The "I got bin go-ed" thread

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yurble
Recently I got an assumption about CF people which was more amusing than offensive.

Person: How many children do you have?
Me: Zero.
Person: How many pets do you have?

I'm one of those CFers who can answer with symmetry by saying "Zero" to the second question as well, but I was amused about the way the conversation went.

I'm in the same situation and had a similar experience recently. I was at the dentist and a new hygienist was cleaning my teeth. She kept asking me a shit-ton of basic personal questions, such as "Do you have kids?," which was immediately followed by "Do you have any pets?" She left the room for a second to retrieve something, and when she came back the first thing she said was, "Wow, not even any pets?!" I assume she meant it in the vein of, "My God, you don't even have kid substitutes?! How weird!" At that point, I politely changed the subject. She was quite young and didn't persist with the topic, so I figured I'd give her a pass. Still, I don't appreciate the awkward feeling I tend to get during such an exchange.

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"I treat my body as a temple, Laverne. You have chosen to treat yours as an amusement park."

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Snark Shark

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Smiling_Varla
I assume she meant it in the vein of, "My God, you don't even have kid substitutes?! How weird!" At that point, I politely changed the subject. She was quite young and didn't persist with the topic, so I figured I'd give her a pass. Still, I don't appreciate the awkward feeling I tend to get during such an exchange.

"HOW DARE YOU BE DIFFERENT!!! THIS CONFUSES ME!!"

There ya have it! People being different confuse the masses. I have actually seen people get very upset about people not following the lifescript. I rememeber some woman when I was in my 30's who I had told that dh and I were not having kids. She looked at me and her face actually turned red. She said something like "Oh my dear, you HAVE to have BAYBEES. What will everyone think?"
Well... I don't really CARE what they think lady. It's fun to be different. LOL (I didn't say that because I was so shocked by her (almost) anger at me.)

I'm thirty and I just had a conversation with my gynecologist about getting a tubal. I think the biological clock is a bunch of bullshit.

Last week, I was at the Trainwreck family reunion. My cousin's husband bingoed me about baybees. He was holding his daughter, who is about nine months old. I think something about diaper changing or holding the kid was brought up in conversation. He said something to me about "getting practice". I flatly said that I don't want kids. He said "oh, they sneak up on you". I bit my tongue to keep the peace, although maybe I shouldn't have. I clearly remember my cousin telling me that she stopped taking the pill on purpose to get pregnant. Sneaking my ass.

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If babies can sneak up on people in general, I would kill myself. what's the point of living anyway.

yes, there is a biological clock. the clock tells me to get my tubes tied before I hit thirty! it also tells me to do something with my life, have fun, and travel around the world before I die.

getting practice for changing diapers is bullshit. he only wants free diaper changing service. I can't wait to have someone bingoes me like that though. I would have fun seeing his/her world shaken in a very unexpected way.

"I need no practice, I don't want kids."
"what! you don't want kids??"

OMG.. that reminds me about the times my cousins said that to me. About 6 of us were around the same age and all got married within a few years of eachother. They started slucing and I didn't. So when they'd have oneof their loaves somewhere they'd hand it to me and say one of those 'get practice' bingo's. Then everyone would laugh. Once I do remember handing the thing back and saying something like 'I'm not it's mother and maybe mother needs to practice 'cause I'm not having any to practice for' (maybe not the exact quote because this was over 30 years ago)

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starlady
There ya have it! People being different confuse the masses. I have actually seen people get very upset about people not following the lifescript. I rememeber some woman when I was in my 30's who I had told that dh and I were not having kids. She looked at me and her face actually turned red. She said something like "Oh my dear, you HAVE to have BAYBEES. What will everyone think?"
Well... I don't really CARE what they think lady. It's fun to be different. LOL (I didn't say that because I was so shocked by her (almost) anger at me.)

I'm guessing she was saying "everyone will think you two don't LOVE each other and aren't SLEEPING together!"

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LucyTrainWreck
I flatly said that I don't want kids. He said "oh, they sneak up on you". I bit my tongue to keep the peace, although maybe I shouldn't have. I clearly remember my cousin telling me that she stopped taking the pill on purpose to get pregnant. Sneaking my ass.

What he should have said was: "When you're a male AND too lazy, as I was, to make sure that birth control is actually being used by both parties, THEN babies sneak up on you."

Sometimes I wonder if sex ed teachers EVER do anything more than talk about how effective each contraceptive is. That is, it's not enough to point out that even your own spouse might sabotage your birth control with no warning; they really should teach teens that you need to use two contraceptives EVERY time, because even the Pill has a 6% real-life failure rate (according to the Alan Guttmacher Institute).

I mean, the trouble with teens is, when they hear that 4 out of 5 heterosexual couples who don't use birth control will get pregnant in a year, they hear that as: "I have a 1 in 5 chance of winning the lottery? Yippee!" So a 6% statistic is not going to alarm them unless teachers somehow MAKE them alarmed. Other than that, birth control isn't rocket science, and as some feminists have said, we have to stop making excuses for women who seek abortions when they weren't even using birth control.

Reverse bingo this am. Had to stop for gas on the way home from work As I pulled up to the pump typical moo was already filling the large Ford SUV. I drive a small 4 banger. She must have CFdar because she was giving me the evil eye the whole time. So I start filling the tank. She was already filling before I started yet we finsihed nearly the same time.

So anyway she's still gving me the stink eye as I pull down my reciept. I just couldn't help loudly saying eyes2 "$29.00 to fill my tank, what a rip off!"

All I heard was an SUV door SLAM and off she went larious

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Such 'bitter, breeder, bitches' LOL

And they say WE are the 'bitter' ones.

Sadly, I got bingoed by my gynecologist. She asked how old I was and then started the whole spiel of "If you wait till you want kids, your fertility will suffer." She herself claimed she never wanted kids until she got married at 40 and then suddenly got pregnant...and then cranked out two more. She said she's seen dozens of women like me change their mind and have regrets when they try to conceive later in life.

All I could think about was a fictional 1950's scene of a condescending doctor lecturing his gay patient. See here, Bill, lots of men go through this troubling phase, but it's just not natural. What would happen to this country if all men thought like you? Here's a box of pornography and a prescription for scotch and cigars.

It seems we have a long way to go when doctors can't even understand our position. However, she is a very good doctor and I'm willing to overlook her personal proclivities in exchange for her professional care.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Holy crap Miss Hannigan, that is ridiculous. I hope you let her know that you do not want kids, and that means NEVER. I have very little patience for medical professionals who go on about their personal lives like that because I *am* a medical professional and part of my job involves counseling. You are supposed to check your personal details and beliefs at the door, listen to what the patient wants/needs and help accordingly. It would be one thing if she just mentioned that fertility declines with age, but to go on about her specific situation is pretty effing insensitive and rude IMO.

Thx ketchup. She did mention that I seemed pretty set in my beliefs (or she was merely reading the utter disbelief in my eyes) but it seems like she's had her share of late-life fence sitters going berserk at the last minute. She's making me think that I'll suddenly lose my mind in a few years and want a baby! And that possibility is making me upset.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

I also hate medical professionals who do that. I had smth. similar happen to me when i had my last check up to take my BC pills. Since it was a new doctor (i went to the univerisity medical services) i made it clear from the beginning that i'm CF. So, the mention of kids wouldn't come during the consultation. I think my words came out of her other ear because not only did she mention the "WHEN you have kids" TWICE, she proceeded telling me how a fetus would develop while doing a routine ultrasound.

I told her then: "what part of i NEVER want kids don't you get?" She just looked at me as if i had two heads and coldly wrote the prescription. It really upset me that she didn't listen to me, completely dismissing my statement.

I've never been listened to by a gynocologist. I think that's why I have such a big problem with doctors in general. What part of "Even if I wanted children, I won't risk my life to give birth" is difficult to understand??? I would think that statement leaves no room for discussion. I'm not surprised when some idiot breeder brained doctor has an equally breeder brained response to that statement.

I don't quite know if this counts as a bingo but I need to vent anyway.

A little background first, I have high anxiety that I should be on medication for but I recently lost my job (my security company got bought out) and I haven't got the money for it. I occasionally have an odd panic attack. I fear death way more than is rational and it occasionally makes me panic. I'll be completely fine one minute and the next I'm gripped by the fear that death is knocking on the proverbial door sythe in hand. I have tried to stop myself but I invariably end up curled up in the fetal postion rocking back and forth chanting "I don't wanna die."

Up until recently these attacks only happened when I was alone but I had said panic attack in front of a classmate when I was visiting her apartment. It passes and I'm sitting there awkwardly trying to appologize for flipping out in her livingroom when she says that it's not a problem but, "you know if you had a baby to hold that wouldn't happen at all. You'd be so caught up in love of life you woudn't even think about death. You should come to my church there are a couple really nice single guys there."

She had been otherwise nice so instead of getting snarky I just muttered a "no thanks" and cut the visit short.

Oh geeezzzeee. I have anxiety also. It's not as bad as it used to be. I think that being through menopause for the most part has eased it) I had a friend tell me once "If you had kids you wouldn't have these problems"
WTF?? No, I would probably have WORSE anxiety plus a whole passel of other problems. Why do some people think that kids are the cure all for things?

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starlady
Oh geeezzzeee. I have anxiety also. It's not as bad as it used to be. I think that being through menopause for the most part has eased it) I had a friend tell me once "If you had kids you wouldn't have these problems"
WTF?? No, I would probably have WORSE anxiety plus a whole passel of other problems. Why do some people think that kids are the cure all for things?

Because the parents claim that once you have the kids, it helped with their "perspective" and problems with for example work were minor compared to the challenges of having a family. I had someone tell me I should have a kid because I was concerned about some work issues.

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starlady
Oh geeezzzeee. I have anxiety also. It's not as bad as it used to be. I think that being through menopause for the most part has eased it) I had a friend tell me once "If you had kids you wouldn't have these problems"
WTF?? No, I would probably have WORSE anxiety plus a whole passel of other problems. Why do some people think that kids are the cure all for things?

I wish I knew the whole idea makes no sense to me. I do hope that my own anxiety gets better as I get older.

What about all those parents who say that having a baby makes them feel vulnerable in a new way, because they're constantly concerned about what could happen to the little critter? It sounds to me like a whole new cause for anxiety.

:headbrick

Okay... I just got the "You wouldn't be so alone on the holidays if you would have had kids" As I see it.. not a good reason to pop one out just to have it in 'gimme gimme gimme mode' the whole holiday season. I see the stressed out parunts all over the place trying to get all the things their little sprogs want and I think 'Yeah, that's exactly how I want to spend my holidays' NOT!

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starlady
Oh geeezzzeee. I have anxiety also. It's not as bad as it used to be. I think that being through menopause for the most part has eased it) I had a friend tell me once "If you had kids you wouldn't have these problems"
WTF?? No, I would probably have WORSE anxiety plus a whole passel of other problems. Why do some people think that kids are the cure all for things?

Reminds me of this well-known Yiddish folktale:

http://www.teachingchildrenphilosophy.org/wiki/It_Could_Always_Be_Worse

I realize, of course, that your friend's perspective is not at ALL the same as the rabbi's, but you just might want to say "oh yes, you were so right - now that I've imagined having a horror-filled home, packed with kids, I'm so much happier with my life as it is!"

Or something like that.

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starlady
Why do some people think that kids are the cure all for things?

The next Kre8tiv name: Panacea

I've said this on our site somewhere before, but I'll mention it again. A few years ago DH and I were going through financial problems, and I was talking to my Dad about it. He told me: "If you two would have a baby you wouldn't be in this situation." WTF? I told him that he was right, that we would be in a MUCH WORSE situation since baybees cost like a million dollars a year to raise. Where the fuck does this kind of 'logic' come from?

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I miss my little feather baby.

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drake
I've said this on our site somewhere before, but I'll mention it again. A few years ago DH and I were going through financial problems, and I was talking to my Dad about it. He told me: "If you two would have a baby you wouldn't be in this situation." WTF? I told him that he was right, that we would be in a MUCH WORSE situation since baybees cost like a million dollars a year to raise. Where the fuck does this kind of 'logic' come from?

I'm also amazed by this "logic" since me and DH are not in a great financial situation either. I can't even remember how many times we were asked "when are the kids coming?" despite of the fact that people KNOW about our financial situation. Last time (also mentioned here) a neighbour asked my DH the same thing, exactly after DH told him we have financial problems.

I don't know where you are living but at least where i do people get lots of help when they have kids, starting with a maternity kit, paid leave, days off, money with every child born, allowances etc. So probably that's what these folks think...hey, you get lots of social help so you've got no excuse for not having kids! And then, there are also the delusional ones who think that God will provide. Oh, and there are the ones who like to play martyrs and bitch how hard it was for them with x number of kids but they made it so, again, you have no excuse. Sometimes my FIL starts bragging how he managed to raise 4 kids while MIL was unemployed.

There are lots of people out there who don't accept finances as an excuse and you might be familar with the bingo "if you wait till you're financial stable then you'll never have them". At least i am.

I've noticed that since hitting my late thirties, the number of bingos has declined. But I got another one about "wasting good genetic material" from a gal who is otherwise a wonderful lady and a good friend. I was surprised...she is not one to engage is such thinking, usually.

Sigh. 1: she doesn't know the contents of my genes, and 2. having "perfect" genes wouldn't suddenly make me want to put up with the 24/7 kidcentric life that is parenthood.

Told her as much, and that ended that line of the conversation.