Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

I am a magnet for babystalking. I get why...at five feet tall and tiny, with long blonde hair and big blue eyes I am just not threatening. It doesn't help that (apparently) I look like a Disney princess. Breeders actually ask me quite often if I will dress up like a goddamned princess for their hellspawn's birthday parties, and my dad and stepmom's mombie neighbors have been on my case about getting me to do that before their Bratshley gets too old. It drives me nuts that people expect me to think their kid is adorable because it's bothering me. I'm sorry, that is not how the world works. If some douchey guy in an Ed Hardy shirt comes up to me and starts touching me because he thinks I'm cute, it is acceptable to tell him to stuff it. I apply the same principle to your kid.

What drives me even crazier are the parunts who tell me that I should either enjoy the brats' attention becaus I look this way, or change my looks. I wish I was kidding. Sorry mooface, I like being little and hot. I shouldn't have to look like you do for your brats to ignore me.

The worst is babystalking in enclosed spaces. I got it on my train to work yesterday. First, my train time is sacred. If I am sitting there with sunglasses on and earbuds in, do not talk to me. The gigantic moo got on the train during my morning commute with her goddamned baby in her arms, and instead of choosing an empty row, of which there were plenty, sits right fucking next to me. So the moo spreads her ample self out as she sits down and pulls out a Cosmo magazine which she is trying to read while not dropping her spawn. Finally, she gets sick of trying to balance it, and asks me to hold her fucking kidlet while she reads Cosmo. I glared at her, refused, and tried to get up, but she happens to be the size of Roseanne Barr and Orson Well's love child, so I couldn't move. She is pissed that her kid is getting in the way of her reading about what I assume her husband's secretary is doing to his balls at the moment, so she starts berating me for being an evil selfish cihildhater. Yup, lady, you got my number.

Finally, I am reaching my limit and about to asphyxiate from her moo fumes, so I asked her if her kid had the Bratley Spawn vaccine. She looked at me like a cow in the headlights, and I explained that it could be fatal to her kid since I had a bad case in my youth and it's easily contagious. Never seen something that size move so fast.

I am so glad that my public transit experience is limited to a 20 minute bus ride through the graduate/married student apartment "village" and then to campus so any parents are at least graduate students at a Big 10 university.



I am so sorry about that Moo, I can't even imagine what gos through someone's (tiny) brain to think that that would be acceptable. If these are the most pwecious things in their lives, why are they always so keen to hand them off?

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brattymcpants
I am a magnet for babystalking. I get why...at five feet tall and tiny, with long blonde hair and big blue eyes I am just not threatening. It doesn't help that (apparently) I look like a Disney princess. Breeders actually ask me quite often if I will dress up like a goddamned princess for their hellspawn's birthday parties, and my dad and stepmom's mombie neighbors have been on my case about getting me to do that before their Bratshley gets too old.

THAT'S a new one. creeps!


Tell them "No, but how about if I dress as a ZOMBIE for Halloween?"

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LadyLuck
I am so glad that my public transit experience is limited to a 20 minute bus ride through the graduate/married student apartment "village" and then to campus so any parents are at least graduate students at a Big 10 university.



I am so sorry about that Moo, I can't even imagine what gos through someone's (tiny) brain to think that that would be acceptable. If these are the most pwecious things in their lives, why are they always so keen to hand them off?

Yes, thank you for this!!! How did she know I wasn't some baby rabid crazy who was going to steal the thing? How does she know I'm not a pedo? How does she know I'm not a serial killer? I'm not any of these things, but she doesn't know that. I mean, I have no capacity to understand why someone would want to steal a kid at all, but aren't these crotchfruit gardens worried sick about babynappers and child molesters and all of that?

Had another doozy today on the train. Again, sunglasses on, book in hand, earphones in, and some creep and his four or five year old little nugget of squirm sits in my row, squishing me in. I'm alternating between reading and playing bejeweled, and the guy is trying to fricken hit on me while the kid is climbing everywhere. Creep says to me, "Ahhh kids. Don't you love them?." I reply, "nope." At this point, the kid is leaning over his duh's lap, staring at me, before whining at his duh that he wants to play bejeweled. The idiot has the audacity to ask me if I wouldn't mind handing over my iPhone to the kid. No. Noooo. Not happening. When I refused, the guy acts like I am the biggest asshole ever for not lending his kid my phone.

And it gets worse. The kid recovers enough from "the mean lady who won't share" to ask me to read to him from my book. That, I can do. Too bad for the kid that I happened to be reading Atlas Shrugged. "Alright, listen up," I started, "'He was holding Dagny half-stretched across the bed, he was tearing her clothes off..."

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brattymcpants
And it gets worse. The kid recovers enough from "the mean lady who won't share" to ask me to read to him from my book. That, I can do. Too bad for the kid that I happened to be reading Atlas Shrugged. "Alright, listen up," I started, "'He was holding Dagny half-stretched across the bed, he was tearing her clothes off..."

The book part is funny as hell. Hard to believe some asshole duh expected a total stranger to hand over something so expensive. I'd have dropped all pretense of civility and told him to fuck off and take his cunt nugget with him.

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brattymcpants


Creep says to me, "Ahhh kids. Don't you love them?." I reply, "nope." At this point, the kid is leaning over his duh's lap, staring at me, before whining at his duh that he wants to play bejeweled. The idiot has the audacity to ask me if I wouldn't mind handing over my iPhone to the kid. No. Noooo. Not happening. When I refused, the guy acts like I am the biggest asshole ever for not lending his kid my phone.

What? You mean you weren't overwhelmed by this manly man's charm?

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brattymcpants

And it gets worse. The kid recovers enough from "the mean lady who won't share" to ask me to read to him from my book. That, I can do. Too bad for the kid that I happened to be reading Atlas Shrugged. "Alright, listen up," I started, "'He was holding Dagny half-stretched across the bed, he was tearing her clothes off..."

YESSSS!!! The fact that you were reading Ayn Rand didn't scare him off? lol I love that part, especially how it's so awkward and uncomfortable not only physically but also in Dagny's inner monologue. How fast did the Duh move the kid?

Another lovely day at Office(Place) during Back-2-Skool season. Everyone brought in their kids to buy shit with Angry Birds and Batman on it. I had a horrible thought...what if the Dark Knight school merchandise came with free movie passes? Anyway...I'm putting stuff on shelves like a good retail peon when I leave my cart out of sight for just a minute ...when I came back, there was a doofus duhd and his two he-brats - one of whom was trying to spread himself across both the duhd's cart and my stock cart.
Me: "Excuse me"
Duhd: "Hurr hey son git off tha cart. Huh huh, kiiiiids, ya know."
Boy: "Look, daddy, Angry Birds!"
Me: "EXCUSE ME"
Dude finally pulls his kid off the cart full of shmancy electronic accessories ($25 printer cables my ass) and I get to continue.

Later, I stop a kid who is running through the store - I could hear him stampeding and giggling. (Where were his parents?) He runs into me - first and last time, and I made sure of that. "DO NOT RUN across the store. I actually looked this kid in the eyes to say it, and I don't normally look my customers in the eyes that often. Damn me if he didn't stop after that.

Finally, there was one couple plus a toddler who were perusing our technology aisles. A coworker and I both approached them at separate times to ask if they were able to find things, etc., and they gave us the same explanation both times: "We're only in here to entertain [name of kid.]" LOLWUT. You are looking to...entertain your kid...in an office supply store. Okay, whatever, just buy some stuff. I like staplers and labeling tape as much as the next person, but I'm old enough to appreciate the difference between one type of ballpoint pen and another. We have all the shit out with licensed characters (i.e., a metric fuckton of flash drives shaped like Marvel and Looney Tunes characters), so the kids are treating it like a toy store.

Otherwise, I'm starting to like my job again - even if some of the managers are in their positions just to be kept out of the workflow. I already hate BTS - I managed to avoid seeing kids and their handlers all summer, and now this.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

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LadyLuck

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brattymcpants

And it gets worse. The kid recovers enough from "the mean lady who won't share" to ask me to read to him from my book. That, I can do. Too bad for the kid that I happened to be reading Atlas Shrugged. "Alright, listen up," I started, "'He was holding Dagny half-stretched across the bed, he was tearing her clothes off..."

YESSSS!!! The fact that you were reading Ayn Rand didn't scare him off? lol I love that part, especially how it's so awkward and uncomfortable not only physically but also in Dagny's inner monologue. How fast did the Duh move the kid?

You think it would, but I wasn't counting on this fucker knowing who Ayn Rand is. And I love that part also, she really does uncomfortable well. I really had fun with that, but this was the only time that I've ever wanted to have a copy of 50 Shades of Crap with me. (Not that I've read that BS, I downloaded a sample of it on my iPad to see what all the hype was about...I wanted to take that idiot's "inner goddess" and slap her silly. That shit was awful). I bet that Duh would have booked it faster than he did. (Took him a good ten minutes to realize what was I was reading to the tardlet).

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toomanybrats

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brattymcpants


Creep says to me, "Ahhh kids. Don't you love them?." I reply, "nope." At this point, the kid is leaning over his duh's lap, staring at me, before whining at his duh that he wants to play bejeweled. The idiot has the audacity to ask me if I wouldn't mind handing over my iPhone to the kid. No. Noooo. Not happening. When I refused, the guy acts like I am the biggest asshole ever for not lending his kid my phone.

What? You mean you weren't overwhelmed by this manly man's charm?

Not unless charm was the name of this fucker's cologne.

I am of the "Tits on Toast" variety myself....it never fails when I go out to shop for groceries on my own.

Always some loser duh with a little kyd trailing a couple of feet behind me, duhddy talking a little too loudly in that Gawdawful baybee talk that sounds like the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard.

I usually turn around and give him a stare that says, "Don't you ever shut the hell up?"

Normally that works because I can be quite intimidating when I get pissed. They may make some backhanded rude comment, but I'm just glad when they go away and leave me the fuck alone.

As I left work today and was taking off my work shirt like I always do (tank top underneath), a horrid man pushing a double stroller stared at me.

Later, at the transit center, he boarded the same bus as I did. I put on my shirt again.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

Brattymcpants, I sooo feel your pain.

I happen to resemble a Bratz doll, (minus the hookertastic shoes and makeup)so ,for a while, I got much unwanted attention from little monsters and their makers. I guess you have it tougher, though, because the Disney Princess trend shows no signs of ever ending.

My husband got baby stalked tonight. He also just learned what it is. Some jackass at Walfart, (Hubby loves the place no matter how much I hate it), thought we would let him cut in line ahead of us just because he had a loaf in his cart. He and moo had two full shopping carts and moo is yelling about having to pull out the WIC vouchers. This jackwagon thought we would let him take two full carts when we only had a measly 15 items and this asshole thought he and his moo would be able to take their two full carts of WIC ahead of us??? Hubby went to get the veggies we forgot and duh gave me dirty looks the entire time he was gone. I looked at him, he nodded toward the loaf and tried to shove his cart in front of ours. I went back to reading that magazine I never intended to buy. Hubby came back, gave the duh a dumb look and put our stuff on the checkout, and strikes up a conversation with the cashier. When we got back in the truck I told Hubby what that was all about. His responded with, I had to drag all four of my sisters through walfart and nobody ever offered to let me go ahead! Screw that shit!" I love my charming hubby right now.

A fetus is not a fetus until 8 weeks gestation so most early abortions are performed on embryos. Medication abortions are available up to 63 days LMP although a bit longer in Europe. After 6 weeks the contents up the uterus are vacuumed out after the cervix is dilated. The shit put on youtube is often put up by people who claim a 25 week gestation is 5 weeks. Thise abortuons performed past the point of viability if the loafi has. serious defects or mom will die.

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brattymcpants
And it gets worse. The kid recovers enough from "the mean lady who won't share" to ask me to read to him from my book. That, I can do. Too bad for the kid that I happened to be reading Atlas Shrugged. "Alright, listen up," I started, "'He was holding Dagny half-stretched across the bed, he was tearing her clothes off..."

What an amazing come-back. For several months, when I was younger, I carried around a copy of A Modest Proposal to read on public transport, in the hopes that some breeder would give me the annoying "What are you reading? What's it about?" treatment.

Not really sure if this qualifies. But, I was visiting some friends at their apartment yesterday. I was getting on the elevator to leave when this guy walks up, just as some kyd starts screaming down the hall. He says to me, with a smile and a laugh, "Boy my kyd sure is loud".

I didn't really say anything in reply, because I don't find screaming kyds to be cute, so that was pretty much the end of the exchange.

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cfchevygirl
Not really sure if this qualifies. But, I was visiting some friends at their apartment yesterday. I was getting on the elevator to leave when this guy walks up, just as some kyd starts screaming down the hall. He says to me, with a smile and a laugh, "Boy my kyd sure is loud".

I didn't really say anything in reply, because I don't find screaming kyds to be cute, so that was pretty much the end of the exchange.

It counts! He was seeking a reaction from you.

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starlady

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cfchevygirl
Not really sure if this qualifies. But, I was visiting some friends at their apartment yesterday. I was getting on the elevator to leave when this guy walks up, just as some kyd starts screaming down the hall. He says to me, with a smile and a laugh, "Boy my kyd sure is loud".

I didn't really say anything in reply, because I don't find screaming kyds to be cute, so that was pretty much the end of the exchange.

It counts! He was seeking a reaction from you.

should have replied with "yeah, you should discipline them. make them shut up."

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cfchevygirl
, "Boy my kyd sure is loud".
.

"Yea. He's also UGLY. How about you SHUT HIM UP so I at least don't have to LISTEN to him?"

This, just happened. *Gets on elevator*

Complete Stranger: Oh, you look tired. You must have a little baby.

Me: No! Just didn't sleep well last night.

Why is it that they always ASSUME?

I was asked the same thing when I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago.

Cashier; Oh you must be in a hurry because you have kids home for summer (something like that)

Me; No, I'm just in a hurry because I don't like spending my whole day in the grocery store. I want to get home to the peace and quiet of my house.

Next time, I'm going to say:

"Actually no, my boyfriend were I up late having hot, dirty sex. Then, we had to spend almost an hour looking for the keys to the handcuffs."


Talk about insulting though. Plenty of people have other reasons to be tired.

Besides, I am freshly showered, in clean clothes and put forth a relatively fit appearance. How could I possibly be mistaken for a moomy?

. How could I possibly be mistaken for a moomy?

*********

You're a woman... of a certain age.....and it's the all mighty 'lifescript' OH, and the person saying it is an idiot.

Today I had the utmost pleasure of watching some stereotypical moo and her lardass of an infant on the bus. I swear, if you made a quick list of the most basic moo features, she'd be it:

-Greasy blonde hair in a half-assed ponytail (at least it was combed)
-The face of a barnyard animal
-unshaven
-fat
-granny panty wearing (she bent over while wearing capri pants)
-loud
-probably covered in stretch marks, didn't care to ask
-Shitty butterfly leg tattoo
-mustache???

She had a big 'ole stroller because the "umbrella" sort would probably collapse under junior's weight. Seriously, she lifted the kid and I saw the fat around his ribcage pool over her own generous hands. But, hey, she folded it, AND she stayed out of the handicapped seat (at first.) Then she started doing the loud cooing and "WHO'S MAH BABEE? WHO'S MAH BABEE? YOU ARE! YOU ARE! PFFFFFFFRRRRRRTTTT" (She blew really loud raspberries on the kid. Gross. I could hear her over my headphones. I took my homework, muttered "Fucking disgusting," then moved to another seat. Oh, I guess she heard me, because she glared at me, but soon resumed her germ-spreading with her kid. I saw her get on another bus, this time taking the handicap spot, and continuing to fart around with her kid.

God damn it I'm starting to hate public transportation. I keep losing out on bike racks (my own fault, I know lots of people use the racks on the bus, it's inevitable that i'll lose sometimes), keep having to share space with gross people, and, of course, the hellspawn. Between the kid with the odd rash who kept touching everything last week, the SECOND of two raspberry blowers within two days, and the little shithead who pulled my hair (apparently this is widespread, eh, brattymcpants?), I think I might actually take the plunge and learn to drive.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal