amethusos* Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Two Cents beat me to it...
>
> Run like a bat out of hell! No amount of
> convincing will make anyone decide against a child
> if that is what they want to do...even borrowing a
> kid for a weekend as another suggested.
Yeah, I kind of have to agree with that. I think she has a fantasy idea of what bringing up kids will be like vs. the lifestyle changes necessary to do that. She sees some of our friends bring their kids down to the desert for a single camping trip a year, but forgets that they are all now 4+, and that is their one trip a year. She also seems to not see the massive effort they go through to do this. If we had a kid, we are not going to be taking a baby camping all of the time. It will have to be quite a planned event, with much more hassle than we have now. Changing diapers in the middle of the desert without a shower/bathroom/lots of water is not going to be a lot of fun over a whole weekend....
>
> Take her on her ultimatum and break up. You do not
> need the hassle. She says she is okay for single
> motherhood. That means she is willing to get
> pregnant and THEN get your ass for child support.
That was not her, actually, but her mom encouraging her. My gf at least realizes that that is not an option. She is actually a lot more rational than her mom, but that is not saying much given how grandkid crazy she is.
That said, I know I have to do exactly that. It's just tough when you have put the time into things, and you are basically suddenly held ransom for her and a child, or the end of the relationship. That alone kind of answers my question. It doesn't make it any easier, though.
>
> You know what your girlfriend wants and what she
> will do to get it.
>
> If it is her place where you are living, get out.
> If the place is yours, tell her to move. If you
> are renting together and are both on the lease, be
> willing to pay off your end of this legal
> document; it will be cheaper than a baby.
No problems there. I own the house and everything has always been in my name. I already pay all of the bills, so there is not even anything to change there. That is why I think the reality of the world is going to come down hard on here, since she has already been basically financially dependent on me. I am amazed someone would give up her very well taken care of position (live in a really nice home right next to three ski resorts) just in the perception of what life with kids would be like. It is obviously completely based on biological drive. It boggles my mind.
I know I am selfish in that I want to continue this lifestyle, but why shouldn't I be selfish about what I have earned, and would like to do with it rather than spending it all on a child. I think in that case, it is OK to be selfish. That said, I volunteer in the community on search and rescue, and other such things. I couldn't see those continuing with a child either. Can you imagine taking off at 2am, coming back at some random time, with a baby at home?
>
> You are going to do what you are going to do.
> Think long and hard before living with someone
> again unless you plan to marry this person...
Well I already went through a divorce, so I do not plan to every 'marry' again. That does not mean I do not want a lifetime relationship, but just not all the baggage that comes with a 'legal wedding' now adays which does not do anything for the financially advantaged one. I don't believe that piece of paper is worth much anymore. People stay together when they DECIDE to stay together. It's really as simple as that.
> and
> have had a vasectomy. I advise women to protect
> themselves against pregnancy. Men need to be
> pro-active as well.
Already being proactive on that one myself. No vasectomy, but using multiple forms of birth control that we both have control over and is visible. I don't want a decision made for me.
I know I have to do it. There is always that little side of you that wonders a little bit. I have zero plans to go that way, but it helps to hear some encouragment and experiences. It's not like I will receive any of that living in Utah from anyone here.....
Jim