Girlfriend wants child or break up

Maybe he's just too busy working to post right now.

I understand the urgency that this situation presents, but can we all just be a WEE bit nicer to Jim, please?

He's probably tired of getting bitched at in here. He asked for advice, not the Spanish Inquisition.

SchnauzerPup Wrote:
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> He's probably tired of getting bitched at in here.
> He asked for advice, not the Spanish Inquisition.


Seriously. I wish we could wave a magic wand and make his woman NOT want a babbee so we could all live happily ever after.

Peppertree Wrote:
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> I understand the urgency that this situation
> presents, but can we all just be a WEE bit nicer
> to Jim, please?

No one was "mean" to Jim. Most of us who are not nicety-nice were just saying it as it is. Many people only want to be told what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. If he wanted the a different response, he should have gone elsewhere than a childfree board where we are pretty vocal. An urgent situation often will call for drastic measures. If his concern for Cuntleigh the Wonder Cunt is to be so "fair", he need not cry when it backfires on him and she refuses to leave, starts the sobbing again, or...get knocked up after promising him how she chose him over a baby.

I thought the comments and advice given were frank, honest and right on the money -- and if he did/does stay with her (I do agree that it's too soon to assume he did), I won't feel even the tiniest bit of sympathy for him either.

I'm kind of curious... What kind of "nicer" responses did you guys want to see? Examples, please?

well like mine a sort of middle ground, yes if she oops him its bad but giver her a chance to think about what was said here, like borrow a kif for a week. it may have led to the same answer, but in a all options covered way.

we do have a tendency, to be forceful with our comments, not neccessariliy a bad thing, for a new person in need of advice, its best to start off slow incase we alienate them.

so borrow see what its like, then if she sees the reality of having a child and decides buggers this for a game of soldiers that would be great, if she still wants one,. then you know at least you gave it a chance to work out for the best..rather than go to the direct dump her.. giver her a choice.. let her decide then if she still wants to follow that course of action.. then go.

thats why i give people 3 chances. once could be an accident, 2 could be a nistake 3rd chance.. no.. thats it they are gone.. everyone deserves a chance to change solong as it doesnt affect others. only the person within you.

but having a child does affect others around you. perhaps she would have been a cf after experiencing a brat for weeks at a time. but from what has been said i doubt she would have changed.. but you have to give a person an opportunity

of course when it comes to children, there is no such thing as a first chance.. but the opportunity to decide or choose (and i stress DECIDE) to have or have not a child should be given. but thats just my way. to deny any chance of a change of heart due does that person no good at all.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Stephanie Wrote:
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> I thought the comments and advice given were
> frank, honest and right on the money -- and if he
> did/does stay with her (I do agree that it's too
> soon to assume he did), I won't feel even the
> tiniest bit of sympathy for him either.
>
> I'm kind of curious... What kind of "nicer"
> responses did you guys want to see? Examples,
> please?

I totally agree, Stephanie. No one called Jim names. Yes, I said some things about the girlfriend but this guy was having major problems with her hysterics over him refusing to have a baby on ransom, which were HIS words. This was a bad situation. What did the man want to hear??? "It is okay...and she will calm down. Don't worry about a thing." Mercurior did offer to talk to Jim man-to-man in private. That may have helped but I doubt Jim e-mailed Merc.

Jim saying we were not "respectful" enough re: responses about this problem stating it made the childfree look crazy showed how he really felt about this issue. So the CF are crazy? That is because we were telling it as it is to a man who claimed he did NOT want to breed at all! It looked as if the guy may have started caving to the emotional blackmail especially since he felt he somehow owed it to this woman not to put her out despite feeding her and taking care of every other $$$ need for the past four years.

I do not feel sorry for this man one bit. The "crazy" comment did it. I am also glad Techie did not hold back in his latest response. If people want to be stroked like a little kitty cat in these situations, they can find a site where there are fencesitters on the no-kids issue or go to a mommy board where he will be convinced to give him. Not my fucking problem. I'd rather be considered a "crazy childfree person" than a mother...

Have your gf look at some of the birth videos on youTube. That should give her pause.

Also if you're still reading this take a gander at this website:
www.shapeofamother.com
That is what is going to happen to your girlfriend. Not very nice.


And one more thing:I hate the way the term crazy is batted about.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> Also if you're still reading this take a gander at
> this website:
> www.shapeofamother.com
> That is what is going to happen to your
> girlfriend. Not very nice.

I doubt she will give that any thought as her idea is SHE will never gain weight and still look like Miss Thang despite giving birth.
>
>
> And one more thing:I hate the way the term crazy
> is batted about.

People like Mr. Jim love to say the childfree are "crazy" because we do not sugarcoat a bunch of things. Anything that is not mainstream society is viewed as "crazy". We may be "crazy" but WE are not the ones worrying about significant others or spouses trying to force us into motherhood or fatherhood. Better to be considered as "crazies" than a breeder.

As a friend said to me earlier this morning, maybe we should give the "Rainbows & Unicorns" advice the next time someone comes here re: problems of a wanna-breed. Fuck 'em. If they want the sappy sweet response on this issue, let them get oopsed. I sure ain't MY problem even though I am glued to this thread as if Krazy Glue got to me.

Looks like I'm tardy to the party *oops*

Dude, I'll be perfectly honest...if you're still reading this topic. You will regret it every day for the rest of your life if you give in to your selfish girlfriend's demands. You'll resent her, you'll resent the kid...and chances are, you'll end up with a second kid by the time the first one is 3 because you'll figure that your life is already ruined, so there's no point in trying to prevent more little mistakes.

No woman is worth staying with if she's going to blackmail you like this, because if she does it once, she will do it again under different circumstances in order to get that which she desires. That is no life to be stuck with, and someone who is emotionally manipulative does not make good girlfriend or good mother material.

Trust me when I say there are CF women out there - about 20 CF ladies to every one CF man. Don't just settle for this cunt who you call girlfriend because you have an 'attachment' to her, because that is what you sound like you're doing: settling. Don't do that, because it never turns out well. Let her go so she can find someone to breed with, and so you can find a lady who also does not want children.

Best of luck to you...hopefully you won't fall victim to your girlfriend's manipulation.

"I know I am selfish in that I want to continue this lifestyle, but why shouldn't I be selfish about what I have earned, and would like to do with it rather than spending it all on a child."

That is not selfish! Paraphrasing O.Wilde
"Being selfish is asking people to live how you want them to." -Oscar Wilde.

You know guys, that's not nice. If a girlfriend wants wants children, Jim should not deny her right to be a wonderful mother. Guys who do not give their girlfriends what they want take a chance of being dumped. :bawl So what he has to pay for everything, that's what being the father is about. What kind of person would just have sex and not have children? I think that is just not right. I could not take advantage of a woman like that. I get sex all the time (when she wants it, that is) and I have no problem with her telling me what to do. You know Jim, if she dumps you, you will not find another girlfriend and you could be lonely. You really need to re-evaluate your relationship. First, you need to get married - that is your first wrong doing by just living with her. That's not right. Marriage is sacred and only people bad people can live in sin. You have to marry her and give the type of wedding that will sweep her off her feet. You have to respect her mother, she will be the wonderful grandmother of your future children. Your life will be fulfilled with love, joy and happiness. She is a good woman that she wants children, you need to love her for it. Best of all, she wants your children - what more could you ask for? They would be your children, you would get to carry the legacy of a father - that is so wonderful. You must work hard, because you have to give woman things to keep her happy. If she is not happy, you will not get sex - trust me. Mastrubating is wrong when you have a wife. You know, children are just part of life my wife tells me. I work 2 jobs and support my family and so should you. If anything, I may be refinancing my house for the 5th time in 4 years because my family needs come first and wife had to max out all the credit cards. I have no problem with that, she has never bought anything she did not want. I love my life, I think everyone wishes they could me. I know my old friends do not want to talk to me, but you know, success has it's casualties. Later this year, my son is turning 16 so I am so excited to buy him his brand new Lexus, I cannot wait, his friends are going to be so happy for him. I know he is a little harsh with us, parents, but it so worth it. He tells me I am a door mat, but coming from him it's so worth it. I adore him! I think that $770/month car payment for him is kind of high, but only a bad parent would let his wonderful children drive a cheap car. He means so much to me. My wife used to be a waitress, she is a strong woman. I like that she has no problem telling anyone what she thinks. She did fuck 2 of my former friends, but she means so much to me, I do not mind. I think it was because I did not want to buy her that $10,000 set of earings, so I though about it, you know I was a jerk. She loves me and it was so wrong of me that she had to fuck around with old friends to fulfill her wishes and get her point across. She is a pretty lady, even after 4 kids. My youngest one does not look like me, but I think we are all family, that's what really matters. If I had to do it again, I would me more pro-active in providing for my wife. Women need men, and your sexual desires are evil Jim. You need to have the kind of sex that you wife wants. You need to love your unborn children and they are inside your wife. Love her and you will love them. Your mother in law knows best, I think you need to buy a house for her right next to yours. Her advice is invaluable and you will learn to appreciate it. You know years do not go by without learning. I have learned how to provide and it paid off. I got laid twice last four years, that's awesome. I tjink my wife is sacred. Our youngest child was born via immaculate conception. Only priveledged people like me get that. You see Jim, if you listen to your wife, you will appreciate her more. I can see how my wife can rack up $100,000 in credit card debt in 1 year, she is a lovely lady. They are our credit cards and if she did not love me so much she would be very uncomfortable. But she loves me, and her love is all worth it!

PWS..that was good.

I'm coming in late too. Jim asked for help and support in his first post, so here it is.

I dumped a fiance and a husband due to the breeding issue. The husband part was very tough because it was my second divorce. (I had a brief marriage in my 20's.) I waited 8 years to get married again and had a tubal ligation before marriage. Two years in, my ex starts up with all the whiny cliches about how he Felt So Empty and he Wanted a Chyyyyld, etc. Turns out, he was having an affair with a married WannaBreed whose husband was shooting blanks. They were both cranked up on some kind of baybee fantasy.

I write this all very sarcastically, but it really hurt. It was messy, painful and expensive (emotionally and financially) to divorce this dude. Ever been divorced twice? People can be so judgemental and they treat you like a real loser. (Which is why I don't say much about it. NOTB.)

But you know what? There are worse things than being divorced twice, and being married to a lying, cheating WannaBreed is only one of the. Raising a child you don't want is another.

Jim, I don't know your situation, only what you've said here. But you reacted predictably to what she said about wanting YOUR baby. You were flattered. That statement sets off alarm bells for me. The point is, you've told her you don't want a baby. Think about it: Rational people know that uninterested parents make poor parents. It just sounds like that statement was made to try and manipulate you. It's not flattery. She's really saying: I just want your baby, even though you don't want one. It's what I want, not what you want.

Sane people know that kids are a deal breaker. It just is. We are talking about bringing a life into this world, not picking a restaurant. There is no "compromise."

Good luck and keep us posted.

I know, sometimes being 'compassionate' will backfire: especially in cases like these. But we can be polite, until all else fails, then resort to brute answer and whatnot.

She simply is reacting to the amount of time that she has put in, that this entitles her to all the perks of a marriage, but without the committment. Period.

I think Jimo knows his own mind.. interesting that common-law has dissappeared.. in a way I'm not surprised.

bell_flower Wrote:
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> Sane people know that kids are a deal breaker. It
> just is. We are talking about bringing a life into
> this world, not picking a restaurant. There is no
> "compromise."

I think that your ex is a pile of rubbish. Giving him a boot was a good idea. That fool married you and he knew you had a tubal. What a butt head. I do not think that issue of kids can be discussed completely before marriage. You got the living proof of that. I think that there are many more CF/breeder combinations than we would like to see. I have no support for breeders so I'll say that CF person usually takes the short end of the stick in the deal.

I see many times that people say that no "compromise" can be reached when it comes to having kids. While there is no legal way to enforce a child free marriage via a prenuptial agreement (it's not legally enforceable), there are things you can do. Sometimes an "empty" life really needs a pet rather than a kid. Before marriage, a detailed agreement needs to be made about how the marriage would end if it had to - do not think that it never will. The one that never fails is where you do not marry at all. Living alone is not a crime. Living alone is not a problem. Our society may think it is, but it is not a problem at all. Happiest people I've met live alone, but always have friends.

Divorces happen all the time. Fight over kids is just one of many. If kid issue was the only reason for divorce, then there are no single/divorced mothers or fathers out there. Or, are there?

If a spouse is being unreasonable, or, like in JimO case, threatening, nothing good usually comes out of that. Some relationships may survive if someone puts a foot down, but it's risky and it's worthiness is in the eyes of the beholder.

isnt it sad i dont know if pws is real or not.. i think its a unreal one.. but thats the point i am not sure anymore.

i could easily see this being said on some moo boards. and them getting applauds for it

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I was in your situation in a way...
I do not want, and will not have children. My husband wanted kids, but in that vague, kodak moments kinda way. I told him nothing would convince me. It was tough for a year, but in the end, he realized that he wanted kids, but wanted me more, and now i am looking for a doc to sterilize me with his support.
Fortunately, my husband realized how much better life without kids is after he really thought about it. But not all people feel equally strongly about it. If your gf reeeeeeally wants a baybee, she may refuse to realisticly look at what it would really be like.
All you can do is be honest...and careful. It is unfair, but my situation was safer because i am a woman, so if oopsed i could abort the mistake. Unfortunately, men dont usually get a say in the matter, so if she were to 'accidentally' get sperminated, you would be trapped . Just something to think about, cos i would hate to see someone get stuck being a parent against their will.
I hope everything works out for the best with as little turmoil as possible. Good luck dude

Coming in late to the party, but here goes...

JimO might have a huge problem getting his girlfriend out of his life, depending on where he is. True, common-law marriage was not on the books in most states, and those states that did have it have generally done away with it. But since they cohabited and he supported her for four years, in some states she could file for continued support or splitting assets using the "palimony" or "meretricious relationship" arguments. In other words, it would be just like a divorce, even though JimO and his girlfriend never married or (yet) had children.

Washington state specifically allows suits under that meretricious relationship argument, and it could lead to him having to split assets and pay her off. If someone like JimO has home equity, for example, she might have a claim to part of it. Of course, we all heard about palimony because of the Lee Marvin case in California years back.

In Canada six months of cohabitation is enough to require such proceedings. New Zealand, Australia, and Scotland (and very shortly the rest of Britain) all have similar rules with varying times before the rules kick in.

Run, JimO, run! Get her out now before the situation escalates!

All the posts posted by me are strictly breeder imitations and do not represent my story. They are intended to describe the "modern morale" of the breeder world. Laugh and enjoy!

"No one was "mean" to Jim. Most of us who are not nicety-nice were just saying it as it is. Many people only want to be told what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. If he wanted the a different response, he should have gone elsewhere than a childfree board where we are pretty vocal. An urgent situation often will call for drastic measures. If his concern for Cuntleigh the Wonder Cunt is to be so "fair", he need not cry when it backfires on him and she refuses to leave, starts the sobbing again, or...get knocked up after promising him how she chose him over a baby."

Amethusos, there's certainly a difference between being honest and forthright (which I'm all for, especially in this situation) and jumping the gun completely and assuming that because Jim hadn't posted that he "caved." No need to jump down the man's throat when you don't even know what happened. It's not being "nicety-nice" to not bitch someone out for something we don't know he did yet. Yeah, if he caves he's in for a world of trouble and it will be his fault for giving in, no one is arguing that. But the fact remains that we don't know what happened, so there's no need to make preemptive strikes. You can think me wishy-washy if you like (you'd be SO sorely mistaken), but there is no need to take the anger we're feeling toward Jim's girlfriend out on him.

i thought it was pws, but i still can see it beinbg said on breeder sites..

truth is stranger than fiction, what used t be obvious as a humour or jookey thing has become hard to tell.

like landover baptist, some of the onion stories..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Call me a first class nib-schitter, but I'd love to know how this turns out.