Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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My girlfriend kind of cheated

So to preface this, my relationship was going downhill for a while. After we had a kid, my partner slowly felt like she stopped loving me. Sex got worse and worse until it was like having sex with a corpse. I would never be physically touched without asking. And even then, so reluctantly. She says its because of problems in our relationship. She feels like she does everything. So i offer to divi up all of the chores we have to do throughout the week and split them so we can be even. She denys it and offers no other solution. This was a common theme for any problem she had. So on a friday, my girlfriend told me she has no effort to give me because she needs to work on herself.i tell her if thats how it is why are we dating? So we break up.

I didnt know it at the time, but THE NEXT DAY she was talking to another guy. They message throughout the week. Next saturday, i go thru her phone to see she “heart reacted” to a mans picture. Then i see they have disappearing messages in instagram from a week prior. I address her on it and she says they were talking but just about nothing. Things like “how was your day”. I tell her its shitty how fast she did that, but we were technically broken up (15 months on a lease together that we cant break with an 18mo son) so i can get past it. Monday comes and i convince her i talked to the guy and he told me everything, and she has one chance to fess uo if she wants to make it work.

I ask her to tell me everything like 90 times as i slowly get piece by piece of information. Eventually she tells me she sent him a nude a day or two into it and told him she was going to suck his dick and god knows what else. Now i feel fucking crazy about everything. Somehow,after some anger, i still want it to work. We talk about it and we both say maybe, lets see. Now the following weekend she posts a question story on IG asking for shows at midnight with a cute selfie. And i call her like “dude seriously? After that??” And i cant tell if im crazy or if shes out of line. Shes like “i just wanted to post” but after what just happened, to me it seems so shitty and attention seeking. Am i wrong?

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r/AskLawyers
•Posted by
u/sektumsempra7
3 hours ago

[FL] I’m afraid for my daughter safety if her father and I split up
I
joined this group to learn, but never thought I’d actually post in it…thank you to all who help I (F24) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M26) for 4.5 years. Two years in, we found out we were pregnant and today we have the most amazing 2.5 year old.

I am a SAHM, and her father works a travel business. We own this company together, as I am the one who built it and he does the labor behind it. I’m home from sunup to sundown with our daughter, and he works maybe 20-25 hours a week atm (he makes 100+ an hour so he doesn’t always do a 40hr work week)(also, 25 hours spread through 6 days a week, not just two long 12.5 hour days)

Last week, we hit a huge crossroads in our relationship and separating was thrown on the table. Thrown on the table, a lot. He has said this before, but he definitely meant it when he told me if he left that he would be getting a lawyer first thing in the morning. This terrified me(he knows it does), because his family is very wealthy, very powerful, very sneaky, and always get what they want. He says he will take her 50/50, but that the money is his.

When we got pregnant, I had almost $40,000 to my name, while he had almost $0. I paid for everything, and every hospital bill was covered by me(he did eventually pay me back for the hospital). I have bought everything for our daughter to this day, while the ONLY THING he has ever bought her was a bed set. I now have only $11,000 to my name, $10,000 in savings and $1,902.0 in checking because that’s what I was given out of the $6,902.0 he got back for our daughter from tax returns. I don’t technically work, so I can’t claim her. He has probably around $50,000, but I’m not entirely sure because he takes all his cash and gives it to his parents to hide from the government.

Back to, this is where separation clicks in. He wants our daughter 50/50, and that’s fair. Here are some issues I’m having with this… My daughter has been 100% raised by me for the last 2.5 years, and only listens to me. She almost hates her father, refuses to hug or kiss him, doesn’t want him in the same room as her, screams bloody murder when he tries to get her down to bed at night…and acts the exact same way with his parents. They are the family that sit on their phones when we visit, but always make sure she knows that they got her the nice fancy gifts on holidays, while giving her no attention any other day of the year. She is the smartest 2.5 ever(of course I’m going to say that, she’s my daughter lol) and I have had many people including doctors tell me that she is extremely smart, doing things way ahead of her age. This is not because of her father or grandparents, this is because of me. Her father can’t be bothered to put his phone down and watch or even play with her any day of the year. To be more specific, our daughter fell off the bed onto her face because he was watching a video on his phone. He snaps over the littlest things and always lashes out either with me or with her. THAT is everyday here with him. As for his parents(both 65yrs old) they would truly be the ones to raise her as he would be working still 6 days a week. His parents have put our daughter in more danger than not, to the extent that I don’t even let her go over there anymore without me. They let her do whatever she wants because they just “want her to be happy and can’t say no”. That includes letting her be naked all day long, throwing toys, watching TV all day, they don’t take her to the potty (she is fully potty trained) so she pees on herself, the list goes on. They even fought with me for months about getting a SAFE pool gate. They bought a cheap weight bearing gate that my daughter indeed could get past and refused to buy a new one, but couldn’t remember to lock the fucking back door ever. Meanwhile they are loaded. I CANNOT FATHOM leaving my daughter alone with my boyfriend or his parents even for a day, truly. All I do is worry about them not watching her, and I cannot for one second let my daughter get hurt on their watch. I would never forgive myself.

I’ll be the first to admit that our relationship is far from perfect, but we do love each other. But sometimes I can’t help but think we both stick around mostly for our daughter, especially with big fights like last week. And now we’ve been pretty much miserable in the days since. I don’t want to do this, but I need to know my basics incase this happens again.

I guess the questions I have is, is there any way I can have her more than 50/50? It absolutely would suck to get $0 from him, but there is nothing to prove that I built him this business in writing, we were kids when we started this business together. I’m capable of getting a job to start earning money, and I plan to immediately. I’m more concerned with the safety of our daughter. However, I just don’t think that I’d be able to get 70/30 if they just don’t “watch the child enough”, you know? The worst is that they steal money from the government, he legally smokes weed illegally driving in his car and while working(hands on with clients), also every second of every day, but that’s about it. And I don’t know that him driving while high, working on clients(hands on)while high, or sneaking money would do anything other than ruin our business and leave us with 0 income.

What should/can I do?

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from teen
My mom and sister have both been posting about how hard it is to be at Disneyland with two little ones. They both posted that I ruined the vacation by being so thoughtless.

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twocents
this story is all over the place

parentification and baby dumping is far more prevalent.

what I can't find are the stories of the baby dump and runs to try and force it on someone who has said 'no'.

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freya
I like the baby dump and runs when the dumpee calls CPS or the police on the breeders. Always entertaining!

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Cambion

Those are great, especially because the breeder will get all huffy and shitty with the forced sitter for tattling to the authorities like they did something wrong. If the person who is expected to brat-sit has not given their consent to do so and the breeder leaves the brat with them anyway, the child is abandoned. The proper thing to do with an abandoned child is contact the police or CPS to collect the child.

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So my husband(41m) came home after work and the gym and says one of the regulars he sees at the gym told him once our baby is here start getting ready to be ignored. So he goes “you know if you ignore me, I’m gonna ignore you” and his tone didn’t come off as he was joking. Of course this hurt me(31f) and I’m super emotional in this pregnancy. I started crying and saying how this is going to be a stressful/exciting time for both of us, that I will do everything in my power not to but that the first 6-8 weeks will be adjusting all of our schedules and priorities and I’ll need his support. I decided to get some space and go into the nursery to organize and he took this as I’m already starting the process of ignoring him…I did it to get space and not say something rude that I don’t mean because I’m upset and hurt. So he decided to come in and tell me he’s going to be out all day tomorrow and don’t expect him home to start the ignoring process…I hate this, but did I overreact over the comment he made?

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Like OP, my hubs was having some very unusual things happening at the age of 38 (mood swings, heightened emotions). He had been insisting we have a child around that time, in spite of showing total disinterest up until then. I was 41, happy to be childfree, and not particularly enthused about changing everything; however, he pushed and we tried for several months with no progress. He began acting bitter towards me, as if I was deliberately sabotaging getting pregnant. Finally went to my OB/GYN for a work up, and she did extensive labs and pelvic exam. Labs came back showing I was at peak fertility. She told me I needed to have my hubs checked before she’d refer me to a fertility specialist, as there were absolutely no indicators of infertility.

Well, that went over like a fart in church when I told him. However, I insisted he see the Urologist she recommended before going forward, so he caved in and went. Let me add, I had noticed he was developing Moobs (or man boobs, as it were), prior to his visit. Well, he had the Testosterone level of a 72 year old! The Urologist told him he needed to start T-therapy right away. When my husband mentioned kids, he told him his sperm count was non-existent. So it was a big shock for him, but I was supportive and encouraging about his therapy, and within a year he was more like his old self.

When menopause hit me like a brick 8 years later, his own prior experience helped him understand that a lot of the symptoms and mood swings were hormonal and not me being a witch. So it did help that his own experiences prepped him, in a way, to deal with some of my unpleasant side affects. Karma can be a big ol’ bitch, after all.

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I love my son but sometimes I wish he was my nephew so I could still love him and be with him but not feel handcuffed to another human.

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u/violetladyjane
EVENING UPDATE---

Hi all, I made this post 12 hours ago and I feel I've lived 3 lifetimes since then. Luckily he was at work today so I just sad and cried as I read the responses. I really do finally understand that I am truly in danger. It's still very hard to keep believing, becuase we had a normal night tonight and my kids love hanging out all together.

It is so important to me to be a good mom, that's all I've wanted since my kids were born and I've tried to give them the best of everything. And we have moved before and they specifically have begged me not to move again/leave their school, etc.

But I can see now that everything I have done for them won't matter if I let them live with this violence anymore. My oldest turns 9 in a few months, so her childhood is halfway over. I can't wait any longer and I really don't want him to kill me. I am going to tell my family tomorrow and get them to help me.

I am going to delete this post in the morning, but sincere thank you to everyone who has commented, I really feel like you have reached out to me through the computer and I have received more compassion here than I have from him in a long time.

Original post

This is all making me feel absolutely crazy so please be gentle. I can't believe I am even in this position, and I'm really struggling with what is reality.

I have been a part of this community for a long time, about 10 years, and I have seen so many posts about abusive husbands and so much good advice in these posts. and I hate sounding so cliche but I really never thought this would apply to me.

quick background: me and my husband, lets call him Brad (because I used to love brad pitt but then turns out he's an abusive asshole too) have been married for 12 years. He has really bad ADHD which he has tried to manage better over the years, he is on adderall and tries to be better about remembering things, but it doesnt really work and I am left to manage all the planning and whatnot for the family. Brad does do 50% of the logistics of home/family, and by that I mean he takes kids to school, pick them up 1/2 the time, and does 1/2 the bedtimes. When I am sick or traveling, he really steps up and does everything. Our kids are 8 and 6.

I grew up in an abusive household, raised by a narcissist mother with lots of generational trauma. I am not perfect, and I have learned over the course of my marriage that I get into narcissist abusive mode with my husband, and when I am upset I have a hard time admitting any fault. Since I realized all of this I went to therapy for 2 years (ended ~1 year ago) and I have been able to identify these patterns and try to break them.

The issue is that brad has become violent over the past several years. Way back at the beginning of our marriage even before our kids were born he has always been bad at managing his anger, when we lived in my moms house he punched a few holes in the wall when angry and I remember having to come up with lies to mom about why.

In 2020/2021 our relationship was really bad, and we were fighting a lot. There was one fight where he actually hit me, he slapped me across the face. Of course, he blamed me. Luckily he was in therapy at this time, and so I made sure he talked to his therapist about it. The therapist helped him see that he can't blame me for him hitting me, and he did eventually own up and apologize. Then, later that year, in another fight, he loosely put his hands around my neck. like didn't squeeze or anything, but they were there. When I have brought this up later he says "he just put his hands on my collarbone, not around my neck".

I KNOW THIS ALL SOUNDS REALLY BAD, ok. I have read the statistics. I even have a masters degree in statistics so I am all over the data. But the thing is, outside of these incidents, he is normal. I have even started reading the Lundy Bancroft book, and the truth is most of the stuff she says in there doesn't apply to him. He doesn't try to control me in any way (except when in a fit of rage).

And then-- we get to Wednesday, April 10. In the morning we were driving to pick up my moms car from the shop, about 20 minute drive from our house on the interstate.

He was already in a mood, and was upset at me because I got irritated that his stuff was in the passenger seat of the car when I tried to get in. He started mocking me in a high pitched voice, saying "oh noooo whatever will you do, there's stuff in the chair". So I waited a little bit, and then I calmly said "when you talk to me like that it makes it hard for me to believe that you love me, because that's very disrespectful and demeaning". Well, he lost it. Said this is my narcissist abuse that I always do to him, negating his experiences. Started ranting, saying how can I say he doesnt love me after all he does, calling me a stupid bitch, and then continued screaming, I mean SCREAMING at me for the whole drive. and when I stayed silent, it made him madder. he was slamming and pounding his hands on the steering wheel, so much so that his knuckles got bloodied. Then he started swerving the vehicle and screaming about how he can just do it, just end it all, acting like he was going to crash the car. this is why I said tried (?) to kill me. On the one hand I don't think he would have actually done it., but like what the fuck? What I said to him was, please don't kill me because then the kids will be left with the person you hate the most (and blame for me narcissist abusive behavior), my mother.

Over the past 5 years he has had at least 10 fits of rage where he has threatened to kill himself, but this was different. The incident in the van was kind of like that, but since Iwas there it was also threatening to kill me too?

So anyway, now I'm here. I ddin't talk to him for the rest of the day on Wednesday, and then by the evening we just did the normal stuff. He has not said one word to me about the incident. I know he believes his behavior was justified.

I just feel lost because I don't really have any friends. I had one friend but she started ghosting me last year. I recently learned I have aspergers. I work all the time and take care of my kids, that's all. And despite us both working we can't afford much, we have bills that aren't getting paid. so I can't kick him out. We just bought our first house in 2021 and we were SO lucky to be able to get it before the market went insane, we will never be able to buy another house. We just don't have the money. I love this house, we both do. I love my neighborhood and we are friendly with my neighbors.

I live in a state where you have to be living apart for a year before getting divorced. but he has no where to go, there is no where we can afford for him to live. and I really don't think I can manage the kids and household by myself. I'm fine ignoring him but I just don't want to deal with his violence anymore.

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There was one fight where he actually hit me, he slapped me across the face. Of course, he blamed me. Luckily he was in therapy at this time, and so I made sure he talked to his therapist about it. The therapist helped him see that he can't blame me for him hitting me, and he did eventually own up and apologize.

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Should I marry my fiancé after he put his hands on me?

My fiancé is an amazing guy. We first started off as friends so the foundation of our relationship is pretty strong. He is so perfect and good to me in every way a man can be good to a woman. However he can be very controlling, territorial, and because of his childhood he has a lot of trust issues.

He owns his own trucking company and sometimes is gone for days evens weeks at a time. Recently he went away and was coming back and I was excited to see him. When he came back the neighbor car was parked in my driveway ( which it never is) but I gave him permission to do so because of an event he was having at his house and our hoa doesn’t allow parking on the street.

When my fiancé came home I was in the bathroom shaving and all of a sudden he came in yelling” who the f*** is in the house” and checking in the shower, closet, bed, ect. I remember feeling so confused I didn’t even respond. He grabbed me by the arm and kept shaking me and calling me a f****** liar, and saying I was like his mom, and a lot of other hurtful things. When he found no one in the house I eventually realized he saw the neighbor car and thought I had another man there. There were also a man’s boots on the steps but they were his so I’m confused on how things escalated in his mind so quickly.

My fiancé fractured my arm so I had to go to the hospital. Now he is apologizing and I feel like in my mind if I marry him I am allowing him to think his behavior is ok. But another piece of me feels he is a good man. I have distanced myself from him since and he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense. I have never experienced this side of him and we have been together 2 years. I am so torn and don’t know what to do.

I am 29 female He is 36 male

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My husband and I were having adult time this afternoon with our door locked. Baby was in his stand & toddler was watching bluey, snacks in hand & all was well. Toddler knocked on the door & tried to come in right around the end of adult time. We wrapped it up only a few minutes later & went into the living room (literally shares a wall with our bedroom) and our toddler was gone. Looked around the house, called for him, he’s not there. He opened the garage door and let himself out. Our overhead garage door was only open because we had just gotten home from running errands. Toddler was in our neighbor’s front yard. I feel like a bag of shit and keep catastrophizing the whole scenario. What if he went into the road? What if someone saw him and abducted him? We have the baby proof doorknob covers, what’s the next best upgrade so this never happens again? I want to throw up.

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breakingmoo
Moo and Duh leave loaf and toadler unsupervized to go have sex, and then are all in a tizzy when they learn the toadler escaped into the neighbor's yard.

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Idiot
I am having a lot of ugly thoughts with my toddler’s behavior. He’s almost 2 and we started day care two months ago and it’s been a nightmare every day when he comes home.

Most days, he screams his head off for no reason for at least the first hour of being home. I know he’s letting out his pent up frustration cause we’re his safe space but literally, I have worked all day, I don’t care kiddo. I don’t want your emotions. I just want you to eat your snack and play and follow the routine and be nice and peaceful and quiet and obedient. (And people in Hell want ice water, lady. And if you didn't want to hear screaming all day long, maybe you shouldn't have had kids. Screaming kind of comes with the territory.)

I hate cooking for him now because he’s getting pickier and I HATE when I’m cooking and my food is not being eaten or appreciated. We have to cook some separate meals due to dietary issues so it’s not always that I can eat his food so his food goes to waste a lot too.

I HATE that I have to just stand and tolerate his screaming and crying. I want to just lock him in a room till he shuts up.

I work hard as a wife, I work hard as a mom, I work hard as an employee and all I want is a peaceful evening with a cooperative child. (Her kid is not even two years old yet and she expects cooperation? Hoooo boy wait until she gets to the terrible twos, the threenager years, and the fuck you fours. All terms used by mommies to lovingly describe their hellions.)

I get that we need to foster emotionally development and what not and I’m literally in therapy because my parents were 0/10 on the emotionally intelligent scale but DEAR GOD I HATE IT. I want an obedient child, I want a cooperative child. (Well you gon be disappointed then, toots. I don't even think abused one-year-olds are obedient.) My pregnancy was hard, I sacrificed my body and health for this child and all I got is screams in return.

This is so hard and I hate all of it and I’m getting stressed as the work day needs even before I pick him up in anticipation of all the screams.

My entire life revolves around this goon. When do I get control back? When do I get to be in charge? (That's the neat part - you don't! If you didn't want to lose control as an adult and for your life to revolve around another human being, you shouldn't have fucking bred!)

And if anyone says I’m in charge as the parent, then why won’t my child eat when I say it’s mealtime. (Because kids are assholes. Let the fucker starve for a couple days and he'll magically get his appetite back.) Why is he screaming? I’m not in charge in any way that’s important to me.