Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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My kids are 4y, 19m and 5m. It was absolutely not the plan to have the third one so soon, but my doctors gave me spectacularly bad advice when they switched my birth control after number two. His surgical/nicu clusterfuck is a whole other story (and it was all during this goddamn cursed fucking pandemic), but nevertheless, obviously I love him the same as his sisters, and in general I really enjoy being a mom.

But do you ever just get really envious when you see people without kids (or older kids, or grown kids) just kind of, walking around freely just as one person (and not a whole epic stroller situation), getting in and out of their car in five seconds flat (no carseats), just walking out their front door and going off to do whatever it is they're going to do? Even the simplest things are so damn complicated for me. Like, just getting in the car and leaving is like an hour long process.

During the pandemic, obviously we can do absolutely nothing but spend time outside. I really enjoy jogging even though I have to bring the double stroller and both babies (my wonderful husband keeps the 4yo despite working from home when I go jogging). We had a massive snow dump over the weekend, but it's basically gone... Except on all the sidewalks and trails, of course. I went through the incredible process of getting the babies ready, getting them in their carseats, driving down to the trail, putting them in the stroller, giving toddler her snacks, etc, etc, etc, etc... Only to find that I couldn't budge the stroller a single inch in all the slush. People were walking, jogging, playing with dogs, and cycling all around me, but I couldn't move literally at all.

Idk, sometimes I just see all these people and want to cry. I just want to move, like, literally just have movement, I feel like I'm swimming through concrete!

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Not a hot affair with my favorite movie star. Not being lead singer in a band. Not even having a high powered career and tons of money, although that would be nice. No, after nearly a year of more family togetherness than can possibly be healthy, my biggest, sexiest fantasy is living alone. Just a nice little house (no bigger than three bedrooms please) that I selected all the furnishings for. One room for me to sprawl out in bed, one for my hobbies, with my dream bathroom, kitchen, and home gym. A fridge and pantry that stay stocked with delicious food I bought and prepared, because there’s no one else here to eat it.

Nary a chicken nugget, ramen noodle or any other kid food in sight. Quiet coffee time no matter when I wake up. The only messes in the house are ones I made. Sole custody of the remote and XBOX. Sole control over the noise level. Damn, that’s hot. I love my husband and demon spawn, and I know I’d miss them like a missing limb if anything were to happen to them, but when the noise and togetherness overload threatens my sanity, you bet I retreat to my little solo living fantasy.

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Oh god I was just thinking about this. I was scrolling fb and it just hit me, oh my god, so many people my age live by themselves. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually want to live alone, but I find it completely fascinating (and yes, enviable) that there are people who go to bed at like midnight, sleep eight hours, wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and just fucking go... No night feedings, no skipping showers, no diapers, no bottles, no cut up bananas, no sweater/pants/socks/shoes/coat/hat/mittens times three, no completely redoing said intense winter outfit due to spitup or a blowout, no begging and pleading them to just eat their goddamn breakfast, no tearing the house apart to find the one pair of shoes the one year old can't just take off or accidentally lose (but that's also waterproof), no stopping everything because this all took like an hour and the baby needs ANOTHER bottle...

Like wtf, people just go outside, get in their cars, and go??? Like omg. Omg. I don't even remember what that's like.

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parunt
I always thought I’d be sad if my kids don’t have their own kids when they grow up, but honestly, I think I’ll just advise them to think twice before they have children. I’m not sure it’s worth it.

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I always thought I’d be sad if my kids don’t have their own kids when they grow up, but honestly, I think I’ll just advise them to think twice before they have children. I’m not sure it’s worth it.

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I always thought I’d be sad if my kids don’t have their own kids when they grow up, but honestly, I think I’ll just advise them to think twice before they have children. I’m not sure it’s worth it.

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My 11 month old baby won’t make anything easy for me. Everything I make her to eat, she spits out. She won’t go to sleep on time. She will wake up 4-5 times throughout the night. She won’t nap during the day. She is teething but everytime I give her calpol (which she used to take) she spits the whole lot out all over me & her pajamas/ naked belly if it’s before her bath.

Over the last four days everything I have tried to feed her has been the biggest battle. Things that she has eaten and liked before, she is now spitting out. Anything breakfast lunch or dinner she just won’t. Last night she woke up just as I was drifting off to sleep at 11:30pm and didn’t go back to sleep til 2am. Then was up at 3, 5, and 7. By 5 I was so wired I struggled to get back to sleep. My partner offered to take her at 1:30 but it was an empty offer. I know because when I said yes, he purposefully settled her badly (in a position she doesn’t like) saying that she didn’t want him she wants me. He also pointed her facing towards me so she’d see me and get restless.

The final straw was just now. I tried to feed her lunch and everytime I put it in her mouth she spat it back out all over me. Then she blew raspberries and covered me in whatever was remaining in her mouth. I pushed the highchair away and threw the food & yoghurt in the bin so hard. Unfortunately I missed with the yogurt and the open pot hit the wall and went everywhere. Just spent the last ten minutes cleaning it all up. I am so angry right now she is making my life a living hell. I can’t do anything right, I can’t rest or have a break.

Idk what I’m expecting here. I’m just so fucking angry with it.

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My partner offered to take her at 1:30 but it was an empty offer. I know because when I said yes, he purposefully settled her badly (in a position she doesn’t like) saying that she didn’t want him she wants me. He also pointed her facing towards me so she’d see me and get restless.

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She won’t go to sleep on time. She will wake up 4-5 times throughout the night

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Okay, so there's a lot of history to unpack, but we were definitely 1 and DONE. Done.

But then lo learned about siblings via tv, and started asking for one.

And then I started thinking about babies, and I don't have to explain that newborn feeling to you guys.

And I admitted to dh that I had baby fever, and he VERY surprisingly said he was hoping for another.

I was expecting (hoping?) he'd shoot it down because he did not handle newborn stage well.

And that kind of sobered me.

I realized that the combination of thinking of newborn goodness and the absolute GUILT I feel that she doesn't have a sibling faked me into a guilt baby fever.

Like, I JUST got the ability to go into the bathroom and actually get ready in the morning without having her almost knock the door down, and I'm really not interested in losing that again.

But now I know that he's been pining for another, and my toddler is desperate for a baby so she can be a sister, and I love newborns.

I'm probably going to end up knocked up.

But I don't really want to be.

But the guilt is killing me.

And also there's newborn smell.

Help.

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She wanted to shower all day. When the time came nope. She didn't want to. She's literally thrown fits for the past 3 days refusing to bathe. For no other reason than she didn't want to.

I had enough when she ran away and hid while I got her bath things together. I found her turned on the shower and bathed her while she screamed bloody murder the whole time. Might I add SHES NOT AFRAID OF WATER OR ANYTHING SHE JUST DIDNT WANT TO BE THERE BECAUSE I TOLD HER TO. SHE WOULD HAPPILY GET IN THE TUB ON HER OWN ACCORD IF IT WAS HER DECISION.

She's now lying on her bedroom floor wrapped in a towel crying because shes dirty and needs a bath. My husband is trying to negotiate with her to put on pajamas. No one told me having kids would be this much fun.

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Husband does not know that I'm currently working on getting up marriage counseling (look at my history if you're curious as to why on that part) and today he called me to complain about work.

Apparently he is only working because if he doesn't everyone will think he's a piece of crap and he needs beer money. Not because he wants to support his family. If he had his way he would go back to being a homeless druggy like he was at 19. It's my fault we had a kid and now hes forced to live this life he hates.

Also I told him I had the option to fill in as a manager next month and he threw a tantrum because then I'll have to get up a little earlier and he'll see me less. Forget the raise I would get and the boost it would give to my career. He has to see me as much as possible...even though hes usually just playing video games and ignoring me.

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Last night he was playing the board game Trouble with my son and changed the rules to make the game go by faster because he didn't actually feel like playing. My son noticed and called him out, but my SO blew him off (as he often does in challenging situations). This triggered my son to get very upset and swing his arms at him (not ok) which caused my SO to smush a pillow over him, which caused my son to scream in terror. I look over and my SO had a pillow over him but looks at me kind of smiling and blowing it off as "haha, he flipped out so I pushed him with the pillow."

Now the situation is that my SO can't deal with my son bc my son's behavior is too bad (in his mind), and I'm left to mediate. As always. Because my SO can't handle challenging behavior and doesn't even try. In this instance, my son told me pragmatically what happened while my SO walked off angrily bc "he's done playjng."

This happens frequently. From the beginning, my SO blew off my son when my son would just talk to him pleasantly in passing. My SO also took the liberty of screaming at my son in the backseat just a couple months after dating. To this day he still picks my son up by the ankles and hangs him upside-down when he feels like my son is acting up, and my son screams terrified. I have told him COUNTLESS times to stop this.

He also argues with me on how to parent. Example: "He's almost 4 he can get himself out of the bathtub, wipe his own butt, ect."

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I really really really needed to hear this. He basically made me get engaged to him. He proposed and I said I wasn't ready and he flipped out. Then he pushed me to go ahead and be ready within 2 months. I basically didn't have a choice. We've been together for 1 year.

Now we're trying to get pregnant because he wants 5 kids (I told him max I would do 2 more). I'm on my way to get a plan B right now. My lease ends in June so this is a good time to decide to move.

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Now we're trying to get pregnant because he wants 5 kids (I told him max I would do 2 more). I'm on my way to get a plan B right now. My lease ends in June so this is a good time to decide to move.

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So, our couple’s counselor fired us yesterday because my husband is making no effort to change anymore. We’ve been seeing her for years, since before we got married. We’ve gotten really close to her; she’s held our children, petted our dogs. We made a ton of progress in the beginning; he quit his shitty job that was taking over his life, he got on medication for his anxiety, I stopped stonewalling him. After that, I agreed to marry him and we kept going because it was helpful.

But now we’ve reached a point where 90% of our issues are based on the fact that he doesn’t go to bed on time, or he sleeps on the couch with the dogs instead of me. He thinks that he’s special for staying up late (seriously, wtf?) and thus doesn’t want to stop. The other 10% is his anger issues, which he’s also done nothing to work on. And I don’t know, maybe part of it is daddy issues because his father’s a malignant narcissist, but my husband refuses to talk about it. We can’t go any further unless he wants to change. And if he doesn’t change, he’s going to get fired from his fucking job for sleeping all day instead of working or we’re going to go bankrupt because he’s not making enough money.

I’m just so furious, both at him and at myself. I’m mad that I made children with this man before he put in the effort to change. I know part of the problem is that I enable him, and I’ve been working on that a lot, but I’m just so frustrated. Our therapist is also frustrated, so much so that she basically yelled at my husband at our last session. She had to have said “what the fuck” at least ten times. It was validating in the moment, but obviously she regrets it as now she’s firing us as clients.

We had a conversation about it and he’s claiming this is his rock bottom and he’s “already starting” to get better, but I’m not holding my breath. I told him about how upset and am, and he didn’t really even react. I asked, “how would you feel in my position? Imagine our therapist fired us because I wouldn’t change?” and he said he feel hopeless, and I was like, yes, that’s how I feel. No reaction again. What the fuck, at least say you’re sorry!? He emailed our therapist an apology.

I know this is hardly on the scale of what other bromos are dealing with, but I’m just so upset. I’ve put in so much work to become a better person and wife, but my husband is happy to just float along and Be The Dad, if you know what I mean. We have our “wrapping up” appointment today, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to finally cry in couples’ counseling.

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Currently on Mat leave as I Had my little one August 2020 and he has been the light of my life despite all the screaming and tantrums.

Foolishly I didn’t go back in birth control after delivery, I didn’t think it was too important where I was bleeding 3-4 months post delivery, my husband and I weren’t having sex and it took almost a year of seriously trying to get pregnant the first time. Low and behold I peed on a pregnancy test today and tested positive.

Hubby exploded when he found out. Yes we always wanted two children but the plan wasn’t to have them this close in age. He immediately started ranting that we were fucked and we can’t afford to lose my income but now he has to be the only working as I have to now quit my job. He was relentless that this was my fuck up, how could I have been so careless/reckless, etc.

No matter how much I attempted to say that while I didn’t go back on birth control is a mistake/stupid idea in my part fault in no way is entirely mine; he partook in sex and also chose not to use a condom, he was with me at all the postnatal doctor appointments and also didn’t ask about birth control options. That only caused him to blow up further where he went off saying that I take no agency, why would he ask about birth control when I am the one taking it.

At this point, I am having blood work drawn tomorrow so we know exactly what is going on but honestly I am terrified. Hubby has basically said we are keeping this child unless the doctor says carrying 6 month PP is a danger to my health. He refuses to consider abortion because “we cannot play God, I now need to face the consequences of my fuck up”. If we abort this one snd we cannot get pregnant again he will “resent snd never forgive me”.

I feel so alone, scared, sad, and frustrated.

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Our therapist is also frustrated, so much so that she basically yelled at my husband at our last session. She had to have said “what the fuck” at least ten times. It was validating in the moment, but obviously she regrets it as now she’s firing us as clients.

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Hubby has basically said we are keeping this child unless the doctor says carrying 6 month PP is a danger to my health. He refuses to consider abortion because “we cannot play God, I now need to face the consequences of my fuck up”. If we abort this one and we cannot get pregnant again he will “resent and never forgive me”.

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No matter how much I attempted to say that while I didn’t go back on birth control is a mistake/stupid idea in my part fault in no way is entirely mine; he partook in sex and also chose not to use a condom, he was with me at all the postnatal doctor appointments and also didn’t ask about birth control options. That only caused him to blow up further where he went off saying that I take no agency, why would he ask about birth control when I am the one taking it.

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bell_flower
Is there something this woman isn't telling us? Either this therapist is not professional and is getting too emotionally involved with these people, which is a no-no, or this guy is doing some really bad things.

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bell_flower
If he felt so strongly about not having another kid right away, he should have paid attention. He should have asked her, what's the plan for BC? Isn't that how normal couples talk to each other? If she wasn't on it, he could have wrapped it up.

They both sound really immature and it sounds like they have a shitty marriage. Adding more kids to a shitty marriage--always a super idea!

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Ya my second post in 24 hours and then I’ll stop but I’m fucking about to snap,,,,

If anyone read my post from last night, here’s the fucking cherry on top

My husband googled “how many hours do men spend on child care” only to get the top result in Google....data from 1965 - that men do way more than they did 50 years ago, as of 2016 they spend 8 hours/week on caring for their children, triple the time they spent in 1965. ::MOTHER FUCKN BRAVO::

he spends about 5 hours/day, WHILE I SLEEP AND HE NAPS and now he thinks he’s doing too much and I need to do more.

I’m Really not sure who the fuck this guy is and what he did with my husband but I think he needs to watch the show snapped on repeat, cause I’m About to lose my shit.