Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

Quote
bell_flower
If you had a bad childhood, you need time to recover. In my case it took about 18 years to recover from the first 18 years, and this was after I was out of the house and self-supporting.

Most of these dumbass breeders get out of their bad parents' houses and immediately start breeding in their early to mid 20's. They hardly have any time to just be an adult, alone, before they jump into a relationship (the women almost always choose poorly) and breed. And I might add, therapy, good therapy, can be expensive. Many of these people do not have decent jobs with benefits, so you know they are not getting therapy.

I'm guessing most of them have numerous brats before they wake up and realize they need therapy. Bad choices have already navigated them into a personal hell that won't be fast or easy to change. And so many parunts seem to think it is perfectly reasonable to be 100% financially dependent on their spouse, even in light of the divorce rate and it being even higher with parunts.

Quote
bell_flower
I see a lot of people on Reddit who grew up in abusive backgrounds and they are crowing and congratulating themselves about their great parunting, which often involves "gentle discipline."

This is a ticking time bomb, sooner or later the "gentle discipline" is going to bite back hard. Likely when they feel completely overwhelmed because no healthy boundaries were ever formed and they're reaping the bad habits they instilled on their own progeny. Having 5- or 8-year-old brats still sleeping in their parunt's beds. Or older brats who follow their parunts around like puppy dogs expecting to be entertained 24x7. And older brats who aren't able to do simple things such as make a sandwich or pour themself some cereal for breakfast because moo or duh always insists on doing it for them and forces learned helplessness on them.

Quote
twocents
haaahaaahaaahaaaaa.. these stupid bints never learn, do they. "i'll be a better mawwwwwm than mine... " assholes from reddit regretful parents. but the dumb little shit teen reading this will think "I'm smarter than that, I'll be different"

They overlook the fact that plenty of people capable in many ways have said exactly the same thing. How many times have we heard people claim they would be better at parunting than their parunts? I recall hearing lots of teenagers say this. And what could possibly go wrong? They are so self-deluded, reminds me of people who run out and attempt to climb a large mountain despite having no real experience and no regard for it being in the dead of winter and then the experienced hikers find their remains during the spring. And just because so many people say they'll be better parunts doesn't make it any easier or more possible. Lots of things would be easier. If they were truly smarter, they'd figure this out. Parunts poke fun/get annoyed at the childfree for any advice they give on brats and a little advice which can be readily ignored and harms no one has nothing on this level of delusion. And teachers spend more time with a variety of brats than parunts do, unless the parunts are also teachers.

I guess it is because the bar to entry (simple sperm donation) is so easy. Only if the bar to entry was more difficult.

Quote
BM
If you feel this way, please please please go to therapy (or similar). Learn about your triggers. Figure out how to reframe these triggering behaviors in your mind. You and your kids and your partner will benefit from you not raging out. I really feel like therapy has been the best investment in myself, my relationship, and my kids’ lives. Things are still very difficult, don’t get me wrong, but I can talk myself down from the ledge so to speak much faster. There is a very clear difference between pre therapy and post, and omg I wish I had started before kids.

If they do this prior to having brats then this is humble and accepts that they haven't figured everything out, shows a potential parent wants to improve before sluicing and cares about their future children. If it happens after having brats then the damage is likely already done because it takes years to resolve these issues.

that is always the underlying thread even if these dumbos never admit it: they don't think. they act on the self delusion which, if you think about it, is born out of pride. we don't like catholics for many reasons but I do think they were spot on about the 7 deadly sins. If you consider them and the consequences and the motivation... everything someone does wrong can usually be traced back to these...

and freya, interesting you mention hikers going into the wilderness and freezing... you might be thinking of that poor guy in alaska... became famous... you should read 'the wild truth'.. because after the earlier book came out, movie, the sister finally wrote her own book.. the parents which basked in all the sympathy, puffing their chests out... they were nasty, miserable abusive pieces of shit. only mistake this authoress did was continuing to snuffle around these turds of flesh as long as she did... far tooo long. I still don't think she can really make a break from them.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
freya
They overlook the fact that plenty of people capable in many ways have said exactly the same thing. How many times have we heard people claim they would be better at parunting than their parunts? I recall hearing lots of teenagers say this. And what could possibly go wrong? They are so self-deluded, reminds me of people who run out and attempt to climb a large mountain despite having no real experience and no regard for it being in the dead of winter and then the experienced hikers find their remains during the spring. And just because so many people say they'll be better parunts doesn't make it any easier or more possible. Lots of things would be easier. If they were truly smarter, they'd figure this out. Parunts poke fun/get annoyed at the childfree for any advice they give on brats and a little advice which can be readily ignored and harms no one has nothing on this level of delusion. And teachers spend more time with a variety of brats than parunts do, unless the parunts are also teachers.

I know I would be a better parent than my own mother for one single reason: because I recognized I didn't want kids and took steps to prevent them from happening. I know how much I dislike kids and I know if I were to become responsible for a child I didn't want anyway, I would be as bad of a parent as my mother, if not a worse one. I recognize how messed up I am in the head due to my upbringing and I am NOT subjecting someone who didn't ask to be put on this planet to the same fuckery. My grandma turned my mom into a narcissist, pretty sure my great grandma turned my grandma into a narcissist, but this bullshit ends with me.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is not allow them to be born. Too many poor, sick, stupid, crazy, incompetent or fucked-up people reproduce and then they create a whole new generation of poor, sick, stupid, crazy, incompetent, fucked-up children who will likely grow up and perpetuate yet another generation of the same little failures. Lather, rinse, repeat. Most people should not have kids for one reason or another, but because there is nothing preventing them from having kids they can't handle or afford, they go and do it anyway and then bitch all over the internet about how nobody told them how haaaaaaaard it would be.

But all of us here have something most breeders seem to lack: awareness. We could see the writing on the wall, we know ourselves well enough to know we wouldn't want to be parents, we didn't cave to peer/family/spouse pressure to reproduce against our better judgment, and we don't have to go and make a whole new human being before we figure out we don't want to take care of one. Just look at how many breeders say the exact same thing: "I love my kids, but if I knew how hard it would be, I would have never had any."

There is no way for anyone to know beforehand if they would be a better parent to their own kids than their parents were to them. Just because they do their damnedest to not do the things that caused them trauma doesn't mean they'll automatically be good parents. I think this is what my mother did. For example, she never forced me to clean my plate like her parents did with her. No, but she allowed me to eat pizza four times a week, fast food 2-3 times a week (Mickey D's, gotta get those toys) and a whole bag of cookies every Saturday morning for over a decade and then she wondered why I was 200 pounds at the age of 13. Just because she didn't do the thing her parents did that she hated, she still done fucked up by allowing me to eat so unhealthy. That's just one example of many.

Quote

They overlook the fact that plenty of people capable in many ways have said exactly the same thing. How many times have we heard people claim they would be better at parunting than their parunts?

Some of the worst parents want to be parents because they think they are going to do it so much better^TM and thereby heal themselves. Unsurprisingly, this is yet another selfish reason to have a child: because people honestly think if they have a kid and give them everything they didn't have as a child, they will heal themselves. Which makes zero sense.

My own Moo's mother worked, and my Moo was concerned The Answer was for her to stay home and raise us. The problem is, she was not happy being home. We all would have been better off if she had a job. She was frustrated at home.

As a matter of fact, and I didn't remember this until this thread, my Moo constantly reminded me of what I "owed" her because she was a SAHM until I was eight years old.

Parents who haven't had therapy or self-introspection about their own childhoods jam one-size-fits-all solutions on their kids. They think "opposite of my shitty upbringing" = success. These are the crazy parents who are having meltdowns. They are the ones that have "perfect" birthday parties that are productions, and they have screaming meltdowns that their kids "aren't appreciative!"*** when the kid would have been happier with something low-key.

**A PNB friend actually told me she went to a horrific birthday party for one of her son's classmates. It was at a firehouse. Some of the kids were sliding down the firehouse pole. (This was 20-ish years ago--no way would that happen today.) The Moo who threw the party wanted The Birthday Boy to slide down the pole and he didn't want to. My PNB friend said the Moo proceeded to have a screaming meltdown about HOW MUCH MONEY SHE'D SPENT ON THIS PARTY and her son didn't appreciate it. Big deal, the kid didn't want to slide down the pole, but the Moo couldn't let it go because having the "perfect birthday party" and being the "perfect" Moo was more important than what the kid wanted. My friend felt really sorry for the kid.

Yeah, I grew up like that, hearing how "grateful" I should be for shit I didn't care about. Nothing like making a kid feel guilty for just existing.

Quote

I recognize how messed up I am in the head due to my upbringing and I am NOT subjecting someone who didn't ask to be put on this planet to the same fuckery.

Amen. So glad it ended with me.

And of course, there is also the spouse/partner aspect. That's a whole other kettle of fish, how women are left holding the baybee and doing all the household chores and how many men won't share parenting responsibilities. People really underestimate how kids strain marriages. Fuck that shit.

First of all lady, why the fuck are you getting yourself pigged up when you're single, have no support network (because they never seem to have one) and already have two brats and yourself crammed into a one-bedroom apartment? Isn't that a lease violation of some kind? I thought apartments were generally two people per bedroom? A third kid will definitely mean she either has to haul herself and her sprogs to a larger and more expensive two-bedroom apartment or risk eviction for having too many people in too small of a room.

Second of all, no matter what, you always need to be prepared for the possibility that your precious angel could come out disabled. The odds of getting a kid that is messed up may be low, but they still exist, and it's naive to think that it won't happen to your child because you think you're special. If you know you can't cope with this possibility, you have no business having kids.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/z3tuso/what_if_i_cant_handle_a_disabled_child/

Quote

Basically I'm single and pregnant with my third baby and she is severely small with no known reason. I'm really frustrated with the care I've been given - baby was diagnosed below the 3rd percentile 2 months ago but other than that I was told all looked fine.

Only yesterday did a doctor speak to me and tell me this could be due to a genetic disorder. She did not recommend amnio due to the risk of premature labour and stillbirth.

So the plan seems to be that I just...wait and see how it turns out. Baby could potentially be severely disabled. Doctor said there's no way to give me the all clear or diagnose something that didn't show up on scan until she is born.

But what if she's born very disabled and I can't cope? I know I couldn't cope. I live in a tiny one bedroom apartment, single, no support network, two other kids. What happens then?

This is a serious question btw because I really just feel left in the dark and panicked.

cambion, as rough as this sounds, she had to have her jollies. and is 'too poor' to use bc..or too stupid

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I don't fault someone for having physical urges because just about everyone gets the itch regardless of their financial or relationship status. But if that person doesn't want to have a child or more children, then they need to be responsible for their sex life. There are plenty of options available to women and as far as I'm concerned, completely unprotected sex means they are trying to conceive. I don't know if she just went totally bareback because she didn't care or had a birth control failure or maybe she was assaulted (I think it would have been mentioned if it was not consensual), but knowing how Moos tend to be, my guess is she didn't care about not being protected because it had probably been a long time since she got any and she wasn't about to say no to some action just because she wasn't on the pill or didn't have any condoms.

I mean it's her choice entirely if she wants to be reckless, but she doesn't get the right to bitch when the consequences of her actions come back and bite her in the ass. I mean she already had two brats, surely she knows by now that sex makes babies?

If she's too poor to use contraception, then she is too poor to have sex and she's definitely too poor to have kids. I can only speculate, but it seems like a really dumb idea to be having more kids in her current living arrangement.

and just try and get a sterilization...

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
Cambion
But all of us here have something most breeders seem to lack: awareness. We could see the writing on the wall, we know ourselves well enough to know we wouldn't want to be parents, we didn't cave to peer/family/spouse pressure to reproduce against our better judgment, and we don't have to go and make a whole new human being before we figure out we don't want to take care of one. Just look at how many breeders say the exact same thing: "I love my kids, but if I knew how hard it would be, I would have never had any."

I think you're spot on Cambion. I used to get into so many arguments in my teens and twenties about this and awareness is what caused it because it meant I said no to being like most others. I'd live through the annoying arguments permanently before I'd be willing to sluice. That being said, it is really nice for this kind of argument to now be mostly in the rear-view mirror!

Agree, cambion. People have options. Hell, there's that old CF joke comeback of "oh, we'd love to have some kids, but we just can't get enough oral/anal sex!". At the root of it, that joke hinges on your very point: CF people are willing to take control of and responsibility for their sex lives Unprotected sex is never an option. No condoms? There's plenty of other options, or one party can run out and get some. Hell, these days you can get a pack of condoms, a bottle of lube, and whatever else you need dropped off via door dash and the like!

This responsibility pisses off breeders too. They know that most people have sex of some sort. The fact that we've decoupled sex and reproduction really grinds their gears.

Yep, that's how I've always seen it. If I have no protection for myself, then PIV sex does not happen. The thought of doing it with no protection at all is a huge turn-off because a few minutes of fun is not worth any of the potential consequences. I know 100 percent for sure I'd abort if I got pregnant, but that's still a $500+ procedure that can easily be avoided with some $15 condoms or birth control that costs nothing thanks to my insurance. If that's not feasible, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy someone's company intimately without risking pregnancy, depending on how adventurous the participants are.

I especially loved seeing all the stupid shit on Yahoo Answers years ago from teenagers trying to come up with creative alternatives to condoms because they couldn't afford them or didn't want to get caught by their parents with them. I think my favorite was one fellow who wanted to know if putting his cock in an empty mini potato chip bag and wrapping duct tape around the shaft would work the same as a condom. I'm sure it would be effective at preventing pregnancy because no woman is going to enjoy getting stuffed with a foil bag with sharp edges and I guarantee it would be a huge mood killer. And yet this is STILL more effort than most grown-ass breeders use!