The "I got bin go-ed" thread

Sorry, this is a tangent, because I was a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding on Saturday, and I DIDN'T get bingo-d. :jump

The guy we sat next to for the meal (father of two school-age kids) asked how old our children are. I laughed and said 'we're those weirdos you hear about who don't want any' and he said 'Weirdos? I don't think so, it sounds like you've got a great life and you'd miss out on so much if you had a family'. I was waiting for the 'it's all worth it' nonsense, but it never happened. What a great bloke.

Then someone I haven't seen for ages asked me if I was certain that I didn't want to have any children (she has one aged 5). When I smiled and nodded she replied by saying she was appalled at how many mothers said it was 'wrong' or 'strange' of other women not to want children. She said she knew she wanted to be a mother, and it's perfectly logical that other people know they don't want to, and simply doesn't understand the bullying about it.

What a refreshing change, maybe it's the shape of things to come.

Now, THAT is refreshing!

Got one of the strangest bingos of my life from a coworker. I have been doing research on my family tree and he knows, so he asked how the search was going.

Me: I haven't found a whole lot but I did find out my Great Great Grandfather was a lobotomist.

snooty male coworker: See don't you want to have children to continue that honorable bloodline?

Me: ............................

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starvingauthor
Got one of the strangest bingos of my life from a coworker. I have been doing research on my family tree and he knows, so he asked how the search was going.

Me: I haven't found a whole lot but I did find out my Great Great Grandfather was a lobotomist.

snooty male coworker: See don't you want to have children to continue that honorable bloodline?

Me: ............................

That's...weird. Doubly weird, actually, because of the non-sequitur, and then the fact that it would be really unusual if you were the only descendent of your great-great-grandfather. That's four generations of descendents; are we really to believe that you are the only one of your generation? Oh, and your fictional offspring would have about 3.13% of its genes in common with the ancestor in question.

I was almost sort-of bingoed the other day.

I'm getting medically discharged from the Army, and I was going over my paperwork with my PEBLO (Physical Evaluation Board Liaison Officer.) I had to update my address, since, as I told her, my boyfriend and I had moved into a townhouse together off post.

"Oh, you know what's next?" She asked cheerfully, even though it wasn't really a question.

"Um... furniture, I need a bed," was my lame attempt at deflection.

I thought she was talking about kids, but it turned out she meant marriage. I told her I'm not against marriage, but I don't really see much value in the institution and would only consider marriage if I was already in a committed relationship anyway and there was some kind of material benefit (health insurance, for example.)

Then she admitted that she married for a similar reason - security. The soldier she was in a relationship with was moving to another post. The Army will only pay to move family members, and since she had kids. Even if she could afford to move, she would have been taking a serious risk, especially since she had kids. She said she could only afford to move and would only feel secure about doing so if they were married. It's sounds weird the way I've written it, but anyone familiar with how the military works would understand.

I told her that when she said "you know what's next," I thought she was talking about kids.

"Oh, no, honey. Get a dog."

Lol that lady is awesome.

If these bingoing idiots would give having kids actual THOUGHT, then they probably wouldn't have done it either. T H I N K!!!!!! No f*cking way..and nice try, b*tches, but our joy is in our FREEDOM.. :yeah

I know that my parents must have gotten lots of comments after me and hubby got married. I knew their friends and they were all grandparents so... the comments I got from my own parents were major bingos. At first I just tuned them out, but as I got into my 30's and came to the final decision NOT to breed... the comments started to realy bother me. We were 'fencesitters' for the first 8 years of our marriage... but made our decision soon after that. Had to have a hyst. at age 40 .. so then I got the 'you can still adopt' line from them. If I don't want kids then why in he** would I adopt any? The stupid comment my father made about still using my eggs AFTER the hyst. (which I think I mentioned somewhere on here) was the topper. I could not believe that remark. I was freekin 45 years old at the time.

My friends now are all supportive of my decision. No bingo comments from them.

However... my ex-sil (mother of the nephew I talked about on another thread) is the most recent one to bingo me. It was last Christmas. I hadn't been speaking much to the ex-sil but did send her a nice email wishing her and my niece a happy holiday. My nephew had moved in with a girl he met on line and they were in another state. I mentioned something about hoping that he had made the right decision.

She writes back to me and goes OFF. She said that what her son does is none of my business and that I would never understand the love between parent and child because I didn't have any. She also said that I must be very depressed over the holidays because I have no children to share it with and that I should get professional help to get me through the season.



I wasn't mean in my initial email... never mentioned anything about being depressed. (I do get a little 'down' becaue I litterly do not have any family except the hubby and the dog but I'm used to it) This woman is a moo. I mean.. if you looked up the word in the CF dictionary there would be a big ol' pic of HER. So these comments were no surprise. However, in the 20+ years I've known her.. she has never made such bingo comments to me.
We have never spoken since.

Sounds like someone needs therapy, and it AINT you, starlady!

Sounds like someone needs therapy, and it AINT you, starlady!

*******

Hey... I wrote back something like that to her before I never spoke to her again. LOL I think I said something about there being good therapy for mothers who can't separate themselves from their adult children (her kids are 23 and 28 and she is...omg... I can't even go there at the moment) and have a life of their own... or that maybe she was just one of those 'kind' who are jealous of the CF. Yep... I didn't let it go with out 'shovelin' some back at her.'

A rather indirect bingo my mom said to me was, "You can still do things with your life if you have kids its just harder."

"Well, why would I make it more difficult than it already is?" said me.

No one needs to have kids so why would you complicate life further over something that doesn't need to be? Really women could get much further in this world if they would stop letting themselves be brainwashed.

To Starlady: I absolutely love a peaceful, quiet time over the holidays, which wouldn't be possible with kids. That lady needs to go to therapy.

i got bingoed recently at an engagement party.

first, some background: i have insomnia - chronic insomnia. i have been to a sleep clinic, i have tried acupuncture, meditation, exercise, diet, and various herbal and prescription pills - nothing reallly works. it just comes in waves and then goes away for awhile, then comes back.

so i'm at this engagement party recently and i was chatting with an acquaintance and some random 30-something year old moo. during the chat i yawned - i put my hand over my mouth and said "please excuse me, i didn't get much sleep last night." my friend laughed and said "oh - really?! and what were YOU doing?" i said i wished i was partying but i hadn't gotten more than a few hours of sleep per night in about a week. my friend starts to say something and the random moo asks if i had kids. i said no, and she came back with -everybody say it with me: "lucky you! you don't know what sleep deprivation IS until you have a baby!" i just stared at her and said "at least with a baby it sleeps through the night eventually. wish i could, too." and walked away in the direction of the bar.

i was SO pissed! chronic insomnia is NOT the same thing as having a baby, because when the baby sleeps YOU can sleep too. and if you're on maternity leave who gives a shit if you sleep at night or during the day? and when the kid does sleep through the night (at 3 months or so?) then you can sleep too. insomnia is a very problematic condition, and one that is not an easy fix. like, you know, waiting a few weeks for your kid to shut the fuck up and go to sleep so you can, too. i wish like hell i only had insomnia for 3 months. i really wanted to smack this bitch, hard, and i am NOT a violent person. but i was so damned tired that evening i would have sold my granny into white slavery just for 8 hours sleep.

sorry for the rant, but i HATE those bingos, like if you have the flu: "at least you don't have a kid to take of" or if you have to spend all day a the DMV "at least you don't have to take the kids with you." etc. etc. just another way of belittling the CF's problems.

GODDAMMIT.

I have similar issues, and I would've put a wine glass up the bitch's ass.

Why is it that they think we just don't understand ANYTHING if we haven't sluiced? FTR, breeders, we understand a hell of a lot more than YOU do, ABOUT EVERYTHING, which is WHY WE HAVEN'T. Thank you very much.



I have a little bingo story to share, but I waited a couple of days to calm down, b/c I was piiiiiiiiiiiiissed.

I talk to a guy on the west coast, with whom I went to high school. Up until a few days ago, I was thinking that he was absolutely perfect for me in every way, and that if I ever did get married, it would be to him. He's just like me, in all of the important ways (or, so I thought): Single, never married, no kids... and at the age of 33, that's exceedingly rare (he's also funny as hell, and that's very valuable to me). Usually, one has to contend with babymama drama and bratty little shits that daddy won't discipline. Anyway, he calls me up, and we get to chatting. I asked him if the kid thing was a deal-breaker, b/c I just don't have any interest in children. I got the standard, "You're the kind of person that SHOULD be a parent," and "You will not fall prey to a fucked up body after birthing, your genes are too good," shit (worded slightly less eloquently, of course, because later, I found out that he fucking drunk-dialed me). It was like he wouldn't let it go. I told him about how I got oopsed, and how that was what really did it, for me... and the motherfucker FALLS ASLEEP, while I'm telling him about the worst, most traumatic thing that ever happened to me.

Some things I can forgive. Others, I can't. And, so... I'm either a pussy if I forgive him for being a drunken stupid prick, or I'm a bitch for not being able to blow it off. Whatever. I guess I'm a bitch.

what. an. asshole.

he'll end up married to some lumpy moo with a bunch of rugrats and you'll get the last laugh, because you'll still be fab.

I've been sort of....I dunno....not bingoed, but something lately--whatever you want to call it when people are over-eager to let you know that your choice is acceptable, when you weren't looking for any confirmation to begin with. It's as if they want to let you know how non-prejudiced and open-minded they are.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been asked several times if I have children, and I've simply said "No." This naturally results in the follow-up question, "Do you plan to?" "No," I respond.

That should be the end of that line of conversation, but for some reason they've all felt the need to inform me that "That's okay, too."

Well, thanks for telling me, because without social approval I'd be simply distraught. I wonder if they say the same thing upon learning that a person is homosexual: "So you're a lesbian? That's a perfectly acceptable thing to be."

But, on the plus side, maybe there's some measure of understanding that the condition of childfreedom exists and we're not ogres which is starting to seep in to the average brain.

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myrna minkoff
i got bingoed recently at an engagement party.

first, some background: i have insomnia - chronic insomnia. i have been to a sleep clinic, i have tried acupuncture, meditation, exercise, diet, and various herbal and prescription pills - nothing reallly works. it just comes in waves and then goes away for awhile, then comes back.

so i'm at this engagement party recently and i was chatting with an acquaintance and some random 30-something year old moo. during the chat i yawned - i put my hand over my mouth and said "please excuse me, i didn't get much sleep last night." my friend laughed and said "oh - really?! and what were YOU doing?" i said i wished i was partying but i hadn't gotten more than a few hours of sleep per night in about a week. my friend starts to say something and the random moo asks if i had kids. i said no, and she came back with -everybody say it with me: "lucky you! you don't know what sleep deprivation IS until you have a baby!" i just stared at her and said "at least with a baby it sleeps through the night eventually. wish i could, too." and walked away in the direction of the bar.

You have my absolute utmost sympathy. Having suffered from occasional insomnia, it became chronic, and stayed that way for about 3 years, when I was in my late teens to early twenties.
I still recall it now as one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It was so awful I wished I was dead, because my quality of life dwindled to nothing. I was useless at work and couldn't maintain friendships, and simply took the joy out of everything. Thinking about it now makes me shudder.

I'm not going to explain how it came to improve, as it's just not something that is relevant to, or could be recreated in, your life - being very specific to my circumstances.

I totally understand how much this sort of 'you can't possibly understand my suffering until you've had a baybeeeee' airhead bollocks makes you want to kill people. Apart from the fact it's simply not the same thing because they can still sleep when the baby stops crying, they fucking chose to have kids knowing full well that it would wake them in the night anyway so who wants to hear them moo-ing about it.

It's a waste of time having the conversation though, you were right to turn your back on her and walk off, because they simply will not accept that anyone has it harder than them.

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myrna minkoff
i got bingoed recently at an engagement party.

first, some background: i have insomnia - chronic insomnia. .

Oh man me too. I was off yesterday and today. I still had to benedryl myself to sleep.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

happysammy - glad you are doing better. mine comes in waves...i am sleeping this week which is awesome. yay!

and yes, it IS a waste of conversation and i really get down on myself sometimes for letting people like that get to me. if they want to have the title of "most miserable" then i guess they can have it. i need to find a way to let it not piss me off and upset me, but we're only human and sometimes it DOES hurt to be dismissed like that regardless of what we tell ourselves. the thing that really gets me is i would NEVER belittle someone's problems or concerns like that, even if i don;t think it's a big deal, it's a big deal to them. you'd think since breeding made them "better people" they would have a little more compassion. but no.

________________________________________________________

L'enfer, c'est les autres.

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myrna minkoff
happysammy - glad you are doing better. mine comes in waves...i am sleeping this week which is awesome. yay!

and yes, it IS a waste of conversation and i really get down on myself sometimes for letting people like that get to me. if they want to have the title of "most miserable" then i guess they can have it. i need to find a way to let it not piss me off and upset me, but we're only human and sometimes it DOES hurt to be dismissed like that. grrrrrr.

That's why I'm so glad I found this forum and can have a sensible exchange with people who have not totally lost their grasp on normal perspective. smile

Enjoy your sleep this week. X

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myrna minkoff
what. an. asshole.

he'll end up married to some lumpy moo with a bunch of rugrats and you'll get the last laugh, because you'll still be fab.

Aw, thank you! I feel bad that he thinks it's necessary to have children. He has so many interests, and is actually quite a brilliant person. The mofo can fix up an old muscle car like nobody's business (which I'm sadly going to miss out on, dammit!). But fuck that guy.

One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

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kaylachrist
One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

Because, it's not really a compromise if you're still doing something you don't want without anything actually being given up by the other. The hypothetical second child would, in that scenario, be imaginary. The man in the scenario got half of what he wanted without giving up anything.

If she thinks that's a compromise, you should have told her that you want her to give you $200 for nothing and that if she doesn't want to give you any, she should compromise by only giving you $100.

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juliewashere88

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kaylachrist
One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

Because, it's not really a compromise if you're still doing something you don't want without anything actually being given up by the other. The hypothetical second child would, in that scenario, be imaginary. The man in the scenario got half of what he wanted without giving up anything.

If she thinks that's a compromise, you should have told her that you want her to give you $200 for nothing and that if she doesn't want to give you any, she should compromise by only giving you $100.

Because breeders do have logic, don't they?:yeah

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juliewashere88

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kaylachrist
One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

Because, it's not really a compromise if you're still doing something you don't want without anything actually being given up by the other. The hypothetical second child would, in that scenario, be imaginary. The man in the scenario got half of what he wanted without giving up anything.

If she thinks that's a compromise, you should have told her that you want her to give you $200 for nothing and that if she doesn't want to give you any, she should compromise by only giving you $100.

Exactly.

And I think the girl was really clueless as to how much work a baby actually is. That's not an appealing "compromise." With me, there's no compromising on children! Hopefully my someday-sterilization will make that point for me. smile

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kaylachrist
One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

really genius. allow me to be a nerd; just like a digital logic--there are only two states:
0-you don't have kids
1-you have kids
there is no compromising in here. there is no fuzzy logic where you can have half or quarter of the kid. even if you only have one, you STILL HAVE A CHILD. even if your parents in law or your significant other are 100% in charge of the kid, you STILL HAVE A CHILD. it is deal or no deal.

if you marry somebody who wants eighteen babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have seventeen?

spread meme, not genes

to my uterus: Y U NO GET THE FUCK OUT FROM MY BODY?

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felisdomestica

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kaylachrist
One of the stupidest ideas I ever heard came from a high schooler who bingo'ed me when I was in high school the first time I said I never wanted kids. Here's her "genius" idea:

"If you marry somebody who wants two babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have one?"

:headbrick

really genius. allow me to be a nerd; just like a digital logic--there are only two states:
0-you don't have kids
1-you have kids
there is no compromising in here. there is no fuzzy logic where you can have half or quarter of the kid. even if you only have one, you STILL HAVE A CHILD. even if your parents in law or your significant other are 100% in charge of the kid, you STILL HAVE A CHILD. it is deal or no deal.

if you marry somebody who wants eighteen babies and you don't want any, why don't you compromise and just have seventeen?

:headbrick[/quote]

You may as well say that the Duggars compromised if the Mrs didn't want any kids and the Mr wanted 38.

Seriously, the world needs to stop giving those sick fucks attention.