Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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Something that fucking enrages me is when a mother is complaining about how motherhood isn’t what they thought and how miserable they’ve become and everyone just says “it sounds like you have PPD you should get a therapist.”

Listen. I love my kids. I have been in therapy for years. I have been on antidepressants. I am trying so hard to enjoy this but sometimes it feels impossible. I make sure not to let my feelings about parenthood become apparent to my children, but I don’t love motherhood. Sure, it can be PPD but it almost feels invalidating to chalk it up to only a clinical depression.

Maybe, just maybe, some people don’t love being a parent and all that it entails. Maybe it’s not just hormones and sleep deprivation. It’s a shit job sometimes. You can love your kids to death but at a certain point some of us just aren’t LOVING the experience of raising children. I understand that it comes from a good place when people bring up PPD and it can be helpful because not everyone is aware of PPD and it’s real and it’s horrible.

But every time a mother is vulnerable about how hard it truly is or that maybe they regret having kids people jump straight to that as if “oh you’re just depressed, if you get a handle on that you‘ll be fine with the shitty day to day stuff that you’re bound to do for the next however many years.” Which isn’t fucking true sometimes. Years later and it’s not PPD anymore, this shit is just hard. If someone complains about their job it’s not just “oh you have depression.” Sometimes the job just fucking sucks!!! And that’s my mood for today.

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My husband told me he was going to make an appointment and never did. Reminded him constantly. I stopped taking birth control once I hit 35 because fuck that. Told him I wasn’t taking it. Reminded him to get the snip. Still didn’t take care of it. Condom broke and now we have baby #3. He was furious when he found out and even accused me of not telling him I went off the pill. Uh, no sir. Multiple conversations were had about this matter. I always wanted more kids so it worked out GREAT for me, I just really didn’t want to be pregnant again at 37.

I knew I was getting too old for a fourth and doubted he would take care of getting a vasectomy so I had my tubes removed.

That’s my vasectomy story that does not even involve a vasectomy.

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We got pregnant with our 3 (his 6th) while I was waiting for him to book his vasectomy. I said I was done with taking BC and now it’s up to him. LO is now 1 and after many many “discussions” he finally got it done. He keeps telling everyone how he regrets it and no man should have to go through that!

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Cambion
But I'm looking more at the comments. Some women who basically said to their men, "I'm not taking the pill anymore, you figure out the birth control now" expecting them to get snipped like responsible adults and the women wound up pregnant because the guy refused to get it done or put it off, and they still fucked their husbands knowing they were completely unprotected.

Like do they really think a man who is minimally responsible for his own kids is going to be motivated to get the snip by his Moo-wife telling him she's going off the pill? And if the women don't want more kids, why are they throwing caution to the wind? This seems a little... ohh, what's the word... RETARDED.

• "Babysitting" their brats for two hours so she can run errands
• Make a basic meal (no dine out) for the brats
• Take a brat to a dr. appointment
• Do anything at all while the moo is ill/out of town

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Cambion
But a lot of guys are insecure and think that being sterile will make them less masculine, because I guess masculinity and fertility are the same thing? shrug Frankly, I think a guy who willingly lets someone stab them in the groin is a lot more manly than a guy who bases his masculinity on his sperm count, but that's just me.

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Cambion
Sure hope it's worth making an entirely unnecessary new human being to try and force a man-child into taking responsibility for his own health.

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randomcfchick
BTW, vasectomies are less invasive and less risky than tubals, so guys who are so fearful of them can STFU. Women have a longer recovery time from tubals. Mr. Random had his done on a Friday (w/ local anesthetic), spent a couple days watching movies with his boys on ice, and went back to work Monday. Modern vasectomy incisions are teeny & they actually remove a segment of the vas to further reduce the chance of regrowth/recannelizing.

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Okay bromos, I need your help. I’m posting this from an anonymous account because I don’t want any family or friends to link this to me, and because I want to respect my spouse’s privacy.

I’m struggling-big time. Over the last year, my husband has accepted that he has high functioning autism, and while I always suspected it (for so many different reasons) and am trying to be as supportive as possible, it’s been very difficult to hold down the fort with the kids (mainly babies and toddlers) over the last year.

For example, just this morning, he had a breakdown, over something relatively meaningless that his brain perceived as a threat (he didn’t want the secretary at school reminding him again that we need to finish post enrollment paperwork since she reminded him last week). I guess his brain took it as an attack and knowing that he might have to see her again this morning if our daughter was tardy pushed him into overdrive, I guess? We just got back from a trip so he had to search around for clothes and put things together for lunch as well so he was already stressed. You may wonder at this point why I wasn’t helping. I normally handle the clothes and lunch packing, but I’m hugely pregnant and so tired myself. Although I would have helped, no questions asked, if he had asked for help.

So continuing on, he came into our bedroom looking for daughter’s clothes in the laundry basket and I heard a loud bang. I immediately rushed out of bed (not easy with a bigass pregnant belly) and saw him on the floor in the closet. Initially, I thought he had fallen down, but he later told me that he threw his body down because he was so overwhelmed. I could tell he was overwhelmed, so I immediately went downstairs to help. I thought he had calmed down but then he insisted on helping daughter put on the sweatshirt so she wouldn’t be late. But……the sweatshirt was a little tight around the head and again, he lost it. He sort of hit or threw himself into the wall screaming. That’s when I knew he wasn’t in control and ran to kid to help and told husband to leave now and take a breather. I said it’s okay if you’re late dropping kid off but you need to calm yourself down right now. You cannot drive in this state. He yelled “being late is not okay” since I guess his brain was perceiving the secretary lady as a huge threat and he then threw a bottle off the counter. His actions seem aggressive but also sensory seeking, I guess? I don’t know. But he left.

So I know this isn’t healthy and it’s not normal. We talked about it later and I also understand that this is something he can’t control. He wasn’t diagnosed with autism as a child (and I imagine if he was, he would have better coping skills). Our current life is what it is. I’m sure you can understand that it’s not a piece of cake with young kids. And he is a great dad, and a good partner. Life is not anymore stressful than normal, but I know he’s lately been listening and reading a lot about ADHD and the Janet Lansbury podcast (he’s consumed by it), so I don’t know if that’s triggering all of this, or if it’s just because he’s more comfortable unmasking now. But bromos, I’m stressed out. How do we seek help? Can we even get help? Is he too old for an official autism diagnosis? Or do we just have to figure out coping skills on our own? That’s sort of what we’ve been doing lately since he finally allowing himself to feel and his “rules” and “principles” aren’t so rigid anymore.

But as the spouse, it’s exhausting, and quite honestly, downright scary at times. If he ever does get violent towards me and the kids, I will leave to a safe space for as long as we need to until he’s able to cope with professional help. Again, he’s a good person and he will do the right thing by us and I hope himself too.

I also don’t think I’ll be able to depend on him to help with the newborn, which is stressful for me because I know I’ll be so sleep deprived, but I don’t know if I can trust him to not accidentally fall asleep with the baby right now, and I feel that I can’t add anything more to his plate, because he literally can’t handle it. If an accident happens with the baby, I’ll never be able to live with myself. I also can’t depend on family to help and we have no friends in the area, so getting outside help isn’t an option.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I know it’s all over the place and my thoughts are probably not coherent. I guess I’m wondering if anyone here has some insight in any way. Thanks bromos.

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Wah
Hello all. It's great that this page exists. First of all I would like to say that English is not my language.

I am 35 years old and I have a daughter who is almost 1 year old. I don't really know where to start because I've never written down or explained these feelings I'm feeling.

When I was young, I always thought I wanted a lot of children and was seriously convinced of it. 2 yrs ago I met the father of my daughter and was convinced he will be the father of my children, it is time. Social pressure and family/environment also played a major role. I soon goe pregnant and something ahppened to me during that pregnancy. I hated it. I was do disappointed and it was not at all what I expected. It was a miserable 9 months. I didn't enjoy a second. I hated being pregnant. Nevertheless, I was happy that it was a girl and I did enjoy the perparation. Preparing the nursery, etc.

As the delivery approached, I became very scared. During this period I developed an anxiety disorder. Unfortunately, the deliver was disastrous and me and my daughter were almost gone. I'll spare you those details. Due to the delivery, I have several physical complaints and I'm struggling with PTSD for which I receive treatment.

Things have done downhill with my husband since the birth of our daughter. He has never taken my pain, grief and trauma seriously, which has created a great distance between us. He only had eyes for our daughter and on the second day after the birth, when I was still in the hospital, he asked me if we could try to go for a second one asap. My heart was broken.

As I recovered, I noticed that I had changed mentally and thought differently than before. I was very bitter. I argued daily with my husband about expectations of each other and he continued to not take my PTSD seriously. I didn't want to be a mother at all and I didn't want this man in my life anymore. But I had a problem: I felt a lot of love fo rmy child. But also so much guilt towards her. Why have a put sucn an innocent soul on this rotten world? How am I going to protect her from people who want to take advantage of her? And that thought makes me cry every time. will she blame me for leaving her father? And that I don't want to have a brother or sister for her?

The idea of being attached to a child also frightens me greatly. I can never leave without a care. I always worry about her when she is not with me and the result that she hangs on me 24/7 and even doing to the toilet is a luxury for me.

Now a year later the psychologist and psychiatrist have told me that I do not have postpartum depression. And I realize that now. What bothers me is "I just regret motherhood." I used to have a very carefree life. I did everything and traveled a lot. Was away with friends a lot and didn't want to settle down. Sometimes I would spend days on the cough binging a series and I could really enjoy something so small. Spent a lot of time on my appearance. That's all over. I am now a single mother who is just getting by. That's okay, because I'd rather stay alone then (sic) with a man who humiliates me and treats me like dirt and wants to use me as a birth machine. But motherhood. God how I hate it. I haven't slept normally in almost a year. Will it ever get better? I don't know. If I could do it over, I would never have had a child. But to never know what it's like to have a child again would haunt me for the rest of my life. So whatever you do, it's a misery. All I hope is it gets better someday. Until then I will do my best to let me daughter grow up to be a civilized child and I will limit the damage and I will stick to 1 child.

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He's not even diagnosed with autism but it sounds like he found a way to act the part. And now she's accepting it as something he can't "control".

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But as the spouse, it’s exhausting, and quite honestly, downright scary at times. If he ever does get violent towards me and the kids, I will leave to a safe space for as long as we need to until he’s able to cope with professional help. Again, he’s a good person and he will do the right thing by us and I hope himself too.

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bell_flower
Double dipping because I'm feeling extra ranty today, but I worked with a guy whose kid had "autism" and this is a common thing now among professionals, that someone "cannot control their emotions" and needs allowances.

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Moo
If he ever does get violent towards me and the kids, I will leave to a safe space for as long as we need to until he’s able to cope with professional help.

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Why have a put sucn an innocent soul on this rotten world? How am I going to protect her from people who want to take advantage of her?...If I could do it over, I would never have had a child. But to never know what it's like to have a child again would haunt me for the rest of my life. So whatever you do, it's a misery.

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So continuing on, he came into our bedroom looking for daughter’s clothes in the laundry basket and I heard a loud bang. I immediately rushed out of bed (not easy with a bigass pregnant belly) and saw him on the floor in the closet. Initially, I thought he had fallen down, but he later told me that he threw his body down because he was so overwhelmed. I could tell he was overwhelmed, so I immediately went downstairs to help. I thought he had calmed down but then he insisted on helping daughter put on the sweatshirt so she wouldn’t be late. But……the sweatshirt was a little tight around the head and again, he lost it. He sort of hit or threw himself into the wall screaming. That’s when I knew he wasn’t in control and ran to kid to help and told husband to leave now and take a breather. I said it’s okay if you’re late dropping kid off but you need to calm yourself down right now. You cannot drive in this state. He yelled “being late is not okay” since I guess his brain was perceiving the secretary lady as a huge threat and he then threw a bottle off the counter. His actions seem aggressive but also sensory seeking, I guess? I don’t know. But he left.

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yurble

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So continuing on, he came into our bedroom looking for daughter’s clothes in the laundry basket and I heard a loud bang. I immediately rushed out of bed (not easy with a bigass pregnant belly) and saw him on the floor in the closet. Initially, I thought he had fallen down, but he later told me that he threw his body down because he was so overwhelmed. I could tell he was overwhelmed, so I immediately went downstairs to help. I thought he had calmed down but then he insisted on helping daughter put on the sweatshirt so she wouldn’t be late. But……the sweatshirt was a little tight around the head and again, he lost it. He sort of hit or threw himself into the wall screaming. That’s when I knew he wasn’t in control and ran to kid to help and told husband to leave now and take a breather. I said it’s okay if you’re late dropping kid off but you need to calm yourself down right now. You cannot drive in this state. He yelled “being late is not okay” since I guess his brain was perceiving the secretary lady as a huge threat and he then threw a bottle off the counter. His actions seem aggressive but also sensory seeking, I guess? I don’t know. But he left.

I wouldn't even date someone who behaved like this, let alone marry and live with them, yet this woman has decided to have two kids with him. I'm always amazed that women can have such incredibly low standards. If incels stopped expecting women to look like supermodels, they could probably have their pick of women with no discernment or self-esteem who are willing to put up with any amount of shit.

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freya
I once dated a guy who threw himself down because he was so "overwhelmed" that I said either make the time to see me each week or we're done.

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Regretful MOO
let's start here i'm a 22 single black mother living in the south, little one is a soon to be 2 year old in december. i hate him. i really really don't like him or motherhood. i hate the body fluids, i hate him crying all day, i hate him moving around all day, i hate him touching me, i hate him begging for my food, i hate him falling out in public, i hate feeding him, i hate putting clothes on him, i hate playing with him. i genuinely don't like him. recently he bites me, he snatched a big bald patch on the side of my head, made my nail bleed and gave me the flu recently from daycare, (which i know isn't his fault but if he wasn't around i wouldn't have gotten sick). he doesn't listen to anything i say... he makes nap time harder than it should be. i hate sleeping in the bed with him... he cannot sleep in my bed. he puts food all over the house and marks up my walls. i'm ocd and just overall not built for mothering. Seriously considering having him adopted for both our safety & sanity.

THE BIGGEST FACTOR: I have 0 support system, no village. Completely estranged from all family been this way for years & baby daddy has never helped and will never help.

I want out.... Am I wrong?

Also I feel like kids need siblings which I am never giving him. I want him out of my life and for good.

side note: i don't abuse or neglect my son. i tend to all his needs i just don't want to be his mom anymore.

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Peace
Why do people like this breed? And where is the father in all of this? Why would she willingly have a baby with a man who obviously doesn't want to be a parent?

It's always single, overworked, stressed out single mothers or women who married lazy ass men who don't lift a finger to help.