Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

Not exactly babystalking but I am so sick of kyds today. I was downtown shopping this afternoon and there were kyds and moos everywhere - more so than usual.

First, my friend and I were in a crowded department store and two little asshole kids were playing hide and go seek in the racks, touching all of the clothes with their grubby, disgusting hands and running around, into people. Moo was within earshot, ignoring the kids and focusing on her shopping.

THEN on the bus on the way home (I live in the city and was on a major bus route) I get on and there is a moo and duh with a baby, probably around a year old, sitting in the handicapped seating area and they had ANOTHER handicapped seating area folded up (you can push the seats back to accommodate wheel chairs) for their giant SUV stroller that was loaded down with their shopping bags. The baby was cute enough and wasn't making noise, but the duh had it on his lap and was bouncing up and down talking to it in obnoxious baby talk while moo fed it Cheerios, half of which ended up on the floor. a) I'm sure there were elderly or disabled people on the bus who could have used those seats. If Moo and Duh could hold the baby, they should have folded the stroller and carried their damn bags themselves like everyone else. and b) you're not supposed to eat on the bus. people do, but you're definitely not supposed to be flinging cereal everywhere. If the kid needs to eat during the length of an afternoon shopping trip, leave it home with a sitter.

UGH. I hate breeders who think they own public property because they spawned.

/rant.

Not exactly babystalking, but it might as well have been for all the wrong reasons... I was on the main hospital campus last week for a couple days for work, and this hospital is in the nasty ghetto part of town. Its the hospital that ALL, and I mean ALL the gunshot and stab victims go, all the gang violence goes, etc, etc. Some gross fatso moo was on the phone and her approx two year old crotch nugget was running way ahead of her towards some huge automatic doors that spin around. I said, "hey there, where are you going so fast? Making your escape? Where's mommy?" Well moomy looked at me like she was going to beat me into a pulp for stopping her kyd. She was total white trash, and obviously didn't give a CRAP about her daughter. I actually felt bad for the kid. She has no future with that SLOB for a mom. It was kinda sad. Obviously mom was hoping precious little daughter would get abducted. Baby stalking potential kidnappers, I guess.

So, I'm minding my own business at the library today and searching for my next book to wisk me away. This moo comes up the aisle with little snot-nosed toadler in tow. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi" over and over and over in that horrid pitch that makes my teeth hurt. I quickly leave that area. SHE FOLLOWS ME. "Hey! My son said "hi" to you! It is very rude to ignore him!" she moos. Oh. Holy. HELL. Seriously? You are going to SCOLD me for not responding to your damn stupid kid?? Fuck the hell off.
I gave her my most withering look, turned on my heel and left without a word.
Garg!!
I can't stand that "hi hi hi hi" BS.

Next time, say in a really annoying and loud voice, "shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" and follow it up with, "yeah, that's annoying, isn't it?" I wish I had the cajones to do that.

my friend and i were baby-stalked yesterday at a coffeehouse. we were sitting at a small table away from the counter, in the back of the room, and this girl just HAS to come over to our table while her moo was ordering. the girl walked right up, stood between us and just stared. she wasn't a toddler, she was about six or so.

my friend and i stopped talking and stared back. my friend said "yes?" and she kept staring, so i leaned in close and whispered "go away!"

and she did.

I got baby stalked for the first time Wednesday. My school sometimes has free "workshops" where they provide free pizza. A moo-to-be had to make a big deal about puzzling over which kind of pizza "this kid" wanted and rubbing her stomach even though she was only three months along. I know how far along she was because she was bragging about it too everyone who sat anywhere near her until the workshop started.

A moo-to-be had to make a big deal about puzzling over which kind of pizza "this kid" wanted and rubbing her stomach even though she was only three months along
***
OH crap! Give me a freekin' break.

Church is among one of the most notorious places to be baby-stalked. I go to a Baptist church with my mother (one of the conditions of our living arrangement). Our piano player has a black child, don't know if it's his or his step-daughter's, never cared to find out. To cut to the chase, all of the people in the church love to hold her and coo over her.
So he thought I would do the same thing. He squeezed himself and his kid into the pew and stood in front of me with an expectant look on his face. I looked blankly up at him then went back to my doodling (that's what I do during the whole service). He stood there for a few minutes then left.
He hasn't approached me since.
I was also asked if I wanted to do children's church. I vehemently replied no. Hate children. Can't stand them.

Today, about 3 hours ago, I went to a pawnbroker's shop to look at and possibly buy records & CDs. We rarely watch TV here, usually go to theater pubs showing foreign or classic films or art-house/indie theaters for movies and listen to music the rest of the time, which are great things about being an upper-middle-class CF couple in a big city, so recorded music is common here at Chez Chris450slc.

Onto the subject of brats, I was looking at the bottom shelf of a CD rack, trying to decide between CDs of George Winston, Bill Frisell or Clannad to balance out the 70s rock records we'd chosen, when a peestooler that looked like a girl but which I wasn't totally sure on, snuck up on me and rammed its head into my shoulder, said "Hi! Hi! Hi!" and showed me a creepy ragdoll resembling Ronald McDonald in drag, which of course I did not care about. I told Shitlynn to shoo and to leave grownups alone from now on, Shitlynn's fugly fat moo, who was looking at cheapo gold-filled jewelry with cubic zirconia "rocks", egged her on and made her sing the A-B-C song to me when what I really wanted to hear was "The Graceful Ghost", "Egg Radio" or "Ri Na Cruinne", then told me what a little genius Shitlynn was (which was utter bullshite). I broke down and bought both Frisell and Winston, we left and we were talking about how we ran into another sprog and another fucktard moo one day after seeing my car and a very expensive Italian sports car owned by a friend getting damaged by another sprog with a fucktarded moo. I think this counts as babystalking since the moo had only Shitlynn and was showing off her subpar intelligence to me when I could care less.

I will admit that I'm a kyd magnet for some reason, especially in the winter when I'm wearing a $200 replica 1960s Porsche Racing team jacket and they think I'm a race car driver.

Went to Hastings, today. I do every so often, when I get bored or depressed. It usually brightens my mood, as finding rare jewels for pocket change is quite the serotonin shot. As I finished my Hastings Ritual (Movies, then Music, then Books), I ambled into the Book section... and spied a toadler (actually, a few years older, but just as annoying) in my peripheral vision. I was not in a position to dodge it without being obvious, and I figured it would be like a beehive - don't bother it, and it won't bother you.

The little fooker was playing with this rattling stuffed snake-thing, while its moo was reading a book (presumably, "How To Strangle Your Annoying Kid With A Rattling Stuffed Snake-Thing... for Dummies"), and proceeded to toss it right out in front of me, as she was lying in wait. I didn't even look, I just stepped over it and went on about my merry way, towards yet another short affair with a long Stephen King novel.

I was half-expecting moo to get all pissy, but she was too engrossed in whatever she was reading to advise Annoying Kid not to irritate random strangers with faux reptiles. This was, of course, after a fucking famblee day at the doctor's office, complete with small-yet-echoey office, and kid with cryhole-itis. Holy shit, I was rocking like fucking RAIN MAN before they called my name.

rocking like rainman... lol!

YOU ARE MY HERO! What I would have given to be there with you when the duh came back just to see the look on his face! I would have been tempted to give him the finger with a big grin, confirming that his slimy plan didn't work, but indifference was the classy way to go.
I told this story to my hubbs, and he said, "well, I'm sure she kept an eye on them anyway" and I said "NO! DON'T YOU GET IT?" Why is this just ASSUMED it's her job??? Was worried for a minute that hubbs was thinking like a duh, but he's ok now

I got blatantly babystalked for the first time in IT class by the teacher on Thursday. The teacher is showing us how to upload and work with videos on YouTube because she teaches the class like we're her kindergarteners and not folks who are 18+ and have been working with computers for years. So her video example is a video of her toddler running towards her and looking up at the camera smiling. Cue much espousing about the "cutest baby in the world" and how different life is with a baby and blah blah blah. Really? Your class is useless as it is; don't waste my time further with your baby.

I was standing in line to make a purchase, waiting for an enormous moo with a wide load stroller and a wide load ass to match to get the hell out of the way. Why can't they park those things outside? The thing was more jammed packed with crap than a homeless person's shopping cart, so obviously the 2 bratlings were running loose around the store annoying everyone.
At one point, the brother toadling stuck out his foot and tripped the sister, executing a perfect face plant into the floor. Laughing hysterically (inwardly) I gave it a score of 4.0.....took a few points off because the place was carpeted. The sister toadling starts the banshee wail and moo starts with, "Awww, wha happen, pweshus fawww down?"
I said, "No, her brother tripped her."
She shot me a nasty look, and said, "He did NOT!"
I glanced at the guy behind the counter for confirmation (he saw it too) and he smirks with an eye roll as if to say, "Don't drag me into this" lol
Then she starts raging to "mind my own business". Made my purchase and turned to leave and said, "Well, good luck" This enraged her further and bellowed out that "she doesn't need my luck."
To which I replied.....
"I was talking to your daughter"

ba da bum

This isn't exactly babystalking per se, but I don't think my little experience warrants a shiny new thread. Maybe baby supplies stalking?

STORY TIME

I went to CVS to get Q-tips and Chloraseptic spray to care for my tonsil stones. (I don't care if it's TMI; we post enough here as it is.) I look and look and simply cannot find the fucking Q-tips. Not in the makeup or any personal care stuff - surely CVS must carry them? I ask an employee and he leads me in a beeline to...the baby care aisle. That was the only place in this CVS that had Q-tips.

Yes, I know, sometimes people can jump to the conclusion that your item being near the baby shit aisle = childfree affront, but really? Why can't there be Q-tips with the makeup as well? I was already feeling unwell and did not feel like that helped.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

Yeah... I love A and D ointment for many things..... and where is that? It's in the diaper rash section.

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starlady
Yeah... I love A and D ointment for many things..... and where is that? It's in the diaper rash section.

Which I find funny because the most common use for it (that I know of) is for helping new tattoos heal.

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mistress rotwang

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starlady
Yeah... I love A and D ointment for many things..... and where is that? It's in the diaper rash section.

Which I find funny because the most common use for it (that I know of) is for helping new tattoos heal.

Yep. My mother used it and Prep H for all of her tattoos.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

not technically a babbystalk, but with the warm weather the little BLORPS are seemingly EVERYWHERE now. RUNNING on the sidewalk, babbling in the supermarket, SINGING for no apparent reason. at least that last one was a block away. I HATE THAT HORRID BABBLE BABBLE RETARDED SOUND.

I stayed at a friend's aunt's house for a week (long background story)
what I didn't know was it turned out her aunt lived with her daughter in law and her 3 small grandkids.

needless to say this experience made me realize how much I hate kids. the oldest kid keep following me around to babble about random shit, give smartass commentaries, interview me about anything in sight. she really thinks i am interested in what she has to say or do. I can't lock myself in, since i shared room with my friends.
i avoid the younger ones like the plague. especially after one growled at me for sitting on his *favorite* couch, and one (a baby) ate my make up mirror.
when the kids not bothering people, they either wail, scream, whine, cry... jesus on crackers. what is so adorable about children? kids are so dull, zombie-like, tedious, gross, unfunny, boring, boring, boring, and so is interacting with them. basically i am very polite and my friend's relatives are very nice person. so i gave polite fake political smile each time the kids did some supposedly cute thing... it's so exhausting. i am so tired from one week of being babystalked. i hate my polite fake self. gaaaahhhh. thank god it is over now!

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felisdomestica
I stayed at a friend's aunt's house for a week (long background story)
what I didn't know was it turned out her aunt lived with her daughter in law and her 3 small grandkids.

needless to say this experience made me realize how much I hate kids. the oldest kid keep following me around to babble about random shit, give smartass commentaries, interview me about anything in sight. she really thinks i am interested in what she has to say or do. I can't lock myself in, since i shared room with my friends.
i avoid the younger ones like the plague. especially after one growled at me for sitting on his *favorite* couch, and one (a baby) ate my make up mirror.
when the kids not bothering people, they either wail, scream, whine, cry... jesus on crackers. what is so adorable about children? kids are so dull, zombie-like, tedious, gross, unfunny, boring, boring, boring, and so is interacting with them. basically i am very polite and my friend's relatives are very nice person. so i gave polite fake political smile each time the kids did some supposedly cute thing... it's so exhausting. i am so tired from one week of being babystalked. i hate my polite fake self. gaaaahhhh. thank god it is over now!

So true there! I lived basically the same thing for a while, except that it was my girlfriend and I, in a 4-bedroom split-level house owned by her aunt and uncle, sharing the place with 3 kydz plus the aunt and uncle.

The babby ate your makeup mirror? Tell us more.

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chris450slc
So true there! I lived basically the same thing for a while, except that it was my girlfriend and I, in a 4-bedroom split-level house owned by her aunt and uncle, sharing the place with 3 kydz plus the aunt and uncle.

The babby ate your makeup mirror? Tell us more.

then it is covered in saliva. fucking gross.

if the baby actually ingested the mirror, i would not be here posting at bratfree

I know it! bet you get to say nothing too, since the space is originally owned by aunt and uncle :p precious experience taught me to a.)get sterilized no matter what, and b.) avoid living with in-laws if i get married

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felisdomestica

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chris450slc
So true there! I lived basically the same thing for a while, except that it was my girlfriend and I, in a 4-bedroom split-level house owned by her aunt and uncle, sharing the place with 3 kydz plus the aunt and uncle.

The babby ate your makeup mirror? Tell us more.

then it is covered in saliva. fucking gross.

if the baby actually ingested the mirror, i would not be here posting at bratfree

I know it! bet you get to say nothing too, since the space is originally owned by aunt and uncle :p precious experience taught me to a.)get sterilized no matter what, and b.) avoid living with in-laws if i get married

LOL, we never got to say a thing about it, and agreed with A and B. I think I know where you would be if the babby actually ate the mirror, I actually had to throw away a plug-in charger for 4 AA batteries and a point-and-shoot digital camera and soak a 1940s Rolls-Royce grille ornament in Betadine for days after babbies sucked on them after the experience I mentioned.

Luckily there was an InTown Suites about 5 minutes away from the aunt and uncle, and I don't need to say what happened after that...

I don't recall ever being baby stalked, but I am a magnet to kids. I have no idea why, they just seem to find me fascinating, much the way a cat will instantly fall in love with the only person in the room who does not like cats. I really hate it.

Went out to eat lunch today and there were 3 moos with their 3 sprogs under the age of 2 in highchairs. One of the sprogs started shrieking the second I sat down. Great. One of the moos started reading a book out loud to the screaming kids. Double great. the kids did stop crying so that was good but then they were leaving and one of the kids got free milk from the establishment. Le sigh.... Then he started walking down between the tables drinking said milk from his bottle and staring at people. I ignored him and was suddenly very engrossed in my book. He moved on to another table and got all the noisy attention he was looking for from that group. Moos just stood there and waited for him to come back on his own with giant annoying vapid grins on their moo faces.