Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

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starlady
Sometimes I have to wonder... When I am in a group and there are small childrun there they seem to gravitate toward ME. I am probably the one person in the room who doesn't give a rats rump about their stupid toy or some edless drivel about this and that and here they come, right up in my face. Others in the room are all enamoured by the cute little crotch cricket... but I couldn't care less. PLEEEEZE get the brat away from MEEE!

I have that same fucking kid-magnet quality and I hate it. I ignore them and it seems to engender devotion.

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yurble

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starlady
Sometimes I have to wonder... When I am in a group and there are small childrun there they seem to gravitate toward ME. I am probably the one person in the room who doesn't give a rats rump about their stupid toy or some edless drivel about this and that and here they come, right up in my face. Others in the room are all enamoured by the cute little crotch cricket... but I couldn't care less. PLEEEEZE get the brat away from MEEE!

I have that same fucking kid-magnet quality and I hate it. I ignore them and it seems to engender devotion.

This is a phenomenon. My husband has exactly the same problem and it drives him nuts. In checkout queues all kids will just open-mouthed stare at him. A friends' little boy ran over and clutched his legs the first time he ever saw him, and this lad always used to hide from new people.

Of course, he hates it, he never smiles or speaks to any kids and does absolutely nothing to encourage it, but it seems they find his scowl strangely appealing.

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happysammy
This is a phenomenon. My husband has exactly the same problem and it drives him nuts. In checkout queues all kids will just open-mouthed stare at him. A friends' little boy ran over and clutched his legs the first time he ever saw him, and this lad always used to hide from new people.

Of course, he hates it, he never smiles or speaks to any kids and does absolutely nothing to encourage it, but it seems they find his scowl strangely appealing.

This happens because the children sense they are in the presence of a balanced, responsible adult who does not jabber and coo like a mentally unstable, baby-rabid moron. Logical behavior has to be a refreshing change. I used to work at a daycare and the babies always grew calm around me, but nervous and fussy around the really emotional, huggy, vocal employees. The babies and kids picked up on the hysteria from the other adults, and it made them feel unsafe. As the ONLY employee who did not want to be there (and who stayed quiet), I was the ONLY one who consistently got respect and was able to effectively stop tantrums. Nobody else could figure it out-- and some of these people were grandparents. They seemed to believe that speaking in tongues was too precious, and that bribing fussy kids with cookies was going to bring about calm. eyes2
___

My brother is like that. I call him "Kidnip." And my mother is like valium for babies/toddlers. I swear, I don't even know how I'm related to them, lol.

I think with some men, if they're big and hairy and cuddly-looking, kids think, "Oh, look! It's a big talking teddy bear/human mountain I can climb!" They're just utterly fascinated.

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KitsNotKids
Today I asked a customer for ID. They handed over a picture of their grandson begging for attention. eyes2 OMG lyk how funny and kewt.

I would have been tempted to say something like "Man, did you ever get OLLDDD!!" And then hand the damn thing back to them.

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KitsNotKids
Today I asked a customer for ID. They handed over a picture of their grandson begging for attention. eyes2 OMG lyk how funny and kewt.

I would have responded by asking that dumb bitch why she was showing me a picture of an infected hemmorhoid
:biggrin2

OMG this teen moo bitch would not STFU standing in line behind be at the store today. She was so damn annoying even her loaf started to complain, but of course she takes his noises as encouragement. "What's wrong with my haaaaaandsome li'l maaaaaaaayyyyyyun?" As soon she said that shit I knew that the kid probably looks like


She just kept on... "My little man is sooooo handsome but he treats mommy so baaaaaaaad. Why you treat mommy so bad, huh? Huh? Why, handsome?...." The more she attention whores and "sings" the more her loaf whines and cries.

I was so glad to get out of that place

Yesterday I was in the grocery store picking up a few items and here's what I came across:

Moo had her freshly shat loaf (I swear this thing was tiny) in her arms and was walking slowly up and down an aisle with it. The loaf wasn't screaming, it was just quietly staring about. She'd slowly waddle over to anybody that came within range and present the loaf to be cooed at. She did it to me and I sort of gave her a bit of a nod and walked on.

I thought that was weird, but what was more bizarre was I caught the same moo doing this in 3 other aisles before I left the store. The exact same thing. Cart pushed to one side, slowly waddling up and down the aisle with loaf in her arms and approaching anybody that came close enough to her.

Really? You have to go to a grocery store to present perfect strangers with your gormless maggot?

lol, wish I'd thought of those comebacks at the time!

I buy "baby"products for myself which include the oil, lotion, powder, and wipes. I figure anything made for baybee will be good for sensitive skin and not heavily perfumed.I also occasionally buy baby food and Pedialyte whenever any of my cats gets a cold or doesn't feel well. However, the drawback is I am frequently shopping on the baybee aisle. I attempt to see that the aisle is clear of moos before I approach it, but occasionally one will happen up while I am shopping and will nearly ALWAYS have a fresh loaf in tow. The baybee stalking will begin right away and I am sometimes trapped between TWO moos and can't make a hasty retreat.:hs

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

This wasn't even the baby aisle (which also has things like pads and soap down the other side of it), this was in a frozen food aisle then later I saw her in baked goods and the "stuff for a dollar" aisles.

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Dogsmeow2
This wasn't even the baby aisle (which also has things like pads and soap down the other side of it), this was in a frozen food aisle then later I saw her in baked goods and the "stuff for a dollar" aisles.

Without a doubt, breeder sow-moos are everywhere and NO WHERE is "safe".

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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pepper labeija

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KitsNotKids
I knew that the kid probably looks like

ugly-face-1-tile.jpg

This made me pee myself, lawlz!

Hey all! I'm back! After a move, f'ed up upstairs neighbors, and a new job that takes up MUCHO time, I must post.

This new job, well, it's retail. I am forced on a daily basis to interact with children. My co-workers find it hilarious when I chat up the parents and kids - hey, I'm trying to make sales - then, when they leave, my face loses it's plastic perma-grin; my nostrils flare, and I go for the hand sanitizer. Everyone tells me I'm great with kids. Well, that's because I'm a great at pretending. I happen to think it's the Gods' joke on me. Make me great with kids and ALSO make me so I don't like them. Yay!

It's your hell; you rot in it!

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reaperess
Hey all! I'm back! After a move, f'ed up upstairs neighbors, and a new job that takes up MUCHO time, I must post.

This new job, well, it's retail. I am forced on a daily basis to interact with children. My co-workers find it hilarious when I chat up the parents and kids - hey, I'm trying to make sales - then, when they leave, my face loses it's plastic perma-grin; my nostrils flare, and I go for the hand sanitizer. Everyone tells me I'm great with kids. Well, that's because I'm a great at pretending. I happen to think it's the Gods' joke on me. Make me great with kids and ALSO make me so I
don't like them. Yay!

larious and welcome back!:1welcome

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Thanks! Missed y'all!

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Hiya reaperess, welcome back!

:1wv

i don't know if this is also considered babystalked.

my boyfriend and i ate in a restaurant. there were a smoking area and non-smoking area separated by solid wall partition. neither of us smoked, so we sat in non-smoking area. it was pretty empty; only us dining in that area. then from the smoking area, came a young man carrying a little child. he put the brat on the lone high chair on the back of the area and left the brat there. i thought the man wanted to move to non-smoking area so he left his brat here, but the man didn't come to pick the brat up.

imagine a young brat on high chair without supervision; the brat can't properly walk or talk, but strong enough to sway back and forth on that high chair (at the critical rate of creating enough torque to flip the chair past its center of gravity) --oh, the horror! the only thing in my mind was, if that thing fell and suffered from permanent brain damage, we are going to be blamed. basically we are forced to have the moral obligation to babysit this neglected child--while his dad probably had his daily dose of tobacco in the smoking area.

at one point the brat almost fell together with the high chair--luckily my boyfriend (who are much nicer than me; not a childfree) reacted fast enough to prevent major disaster.

after 20minutes, halfway through our dinner, the man who previously left the brat came again. i shouted to this man "sir, your son could have fell and been injured on that high chair. he swayed on that, it is unsafe!"
the man replied, "oh, really?? *baby-talked to the son* aaawwww, you bad, bad kid, don't doooo thaaat! awwww...kuchikuchikhuchi! goo gaa daa daa" then left the brat once again on that high chair.

so he thought we were free babysitters? he expected us, two strangers, to look after his brat while he's away?
even after i finished my dinner and left, the man had not come to pick the brat. hmm. interesting.

spread meme, not genes

to my uterus: Y U NO GET THE FUCK OUT FROM MY BODY?

I would have reported that to management at least, if not the cops.

Today was probably the first time I've been babystalked by an adult since I learned the word for it.

My boyfriend and I were shopping at Walmart (my first mistake) and had wandered off in different directions to gather things. When I was near dairy, I noticed a scruffy man in pain-covered clothes pushing a cart with a toddler sporting a mow-hawk in it. I didn't care, I only noticed them because they were standing near the cream cheese that I was after. Some time later, I caught sight of my boyfriend and we made our way towards each other.

I didn't notice the guy and his kid get in front of me, but somehow that's where he was, ahead of me and to my left. "She's looking at you! She thinks you're...(something I didn't catch.)" The guy was addressing his kid, loudly, but I could see in my peripheral vision that the guy was smiling at me. I wasn't looking at your kid, guy, I don't give a damn. I made a point to keep my head forwards towards my boyfriend, where I had been looking all along. My boyfriend met up with me right next to where the guy had stopped his cart.

Funny, when I didn't pay him his kid any attention, and made it clear that I was with someone (a 6'3, musclebound, obviously military someone) the guy quickly slunk away.

I only noticed the guy one more time after that, walking off somewhere while leaving the cart, toddler still in it, completely unattended. Classy.

I can't edit my previous post. I guess there's a time-limit?



True story.

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juliewashere88
I can't edit my previous post. I guess there's a time-limit?

ragecomicwalmart.jpg

True story.

julie...please post it to 9gag! larious

spread meme, not genes

to my uterus: Y U NO GET THE FUCK OUT FROM MY BODY?

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juliewashere88
I can't edit my previous post. I guess there's a time-limit?

ragecomicwalmart.jpg

True story.

This made my day! hankyou z

It seems that children have this thing where they tend to gravitate towards people that DON'T like them.
Happens to me all the time.
Especially in Wal-Mart.
I always glare at them if they bump into me.
And of course Moo gives me this look.
Like, if you say anything to my preshus shitling I will tear you to shreds.
I try to be polite and not say anything.
I've also had a child come up to me because it mistaked me for it's owner.
Sigh.

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major, psychotic fucking hatreds.”
— George Carlin

I've also come up with a lovely, sophisticated term for Wally world brats or just any loaf in general that's in a bad spot.

An IPSC.
Or Inappropriately Placed Small Child.
My partner and I joke about it all the time.
It stems from a joke I made while watching an episode of Steve Irwin on Animal Planet early one morning.
They had the camera at ground level as they showed Steve and Terri helping an owl on the roadside and all of a sudden, a tiny ant comes into the shot as it crawls on the white painted roadline.
I nicknamed it the inappropriately placed ant and being as sleep deprived as I was, I found it hilarious.
And so, I applied the innappropriately placed logic to other things and voila.

Blah, how TL;DR.
Sorry if that was a bit off topic.

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major, psychotic fucking hatreds.”
— George Carlin

My fiance and I were fucking baby stalked at the DANCE STUDIO yesterday where we both dance. Moo comes in with her probably 5 year old and her I'm guessing 1.5 year old loaf. She puts the loaf down on the floor where the fucking thing SCREAMS BLOODY FUCKING MURDER. My fiance and I both cover our ears, when moo is in earshot I said "What FANTASTIC birth control!!!!!" Moo gives me a dirty look (:bedmadelie bitch) and lets the thing keep screaming, WHILE moving towards us. We move, I look at her she smiles with the "isn't she cute mommy smile". I roll my eyes. She catches the fucking hint and leaves. I wanted to punt the fucking thing.

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What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"