AIDS or something. By the way, she's 50 - he's 35. She has an 11 year old kyd (the sperm donor is a total dick and is with a stripper now; doesn't pay friend one ounce of child support, no surprise there though.) Anyway, I don't know how friend and her bf hide their lifestyle, or if they even try. In a way, I actually feel bad for the kid. If the school would ever get wind of what's going on, is it possible for social services to take the kid away from them?

I'm all for people doing what they want to do behind closed doors... different strokes for different folks, as the saying goes.

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kidlesskim
OT a bit, but this talk of friends with benefits and prostitution made me think of it. I can't help but believe that some stay at home moms are nothing more than hookers. They receive pay for being a sperm receptacle and baybee incubator in the form of shelter, food, and clothing. Some may argue that point, but it sure seems like that's all that it is since they don't contribute financially to the marriage in any way, never have, and likely never will. Where there is an imbalance of power in a relationship, and the controller of the money generally has the "power", then that is one definition of prostitution, IMO. If it was the fairy tale love story that many moos would have us to believe, then why do so many of their husbands cheat with the newest model, move on, and leave them destitute if they possibly can?

I have actually been on dates where I felt like that the man thought I was a prostitute and that feeling is based on their indirect commentary, body language, and actual actions. Some men actually believe that if they pay for a date, then they are entitled to sex. THIS is why that I have always preferred it that I contribute equally when going out with an acquaintance or someone who I didn't know very well. I don't know why that some men behave in this manner because it would have been a lot easier and cheaper just to have gone out and outright paid for a hooker. I suppose that they don't want to get arrested, so they just try this John-Hooker stunt on a "regular" woman.

Sadly, they may have had past experiences that caused them to believe that this was a good and acceptable tactic to get laid. It takes a HELL of a lot more than a dinner and a movie for me to get naked. Besides, I can buy dinner and a movie (or whatever) for MYSELF and not have to "put out" for every Tom, Dick, and Harry. :sx

I've seen plenty like that too, kind of turns you off on the dating game. I must confess though, my friend and I acted out that scenario once for fun. We went out and had a nice dinner at a restaurant, in fact it was a steakhouse, then went back to my place. I played a little hard to get then :sx.

We had actually had a conversation on that topic and both kind of admitted we had that fantasy, so we got dressed up nice and decided to act it out. We'd always wanted to try this particular steakhouse so we figured why not? It was fun. Having a FWB is nice.

Donna Four Eleven