Girlfriend wants child or break up

Sheesh...
can't we all just chill for a minute? Things seem to be getting a little stabby. Just because a person is not using the strongest language possible does not mean they're bending over and taking it up the ass for the breeders, or that they're some how being a milk toast sop.

This Christmas I spent 5 hours, and 12 garbage bags, cleaning my grandmothers kitchen. She's a hoarder and keeps EVERYFUCKTHING. Had I started the kitchen cleaning conversation with what was actually going through my mind, "Your kitchen is a fucking nightmare. If I don't clean it now, you aren't getting any christmas dinner. This place is a vomitrocious biohazard. Are you out of your fucking mind, or what?", my guess is I would have been thrown out and her kitchen would have still been a nightmare of spoiled food and waste. Instead, I told her that I cared about her well being, and that it would be very helpful in making the Christmas dinner if she would let me clean it out. Also, it will make things easier for her to do what little she needs to do in it. Sometimes, if you want people to listen to you, you might have to tone it down a bit. But if you don't want anyone to listen, hey, go fucking nuts.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

**It's also really sad that I am now being called "crazy" for feeling this way. If this is the way we treat each other, then the childfree community really doesn't have much hope of ever being respected or taken seriously.***

1. Hold on, now. Nobody called Peppertree crazy. A couple of folks just wondered why didn't pep mention Techie's post, as well as posts by Amethusos.
2. Every group of people out there who hold common interests disagree on lots of things and have spirited debates such as this. Is it just me, because I don't think people were that mean to Jim. I don't think this is a venomous thread.
3. Frankly, I don't care how saintly the CF are, we will NEVER be taken seriously by a world as breederific as this.
4. It seems Jim in his last post just accused this site of basically being a hate site, that's it's just filled with anger, and that there are no real discussions or serious discourse here. People do come here to vent, but also I think it is a source of support to a lot of folks. It's also a great way to laugh a little. Explore some of the threads further. There a lot of smart people here.
5. I agree that Jim should not just give the lady the ole heave-ho, but I would definitely express to her that by a certain date she needs to have found other living arrangements. But it sounds like Jim is a smart guy and probably told her that (I assume).

Nour Wrote:
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> 1. Hold on, now. Nobody called Peppertree crazy. A
> couple of folks just wondered why didn't pep
> mention Techie's post, as well as posts by
> Amethusos.

I know I am outspoken but Techie really had some things to say that could offend some women such as: "Does the girlfriend do anything for you such as give you a blow job while on her period?" Didn't offend me but funny how another woman overlooks that but I am "not nice". Women who are do not speak softly and sweetly are looked at as bitches or dykes. I would rather be thought that than squelch my voice.

> 3. Frankly, I don't care how saintly the CF are,
> we will NEVER be taken seriously by a world as
> breederific as this.

True! We are often told that we do not "understand" and/or how we will grow up and have those babies rather than be so rebellious.

> 4. It seems Jim in his last post just accused this
> site of basically being a hate site, that's it's
> just filled with anger, and that there are no real
> discussions or serious discourse here.

Most people love to say childfree sites are full of hate. I used to post on iVillage's CF club way back in the day from 1999 - 2000. Please...that place was so tame. It got very "breeder pleaser" yet we were told we were a "hate site" despite the language not being as "peppery" as right here!

> 5. I agree that Jim should not just give the lady
> the ole heave-ho, but I would definitely express
> to her that by a certain date she needs to have
> found other living arrangements. But it sounds
> like Jim is a smart guy and probably told her that
> (I assume).


I do not think Jim is a bad guy but too nice, which is why he thinks we are hateful. He is going to be in trouble if he does not give this woman an exact date when to be out. The ex(?)-girlfriend is a grown woman with a job. So what she has college debt? It does not give her the right to stay on even if the relationship is kaput.

Unless Jim gets her out - if that is what he truly wants and does not want those babies - he is asking for trouble. The 'girlfriend' sounds like a First Class Leech. As I said earlier, there is usually sex when the supposed 'ex' does not move out. We all have those urges. It would be cheaper for Jim to rent her a room somewhere and then change all of the locks. He is under no obligation to keep feeding this chick.

I can see why some women may be angry with my posts. No one wants their free ride to end. Sometimes, saying it as it is gets the attention. Being "nice" is an invitation to a looter to take from his/her victim.

JimO,

I am glad you are not offended. As you may have noticed, this is a rant board. 90% of post here are from situations where people had enough. That is why they rant. I think majority of answers that you have gotten here are not very encouraging for the very reason that I have stated.

We do not know who you are nor do we know your past. With a whole bunch of people you will get a whole bunch of opinions. Some people had it harder than others.

From your last post, I discovered that you were looking for sane answers. It's a great goal, but many of us here are like beaten dogs - we got kicked around quite a bit and then we found this board.

By all means, if you are looking for some educational answers, check out my posts:

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?7,22898

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?7,22897

I will have to agree with you on the fact that this board could scare off a fencesitter. But I think most people here did not think you are easily scared and that you could probably sort through some stuff and find just what you need.

Anyhow, I do not know what your plans are, but I had a few friends who had similar situation to yours. If you want to know exact details, sign up for an account here and you can PM to me. I have seen a few interesting things that are worth discussing. You came here for an answer, with bull set aside, how can I help a CF fellow?

amethusos* Wrote:
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> >
> Is it that you will not disagree with a male but
> will behave as many females do when it comes to an
> outspoken woman?
Stating it as it is
> does not make the childfree "crazy" or a "fringe
> group".
People use that shit to try to shut us up
> as they did with the early feminists.
>
Amethuso has brought up an excellent point. I feel that women are still expected to be the gentler, sweeter sex, and when we speak up in any contenious manner, we get the smackdown. Other women are nortorious(sp?) for this.
Hell people are still saying feminists are crazy man hating(moi?Never!), bitches.
As for the "dump the bitch" comments:
Every site on the internet has it's own personality. Always read the FAQ's and lurk until you get a feel for the place. When asking for advice, throw out what you don't like. We have seen the worst cases happen in real life, and we are impartial outsiders.

So far, I like this site because it's very informal and does not have different sections, and there are no avatars and bullshit. I have either been kicked off or made to feel unwelcome or just didn't feel interested in a lot of CF message boards so far. That is one reason I started my blog and I also read a whole bunch of other people's blogs, but I am not looking for advice either. Basically I just want a place to rant when I see something on the news, or on FreeCycle, but I am not too good to give advice to others when asked! (Just to keep this post on topic!)

My two cents:

I have no respect for healthy, able-bodied, intelligent adults who don't support themselves. I don't care how much 'college debt' this chick has, she still has an obligation to pay her own bills. Get a roomate or a second job, but get your own place.

As Amethusos said, Jimo is under no obligation to support her. They aren't married and don't have kids together. He should give her two weeks to find a place, then change the locks.

Actually, he should check out the applicable laws in his state to see if she now has 'squatter's rights'. If worse comes to worse, he may have to cancel the lease and move.

Jimo sounds like a genuinely nice man who is being taken for a ride by a parasite. Unfortunately, such parasites tend to be extremely charming and play the 'helpless card' when anyone calls them on their behavior. Of course she's nice and sweet! You're paying her bills! If she were ugly and/or bitchy and/or not sleeping with you, would you put up with her crap? I don't think so.

The scary thing is there are "squatter's rights" in the San Francisco Bay Area where I am from. It is the typical attitude of screw those who try to do the right thing but the looters of society get a free ride.

I am not too sure re: Florida's laws (where I have been living since '92) but, from what I heard, a person staying with another housemate and not paying much toward living expenses may also have to be served an eviction notice which means expenses for the renter/owner going to housing court.

JoJo got that 100% correct how Jim would not tolerate this looter if she was bitchy, ugly, not sleeping with him, and so forth. Looters are usually very nice as long as they get what they want. The sobbing as Jimo mentioned ended because I would bet this dame realised her meal ticket was going to end very quickly if she kept up the tiny tears. :bawl

Welcome Poofy-Poof! I love this site cause there's no bs like LiveJournals Stupid_Free.
It's very imformal and no mods! We're all adult enough here to watch out for ourselves and one another.

Yes, and I also read and post at http://www.customerssuck.com

That place has its share of entitlement-breeder stories, as a matter of fact, I believe I found it because someone on another CF board posted a link to one of its messages. You really do get a good sampling of "Suck" at that place... I don't know what it is about me, that I enjoy reading all that, although I have worked my share of retail. It's like the way I sometimes read the Apartment Rental section of the classifieds, even though I own a house...

Jim, I can appreciate that you have a four year relationship with this woman and that you want to treat her with respect. IRL I try to treat everyone with polite respect until proven otherwise. If you can have a respectful transition from "coupled" to "single" with your girlfriend, that's great. May it continue. And if you need to vent because it's not working out as you had hoped, you know where to go.

I truly hope you don't live through hearing her scream that you are a selfish bastard because you won't breed. Or, if you have mutual friends, having her try to turn them against you. Breeders and WannaBreeds have a way of staying together like that.

I hope she's a big enough person to realize that you were honest all along, she's had a nice (I'd use the word "cushy!") life with you, and she behaves with dignity.

As far as the advice you got on this board, well, it is the internets (sic) and it's worth the price you pay for it. (Free.)
We don't know you; we don't know this woman; and we can't see how she is behaving toward you. We do have the factual information that you have provided. I think a lot of us (myself included) have baggage with respect to WannaBreeds and THIS COLORS OUR ADVICE. I personally am disgusted by baby rabid women and men, especially those who try and convince the childfree to breed. The women, particularly, can be sneaky, devious, entitlement-minded shrews. I'm embarrassed to share the gender with them frankly. They give the rest of us a bad name.

My advice is to take what you like and leave the rest.

I will say, that having read further comments, that I am suspicious of any woman who won't contribute anything financially to the relationship if she is able-bodied and she is working. If she makes a lot less $ than you, she should still be contributing something. It's a gesture, KWIM? The fact that she's airly making comments about how you could sell YOUR HOUSE rubbed me the wrong way. But again, I don't know the context in which they were made.

Keep us posted if you are still around.

bell_flower Wrote:
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> I hope she's a big enough person to realize that
> you were honest all along, she's had a nice (I'd
> use the word "cushy!") life with you, and she
> behaves with dignity.

Problem is most people used to a cushy life with a live-in or marriage will not want to leave with dignity. The entitlement mentality sinks in. I learned the hard way that I had to get the fuck out without caring what happened to my ex-husband. Jim may think I am "cruel". So be it.

If I had cared about what others thought, I would still be in that situation giving someone ELSE, who only took from me, a good life from the hard work of MY labours. I remember when I was 18 or 19 that Johnny Carson and his third wife were divorcing. No kids in the mix but the bitch felt she was "owed" and should be kept to the standard of living she was used to having.

Many women...and men...behave this way. I do hope for Jim's sake that this woman has some shred of pride and leaves with dignity. As JoJo mentioned, getting a second job or a roomie is not going to kill Miss Precious.

> The fact that she's airly making
> comments about how you could sell YOUR HOUSE
> rubbed me the wrong way. But again, I don't know
> the context in which they were made.

Talk about audacity!

just wanted to bump this. it's closed to replies though because it's old.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu