Our cre8ive CF glossary

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ky_girl
Twat Terror (or tearer)

Also like Twat Turd... is it already on the list?

I just came up with this one while reading the thread about the librarian giving up on keeping people quiet:

LCD - Lowest Common Denominator.

Cuz, really, that's what most of these kids are and their behavior reflects this. Like LCD lights, you can't miss an LCD child.

"trojan baby"-a child that is not typical. must be the first born (hence the "trojan horse" reference). a "trojan baby" does not scream, cry, demand, destroy things or cause any serious disturbance or problem. this lures parents into a false sense of security, believing child rearing is a piece of cake. they decide to have other children, or more aptly put-screaming banshees from hell.

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zatoth
"trojan baby"-a child that is not typical. must be the first born (hence the "trojan horse" reference). a "trojan baby" does not scream, cry, demand, destroy things or cause any serious disturbance or problem. this lures parents into a false sense of security, believing child rearing is a piece of cake. they decide to have other children, or more aptly put-screaming banshees from hell.

When I first saw "trojan baby," I thought it was going to be a condom-failure-oops!

It's your hell; you rot in it!

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reaperess

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zatoth
"trojan baby"-a child that is not typical. must be the first born (hence the "trojan horse" reference). a "trojan baby" does not scream, cry, demand, destroy things or cause any serious disturbance or problem. this lures parents into a false sense of security, believing child rearing is a piece of cake. they decide to have other children, or more aptly put-screaming banshees from hell.

When I first saw "trojan baby," I thought it was going to be a condom-failure-oops!

you would think-i use the term a lot though, so i figured i would define it.

From our very own navi8torgirl:

Behind the Coucher: (noun) A less-desirable child from a previous marriage who is deliberately obscured in family photos, often pushed to the back and/or hidden behind large furniture.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Womb lice

Carpet Toads

Toads

Linoleum-licker
Curtain-climber

ANNNNND - for those of us childfree ladies, we have what could be called:

Cuntacular fabulosity
Vaginal fortitude

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Some site-specific definitions:

Melon Head: Our nickname for Gluten-Free Girl's daughter Lu, who can barely fit a mixing bowl on her oversized round noggin for her annual haircut. Also called Cranium Head.

Potato Head: Our nickname for Flotsam's daughter Simone, who is simultaneously an lumpy IVF failure and a phrenologist's wet dream. Also called Potatohead Frankenloaf.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Lord of the Flies Class Reunion - A large group of screaming children at the same place
via dreamwalker

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Snark Shark
Monkey Roller: stroller

I KNOW it's a bit unweildy, but those fucking things, ESP. the HUGE ones, need as many insulting names as possible.

I think of them as having a tricycle : bicycle relationship with grocery store obesity carts. Spend enough time using the first, and you'll be well-equipped in later life to use the second. I don't have a good way of summing that up as a single term, however.

We came up with a few space-themed ones the other day.

Moo-niverse

Brat-mosphere

Brat-tellites (those annoying noisy things you'll find orbiting a play area or moo in a grocery store)

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zatoth

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reaperess

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zatoth
"trojan baby"-a child that is not typical. must be the first born (hence the "trojan horse" reference). a "trojan baby" does not scream, cry, demand, destroy things or cause any serious disturbance or problem. this lures parents into a false sense of security, believing child rearing is a piece of cake. they decide to have other children, or more aptly put-screaming banshees from hell.

When I first saw "trojan baby," I thought it was going to be a condom-failure-oops!

you would think-i use the term a lot though, so i figured i would define it.

just remembered something-if you ask my sister, the little nerd will tell you it was a condom accident....which is not true....

i dunno if i mentioned this one:

cuckoo method=egg donation. cuckoo birds lay their eggs in the nests of other birds. the cuckoo bird hatches and dominates the nest, even throwing out other birds. in my terminology, it refers to the act of putting your egg in her womb.

Got a couple of great ones from the hubby today...

Gash rat
Muff myricle
Twat slug
Beaver dump
Slit shit
Twat roast
Twat sloth
Ritual growth ... hehehe! That one's kinda out there!

Yea... fun Saturday over here!

Has anyone heard this one: I'm a villa, not a village?

Haha! No, anti-offspring, but that's a cute one! I like it!

wink

Shartleigh.

Because no one ever sharts on purpose.

mr. minkoff calls children "the screeching horror." that is why i fell in love with him.

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L'enfer, c'est les autres.

what is a PNB? i keep seeing it but don't know what it means.

i usually refer to parents as breeders or babyheads. parents who hover over their kids are hovercrafts.

i refer to "the maternal instinct" as the virus, because it takes over and makes formerly rational women turn into baby dispensers who can talk of nothing besides their cracked nipples and spongebob squarepants.

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L'enfer, c'est les autres.

oh...okay. wish there were more of those. thanks, snark shark.

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L'enfer, c'est les autres.

From the internet wayback machine:

http://web.archive.org/web/20090115032336/http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Quarter/7404/

http://web.archive.org/web/20080724075203/http://wiki.nokidding.info/wiki/Childfree_slang

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I've got a great comeback: I'm allergic to kyds...no really I am they make me break out in hives my Dr. say I can't have any....

Or another great alternative would be to claim that your probabtion officer says I can't have any of those...My dad used to screw with the telemarketers with that one........