Help me survive this baby shower.
Posted by danity
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 14, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,035 |
Your mom sounds eerily like Joan Crawford. As I've said before with dealing with toxic people, they can't play tug of war with you if you drop the rope. Don't respond to her aggressions. I know it's hard but it's the only way. Use pharmaceuticals if necessary to get your head in a safe place and put the monster on ignore.
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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 15, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Thanks Presto!
I have a little while to prepare myself thank goodness, I'll definitely post an update!
Freya, that's exactly what I said when she did that. She's basically that annoying kid in the playground that ruins everyone else's fun.
I told my dad to keep the five year old out of the kitchen when I'm cooking in future.
Joan Crawford!
Mommie dearest. Too true. She'd probably take that as a compliment.
It is so difficult to stop responding to her jibes. She knows what buttons to press because she put them there in the first place.
I'm getting better at it, but it takes time.
I have a little while to prepare myself thank goodness, I'll definitely post an update!
Freya, that's exactly what I said when she did that. She's basically that annoying kid in the playground that ruins everyone else's fun.
I told my dad to keep the five year old out of the kitchen when I'm cooking in future.
Joan Crawford!
Mommie dearest. Too true. She'd probably take that as a compliment.
It is so difficult to stop responding to her jibes. She knows what buttons to press because she put them there in the first place.
I'm getting better at it, but it takes time.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 15, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
My mother is a narcissist. Now that she's older, frail and on a huge dose of Prozac she's not nearly as bad as she used to be. (I THANK TODD for the doctor who prescribed it off-label for her migraines 30 years ago.)
Get some stock phrases and don't be afraid to repeat them over and over like a broken record no matter what she says. I can tell you first hand that will drive someone batshit crazy.
I once watched a friend deal with her mother who said something along the lines of "your childhood wasn't so bad, was it? I think I was a pretty decent mother." (Note: this seems to be a VERY POPULAR TOPIC among NMothers, more later.) My friend said, "I'm sure you think that," and "Yes, I'm sure you do." and variations of that with a calm smile on her face. I was mightily impressed because everyone in the room got it and the mother looked like a clueless tool, prattling on about what a wonderful mother she was without any validation whatsoever. The mother looked socially inappropriate and the daughter looked like the reasonable one.
Remember, you are not responsible for your mom looking like a tool. Give her non-answers and let the chips fall where they may.
I second what Yurble says. If she veers into your desire not to have kids, you can say something like:
"Now why would we want to talk about me, when this is Moo2Be's day?."
you might have to pull out the big guns (gag):
"But Moo2Be does want to have kids, and she's going to be a great mom. Moo2Bee, how long are you planning to take off work? (Or something like that)
Keep bringing the topic back to Moo2Be.
But warning, the whole baybee thing may bring the NMother back to her favorite topic. what a great X she is/was.
My mom resented every child-related chore she did for us, most especially cooking, but to hear her talk she was Suzy-Fucking-Homemaker. She will carry on incessantly about some stupid fucking "mother daughter dresses" that she supposedly made, of which I have no memory, as if dressing your kid like you suddenly makes you some kind of mother-hero. Or how she let us play with our dolls in the library, (cringe) so of course she is Mother of the Year. (Never mind all the shit she did later, like marry a man who abused us kids while she did NOTHING.)
When my mom starts waxing poetic about, "don't you remember how I used to (insert-non-extreme-act-of-"sacrifice"-here)?" I just say,
"sure mom" and change the subject to something else.
"That's nice mom" and change the subject to something else.
Use the party dynamics to stay away from her. Strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting. If she comes to you when you are talking to people say, "gosh, that food looks good, can't wait to try it" and ditch mom with the people. Smile at her from across the room. Go get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc. keep moving physically away from her. If she calls you on it, just say, "mom, what are you talking about ....it's a party and I'm having fun." Ditch her again.
If things get really out of hand and you have to bail, there's nothing wrong with calmly and sweetly saying to the host, "Gosh, I really must go!" Smile sweetly, don't offer any explanation, ("it's been lovely to see you!") and just leave.
Good luck.
Get some stock phrases and don't be afraid to repeat them over and over like a broken record no matter what she says. I can tell you first hand that will drive someone batshit crazy.
I once watched a friend deal with her mother who said something along the lines of "your childhood wasn't so bad, was it? I think I was a pretty decent mother." (Note: this seems to be a VERY POPULAR TOPIC among NMothers, more later.) My friend said, "I'm sure you think that," and "Yes, I'm sure you do." and variations of that with a calm smile on her face. I was mightily impressed because everyone in the room got it and the mother looked like a clueless tool, prattling on about what a wonderful mother she was without any validation whatsoever. The mother looked socially inappropriate and the daughter looked like the reasonable one.
Remember, you are not responsible for your mom looking like a tool. Give her non-answers and let the chips fall where they may.
I second what Yurble says. If she veers into your desire not to have kids, you can say something like:
"Now why would we want to talk about me, when this is Moo2Be's day?."
you might have to pull out the big guns (gag):
"But Moo2Be does want to have kids, and she's going to be a great mom. Moo2Bee, how long are you planning to take off work? (Or something like that)
Keep bringing the topic back to Moo2Be.
But warning, the whole baybee thing may bring the NMother back to her favorite topic. what a great X she is/was.
My mom resented every child-related chore she did for us, most especially cooking, but to hear her talk she was Suzy-Fucking-Homemaker. She will carry on incessantly about some stupid fucking "mother daughter dresses" that she supposedly made, of which I have no memory, as if dressing your kid like you suddenly makes you some kind of mother-hero. Or how she let us play with our dolls in the library, (cringe) so of course she is Mother of the Year. (Never mind all the shit she did later, like marry a man who abused us kids while she did NOTHING.)
When my mom starts waxing poetic about, "don't you remember how I used to (insert-non-extreme-act-of-"sacrifice"-here)?" I just say,
"sure mom" and change the subject to something else.
"That's nice mom" and change the subject to something else.
Use the party dynamics to stay away from her. Strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting. If she comes to you when you are talking to people say, "gosh, that food looks good, can't wait to try it" and ditch mom with the people. Smile at her from across the room. Go get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc. keep moving physically away from her. If she calls you on it, just say, "mom, what are you talking about ....it's a party and I'm having fun." Ditch her again.
If things get really out of hand and you have to bail, there's nothing wrong with calmly and sweetly saying to the host, "Gosh, I really must go!" Smile sweetly, don't offer any explanation, ("it's been lovely to see you!") and just leave.
Good luck.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 263 |
As tempting as it might be to respond to any bingo's with anti-baby type comments, don't do this. It will just make you look like the bad guy, considering the baby shower setting, which is probably the exact type of trap a toxic Narc would want to steer you into. Think of it through a non-baybee analogy: If you got a book published and were having a book celebration party, would you want someone making comments about how they hate to read/write? Or if you threw a housewarming party, would you want someone making a comment about how they never plan to own a home? In those situations, it would look really passive-aggressive and like you're negative about the person's event, which is also how it would be received to talk about pregnancies/babies as a negative thing while at someone's baby shower. In other words, a baby shower is not the time/place. If your mom sets up a bingo that could seem innocent to people who don't know her context, and you respond in an anti-baby way at a Baby Shower, it would just seem rude to the group, which is exactly what she wants.
Also, in situations where somebody is trying to be rude and bait you, if you act on their level, you'll be seen as engaging in the drama too, even if it isn't your fault. On the other hand, if you are super friendly and polite, and they (your mom) continues to push the issue, SHE will be seen as the sole bitch of the situation, not you.
So if your mom gets on your case about baybeees, say something that politely confirms you as CF, but not in a baybee-bashing way, and then steer the conversation towards being positive and honoring of the host.
So if your moo says something like "Can you believe Danity doesn't want a baybee of her own? How awful!" or something equally vomitrocious, you could respond with: "Having kids isn't part of my plan, but we're not here to talk about me, we're here to support Mary!" Then turn to Mary and offer something like "I heard you [learned the gender/painted the nursery/picked a name/etc], how awesome and exciting!" Say cheerful and uplifting things, celebrate Mary's baybee with her, ask about things that Mary would be happy to talk about, etc.
This way, you are playing the role of the polite, dutiful, kind guest who is keeping the focus on the host and being totally gracious. If your mom continues to create drama, continue to deflect using positivity. This way, you will be remembered as being 100% supportive of the event, and your rude mom will be the troublemaker.
If she still tries to elevate things, you could laugh it off and give a lighthearted, "Mom, stop trying to hikack this party and get the attention on us. This party is supposed to be about celebrating Mary." But don't do it in a way that's dramatic or hostile - instead, do it in a way that's humorous and playful/light and will have the other people in attendance on YOUR side, while seeing that your moo is the crazy one.
Also, in situations where somebody is trying to be rude and bait you, if you act on their level, you'll be seen as engaging in the drama too, even if it isn't your fault. On the other hand, if you are super friendly and polite, and they (your mom) continues to push the issue, SHE will be seen as the sole bitch of the situation, not you.
So if your mom gets on your case about baybeees, say something that politely confirms you as CF, but not in a baybee-bashing way, and then steer the conversation towards being positive and honoring of the host.
So if your moo says something like "Can you believe Danity doesn't want a baybee of her own? How awful!" or something equally vomitrocious, you could respond with: "Having kids isn't part of my plan, but we're not here to talk about me, we're here to support Mary!" Then turn to Mary and offer something like "I heard you [learned the gender/painted the nursery/picked a name/etc], how awesome and exciting!" Say cheerful and uplifting things, celebrate Mary's baybee with her, ask about things that Mary would be happy to talk about, etc.
This way, you are playing the role of the polite, dutiful, kind guest who is keeping the focus on the host and being totally gracious. If your mom continues to create drama, continue to deflect using positivity. This way, you will be remembered as being 100% supportive of the event, and your rude mom will be the troublemaker.
If she still tries to elevate things, you could laugh it off and give a lighthearted, "Mom, stop trying to hikack this party and get the attention on us. This party is supposed to be about celebrating Mary." But don't do it in a way that's dramatic or hostile - instead, do it in a way that's humorous and playful/light and will have the other people in attendance on YOUR side, while seeing that your moo is the crazy one.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,635 |
I am not a fan of baby showers in general and tend to skip them, even if there aren't any narcissists attending....because a baby shower isn't really a place for someone who's indifferent about babies and annoyed by the big deal over them. So my answer is biased by that. But I would say just don't go. Visit your brother and SIL at a different time to give them a baby gift if you choose. That way you're not stuck in the same house with Nmother.
If you have no problem with baby showers and/or don't mind putting in an appearance so you can see your brother and his wife, then go with the plan of being involved with others in some way at all times, so that Nmother can't corner you. I agree about shifting the focus back to SIL and her big baby plans. Be breezy, gracious, and polite. If Nmother is a whiny, dramatic attention-whore, that's her own doing. Set a time limit if you want, and do something nice afterward to reward yourself...maybe a walk through a museum, some alone time reading, a shopping trip, or a stiff drink. Whatever works for you.
ladybug2203: I've actually used tactics very similar to that method to avoid toxic people before...didn't realize I was doing it or that it had a name!
If you have no problem with baby showers and/or don't mind putting in an appearance so you can see your brother and his wife, then go with the plan of being involved with others in some way at all times, so that Nmother can't corner you. I agree about shifting the focus back to SIL and her big baby plans. Be breezy, gracious, and polite. If Nmother is a whiny, dramatic attention-whore, that's her own doing. Set a time limit if you want, and do something nice afterward to reward yourself...maybe a walk through a museum, some alone time reading, a shopping trip, or a stiff drink. Whatever works for you.
ladybug2203: I've actually used tactics very similar to that method to avoid toxic people before...didn't realize I was doing it or that it had a name!
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 16, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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bell_flower
My mother is a narcissist. Now that she's older, frail and on a huge dose of Prozac she's not nearly as bad as she used to be. (I THANK TODD for the doctor who prescribed it off-label for her migraines 30 years ago.)
Get some stock phrases and don't be afraid to repeat them over and over like a broken record no matter what she says. I can tell you first hand that will drive someone batshit crazy.
I once watched a friend deal with her mother who said something along the lines of "your childhood wasn't so bad, was it? I think I was a pretty decent mother." (Note: this seems to be a VERY POPULAR TOPIC among NMothers, more later.) My friend said, "I'm sure you think that," and "Yes, I'm sure you do." and variations of that with a calm smile on her face. I was mightily impressed because everyone in the room got it and the mother looked like a clueless tool, prattling on about what a wonderful mother she was without any validation whatsoever. The mother looked socially inappropriate and the daughter looked like the reasonable one.
Remember, you are not responsible for your mom looking like a tool. Give her non-answers and let the chips fall where they may.
I second what Yurble says. If she veers into your desire not to have kids, you can say something like:
"Now why would we want to talk about me, when this is Moo2Be's day?."
you might have to pull out the big guns (gag):
"But Moo2Be does want to have kids, and she's going to be a great mom. Moo2Bee, how long are you planning to take off work? (Or something like that)
Keep bringing the topic back to Moo2Be.
But warning, the whole baybee thing may bring the NMother back to her favorite topic. what a great X she is/was.
My mom resented every child-related chore she did for us, most especially cooking, but to hear her talk she was Suzy-Fucking-Homemaker. She will carry on incessantly about some stupid fucking "mother daughter dresses" that she supposedly made, of which I have no memory, as if dressing your kid like you suddenly makes you some kind of mother-hero. Or how she let us play with our dolls in the library, (cringe) so of course she is Mother of the Year. (Never mind all the shit she did later, like marry a man who abused us kids while she did NOTHING.)
When my mom starts waxing poetic about, "don't you remember how I used to (insert-non-extreme-act-of-"sacrifice"-here)?" I just say,
"sure mom" and change the subject to something else.
"That's nice mom" and change the subject to something else.
Use the party dynamics to stay away from her. Strike up a conversation with someone who looks interesting. If she comes to you when you are talking to people say, "gosh, that food looks good, can't wait to try it" and ditch mom with the people. Smile at her from across the room. Go get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc. keep moving physically away from her. If she calls you on it, just say, "mom, what are you talking about ....it's a party and I'm having fun." Ditch her again.
If things get really out of hand and you have to bail, there's nothing wrong with calmly and sweetly saying to the host, "Gosh, I really must go!" Smile sweetly, don't offer any explanation, ("it's been lovely to see you!") and just leave.
Good luck.
This is really really good advice! Can tell it comes from a wealth of experience.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 17, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Ugh, bit of an update.
Brother came over a couple of days ago and casually mentioned that perhaps in future he'd be able to drop this youngster over the odd time for "babysitting" Um. NO.
I have made it abundantly clear that I am NOT a babysitting type.
The last kyd I held is now about thirteen years old, and that was only because it's mother thrust it into my arms to "hold" (why do they do that??)
Why the hell he'd expect me of all people to babysit is beyond me. When he announced the pregnancy to me he actually said "I'm not sure if you'll think this is good news or not" He knows I'm NOT a kid person.
The chances are Nmother has been telling him to ask me to babysit the odd time and if I refuse, I look bad.
I have enough caring responsibilities as it is.
Bellflower, thanks for the useful tips! I wish senility would take over my Nmother, although it did little to calm my Ngrandmother.
She does love to make herself out to be the most wonderful human on earth. Regularly will sit across from me and blurt out "I'm a very kind person" and other such nonsense. I think she actually believes her own rubbish.
You make a great point Thundergirl85. I simply cannot respond the way I normally do as it will certainly make me look bad.
Deflect with a smile seems the best way to handle it.
I have heard of the gray rock method ladybug2203, I'll have another look and refresh my memory!
I'd normally avoid something like this randomcfchick, however because of the previous invite mix up , I do want to show my face.
I'll certainly be having a drink or 3 after because this is going to be painful!
Appreciate all your replies!
Brother came over a couple of days ago and casually mentioned that perhaps in future he'd be able to drop this youngster over the odd time for "babysitting" Um. NO.
I have made it abundantly clear that I am NOT a babysitting type.
The last kyd I held is now about thirteen years old, and that was only because it's mother thrust it into my arms to "hold" (why do they do that??)
Why the hell he'd expect me of all people to babysit is beyond me. When he announced the pregnancy to me he actually said "I'm not sure if you'll think this is good news or not" He knows I'm NOT a kid person.
The chances are Nmother has been telling him to ask me to babysit the odd time and if I refuse, I look bad.
I have enough caring responsibilities as it is.
Bellflower, thanks for the useful tips! I wish senility would take over my Nmother, although it did little to calm my Ngrandmother.
She does love to make herself out to be the most wonderful human on earth. Regularly will sit across from me and blurt out "I'm a very kind person" and other such nonsense. I think she actually believes her own rubbish.
You make a great point Thundergirl85. I simply cannot respond the way I normally do as it will certainly make me look bad.
Deflect with a smile seems the best way to handle it.
I have heard of the gray rock method ladybug2203, I'll have another look and refresh my memory!
I'd normally avoid something like this randomcfchick, however because of the previous invite mix up , I do want to show my face.
I'll certainly be having a drink or 3 after because this is going to be painful!
Appreciate all your replies!
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 19, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
I will never forget the look on my Nephew's (then girlfriend's) wife's face when they said 'we thought you'd help us in babysitting'
I replied.... "Fuck no! Don't you bring that kid around here till it's out of college"
I really said that. Ofcourse now it has wifey convinced I HATE kids. Well, yeah, you got it sweetie.
I replied.... "Fuck no! Don't you bring that kid around here till it's out of college"
I really said that. Ofcourse now it has wifey convinced I HATE kids. Well, yeah, you got it sweetie.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 19, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Quote
starlady
I will never forget the look on my Nephew's (then girlfriend's) wife's face when they said 'we thought you'd help us in babysitting'
I replied.... "Fuck no! Don't you bring that kid around here till it's out of college"
I really said that. Ofcourse now it has wifey convinced I HATE kids. Well, yeah, you got it sweetie.
Yep! That's how it's gotta go!
It's weird because I am the least kid suited person ever, but it's likely my Nmother in his ear trying to cause conflict.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
I can tell you some shower survival tips:
1. Most important: befriend any/all men that might be attending. MANY times they force men into these things, and when they do, the men find a room and hide in there until it's over. The one shower I attended did this, and so I just hung out with the guys the whole time, neatly avoiding the whole shower, whilst also attending at the same time. This is the golden solution if there is one.
2. If that is not an option, show up as late as you think you can get away with, leave as early as you can get away with, and spend most of your time in the non-shower room... usually the kitchen or a bathroom, or a porch. If you smoke, do so the entire time, as an excuse to be as far away from the cows as possible. Keep making trips to the food area, or bathroom. When you leave, leave quietly without telling anyone. In fact, if the house is big enough and you get there during the gift portion, you can literally walk in the front, walk out the back and leave without even staying. That way you can say you were there.
3. If you are cornered, use a pet as a topic diverter. No matter what baitbee or bingo topic they bring up, change it to a pet related topic about how your pet is superior to any spawn. This is easy to do (because no matter what pet you have, they're better than any brat in every way) and if they're really persistent about forcing breeding talk on you, they will keep getting reminded of what a poor and stupid choice they have made, feel bad about it and seek to end the experience by not forcing the topic on you any more. It worked wonders for my SIL. She spent a good hour trying to bingo and breeder-babble me, but every statement she made was met with how my experience with my birds is far better than her spawn. She eventually shut up and was very respectful afterwards to me because she didn't want any more reminders of her little mistake.
4. DO NOT BRING A GIFT. I cannot state this strongly enough. Either fein money problems, or ignorance. If you purchase them anything, you will be repeatedly pressured to do more of these things for each loaf she shits. DO NOT PAY FOR HER STUPIDITY. If you do feel forced into buying something, do not spend more than a dollar (dollar store!) and try your hardest to make it a shitty gift they don't really want and can't use. Again, this saves you money and will make them unlikely to waste an invite on you in the future. Breeders are all about free stuff. If they're not turning a profit of some kind by you being there, they'll not bother.
5. DO NOT HOLD ANY SPROGS. Don't hold them. Don't touch them. Don't even look at them. If you do, you've been leashed and they will not only drag you in for more, but also claim that you're "coming around" and "changing your mind". Pretend they're not there as much as you can, and if you do find yourself forced to acknowledge them, do so in the most disinterested way you possibly can. Don't even form words, just kind of grunt or "hm" the acknowledgement before walking away to something (anything) non-breeder and non-sprog related (food).
6. If all else fails... immediately look for booze. If there is no booze, say you'll go get some and leave. (Note that you never said you would bring it back.) Just leave. You can also have someone call with an "emergency" for you to rush off to tend to. Any excuse to leave. Perhaps you don't feel well. Maybe you have some food poisoning. Doesn't matter. Any excuse to get out the door... or just sneak out when nobody is looking. Most of the time at these things, everyone is focused on the pignorant cow, so as long as you keep away from her, you can slip out unnoticed.
1. Most important: befriend any/all men that might be attending. MANY times they force men into these things, and when they do, the men find a room and hide in there until it's over. The one shower I attended did this, and so I just hung out with the guys the whole time, neatly avoiding the whole shower, whilst also attending at the same time. This is the golden solution if there is one.
2. If that is not an option, show up as late as you think you can get away with, leave as early as you can get away with, and spend most of your time in the non-shower room... usually the kitchen or a bathroom, or a porch. If you smoke, do so the entire time, as an excuse to be as far away from the cows as possible. Keep making trips to the food area, or bathroom. When you leave, leave quietly without telling anyone. In fact, if the house is big enough and you get there during the gift portion, you can literally walk in the front, walk out the back and leave without even staying. That way you can say you were there.
3. If you are cornered, use a pet as a topic diverter. No matter what baitbee or bingo topic they bring up, change it to a pet related topic about how your pet is superior to any spawn. This is easy to do (because no matter what pet you have, they're better than any brat in every way) and if they're really persistent about forcing breeding talk on you, they will keep getting reminded of what a poor and stupid choice they have made, feel bad about it and seek to end the experience by not forcing the topic on you any more. It worked wonders for my SIL. She spent a good hour trying to bingo and breeder-babble me, but every statement she made was met with how my experience with my birds is far better than her spawn. She eventually shut up and was very respectful afterwards to me because she didn't want any more reminders of her little mistake.
4. DO NOT BRING A GIFT. I cannot state this strongly enough. Either fein money problems, or ignorance. If you purchase them anything, you will be repeatedly pressured to do more of these things for each loaf she shits. DO NOT PAY FOR HER STUPIDITY. If you do feel forced into buying something, do not spend more than a dollar (dollar store!) and try your hardest to make it a shitty gift they don't really want and can't use. Again, this saves you money and will make them unlikely to waste an invite on you in the future. Breeders are all about free stuff. If they're not turning a profit of some kind by you being there, they'll not bother.
5. DO NOT HOLD ANY SPROGS. Don't hold them. Don't touch them. Don't even look at them. If you do, you've been leashed and they will not only drag you in for more, but also claim that you're "coming around" and "changing your mind". Pretend they're not there as much as you can, and if you do find yourself forced to acknowledge them, do so in the most disinterested way you possibly can. Don't even form words, just kind of grunt or "hm" the acknowledgement before walking away to something (anything) non-breeder and non-sprog related (food).
6. If all else fails... immediately look for booze. If there is no booze, say you'll go get some and leave. (Note that you never said you would bring it back.) Just leave. You can also have someone call with an "emergency" for you to rush off to tend to. Any excuse to leave. Perhaps you don't feel well. Maybe you have some food poisoning. Doesn't matter. Any excuse to get out the door... or just sneak out when nobody is looking. Most of the time at these things, everyone is focused on the pignorant cow, so as long as you keep away from her, you can slip out unnoticed.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
On the "thrusting" stuff. DO NOT TAKE THE THRUSTED SPAWN, EVER. Leave your arms at your sides or always have something in your hands. If they thrust toward you, step back away from them. If you need an excuse, fake being sick. Tell them you have something vile that could kill spawn. Even better, just say "The doctor hasn't cleared me to be that close to anyone yet." Which is also an excellent excuse to stay away from the cow herself.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 499 |
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bunny
4. DO NOT BRING A GIFT. I cannot state this strongly enough. Either fein money problems, or ignorance. If you purchase them anything, you will be repeatedly pressured to do more of these things for each loaf she shits. DO NOT PAY FOR HER STUPIDITY. If you do feel forced into buying something, do not spend more than a dollar (dollar store!) and try your hardest to make it a shitty gift they don't really want and can't use. Again, this saves you money and will make them unlikely to waste an invite on you in the future. Breeders are all about free stuff. If they're not turning a profit of some kind by you being there, they'll not bother.
This! You could get dollar store concealer and say "for the bags under your eyes."
*Quote
bunny
Pretend they're not there as much as you can, and if you do find yourself forced to acknowledge them, do so in the most disinterested way you possibly can. Don't even form words, just kind of grunt or "hm" the acknowledgement before walking away
In other words, act like Heathcliff. I like it XD
*I am not knocking inexpensive makeup. My own foundation and liner are drug store brands, but I still wouldn't give them as gifts, except to send a message.
Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 4,998 |
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,842 |
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myrna minkoff
call the hostess the evening before and tell her you are afraid you are coming down with the flu and don't want to take a chance around her. if you bought her something you can mail the present. the end.
Please do that, one of my suggestions on how we CF can make a difference is to Never, Ever, attend a baby shower.
I know it must be a woman thing, but what happens if you DO NOT go to a baby shower? Do other women shun you, or what happens? Forgive me for asking, as a guy there must be something I don't get about these "showers."
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Me personally, if its a good friend who's treated me well and a PNB type I'd attend the baby shower, because that's what good friends do, support eachother through life's endeavors even if I don't share that exact same interest.
Now if it was relatives who treated me like crap, forgetaboutit.
Now if it was relatives who treated me like crap, forgetaboutit.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 25, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
I gather that she's going to keep her NMoo from trashing her while she's not there and turning her brother and SIL against her.
The OP wrote that NMoo previously did not extend invitations to her, to the detriment of her relationship with her brother.
I can understand some of that, having an NMoo myself. But the flip side is:
That is good advice as well. My assvice is, before you put yourself through the pain, check your motives, your expectations and their expectations.
The reality is that your NMoo will likely continue to trash you. Your SIL and brother will form their own opinion of you and of your mother. Life is long and they will make up their own mind about her and about you. If you don't care what they think about you, why bother.
I guess the question is, do you want to be THEIR friend? Do you see qualities in them that you like? Do they have anything to offer you? If you are going through the pain of attending this baybee shower, you should be getting something out of the relationship too**. If you feel that by not going it will start a family war, it may be because your brother and SIL are becoming Gimme Breeders. If that's the case your relationship may be doomed anyway.
If you think they will be the type to DEMAND that you like/gift their kid, despite your own feelings, might want to send the message that you don't play that game and the rift will start now.
**For too long and for too many years I jumped through hoops for others' expectations and was constantly auditioning for their approval, to my own detriment. If they had what I believed was a mistaken impression of me, I wanted to show them I wasn't really like that and make them "see the light." So much wasted effort. Some people may actively dislike you for petty reasons. Their loss.
**And there is nothing more stupid than rigid family shit. My in-laws have all kinds of crazy customs, like insisting that 17 people stay in my in-law^s 1600 square foot ranch house with one bathroom. I cost me too much personal pain to consider staying in a situation like that, "family tradition" be dammed. I refused to go and we stay in a hotel. And I still agree to go because it means a lot to DH, but it has to work for me too. I can go now and be happy with the arrangement. I don't know whether they think I'm an uppity non-chyld bearing bitch. I couldn't care less and they don't affect my day-to-day life. The important thing is that I'm not suffering through family interactions and it works for me too.
tldr: asking yourself, "does this work for me," or "what's in it for me," are perfectly reasonable. Reciprocity is the basis for every successful relationship.
The OP wrote that NMoo previously did not extend invitations to her, to the detriment of her relationship with her brother.
I can understand some of that, having an NMoo myself. But the flip side is:
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Hannigan
As I've said before with dealing with toxic people, they can't play tug of war with you if you drop the rope.
That is good advice as well. My assvice is, before you put yourself through the pain, check your motives, your expectations and their expectations.
The reality is that your NMoo will likely continue to trash you. Your SIL and brother will form their own opinion of you and of your mother. Life is long and they will make up their own mind about her and about you. If you don't care what they think about you, why bother.
I guess the question is, do you want to be THEIR friend? Do you see qualities in them that you like? Do they have anything to offer you? If you are going through the pain of attending this baybee shower, you should be getting something out of the relationship too**. If you feel that by not going it will start a family war, it may be because your brother and SIL are becoming Gimme Breeders. If that's the case your relationship may be doomed anyway.
If you think they will be the type to DEMAND that you like/gift their kid, despite your own feelings, might want to send the message that you don't play that game and the rift will start now.
**For too long and for too many years I jumped through hoops for others' expectations and was constantly auditioning for their approval, to my own detriment. If they had what I believed was a mistaken impression of me, I wanted to show them I wasn't really like that and make them "see the light." So much wasted effort. Some people may actively dislike you for petty reasons. Their loss.
**And there is nothing more stupid than rigid family shit. My in-laws have all kinds of crazy customs, like insisting that 17 people stay in my in-law^s 1600 square foot ranch house with one bathroom. I cost me too much personal pain to consider staying in a situation like that, "family tradition" be dammed. I refused to go and we stay in a hotel. And I still agree to go because it means a lot to DH, but it has to work for me too. I can go now and be happy with the arrangement. I don't know whether they think I'm an uppity non-chyld bearing bitch. I couldn't care less and they don't affect my day-to-day life. The important thing is that I'm not suffering through family interactions and it works for me too.
tldr: asking yourself, "does this work for me," or "what's in it for me," are perfectly reasonable. Reciprocity is the basis for every successful relationship.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
Quote
ladybug2203
Me personally, if its a good friend who's treated me well and a PNB type I'd attend the baby shower, because that's what good friends do, support eachother through life's endeavors even if I don't share that exact same interest.
Now if it was relatives who treated me like crap, forgetaboutit.
Oddly enough...
I got a text from a friend on Saturday morning announcing her pignasty via a pic of a restroom type depiction of a man and woman with the words "We're Pregnant".
Mind you I love this gal and I have a sorta life debt I owe to her, and she has had nothing but shitlife since she up and moved a thousand miles south elevenish years ago. And secretly pregnant. She fled the shame and the POS babydaddy somewhat too, but she ended up losing that child to cancer before her second birthday. I felt horrible for my friend then. She's a good person but has no concept of a healthy relationship. I don't think she ever had a real proper date in her life. Her mom is a narcmoo also so she essentially has no real loving family either.
My point is that she has been couch surfing for two years and has had an on and if thing with some strung out surfer type, the new babydaddy i assume, who was just in rehab (lovely. A real catch) and also has "anger issues" he is working on. Yes, my friend is that type that thinks she can "fix" someone.
TLDR ... I have yet to respond to her text. And Dh and I agreed to rescind our standing offer of a rent free room when we buy that dream house of ours LOL so she could move back here and get on her feet (she is also a hyper emotional drama llama who loses jobs due to all her drama ... and other assorted bad luck to be fair.) But just Fuck that noise now. Stay in crazy FLA.
Again she is dear to me but just WTF is she thinking getting knocked up? She is in her late 30s. With health problems herself. I am so glad for those thousand miles between us.
Sorry for the threadjack. Im just still so pissed at her and needed to share. I need a reddit account....
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,842 |
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 26, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
Had a 'girls weekend' this past weekend... and found out that one of our friends is going to be a grandmother for the first time. So, one of the gals suggested we have a 'grandma shower'. I was the only one who was not jumping all over the place in agreement. Nope.. I could not even stand a grandma shower. They think it would be 'cute' to give her things for the kid to play with or eat out of or wear when visiting grandma. Crap!
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
Thanks again guys for all the excellent advice. I feel a lot more prepared now .
The shower is tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know how it goes.
I will be getting in and out as swiftly as possible. Sadly it's women only so no chance of "normal" conversation about things that are actually interesting unless there are some non-moos there.
Good news is I don't think there'll be any brats there either.
That's interesting that you defeated your Sil's bingos Bunny. I will try that approach if I need to.
I will absolutely not be attending any future baby showers for anyone. This is a once off.
I do smoke so I can always nip out fairly often for that.
So tempted to buy this:
The shower is tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know how it goes.
I will be getting in and out as swiftly as possible. Sadly it's women only so no chance of "normal" conversation about things that are actually interesting unless there are some non-moos there.
Good news is I don't think there'll be any brats there either.
That's interesting that you defeated your Sil's bingos Bunny. I will try that approach if I need to.
I will absolutely not be attending any future baby showers for anyone. This is a once off.
I do smoke so I can always nip out fairly often for that.
So tempted to buy this:
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 216 |
If you cut off the congrats part... the card would be perfect.
Also, on the smoking: That leaves residue on your skin, hair and clothing that is considered to be an off-gassing VOC that can cause 3rd hand damage to anyone anywhere near you...no matter where you smoke... so it's another excuse for them to keep the piggo and any loaves/brats as far away from you as possible, lest they be exposed to it. That means, no sitting near her, not holding or even being near spawn, and staying as far away as possible from anyone who values their lungs. Hey, for all its drawbacks, at least there are some benefits, right?
Also, on the smoking: That leaves residue on your skin, hair and clothing that is considered to be an off-gassing VOC that can cause 3rd hand damage to anyone anywhere near you...no matter where you smoke... so it's another excuse for them to keep the piggo and any loaves/brats as far away from you as possible, lest they be exposed to it. That means, no sitting near her, not holding or even being near spawn, and staying as far away as possible from anyone who values their lungs. Hey, for all its drawbacks, at least there are some benefits, right?
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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danity
Thanks again guys for all the excellent advice. I feel a lot more prepared now .
The shower is tomorrow so I will be sure to let you know how it goes.
I will be getting in and out as swiftly as possible. Sadly it's women only so no chance of "normal" conversation about things that are actually interesting unless there are some non-moos there.
Good news is I don't think there'll be any brats there either.
That's interesting that you defeated your Sil's bingos Bunny. I will try that approach if I need to.
I will absolutely not be attending any future baby showers for anyone. This is a once off.
I do smoke so I can always nip out fairly often for that.
So tempted to buy this:
Best of luck danity!
Hope you have a much better time than you're anticipating and everyone is well-behaved and respectful.
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 173 |
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Re: Help me survive this baby shower. July 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
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danity
Thanks guys!
Bunny, that is a brilliant excuse! Of course I'm trying to quit, who isn't? But what a fantastic reason not to be around any kyds!
Even if I quit I'm gonna pretend I'm still smoking now!
Hope so too freya. Will update you guys soon
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