Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 14, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,035 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 15, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 15, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 263 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,635 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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bell_flower
My mother is a narcissist. Now that she's older, frail and on a huge dose of Prozac she's not nearly as bad as she used to be. (I THANK TODD for the doctor who prescribed it off-label for her migraines 30 years ago.)
Get some stock phrases and don't be afraid to repeat them over and over like a broken record no matter what she says. I can tell you first hand that will drive someone batshit crazy.
I once watched a friend deal with her mother who said something along the lines of "your childhood wasn't so bad, was it? I think I was a pretty decent mother." (Note: this seems to be a VERY POPULAR TOPIC among NMothers, more later.) My friend said, "I'm sure you think that," and "Yes, I'm sure you do." and variations of that with a calm smile on her face. I was mightily impressed because everyone in the room got it and the mother looked like a clueless tool, prattling on about what a wonderful mother she was without any validation whatsoever. The mother looked socially inappropriate and the daughter looked like the reasonable one.
Remember, you are not responsible for your mom looking like a tool. Give her non-answers and let the chips fall where they may.
I second what Yurble says. If she veers into your desire not to have kids, you can say something like:
"Now why would we want to talk about me, when this is Moo2Be's day?."
you might have to pull out the big guns (gag):
"But Moo2Be does want to have kids, and she's going to be a great mom. Moo2Bee, how long are you planning to take off work? (Or something like that)
Keep bringing the topic back to Moo2Be.
But warning, the whole baybee thing may bring the NMother back to her favorite topic. what a great X she is/was.
My mom resented every child-related chore she did for us, most especially cooking, but to hear her talk she was Suzy-Fucking-Homemaker. She will carry on incessantly about some stupid fucking "mother daughter dresses" that she supposedly made, of which I have no memory, as if dressing your kid like you suddenly makes you some kind of mother-hero. Or how she let us play with our dolls in the library, (cringe) so of course she is Mother of the Year. (Never mind all the shit she did later, like marry a man who abused us kids while she did NOTHING.)
When my mom starts waxing poetic about, "don't you remember how I used to (insert-non-extreme-act-of-"sacrifice"-here)?" I just say,
"sure mom" and change the subject to something else.
"That's nice mom" and change the subject to something else.
Use the party dynamics to stay away from her. Strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting. If she comes to you when you are talking to people say, "gosh, that food looks good, can't wait to try it" and ditch mom with the people. Smile at her from across the room. Go get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc. keep moving physically away from her. If she calls you on it, just say, "mom, what are you talking about ....it's a party and I'm having fun." Ditch her again.
If things get really out of hand and you have to bail, there's nothing wrong with calmly and sweetly saying to the host, "Gosh, I really must go!" Smile sweetly, don't offer any explanation, ("it's been lovely to see you!") and just leave.
Good luck.
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 17, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 19, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 19, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
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starlady
I will never forget the look on my Nephew's (then girlfriend's) wife's face when they said 'we thought you'd help us in babysitting'
I replied.... "Fuck no! Don't you bring that kid around here till it's out of college"
I really said that. Ofcourse now it has wifey convinced I HATE kids. Well, yeah, you got it sweetie.
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 499 |
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bunny
4. DO NOT BRING A GIFT. I cannot state this strongly enough. Either fein money problems, or ignorance. If you purchase them anything, you will be repeatedly pressured to do more of these things for each loaf she shits. DO NOT PAY FOR HER STUPIDITY. If you do feel forced into buying something, do not spend more than a dollar (dollar store!) and try your hardest to make it a shitty gift they don't really want and can't use. Again, this saves you money and will make them unlikely to waste an invite on you in the future. Breeders are all about free stuff. If they're not turning a profit of some kind by you being there, they'll not bother.
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bunny
Pretend they're not there as much as you can, and if you do find yourself forced to acknowledge them, do so in the most disinterested way you possibly can. Don't even form words, just kind of grunt or "hm" the acknowledgement before walking away
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 4,998 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,842 |
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myrna minkoff
call the hostess the evening before and tell her you are afraid you are coming down with the flu and don't want to take a chance around her. if you bought her something you can mail the present. the end.
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
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Hannigan
As I've said before with dealing with toxic people, they can't play tug of war with you if you drop the rope.
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
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ladybug2203
Me personally, if its a good friend who's treated me well and a PNB type I'd attend the baby shower, because that's what good friends do, support eachother through life's endeavors even if I don't share that exact same interest.
Now if it was relatives who treated me like crap, forgetaboutit.
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,842 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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danity
Thanks again guys for all the excellent advice. I feel a lot more prepared now .
The shower is tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know how it goes.
I will be getting in and out as swiftly as possible. Sadly it's women only so no chance of "normal" conversation about things that are actually interesting unless there are some non-moos there.
Good news is I don't think there'll be any brats there either.
That's interesting that you defeated your Sil's bingos Bunny. I will try that approach if I need to.
I will absolutely not be attending any future baby showers for anyone. This is a once off.
I do smoke so I can always nip out fairly often for that.
So tempted to buy this:
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
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danity
Thanks guys!
Bunny, that is a brilliant excuse! Of course I'm trying to quit, who isn't? But what a fantastic reason not to be around any kyds!
Even if I quit I'm gonna pretend I'm still smoking now!
Hope so too freya. Will update you guys soon![/que
After you quit... keep ome a sweater or some thing that has a bit of smoke odor on it. May make the moos back off a bit. LOL