The "I got bin go-ed" thread

Yeah... everybody has A choice.... I made A choice not the one and only choice. Now if someone were to write in there "I knew I made a good choice to have kids" that would not offend ME. I'd just say to myself... 'to each his/her own'. And why do they always bring that bit about our parents makeing a good choice or 'what if your parents thought that way?" Should have said "well then we wouldn't be having this discussion then.. would we?"
Poppin a loaf brings out the momma bear... can't insult me....gonna fight instinct. Not pretty. I know she had more to say to me but I cut it off with a 'laugh'

I thought the subject was closed for the day and then I was looking for something else and a friend of mine (CF) had been over there so I got a notification. So some guy was in there and wrote this to the moo.

CF guy: "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and there's no need to have to word everything so you don't offend someone who has nothing better to do than pick apart peoples opinions . I'm child free and love it , I'd rather have dogs"

And my friend then wrote THIS:

My CF friend: "Glad my parents had kids. Glad I didn't. Glad I was in the first generation that really had a choice."

Moos can attack in groups.... well... the CF can come right back at 'em. LOL

Nicely done. There will always be a moo who gets butthurt - clearly she's not as happy with her darling sproglings as she wants everyone to believe....

I got ANTI-BINGOD today

So I was talking with my melanoma specialist during my examination, normally mum and I would go in together, this time I explained to mum that I don't want to be in with her, but the fellow was curious and asked why not together, I explained that after I stopped working with them, I now pretend my dad didn't exist and I've been avoiding mum most of the year due to her being wedding crazy about my brother, engagement crazy about my cousin and friend, and baby nutty since my partner and I started going out,

Even though I've expressed many times I don't want kids, and unbeknown to her would be getting medically sterilized so as to not have any in the next few years, but of course I wouldn't tell her till after I got it done,
He said "good on ya, its good to hear someone going against life, unlike all the blind sheep out there, good choice waiting to tell her till afterwards, otherwise they'll only try to change your mind out of it."

I said yeah well I researched the average cost of a family, and took into account my life style, that and when I look at kids under the teenage stage, I just want to kill them horribly, so I figured its probably a good choice to just avoid having them all together in the first place, otherwise, I'd probably just end up being one of those parents that go to great lengths to secretly kill there kids and make it look like an accident.

He said "god I wished I'd thought to researched into having a family before I had kids, there's so much more you can afford in life without them around."

I agreed, he said "at least your making the right choice", I said that up until just before I moved out of home, I never knew there was a choice, till I met my neighbour up the road, lovely lady, in her 50/60's, never had kids, never married, had a great life, simple personalised 1bed room home, and could travel whenever she wanted, though I think her dog saw more of her family relitives than her some times,

but it opened my eyes to new ways of living, and just recently I've found an online support community *here*, that has people from various age groups and all walks of life, sharing there experience at being child free, what to expect and the kinds of negative response's they've had to counter through life.

he said "see now that's really great, I wish more people could be educated and aware of these different to the *normal* ways of living instead of just following the life script blindly".


ah he was just fantastic, brightend my whole day, considering how it went down with my mum an hour later

right so about an hour after this great conversation, my mum dropped me off to my car near home, skipping most of the drematics of her acid bitch rant, she had herself a lonely pity party for a few minutes trying to guilt me into spending more time with her, right up until I made two points, then she was both lost for words and very bitchy about.

the first one was, what did she expect of me entering into a relationship?, she figured I'd spend more time with her, and want to call and chat or catch up more often then ever. as my partner later said to me, normally its the opposite when people enter relationships, they spend less time with family, so fail on her part.

but then, I dropped the bomb after she said something about don't be in any hurry to have kids on my part, I said oh im sure my brother will probably have kids in the next 5 years, he wanted to be a stay at home dad to let his wife to be have her law career. but don't worry about me, I never want and never will have kids, I discussed it with my partner, and said that if he ever changed his mind, we'd split, and he'd be free to go on and have a family with someone else, but he knows what he's getting into at least if he changed his mind.

her reply after clear initial dumb-foundment and minor shock, "good, don't go having them just to please me" ooo I could hear the seething resentment in her tone, so strong, I just know im waiting for that to comeback and start trying to knaw my leg off about it at a later date.

god I wished you could have all been there to see it, it was satisfying to know she wasn't prepared at all to hear something so certain as that, ah! I just wish I could watch it again.

but isn't it interesting what her choice of words were *good, don't go having them just to please me* um.. I thought most people go having them particularly because its what the people around them want, I really fail to see how that sentence makes any sense.

My parents wanted a grand kid so bad (and I was an only child) that I once told my mother 'seems that YOU are the one who wants a baby so.. have it yourself'
Ofcourse that didn't go down well.. being she was in menapause at the time... and didn't even give birth to ME (adopted)
Seriously though, from the time I walked back from the alter all they could do was talk about me poppn' loaves. How I would have such 'pretty babies' and how happy THEY would be. More they talked,,,the less I wanted them.
Fooled them a few times by calling and saying I was coming over to gve them a surprise. They were convinced each time that I was inpig. Once it was just a cake I had baked... and two other times it was a new poodle puppy. By the second puppy.. I could really see disgust in my mother's eyes when she realized that perhaps her only daughter would never sprog.
She and my father both died before I was out of my child bearing years and they were still on my case. "oh when we're gone..you'll be so lonely"
WTF???? I have a husband... and tons of friends and groups I'm in. Sorry folks... not lonely/

I'm still in Romania visiting my family and relatives and i'm glad to say none of them bingoed or questioned me (at least not yet) but one nasty incident happened today. I was coming with DH and mom from grocery store and we met some of my parents' neighbours. They were gathered outside in the small green space near the apartment complex. There were 7 people, 4 of them i didn't even know. I said hi to the neighbours i knew and this lady shouted at me "when are the storks coming?" They all burst into laughter and one of them added "later for sure". At this point i was already enterying the apartment complex without even answering. I was so embarassed. Because you know asking me by almost yelling when i'm having sex in front of 4 unkown people is totally ok.eyes2
Note: this woman hasn't seen me in 5 years and just after saying hi asks me about my sex life.

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blackpearl
I'm still in Romania visiting my family and relatives and i'm glad to say none of them bingoed or questioned me (at least not yet) but one nasty incident happened today. I was coming with DH and mom from grocery store and we met some of my parents' neighbours. They were gathered outside in the small green space near the apartment complex. There were 7 people, 4 of them i didn't even know. I said hi to the neighbours i knew and this lady shouted at me "when are the storks coming?" They all burst into laughter and one of them added "later for sure". At this point i was already enterying the apartment complex without even answering. I was so embarassed. Because you know asking me by almost yelling when i'm having sex in front of 4 unkown people is totally ok.eyes2
Note: this woman hasn't seen me in 5 years and just after saying hi asks me about my sex life.

Oh dear, what an imbecile this woman sounds! If that had happened to me you better believe I'd have said something outrageous, like e.g. 'I prefer anal sex so it's never gonna happen'. That would have shut the idiot up! I like to shock people though so that's ok for me. If I were you I just wouldn't say hi next time I saw her.

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rockchick

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blackpearl
I'm still in Romania visiting my family and relatives and i'm glad to say none of them bingoed or questioned me (at least not yet) but one nasty incident happened today. I was coming with DH and mom from grocery store and we met some of my parents' neighbours. They were gathered outside in the small green space near the apartment complex. There were 7 people, 4 of them i didn't even know. I said hi to the neighbours i knew and this lady shouted at me "when are the storks coming?" They all burst into laughter and one of them added "later for sure". At this point i was already enterying the apartment complex without even answering. I was so embarassed. Because you know asking me by almost yelling when i'm having sex in front of 4 unkown people is totally ok.eyes2
Note: this woman hasn't seen me in 5 years and just after saying hi asks me about my sex life.

Oh dear, what an imbecile this woman sounds! If that had happened to me you better believe I'd have said something outrageous, like e.g. 'I prefer anal sex so it's never gonna happen'. That would have shut the idiot up! I like to shock people though so that's ok for me. If I were you I just wouldn't say hi next time I saw her.

I want to be by your side whenever that happens. Just for the lulz.

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"Don't you know how to deal with children?!"
"I don't like animals who act on instinct."
I think you're on to something Akihiko.

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starlady
My parents wanted a grand kid so bad (and I was an only child) that I once told my mother 'seems that YOU are the one who wants a baby so.. have it yourself'
Ofcourse that didn't go down well.. being she was in menapause at the time... and didn't even give birth to ME (adopted)
Seriously though, from the time I walked back from the alter all they could do was talk about me poppn' loaves. How I would have such 'pretty babies' and how happy THEY would be. More they talked,,,the less I wanted them.
Fooled them a few times by calling and saying I was coming over to gve them a surprise. They were convinced each time that I was inpig. Once it was just a cake I had baked... and two other times it was a new poodle puppy. By the second puppy.. I could really see disgust in my mother's eyes when she realized that perhaps her only daughter would never sprog.
She and my father both died before I was out of my child bearing years and they were still on my case. "oh when we're gone..you'll be so lonely"
WTF???? I have a husband... and tons of friends and groups I'm in. Sorry folks... not lonely/

I actually do that sometimes, its most amusing when they get retardly excited, but then find out the surprise is there early or late birthday gift or something, quite funny.

similar problem, dad got vascetomyed right after me, but I think mum wanted 3 kids, so some point in my late teens/early twentys, I said to her "why don't you just have another kid, since you obviously want one so badly" this was back when she started harassing me about reproducing, and that's when I found out dad was snipped, so it would be pretty obvious if she just rocked up preggers.

but yeah its too late for her now. ugh I know that feeling, even when I was single people used to ask how many kids did I have, cause obviously by mid twenty's, I should have a few. I got a lot of satisfaction every time I said none, and seeing there baffled faces. but yeah I feel like that's exactly what im walking into at my brothers wedding in 3 weeks, I said to my fellow, if people start, im just going to say im sterile or not having any, depending on if I know the people or not... or will ever see them again or not.

also blackpearl, my god, you sound like a nice person, if it was me, Id probably would have walked over or yelled back something highly inappropriate, but that's just because I find it funny.

this is very much like how the two neighbours around me have 5-6 kids that annoy the shit outta me in the afternoons, so my partner plays loud sexual - course language songs real loud, or we just wait till its around midnight, and have loud sex to help sexually frustrate the parents and keep them awake in return for the time of day their shits keep me awake when im meant to be asleep.

its quite fun, but luckily takes plenty of practice to get loud enough to keep others awake XD

oh god I saw this and thought, that's exactly right, I will use this at a later date when my friends/family have them.

Random Mom: “I just childproofed my home.”
You: “I did, too, but they keep getting in.”

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I said hi to the neighbours i knew and this lady shouted at me "when are the storks coming?" They all burst into laughter and one of them added "later for sure". At this point i was already enterying the apartment complex without even answering. I was so embarassed. Because you know asking me by almost yelling when i'm having sex in front of 4 unkown people is totally ok.Roll-Eyes
Note: this woman hasn't seen me in 5 years and just after saying hi asks me about my sex life.

Blackpearl you do sound nice, too nice as a matter of fact. Why should you be embarrassed when someone else is behaving inappropriately? Don't let her put that on you. She's the one who is being tacky.

I feel bad for younger women today because pronatalism and the glorification of Breeding are only getting worse. I was harassed in my 20's and 30's and beyond. The irony is, the older I got, the more confidence I got, and I was able to shut down these nosy busybodies much better. I am very rarely bingoed now, but I take up for the younger generation with a vengeance, such as at family reunions when my in-laws are whinging about possibly dying without seeing their great-grand children. eyes2 Because Whinging Breeders are dumbasses who are never happy to see unencumbered young people. In their world men need children to "grow them up" and women need to be sluicing loaves through their crotches so they can tied to a baybee and cunt work. And to make some old person's life meaningful, of course, when the old person has NO CUNT WORK whatsoever.

I DETEST old people who push their agendas on young women.

Back to topic, here's my bingo story from way back. In my first job out of college, I worked with a group of women. There was one named June who was really unpleasant. She was in her 40's or 50's, divorced with a loser son whom she allowed to live with her and mooch off her. He was always in trouble with the law. (It's so woooooorth it, right?)

She was always making really rude remarks, even down to whether my husband and I really knew how to have sex, etc. I was always too nice and brushed it off. One day I said to her, quite abruptly, why is it so important to you that I have kids? Why do you care? She said, I just want you to ruin your pretty figure and be miserable like the rest of us. :eh?? Finally, a rare moment of honesty for a Breeder! larious

To be honest i was shocked when she yelled at me all of a sudden the stork question. I didn't expect it and not at least in front of 4 strangers that also started laughing and stared at me waiting for an answer.

I talked with my mom about that later on and some of you might remember her supposed babies rabies. Well, it seems that absolutely everybody asks her when i'm getting pregnant. My mom told me that the question frustrates her and she starts getting really tired and pissed. She usually tells them that she is not messing in my personal life, she doesn't know or that's my business. But they won't shut up and next time she meets them, there it goes again...any news from blackpearl? Isn't blackpearl going to make you a grandma? And so on all over again.

I did expect bingoing again but i was surprised to see mom really pissed at these people and calling them really nasty things. I kind of guessed that under her babies rabies was in fact pressure.

My mother got the same pressure. Ofcourse I didnt' find out about it till much later... after she had passed. My father told me that she would come home from work all upset because she kept getting the questions "Any baby news from Starlady" My mother was not sure of my CF status or she refused to believe it. My father said that it was alot of stress for her because she wanted me to have one. I was in my 30's when she died. In the final years of her life .. whenever something good would happen for me like a job or a trip or another puppy.. she would alway say , in a snide way, "Well you always get what YOU want..don't you"
Found out that all she wanted was for me to have a freekin' kid. She wouldn't have even lived long enough to see it get to elementry school. Wouldn't have been her blood anyway. I was adopted.

Here's a new bingo I should breed so MIL has a reason to live. Her cancer came back and she decided she doesn't want treatment, I personally think it's her body and her life, and I have zero say in what she does. Cue the mooing that if I sprogged then she would have a reason to get chemo and choose to live. Of course it would have to be a golden penis because husband's family needs a Legitimate Male Heir.

Not going to happen.

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.Here's a new bingo I should breed so MIL has a reason to live. Her cancer came back and she decided she doesn't want treatment, I personally think it's her body and her life, and I have zero say in what she does. Cue the mooing that if I sprogged then she would have a reason to get chemo and choose to live. Of course it would have to be a golden penis because husband's family needs a Legitimate Male Heir.

Not going to happen.

Wow, we get a lot of stories here but that is shockingly manipulative.

Does she not realize that people get chemo and still die every day....so if you said you'd loaf for her she could still die and you'd still have a kid you DON'T WANT.

And who bases their life or death decision on whether some loaf will be around? A loaf who probably won't remember her if she dies within a couple of years.

Pulling the "I have cancer so you should breed" card is really, really low.

Is this woman this horrible when she's not pulling the C-card? Because she sounds like it.

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bell_flower

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.Here's a new bingo I should breed so MIL has a reason to live. Her cancer came back and she decided she doesn't want treatment, I personally think it's her body and her life, and I have zero say in what she does. Cue the mooing that if I sprogged then she would have a reason to get chemo and choose to live. Of course it would have to be a golden penis because husband's family needs a Legitimate Male Heir.

Not going to happen.

Wow, we get a lot of stories here but that is shockingly manipulative.

Does she not realize that people get chemo and still die every day....so if you said you'd loaf for her she could still die and you'd still have a kid you DON'T WANT.

And who bases their life or death decision on whether some loaf will be around? A loaf who probably won't remember her if she dies within a couple of years.

Pulling the "I have cancer so you should breed" card is really, really low.

Is this woman this horrible when she's not pulling the C-card? Because she sounds like it.

Yeah ^^^that! Sounds full on narcissistic.

MIL isn't the one pulling the cancer card, she decided she's not getting treatment because it will buy her maybe 6 months and she'll be suffering everyday of it. Nothing will change her mind. Plus the doctors will nag her to quit smoking, and she doesn't see the point of that either. MIL and I get along quite well, once I made it clear I'm ChildFree and my medical decisions are not open to discussion.

Sorry about the confusion, guess I wasn't clear in my post.

Several of husband's cousins friended me on farcebook, and the bingoing is probably being done on behalf of their moos (FIL's sisters). FIL did his duty as the only male who lived to adulthood by siring a son, and his son's wife needs to present him with a male heir. The only contact I had with them before bingofest was sports, our teams are conference rivals.

I blocked the bingoers. When they complained to husband he told them our personal medical decisions are none of their business.

If husband was interested in breeding he would've married someone else. I was very clear that I don't want kids, kids are an automatic deal breaker. If I became pregnant I would abort.

I don't know if this counts as a bingo, but it seemed really weird to me and I'm not sure where to post it.

On Wednesday I had an appointment with my therapist. We were talking about my plans for the future and how school was going. Long story short, I'm a senior in college, am about to take the LSAT, and hope to pursue a career in international law. I am drawn to the prospect of a career which may require a lot of travel (which I enjoy) and may not afford me the opportunity to "settle down" (finding a partner is not currently a priority of mine, and kyds are obviously out). I mentioned that my parents were giving me mixed signals regarding their level of support for my career aspirations, and my therapist said, "Well, you are an only child, and at some point they might expect you to give them a grandchild." :hs

Now, my mom DOES really like sprogs, but thankfully she has never indicated that she expects me to find a mate or provide her with grandbrats, and volunteers at elementary schools 4 or 5 days a week, so I figure she is smart enough to find ways to be around chyldrun without pestering me to shit out a kyd. When I was younger and said I hated babies, didn't understand why ANYONE would want kyds, etc. she would bingo the hell out of me and say "I used to be the same way, but you'll change your mind when you're older LOLZ!" Thankfully, she seems to have come to terms with the fact that I am CF and it's been a few years since she's said any of those things.

I made it very clear to my therapist that I would not be having children and she dropped the issue, but I keep thinking about what a weird thing it was to say, especially during a therapy appointment! I generally really like my therapist, and think I still do, but WTF?

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rudeawakening
and my therapist said, "Well, you are an only child, and at some point they might expect you to give them a grandchild." :hs

haha so your *only a child* in collage but its expected of children to reproduce, haha oh my god that therapist is messed up in the head.

but seriously, I hate this shit, im 26, always looked younger than my age, mentally much older, and one of the many things that grates on my brain is the phrase, your only a child yourself.

I say good on ya for knowing what career you want to have regardless of age, I still haven't sorted mine out yet, but when I was 20 I really wanted to move to japan and teach English, I love the country's culture, cept back then I had an elderly pet I didn't want to stress out with travel.

now I realise I can afford to travel to japan every other year for the rest of my life, regardless of what career type i choose, because i'll never have to worry about having enough income to feed a pack of ungrateful shrieking banchies.

thought I'd let you know how the follow up went with my mum after the initial shock of learning I don't want kids went down.

I sent my mum a text after a week or so cause she had a spinal injury, and was annoyed that I wasn't racing to her side, I'd pointed out how my she had treated me when I had my muscular-skeletal injurys to my neck, back and hip 2 years ago. long story short she apologised for how she treated me, and I felt like catching coffee with her.

she eased into the whole baby's situation because my brothers wedding is this week, and my cousin had mentioned that she'll be the first to give my grandma grandbabys which made me feel sick and dirty just hearing that, and how my brother will have kids in like a year or two,

im not sure how she asked but I said that N my boyfriend, and I had dicussed it last year, that if he wanted kids we'd break up so he could move on, as I am not having kids, at first she tried down the path of "i wouldn't want to be trying to raise kids in this era or it being not safe after 35 to have them" and me saying i'll wait till im 30 then get a serialisation treatment, that way i can save up for it, and get past my current medical problems which have had me in hospital 5th time being in two weeks from now,

i pointed out that N's ex-girlfriend was completely baby crazy since they first started going out, since high school, and he did all that he could to stop her having one before they were ready, he never knew he had a choice in the matter, he had always just resigned himself to the inevitable fact that one day he would be a father weither he wanted to or not, some of the first words out of his mothers mouth when she met me was "don't be in any rush, i don't want grandkids just yet, i don't want to be a grandma anytime soon" - i remember being very confused.

my mums tune changed to "if i had the choice, I'd go back and probably not have kids, their just not worth the effort" and later i said that the only thing im worried about at this wedding is the questions of "so when are you having kids" or people assuming that i want them full stop,

mum said i'll get that all my life, there will always be kids around at some point, what are you going to say when people ask why you don't want to have a family? i tried my best to sound like i actually cared, since i saw this as practice "i already have a family, or my family's complete, i have my cat, my dog, and my boyfriend, if any new additions come along they'll be covered in fur and go meow" then she asked what happens when your friends have kids and you don't want to be around them?

i said that if they needed a day away from them or a nights rest, my door was always open, and likewise, i might even offer to take the kid for a night to give them time to themselves once in a while, but if they stop appreciating that or are jealous and don't want to be around me anymore, i'll just find a kid free forum like this and find some new friends in my local area that do want to appreciate my friendship,

still trying to sound sappy, i continued to point out that i would make a far better aunty than i ever would have made as a mother, i could spoil my friends and familys kids and give them back or leave when im over it, as opposed to being one of those mothers you see on the news that killed there own offspring and will spend the rest of there life in jail for it.

I'd say by this point she could see my point of view on it, and agreed its the best thing when you can hand the kid back and say its time to go, no better birth control around then time spent with a new born. i know she did this in her early 20's to hold off having kids for a few years, but its still pretty funny.

i told her that there were *support groups online* since she's not up with what a forum is, how people of all ages up into there 60's gave useful tips and advice on what to expect of never having kids and how people have treated them, so i know what im getting into *not that i didn't before*, and used a couple of the stories I've heard on here about parents and grandparents pressuring for brats, or how the child free are free to sleep in on the weekend and can just up and travel when/where they want to (travels a big thing to her since she wants to but cant afford it and wanted to retire 5 years ago).

i think i left with her thinking what would have been different if she hadn't had kids, and a better understanding of why i don't.

it was also great practice for pretending to sound all sentimental about my choices in life that really left her with no room for commenting on it.

Umm... Rudeawakening wrote 'ONLY child' not 'only a child' I wasin that boat too. I was an only child and one nasty aunt called me a bad daughter because I never gave my parents grand children before theydied. People can just be rude and dumb.

Ha, "give them a grandchild". I like that; it's like you owe it to them. eyes2

I don't think your therapist meant any harm by it, though. She was probably just trying to give you what she thought was a reasonable answer. Still, that logic's pretty screwed up.

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mypersonality.info

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Ugh I keep getting comments about breeding now that I'm in my mid twenties. The sad part is that people tend to think I'm younger too. So that tells me that at my age people expect me to have a whole brood. I get these comments at work and kid questions. Men don't get the baby questions constantly at this age. What the fuck.

Exile, thanks for the update.

Don't let your moo pull any of that crap getting you worried about feeling lonely or "left out" if you encounter breeders socially and haven't had kids yourself.

I find that breeders seem to hang out with other breeders and have extremely boring, politically correct, Disney-infused, crappy food, gatherings and childfree folks like artists, business owners, contrarians, mystics, deep thinkers, etc. also gravitate toward each other. As you get older as a childfree couple you can experience wonderful, high quality friendships that really grow and develop because, unlike so many breeders, you didn't just manufacture a "friendship" with those people because you all have kids. Instead, you genuinely share interests and care about these childfree folk you can call REAL friends.

I think the loneliest people i've ever known have been breeders; truly; they have poor senses of self and can't handle life very well, so they try to fill up the "vaccuum" with being busy and breeding. Then with the kids grow up and leave home they're REALLY lost and unable to cope. Pitiful, really.