Another parent wanting to join the party

http://www.thechildfreelife.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=9314\

And the first person to respond to her is another freaking parent with a picture of her kid in her avatar.

Gah!

Quote
Turncoat
I was staunchly CF for years.

My ass you wereI can armchair analyze and diagnose her behavior as someone who was filling an emotional gap caused by divorce, but the end result is that this bint has just given breeders an opening to say there is no such thing as a childfree person. All we need is to be touched by the right circumstances and we'd love to bring children into our lives.

Numbfucking cunt. I can't begin to think of enough foul words to express myself towards her and the breeder pleasers cheering her on. Gawdammit, we need Pete and his gas truck. People like that bitch burn a hole in my gut. Fucking traitor

I don't understand why they let breeders on the site. I can't see any point in them being there, if not to troll - there are thousands of moo sites they could go to. What do they want? To try to show the CF the 'error of their ways', and how they were once 'just like us'?

I call :BS all over it.

Quote
bizzylizzy
What do they want? To try to show the CF the 'error of their ways', and how they were once 'just like us'?

No, they want to assure us (really themselves) that having kids changes nothing for them. They can still be cool, can't they? Please? "Please tell me I'm still a cool person. See, I don't like hanging out with the mombies, I want to stay on the CF boards. Please accept me even though I've had kids. I promise I won't turn out like the moos you folks despise ::sniffle:: " :bawl

As illustrated by that board, she has several CFers who pat her on the back and give her the assurance she craves.

Tough luck, Ms. Sheeple. You've gone and drank the Kool-Aid, now go off and join the flock with the rest of the sheep

I think it's great if people want to adopt children instead of adding to overpopulation. But if you have adopted, you are a parent, and by definition, you were never CF. You're not CF now, you weren't CF before you adopted--what part of 'CF' does she not understand? If she wants to hang out on a mild CF board and seek approval for being an adoptive parent, that's up to her. If the mild board wants to accept her as such, that's up to them.

But the fact that she's allowed to blatantly misuse the term CF without getting called on it (and more or less bingo "it's different when it's your own" and "you'll change your mind") demonstrates to me that the board is now in full-on breeder pleaser mode and makes it an issue for anyone who identifies as CF. I can remember just a few months back when bingos were nipped in the bud. I hate breeder pleasing traitors because they call themselves CF. Why can't they call themselves "childless by choice" so that nobody mistakes them for people who are actually CF, and thinks that they speak for us?

:flaming :BS

I say to people "If I change my mind, I'll adopt", when they question my physical fertility status and choices, but between you and me and everyone reading this, I do NOT "feel" that I will change my mind. The closest I will ever come to adopting would be if I had a friend with a kid who was about to be homeless or something like that, and if they had nowhere else to go, I'd let them stay with me. But I do not want to ever be a parental "figure".

And that right there is one reason I hate the term "childless by choice" when people use it to refer to CF people. It makes it sound like we're giving up something we really do want and expect to be patted on the back for it:

"I'm childless-by-choice"

"Aww sorry to hear that"

versus

"I'm child-free"

"Good for you!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

I can kind of see how maybe PNBs might feel the need to run away from the child/moo worshipping, just about, but a CF board seems a stupid place to try. Although judging by the reaction on there, perhaps it's not such a stupid idea.
I give it a year before that board has a parent section. Year and a half before it's a moo support forum.

Or, she's secretly regretting it as it was a post-divorce panic buy and is looking for some kind of validation for when she dumps them.

I can't believe we're not even safe from the "it's different when it's your own" when the sprogs are adopted ffs.

Quote
SlumSlut
And that right there is one reason I hate the term "childless by choice" when people use it to refer to CF people. It makes it sound like we're giving up something we really do want and expect to be patted on the back for it:

I don't like the term either, but it perfectly fits the wishy-washy sort who want to seek approval from--and lavish approval on--parents. It sets them apart from those of us who are resolute about not having children ever. I prefer them to set themselves in a different category than us.

But nobody on that thread was using the term 'childless by choice,' they were using the term 'CF'.

Quote
thursdaynext
I can kind of see how maybe PNBs might feel the need to run away from the child/moo worshipping, just about, but a CF board seems a stupid place to try. Although judging by the reaction on there, perhaps it's not such a stupid idea.

I think the fact that she's attention-whoring on a 'CF' board and trying to claim that she was 'previously CF' proves that she's a BNP. PNB are completely comfortable with their choices and don't need validation.

I find what she has done extremely admirable, but her smugness and general holier than thou attitude make me want to smack the bitch. She was never CF.

I don't have a problem with formerly UNchilded people, who for whatever reason or circumstance, CHOOSE to become parents even IF it's because they have "changed their minds". It's also unfortunate when they fall victim to some biological mishap and become knocked up and "didn't realize it" until it's too late to abort, like many of them claim. It's also unfortunate when an UNchilded man is purposely lied to by his woman and is oopsed, to name a few reasons that the UNchilded end up spawning. HOWEVER, once they have traveled over to the other side for whatever reason, then they are CHILDED and I DO have a problem with them becoming or continuing to be members on childFREE sites for the following reasons:

1)These cf sites are few and are for childFREE people, not empty nesters, childLESS, or people who are actively trying to conceive. Simply put, they are NOT childFREE

2)I have little respect for parents who openly discuss how much that they detest their own kids, wish that they had never been born, consider them "mistakes", or otherwise rant that they wish that their own kids didn't exist. While I can certainly understand these feelings, they belong in a "True Mom-dad" confession type of rant site, not on a childFREE one because they are NOT childFREE, but rather they are chilDED and unhappy, BIG difference, IMO.

3)I resent people who are condescending to us like most former UNchilded people are who have decided to shit loaves. Just because they were truly UNchilded or childLESS all along and only crossed over recently and realized that being CF was a mistake for THEM does NOT mean that it is a "mistake" for any of us! SOME of us are WELL past typical spawning years, have been sterilized, or have already aborted "accidents" in the past in order to REMAIN childfree since we feel SO strongly about it. SO, to infer or imply that WE might, "change our minds" after we have walked the childfree walk at our personal, emotional, and physical expense is ESPECIALLY infuriating!

MANY childfree people are no longer ABLE to shit loaves due to voluntary sterilization or advanced age and NO we will not and couldn't even if we wanted to(which we do not) CHANGE our fucking minds! Not ALL childfree people are in the typically fertile 20-30 age group! SOME of us have declared childfreedom THIRTY YEARS AGOI!!!! I especially hate it when someone half my age even begins to presume that ****I****might "change my mind"!! It's ABSURD and highly offensive to me.

4)I am not interested in parents' opinions on ANYTHING when posting or reading a CHILDFREE board. I get that enough in everyday life, TYVM.

5)These people come across rather unstable and uncredible to me anyway, much like people on death row who got put there for 14 grisly and horrific torture murders who have "Found God". Their behavior also reminds me of former smokers who lit up 3 packs a day for 20 years, but NOW they are staunch NON smokers and have turned into the fucking self appointed "smoke police". Then you have drunks who would sooner buy a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 than a carton of milk for their kids, have so many DUI's that they will NEVER legally drive again, and have left countless kids in the wake of their disaster for 30 years who suddenly have found "AA" and wants complete and immediate "forgiveness" across the board from EVERYONE who they hurt and abused throughout their lives!


"Reformed" ANYTHING is a giant red flag to me. Sure, people can change their behavior, but the odds of that lifestye REMAINING "changed" are few and far between especially when it's one of the life altering "changes", which childedness certainly would be! This is why that I believe that "formerly childfree" were only in a "stage" when they touted their childfreeness and have simply reverted back to their TRUE mindsets, which was childDED ALL ALONG, not the other way around! ANYONE who claims to have been formerly childFREE and who is now "happy" about parenthood was NEVER childfree, not for a minute! A leopard might change dens, but he NEVER changes his spots!

IF, and that's an "if" only used for illustrative purposes, I decided to have a baybee, (I am getting chills and shudders at the mere thought)I would simply withdraw from the childfree world and assimilate into the childed world. I would NOT remain in or seek out the childfree world and try and "fit in", show them the error of their ways, or try and give them reasons that THEY TOO should drink the fucking koolaid.It's RUDE and intrusive and personally I don't care much for it, AT ALL.:sbx

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Quote

Although I now think of myself as a “mom”

Quote

I like to talk to CF people because I cannot take being around mommies all the time

Good luck with that, moo: I'd venture you're going to be around yourself for a long time. But you do seem to have found your spot on TBPL, where you can talk out of both sides of your mouth.

The woman on the other forum I use who calls every one of her kids some type of "pea" does a variation of what Kim just talked about.

When we had the thread about being CF on that forum, "Pea-mommy", who is 35 or 36 (and about to become "Pea-grand-moo"), stepped up and said "I never wanted kids.... now I have 5" (I think only 3 of them came from her body, but whatever).

HELLO!!!!???? You were SIXTEEN when you got knocked up. THEN you went and had TWO more. ONE of them was conceived by turkey-baster. HOW can you SAY you "never wanted" kids? MAYBE you never PLANNED to have THAT MANY, but if you got knocked up at SIXTEEN, there was NEVER a "never". There was a "tra-la-la-OOPS-I-live-in-Wasilla-I-guess-it's-just-what-people-do-around-here". That is not synonymous with "never". "Never" means JUST what it means - NEVER. Not "I haven't really thought about it much but I guess I'll have it and try to do the best I can".

NEVER MEANS NEVER. And I will NEVER change my mind. EVER.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Quote
yurble

Quote
thursdaynext
I can kind of see how maybe PNBs might feel the need to run away from the child/moo worshipping, just about, but a CF board seems a stupid place to try. Although judging by the reaction on there, perhaps it's not such a stupid idea.

I think the fact that she's attention-whoring on a 'CF' board and trying to claim that she was 'previously CF' proves that she's a BNP. PNB are completely comfortable with their choices and don't need validation.

Good point.

I have known some PNB who have a healthy disdain for society's current state, but I can't imagine them seeking childfree boards. Or if they did they at least wouldn't mention their kids.

The logic behind these people joining CF boards is somewhat mind-boggling to me. What is it that they can possibly get out of it? Maybe I'm a bit paranoid & cynical but I just keep waiting for them to roll the discussion around to their kids.

I pretty much stopped visiting TCFL ages ago. Actually, it was when SH posted that interboard wank. The fact that the board moderators didn't shut it down immediately made them, in my mind, complicit in the drama. I wasn't aware that parents posted there until just recently, though.

It does make me wonder what the motivation is behind the parents who seek out CF boards. I'd just as soon stay well clear and stick with what I know to be CF only.

Back when I was a stepmoo(and DESTESTED it), I was net surfing and looking for "childless step mothers", since I had never heard the term childFREE at the time. I stumbled up upon NUMEROUS topics-sites where stepmothers actually WERE childLESS, but they wanted "one of their own". Obviously that didn't define MY situation, so I avoided those. Then I came up on an actual childfree site but declined to join because as MUCH as I hated it and the "full time" shit was sprung on me AFTER I had signed up for a few weekends here and there of what I had thought would be glorified baybee sitting and a "big sister" type of thing, I realized that I was CHILDED and did NOT belong on a childfree discussion board! ! If you are playing a parental role to a kid on a full time basis and especially if said kid is living under your roof, EVEN IF you don't like it and the kid isn't your bio-kid, then you are CHILDED, like it or not!

HATING being childed does not negate the fact that you ARE childed, IMHO. If an UNchilded person who has never shat a loaf can understand that they are childed by proxy due to actively raising a step kid, then I find it difficult to understand why a FULL BLOWN MOOMARE who has actually squatted and shat a loaf can't understand that she is CHILDED. While I'll agree that there are controversial varying stages of what some people consider "childed", having SHAT a loaf and said loaf is living with you is about as clear cut a case of being CHILDED as there ever was one.m


m ALWAYS = CHILDED

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I am not surprised that that board is turning ever more parent friendly. IMO I suspect many of the users posting are parents themselves. It baffles me though what is the motivation behind it? Can't honestly think of one. An outside shot in the dark, is it an attempt to convert some CFers if we can be made see how 'cool' and 'understanding' some parents are?? Personally, I think it is a deceptive website and it's definitely NOT a safe haven for the childfree....maybe they are having a good laugh at the genuine CFers who still post there, given it is run by parents.

Quote

Welcome!!! What an amazing story!! I would have to say that there are 2 lucky children in your home. They will be able to grow up and be who they want without worrying that having kids of their own is the only option. I am a parent.

So a parent is welcoming the new mom to the board? TCFL my ass.

Quote

How much did each of the adoptions cost and how difficult was it? People always talk about how much more expensive and difficult adoption is compared to IVF.

An interesting comment to find on a so-called CF board. How many ways to moo? If you're looking for the cheapest way to become a mommy, I'm guessing IVF is more expensive than just screwing a one night stand and getting knocked up that way.

Quote

I have always considered adopting a child like this. For me a big part of being CF is that

Does. Not. Compute.

Quote

I think you are a hero too. Look forward to reading more about your perspective and experiences

Have you joined mothering.com? Or any of the other many, many moo boards? You can read about moohood all day there. Then again, it appears that T"CF"L will soon become another one of them. No real need to go anywhere else to get your starry-eyed fix of child/children/family/parent/moo drama.

What The Fuck?

And worse is the ass kissing this Cow received.

Not only is she NOT CF - is anyone on that board really CF?

Ug. Haven't read TCFL in quite awhile and will be keeping it that way.

Side note: I NEVER tell anyone that if I change my mind I will adopt. Because that could come back and bite me in the ass. Say I'm dating a man and his bro drops dead, his Crack Ho wife goes to the slammer, and Pwecious Kiddies are looking for a home - and eyes are cast to Uncle and "Auntie" - because they did say they might adopt.

For the same reason I WILL NOT be any child's "god parent". Yeah, I know it's mainly for show - but who knows where "guardian" might come in down the line and I'm not taking any chances.

In my book, CF means Child FREE period.

And I try to steer clear of people IRL who attempt to get into long discussions about it with me.

Which is why this Cow posting on a CF site, as well as others agreeing, is actually detrimental to the truly CF - people will read and talk about such things and it's just going to amplify the "I used to be like you" and "you should adopt" bingos toward us.

I remember once, a friend of mine said of another couple - that they should have kids simply because they had $. Er, OK. So if my land can support 10 Llamas - should I go get some?

And it's kind of the same thing with the 'used to be like you' and 'you should adopt' bingos - because you can, you should, coupled with - examples of other people who made the leap in your situation - so you can, and should, and look - they even LIKE it!

Grrrrrr......

At this point, TCFL needs to change its "A safe haven in a baby-crazed world" tagline. It is very misleading when there are so many mommies talking about their kids on the board now.

Quote
dodgedbullet
At this point, TCFL needs to change its "A safe haven in a baby-crazed world" tagline. It is very misleading when there are so many mommies talking about their kids on the board now.

Yes, I wonder if we should reconsider our policy towards them and remove their link from the sidebar. This is fucking unbelievable. It was once a more mild CF site, but I can see nothing remotely CF about it in this thread.

Quote
yurble
This is fucking unbelievable. It was once a more mild CF site, but I can see nothing remotely CF about it in this thread.

Agreed. I don't go to childfree sites to read a "used to be childfree" (even though there is no such thing - has everyone forgotten their Bingo cards so easily?) story followed by a whole bunch of congratulating a parent for being a parent. That is the opposite of Safe Haven, it's more like Same Shit as the rest of the baby-crazed world.

Good thing I deleted this place from my "bookmarked" list.

It will be a kid-worshiping, pro-breastfeeding moo site JUST like Smotheringdotcom one day if this keeps up. eyes2

Yeah, maybe I'll delete the TCFL link from the side-bar. Selfish Heathens is up there now.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu