Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

Quote
twocents
this is why I made this a sticky. perhaps I should have titled it the Schadenfreude sticky...

Quote

It’s just fucking disgusting.

“Fuck trophies” “Don’t get pregnant” “Don’t have kids” “Learn how to use BC” “Don’t have kids you can’t afford” “Abortions are a thing” Etc etc.

Like, I feel like so many of these fucks are just waiting to spew their disgusting views of kids and use the most dehumanizing language towards them and women. It’s always such misogynistic language, too.

As if we all are mindless sex addicts just looking to get knocked up for funsies, bc pregnancy is a total wall in the park and downs change our lives and bodies forever. Or I guess we are too dumb to use proper birth control, bc you know, condoms and hormonal bc are 100% effective, and all sex is consensual, and abortion as are widely accessible and not at all an emotional and hard choice to make, and no one ever had unforeseen life circumstance that turns your world upside down. /s.

And the kicker? It’s largely THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE TOTALL FOR STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS. But if a policy is not directly benefitting them then it’s not worth it.

I’m so sick of this shit. Why does it feel like the vast majority of men are just such hateful trash? Conservative, liberal, right, left- they all just shit on us in different ways and I’m so tired of it.

Quote

Or I guess we are too dumb to use proper birth control, bc you know, condoms and hormonal bc are 100% effective, and all sex is consensual, and abortion as are widely accessible and not at all an emotional and hard choice to make, and no one ever had unforeseen life circumstance that turns your world upside down.

Quote

And the kicker? It’s largely THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE TOTALL FOR STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS. But if a policy is not directly benefitting them then it’s not worth it.

I’m so sick of this shit. Why does it feel like the vast majority of men are just such hateful trash? Conservative, liberal, right, left- they all just shit on us in different ways and I’m so tired of it.

Quote

Or I guess we are too dumb to use proper birth control, bc you know, condoms and hormonal bc are 100% effective, and all sex is consensual, and abortion as are widely accessible and not at all an emotional and hard choice to make, and no one ever had unforeseen life circumstance that turns your world upside down.

Quote

I've watched him casually let go of her in parking lots. He's chased her through Aldi and caught her just in time to stop her from running into the parking lot. He threw her in the air so high once he almost missed catching her and caught her by one arm. He's a good dad and he loves her but honestly he's absent minded, a little careless, and easily distracted.

I'd love to have the house all to myself for a whole day but that man cannot take our child somewhere that there's a possibility she could be eaten by a lion.

Quote

Throwaway obviously. I need to vent about how trapped I feel, and just try to work through this... part of this is written in the tone of what I used to feel/think in my darkest days and may be jarring/hard to read.

It's really long so here's the TLDR; I got over my PPD and finally love my son, but I still wish I was child free, feel trapped, and feel like this was the biggest mistake of my life.

My son just turned 3 a week ago, and I still wish I hadn't had him. It's gotten much better as he gets older, but it's still there. Some days/weeks are good and I'm happy hanging out with him, but there are so many times (like right now) where all I can do is fantasize about what my life should be right now and beat myself up for going off birth control in the first place and for not having an abortion when I had the chance.

My (now ex) husband wanted a child. Badly. We were together about 4 years before he really started asking for one, though. We had talked about it early on in our dating and at the time I thought I wanted kids too, so it didn't used to be a problem. But I was young (he was 21 and I was 20 when we married) and hadn't had much real world experience yet. I grew up in the midwest where it's just assumed you'll get married and have kids after high school/college, so I never considered an alternative.

However once we were living on our own I found I loved all the freedom and the lifestyle we had. We had a lot of fun together traveling, drinking, playing video games, and hanging out with friends. I was happy with the life we had, but it wasn't enough for him.

I loved him dearly and wanted to give him a child. He wanted it, and I figured since I used to want it too I would warm up to the idea. I went off my birth control and we began "trying". Not actively, just letting it happen if it happens. I had a couple times that I thought I was pregnant but would test negative or get a period a few weeks later (my periods have always been inconsistent so I never new if I was late). Sometimes I would get a little excited about possibly being pregnant but other times I would immediately be filled with fear and dread.

As time went on I began to realize I didn't want a child after all. Every scare began filling me with dread and became a huge source of anxiety for me. I tried talking to him about it, but he would get really upset and say it was fine and that we didn't have to but the way he said it always made me feel guilty. I always backed down and folded to the guilt.

After almost a year of this I finally did get pregnant, and I knew it very early. I had very bad morning sickness very early. I tested positive and got in with the doctor as soon as I could. They did the test and ultrasound in the office and I just broke down crying. I was alone because he was at a new job and couldn't ask for time off. I knew right then that I did not want this child. I tried telling my husband how I was feeling but he was so excited and kept telling me it was the hormones and that I would feel differently when our kid was born.

I spent most nights crying myself to sleep, and spent every night debating with myself about whether I should get an abortion or not. My plan was to get one and tell him/everyone I had a miscarriage, but I always felt too guilty to go through with it. I felt guilty knowing how much it would disappoint him, his parents, and my grandparents who all knew about my pregnancy pretty much right away due to us living with his parents at the time and how bad my symptoms were. Once they knew I wanted to tell my grandparents (I was no contact with my mom at the time).

Eventually the cutoff point for abortion came and went and my depression got much worse. I became suicidal and felt trapped. I hated myself and the thing growing inside me. I constantly fantasized about killing myself, killing the thing inside me, or having a miscarriage or even a still birth. It was awful. I finally got on medication around 26 weeks into it, but it didn't really help. My husband was completely unsupportive and kept telling me it would all change once our son was born.

Every ultrasound and prenatal appointment was hell. I hated everything to do with the pregnancy. I hated the attention and how it was all anyone would talk about. I wanted someone to ask me how work was going or anything about me, but all they cared about was this thing growing inside me.

The birth was traumatic and didn't help matters. My son was positioned correctly 3 days prior to me going into labor at my last appointment, but at some point during my labor he decided he didn't want to be born and flipped himself around. My pain went from a 4 to an 11 and it took a long time to get help. Everyone thought I was just having normal labor pains but I knew something was seriously wrong. They tried to give me an epidural but it failed. The guy poked me like 5 times and claimed he did it and left but I was still in pain and could feel everything. Eventually they brought in an ultrasound machine and saw that he was flipped. They couldn't believe it and finally rushed me into the operating room for an emergency c-section. I got into the operating room and finally got relief with a spinal tap. I felt nothing from that point forward and was so relieved to be out of pain. They pulled my son out of me and I had no desire to look at him, let alone touch him. I remember just being relieved it was finally over and he was finally out of my body.

I woke up in my patient room sometime later and my husband was taking care of the baby. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't want to see him or touch him or anything. The lactation specialist came in and asked if I was going to breastfeed and I remember thinking I didn't even want to keep the kid, let alone breastfeed it. I decided to try since it would be cheaper than formula and would literally be the only way I would hold the baby.

I ended up continuing to breastfeed for those reasons. I loathed it. Absolutely hated the whole experience and spent most of the time angry and crying. But we were struggling with money since my husband was unemployed and I knew it would be easier on our budget if I could just make it work. Those first weeks were mostly me breastfeeding our son and handing him to my husband or putting him down as soon as possible. I had no desire to touch or hold the baby, and only forced myself to do it to feed him and to try to force a bond since I felt nothing but anger, resentment, and hatred towards the baby.

My husband was fired during my second trimester so he was home with me during my maternity leave and was going to be a stay at home dad. I was so excited for my maternity leave to end. My depression lifted a bit when I finally got to return to work, but I absolutely dreaded going home every night. I worked a little later and did everything I could to delay going home, but also knew I couldn't delay it too much otherwise my husband would get angry.

My husband would always greet me holding the baby and I hated it. I would tell him hi and tell the dog and cat hi and try to ignore the baby. I wanted nothing to do with it and my husband kept trying to force the issue. He would get so mad when I ignored our son and our marriage just continued to get worse. I resented him for ruining our marriage by wanting children.

Slowly things began to get better for me. By the time my son turned one I stopped hating him. I still didn't love him, but I didn't ignore him and my resentment towards him was fading. My marriage just continued to get worse. My husband was supposed to get a job or use his GI bill to go to school when our son turned one so we could put him into daycare. The more time passed the more angry I was that he wasn't doing anything.

My husband fell into a depression himself and refused to get help. I tried to get him to go to a doctor for medication or go to a therapist and talk it out. He refused. I came home one day and found him asleep on the couch and our son was up on top of our computer desk. I freaked out and never trusted him watching our son again. Every day I went to work I worried about our son not being watched/taken care of.

I finally left him shortly after our son turned 2. I kicked him out and he moved in with his parents. We began to do split custody one week on and one week off immediately while I worked on filing for our divorce. He finally got a job (for a short time, he was fired again shortly after) and I felt good knowing his parents were there to help watch our son since I still didn't trust him alone with our son.

Things have continued to get better over the past year. I finally feel like I'm past my PPD issues. I usually feel happy to see my son and love him most of the time. I finally feel like I'm at a "normal" level of attachment to him. I know not everyone loves/likes their child all the time, and I stopped guilt tripping myself for having days/times that I struggle to like him.

But, overall I still regret having him. I wish I was child free. I miss my freedom. I miss having time to work on my own projects (art, writing, programming, video games). Every week I have him I feel like I'm just wasting my life. Being a parent is not fulfilling for me. I want to create things and experience new things. Instead I'm stuck taking care of a toddler and doing nothing worthwhile with my life.

I get every other week off, but I always dread the Friday that I have to pick him up. And I always count down the nights/mornings until I can send him back to his dad's. The amount of time off I have is never enough.

I dream about running away. Or giving up my rights to him. But I know I can't. My mom and grandparents would think I'm a terrible person. My son loves me and needs me in his life. Especially since I can't trust his (still unemployed) father to take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of. I know my ex husband's parents would take care of him the best they could, but honestly none of their children are great adults and I would be worried. I know I would cause so many emotional/mental issues for my son by abandoning him, and I can't do that to him no matter how much I want to. I got into this mess by putting everyone else's desires before my own, and now I'm trapped by other people's needs and expectations.

If I could disappear with no negative consequences I would. Sometimes I'm suicidal and just want to not live anymore to not be stuck, but most of the time it's just me wishing I had complete freedom again. I love so many things about my life, but being a mother is not one of them.

It is getting easier now that he's older, and I hope it just continues to get easier for me as he gets more independent. And it really helps that he's probably the best kid I could ask for. He is almost always happy, rarely throws a tantrum, and wants to do things for himself. He was a late talker which was very stressful but he's finally talking really well and is able to communicate what he wants/feels. The biggest issue now is potty training, but with all the changes this year he's just not ready.

At this point I just dream about him getting to a point where he wants nothing to do with me and is old enough for me to fade out of his life without causing him any issues. I'm hopeful that his dad has his shit together by the time our son goes to school. I would love to have him go to school at his dad's town and be with him full time. If I could drop down to just having him every weekend or every other weekend I would be much happier.

Quote

Meanwhile, someone without kids who says they don't want kids gets bingoed left and right about how awful and immature they are. But oh, regretting having kids you didn't want in the first place is okey-dokey! Apparently, letting unwanted kids be born is the better option compared to not allowing unwanted kids to be born in the first place.

Quote
bell_flower
Horrifying, isn't it? This woman brought A PERSON into the world and the kid will need therapy. She and her fucked up ex-husband did this.

Quote
bell_flower
I cannot say that I haven't compromised myself for relationships over the course of my life, and while I came from a troubled home life and was desperate for a relationship, which is not good, I NEVER NEVER NEVER entertained the idea of gestating a loaf for a guy, not even for one second. While I may have been a relationship wimp in my 20's, I thank Gawd that I have a hard, unbending core of stubborn and I did not allow anyone to Change My Mind^TM.

Quote

It is Mothering Sunday in the UK and NO, your pets are not people. I have pets, love them to bits. But we get ONE DAY and I have to share it with pets? I have a number of living children and some not. Your dog does not make you a mother.

Every year this comes up.

It is so disrespectful.

Quote
bell_flower
I cannot say that I haven't compromised myself for relationships over the course of my life, and while I came from a troubled home life and was desperate for a relationship, which is not good, I NEVER NEVER NEVER entertained the idea of gestating a loaf for a guy, not even for one second. While I may have been a relationship wimp in my 20's, I thank Gawd that I have a hard, unbending core of stubborn and I did not allow anyone to Change My Mind^TM.

Quote

It is Mothering Sunday in the UK and NO, your pets are not people. I have pets, love them to bits. But we get ONE DAY and I have to share it with pets? I have a number of living children and some not. Your dog does not make you a mother.

Every year this comes up.

It is so disrespectful.

Quote
Cambion
I guess it's Moother's Day across the pond today, so lots of women whining about how little their partners have done for them. One is bitching about how she's mad that today is for MOMMIES, not PET OWNERS. Because mommies get one day a year for recognition and they do NOT want to share it with animals. You mean one day a year when their partners and kids don't give a shit about them same as the other 364 days of the year?

Apparently, this is "disrespectful" to Moos. I have a feeling that anyone who is happy with their decision to breed does not feel this way. Also there's some fighting in the comments about how some people are barren and pets are the closest thing they can have to children, so saying pet owners aren't parents is disrespectful to infertiles.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/m4pja9/unpopular_it_is_mothers_day_not_pet_day/

Quote

It is Mothering Sunday in the UK and NO, your pets are not people. I have pets, love them to bits. But we get ONE DAY and I have to share it with pets? I have a number of living children and some not. Your dog does not make you a mother.

Every year this comes up.

It is so disrespectful.

Quote

My 3 year old, well she’s a strong willed lady and an absolute sweetheart. She tells me she loves me everyday and that I’m her best friend in between demanding snacks of course

My teenage brother lives with us and tonight he said something that really got to me. He said, my daughter is disrespectful and it really hurt. One, because she’s a kind soul. Two, she’s three dude,relax.

& lastly my brother and I come from an emotionally abusive household where we had to be happy all the time to get love. I saw a bit of my mom in him tonight and that scared me. I don’t want my brother to think a 3 year old being a 3 year old is wrong because they aren’t showing “respect”. It honestly just isn’t sitting right with me and I feel on edge.

Quote
toraneko
Ever notice how out-of-control brats are always described by the moos as super "kind" and "loving" and totally undeserving of discipline? This one here already knows how to manipulate spineless moo at three years old.

Quote

I was in the bathroom and when I came out I saw my 3 year old who was supposed to be napping standing in the dining room. I told her to go back to her room and she said she just wanted to give her brother a kiss. Then I saw my 8 month old son on the floor of the livingroom by himself. I turned to my 3 year old and said, "where's your dad?" to which she responded "downstairs". I yelled for my husband and asked him what he was doing. He yelled back, "playing Civ 6". What. The. Fuck. He left our 8 month old completely unsupervised to go play a game on his computer?! He did this knowing I was going to take a nap after thr bathroom because I got like 2 hours of sleep last night. I told him he can't just leave him by himself and his response was, "well you don't want him downstairs" (because it's a mess and my husband just lets him crawl around on the floor full of choking and strangulation hazards). He doesn't fucking have to play video games. And that's all he fucking does when he's not working or doing his household chores (which are just taking out the trash, dishes, and litterboxes). If I have to go to an appointment or something and he's in charge of the kids he just sits on his computer and plays video games. Just last week I was taking a nap because of another sleepless night and he woke me up by bursting in the room yelling "3 year old got into some medication and dumped it all over her bedroom floor and I found 8 month old crawling around in there. I have no idea if they ate any". It was baby aspirin and vistaril and thank God they didn't eat any but I am still absolutely livid that he let it happen. His negligence could have killed our baby. All because he would rather play video games than parent his own kids for 2 hours. I signed up to be a SAHM but not a single mom. I'm just so angry and frustrated and lost.

Quote

About to go get an oil change while my mom watches my son for an hour. I’m so excited
This is self care these days, isn’t it? I might even get a fancy coffee.

Quote

About to go get an oil change while my mom watches my son for an hour. I’m so excited
This is self care these days, isn’t it? I might even get a fancy coffee.

Quote

He doesn't fucking have to play video games. And that's all he fucking does when he's not working or doing his household chores (which are just taking out the trash, dishes, and litterboxes).