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Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

Posted by twocents 
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 18, 2021
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toraneko
I just learned that dudes pretending to be bad at household chores is a thing! I read yet another post about dud household incompetence, and one of the responses gave it a name: weaponized incompetence. I didn't turn up but a handful of results in a google search.

https://metro.co.uk/2017/11/01/male-incompetence-is-a-subtle-form-of-misogyny-7046248/

These men are able to feed themselves and wash clothes while they are single, but it becomes the woman's job once they sprog and they suddenly don't know how or they sandbag it in order to discourage moomy from asking.

I expect many duds kept this a secret until moo was well and truly locked in.

This goes beyond sprogging.

I had a spouse that did this. When we dated he had no issues whatsoever with any household chores. As a matter of fact, he did them better than most people. That completely changed when we married.

I also have one co-worker who just left who did this. It wasn't specific to me as a female, he did it to anyone who would be willing to do his work for him and "show him just one more time". He attempted it on me and I since I put up immediate boundaries and wouldn't do his work for him, so he attempted to throw me under the bus any time he could.

There is another co-worker who has a similar pattern (freya is competent which makes his incompetence stand out even more) and will whine and complain about me. Everyone knows he is almost as incompetent as the other guy and have had it with his excuses for why he can't do the most simple task.

It isn't specific to males either. I had a female co-worker flip out because I went to my manager and asked to be promoted to a higher level of responsibility and he gladly accepted my offer. She was the type that would spend as much time as possible on her cell phone. It wasn't any kind of threat to her whatsoever but she attempted to throw me under the bus repeatedly after I did that.

I think all of them were just upset that anyone expects them to do anything. There are definitely lazy people out there who want to get away with doing nothing.

At least in all the situations above, I've been able to put space between myself and the lazy ones. If the dad is a dud, the woman is stuck with him and his incompetence for 18+ years or until they divorce/separate. I've seen that scenario play out so many times in famblees.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
Yeah, I mentioned it to my husband and he said people do it constantly at his work.

I see a lot of moo posts where the guy is already at the grocery store and she asks him to grab a very specific item and he brings home something completely different. Even if she texts him a picture, he can't be bothered. This seems to me like more than passive aggression, it's downright confrontational.

Reminds me of the episode of the Office where the temp claims he's too incompetent to clean the microwave.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
Hi, actual person in the throes of, you know, actually trying to enjoy a public space.

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Mooooooooooooooooooo
Hi, actual parent here in the throes of, you know, actual parenting.

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Shut up shut up shut up.

You were not a perfect kid. You were an annoying kid, at least once, probably publicly too. You misbehaved. You embarrassed your parents (all the freaking time). You drove them and everyone else around you nuts.

Your memories of yourself as a kid are incomplete. Your memories of your now grown kids are faded, and patina’d with age. If we were to go back in time and talk to your parents (or you) when you were a kid and ask, they’d be able to rattle off a half of dozen super recent examples of you being a little jerk (by adult standards).

Here’s the thing I want you to also know: being forced to be a mini-adult as a child was wrong. You weren’t a mini adult just as now you (hopefully) aren’t a big child. You were a child learning how to navigate the world. This requires experimentation. Experiments mean that you were bound to act out because that’s how you/we learn. And it’s okay. It’s totally normal.

What’s not okay? Expecting today’s children to be mini adults. Most especially if your reasoning is “well that’s how I was raised.” Our goal in bringing up our little humans to adulthood is to do better. Be better than the generations before us. Help our kids learn and grow in ways that complement them instead of hurt them. Modern science is ever evolving and it, by and large, doesn’t support a lot of the “old school” western ways of child rearing. Sometimes parenting means it looks like we’re not parenting but we are! We most definitely are. We’re giving our kids room to grow and make mistakes and learn. And that means that what you think should be happening is the exact opposite of what actually should be happening.

So, my CF/parents with grown children/older children/people without kids, stop telling parents in the thick of it how great/awesome/good/whatever you were at “that age,” because we know better. And it’s annoying. And just because “you survived” doesn’t mean it was right.

Yes it does. And it also means I learned how the fuck to behave in public.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/p7c961/a_letter_to_childfree_or_people_with_grown/
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
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toraneko
Yeah, I mentioned it to my husband and he said people do it constantly at his work.

I see a lot of moo posts where the guy is already at the grocery store and she asks him to grab a very specific item and he brings home something completely different. Even if she texts him a picture, he can't be bothered. This seems to me like more than passive aggression, it's downright confrontational.

Reminds me of the episode of the Office where the temp claims he's too incompetent to clean the microwave.

It is contagious! I'd agree, bringing home the wrong item is confrontational. What a dick. And having to live with someone who does this..yikes
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
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Mooooooooooooooooooo
Hi, actual parent here in the throes of, you know, actual parenting.

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Shut up shut up shut up.

You were not a perfect kid. You were an annoying kid, at least once, probably publicly too. You misbehaved. You embarrassed your parents (all the freaking time). You drove them and everyone else around you nuts.

Actually I have a very good memory of doing this. I recall kids in general driving parents nuts and parents rolling their eyes the moment we walked in the door. These were mostly well behaved kids and their very presence (and kids were mostly happy) still drove their parents nuts. And that is one of the many reasons I'm childfree, I don't want to live with anyone who I dislike enough to roll my eyes the minute they walk in the door.

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Mooooooooooooooooooo
Here’s the thing I want you to also know: being forced to be a mini-adult as a child was wrong. You weren’t a mini adult just as now you (hopefully) aren’t a big child. You were a child learning how to navigate the world. This requires experimentation. Experiments mean that you were bound to act out because that’s how you/we learn. And it’s okay. It’s totally normal.

I'm going to look into my crystal ball and say this is the moo who has the brats that are always loud, out of control and she lets them do this as they "discover" the world. I'd bet she is a fan of "gentle discipline" too. Once her brats hit older child to teenage years they will know exactly how to manipulate her, if not already.

And clearly, others who grew up being disciplined (at all) have made comments or given her side glances and she is just so fed up with it. And while I agree that children aren't mini-adults there are books written by highly educated people that relate a child's age to realistic expectations. So when her 6 or 7 year old has a huge meltdown in public most people are going to think it is an undisciplined brat because of bad parunting.

I've been around more than one child who was mostly well behaved. I've babysat for many kids that were well behaved. And the reason is the child knew consequences are real. Because their parents taught them this they were easy to watch.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
It's very possible to make kids behave in public. I mean sure, once in a while they're gonna have a tantrum because kids have short fuses, but kids who are trouble the second they set foot in the outside world have a parenting problem, not a being a child problem.

Great example from college. My professor's childcare fell through and she had to bring her son (about 8-9 years old) to class and I rolled my eyes because I figured this little turd was going to disrupt my learning that I'm paying thousands of dollars for. Nope! Kid sat right up front where Mom could see him, he was dressed in a little suit and hat and he didn't make a peep the whole two hours I was there. No crying or rolling on the floor, no crunching on snacks, no asking mommy to take him to the bathroom, no pestering the students with "whatcha doin'? Why? Why? Why?" I suspect the mom might have been a bit of a ghetto momma and didn't take anyone's shit, especially not from her own kid. Kid was better behaved than some of the students!

It's just easier for most parents to not bother fixing their kids' awful behavior and simply expect the rest of the world to tolerate it so they don't have to do their damn jobs. Only they'll call it "child-led learning" or giving their kids "freedom" or "space" to "learn" or whatever. Yeah, they aren't going to magically learn to not be assholes if you just ignore their bad behavior! It's like unschooling - letting your kids learn whatever they want at their own pace results in dumb fuck brats who can't do anything but play Minecraft.

Junior starts shrieking 20 seconds into the shopping trip and Moo will just let him shriek while she does her shopping like everything is fine. Everyone else's eardrums are bleeding and she's just browsing the fucking quinoa without a care in the world. Then she gets huffy when people glare.

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Shut up.

Just shut up.

Shut up shut up shut up.

You were not a perfect kid. You were an annoying kid, at least once, probably publicly too. You misbehaved. You embarrassed your parents (all the freaking time). You drove them and everyone else around you nuts.

Yeah, I don't doubt that I did that, and when I did, it was because of ineffective parenting. Also, just because I used to be something doesn't mean I have to tolerate it when others are the same way. I used to be Catholic, that does not mean I'm okay with priests being Chesters.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
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Cambion
Great example from college. My professor's childcare fell through and she had to bring her son (about 8-9 years old) to class and I rolled my eyes because I figured this little turd was going to disrupt my learning that I'm paying thousands of dollars for. Nope! Kid sat right up front where Mom could see him, he was dressed in a little suit and hat and he didn't make a peep the whole two hours I was there. No crying or rolling on the floor, no crunching on snacks, no asking mommy to take him to the bathroom, no pestering the students with "whatcha doin'? Why? Why? Why?" I suspect the mom might have been a bit of a ghetto momma and didn't take anyone's shit, especially not from her own kid. Kid was better behaved than some of the students!

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I was taking some geology classes and one of the professors had no one to watch his kid that day. This was a fairly young girl, maybe around 6, and he was teaching in a small auditorium style classroom, probably at least 120 seats. She looked intimidated, but she mainly just sat in a student desk near his podium coloring the whole time, which was something like 75 minutes. She never got up or made a sound. Fortunately, that was the only time a kid was brought to one of my classes. And I agree, she was much better behaved that the spoiled bratty students.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 19, 2021
This one isn't from breaking Mawm, but this Dud posted on just about every reddit forum but Breaking Mawm:

relationshipadvice
anxiety
something called "Daddit"
raisedbyNarcissists
BeyondtheBump

His GF sounds like a complete masochist to be with this guy. Let's see: major emotional and mental health problems on both sides, guy has a history of cheating with hookers and using cocaine, major financial problems with only one job between them, shitty upbringings with NO THERAPY + accidental pregnasty = trouble ahead.

Of course he's getting a lot of "everything will be all sunshine and roses" and "you'll see your kid and immediately become an adult" on the Daddio thread. This guy is also 30 years old and he should have his shit together but he does not.

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My son will be born in 3 months but I feel deeply depressed...
Hello, guys!

I don’t engage much with the community here on Reddit, but I’m always lurking around. This is the only social media that I really enjoy using.

I need some advice.

I’m writing this because I don’t have many friends that I can share this stuff with and my anxiety has been tearing me apart.

I’m 30 years old and currently going through some really bad stuff in my head that I’m having trouble processing.

I need to take this off my chest and I thought this would be a good place to express myself and maybe someone could help me out. People here are usually quite wholesome, cheerful and wise.

So…

3 months from now I will become a father.

I am really excited about it and I love my fiancée very much. This girl literally changed my life.

I came from a very poor and messed up family. I grew up without a father and had a really resentful mother who was very negative and toxic.

I have so much shit inside me, so much hate and sadness about how my family treated me growing up. I have nightmares about it every other day, it sucks.

I used to cry almost every night about my mother ignoring the fact that a member of her family raped me when I was a child.

Seriously, this isn’t the kind of thing I can simply ignore, it causes me a lot of daily pain.

As I grew up I turned into a cold, manipulative person. I told horrible lies and used people as it pleased me. I’ve hurted so many people along the years

But then I met Sabrina.

She was this super dorky girl who worked as a teacher and had such a pure heart. She really is the best person I’ve ever met.

We met 4 years ago through an ex-friend and then we started dating immediately. After only a year, we decided to live together.

During this time I cheated on her several times.

I was having affairs at work, seeing hookers frequently and on top of this I was snorting cocaine everyday.

I had this wonderful girl that I was putting through so much horrible stuff. And she loved me so, so, so very much...

In time, I started to feel very guilty.

But soon COVID-19 hitted and things got really bad here in Brazil.

Our money situation got critical and we couldn’t pay rent anymore, so we had to go back and live at my mom’s house.

During these hard times, I was starting to feel something different inside.

Through time, Sabrina was making me feel more open and honest with her and myself.

Her kindness inspired me and the love I felt for her made me want to change because I couldn’t bear feeling that guilt anymore.

I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, she was too good to me…

But I was so scared of her finding out the horrible things I’ve done...

At this point an immense struggle started happening inside of me and I began to reflect upon the concepts of good and evil.

As I started to be honest with myself I realized how much of a shitty person I was… and it was really hard to accept that.

In July 2020 I confessed everything.

I told her everything I’ve done behind her back and who I really was. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

She cried so much, it looked like she was vomiting pain… I felt like a monster.

I was a monter. (sic)

She broke up with me and went away to a friend’s house. She lived with her friend for a while.

Sabrina doesn’t have any family. Her parents don’t give a fuck about her existence and they live at the other side of the country.

She was feeling like she never knew me at all and must have felt so alone…

At this point I was really trying to be a better person. I started to study the concept of good and evil which got me into philosophy, buddhism, psychology and mysticism.

I was desperate to cast this monster out and find some good in myself

I tried so hard to change myself and help Sabrina. She was living in really bad conditions over at her friend’s house.

But after some months, her friend kicked her out and she had no choice but to come back to live with me at my mother’s house.

Yeah, I know that sounds like an obvious bad move but I couldn’t leave her homeless. It was the only viable option.

And things between us were bad.

Even though she was trying to make things work between us, it was obvious she resented me a lot.

We talked about this, tried to sort things out. There was a lot of crying and guilt and resentment. It was really ugly.

Situation was really stressful because we had no money and my mother was treating us like shit, like she really hated us for being there.

I was spiraling in depression.

The house was dark, smelled like cigarettes and cheap beer.

Watching how my mother was living and what she has turned into after years of being a sad person was killing me inside.

Some time later, Sabrina got a job as a gym receptionist in a dangerous favela here in Rio.

Things with my mom got worse.

After a big argument over something stupid, my mother tried to hurt Sabrina. That’s when she decided to just leave and sleep on the streets rather than keep living with me like that.

I remember having a complete mental breakdown that day. And in a very dark way, I also remember noticing that my mom looked quite entertained by my own despair.

Luckily, the lady who owned the gym in which Sabrina worked gave her the key so she could sleep on the gym’s floor.

Meanwhile, things here in Brazil were crazy. It was impossible to find a job, no one was hiring, corruption scandals over hospitals, vaccines & shit.

Everything was pretty apocalyptic by that time.

I started doing some graphic designs on Canva and made a bit of money on frelancer.com. Started studying SEO, Copywriting and did some jobs online.

My English was also pretty decent because I spent my entire childhood playing RPG games on my Playstation.

So I started teaching English. I only had one student, but that’s an improvement, right?

Time has passed and Sabrina got back to teaching. Soon enough she was back on her feet and rented an apartment.

This amazing girl is a freaking heroine, I know.

Meanwhile, I was making internal progress, confronting my demons and trying really hard to be a good person while also trying to help my mother.

But living with my mom was putting me in a really dark place…

And that’s when Sabrina got pregnant. We were still seeing each other every other day, so it kinda happened accidentally.

I am really grateful for her forgiveness. I am very grateful for having this second chance...

At first I was really scared, but Sabrina didn’t think twice.

She said that she would be raising our kid whether I was going to be a part of it or not.

Two months ago she invited me to move in together, even though I’m making less than a 100U$D (around 500 Reais in our currency) per month.

I am very happy for finally being forgiven by this women, but now I’m battling against this feeling of being a fucking deadweight on her life.

Our relationship is better than ever and I’ve been taking care of Sabrina with all my heart.

She is a pregnant woman, working her ass off, paying rent, taking care of me and our dog financially.

Sabrina is the strongest and kindest person I know.

As she is juggling a lot of classes to make money, I sit at my computer and try to score any frelancing job I can.

But things are rough right now.

Soon she won’t be able to work anymore (she’s 6 months pregnant) and I’m not providing yet.

I’ve sent out so many resumés, tried out so many ways of making money online…

Even though Sabrina and I have been very happy together, we are starting to get worried about our situation.

I’m trying my hardest. I really am. I try to keep the house spotless clean, I cook for her, take care of our dog.

Everyday I get on the internet and try to score some gig so I can help out, but… fuck. I’m starting to feel like a useless piece of shit…

I feel small, pathetic and powerless. Maybe that’s stupid, but I feel like less of a man…

With all that happening inside me, emotionally, I closed myself off to the world.

I don’t talk to anyone else except Sabrina because I feel so ashamed of myself.

Also I changed so much because of everything that happened that I don’t even know how to introduce my new being to my old friends.

My friends reach out and ask if I’m okay but I always end up ignoring them... and this hurts me so much because I miss affection and validation from friends like everyone else…

I just feel like I don’t want people to see me until I fix my situation...

And this has been going for a while now. I feel so alone and worthless and ashamed to let anyone see me like this.

It got to a point that I decided to live my life to serve my family. Not as a penitence, but because it’s really the only way I can feel good about myself again...

I promised myself I will serve my wife Sabrina, my son Raziel and my dog Coyote.

Today I woke up, made breakfast and cleaned the apartment for my wife.

She left for work and I tried to write some stuff for an idea I had to get some English students.

I’ve always been quite a nerd, so I’m working on this idea of teaching English classes through tabletop RPG games.

As I tried to work on my project today, I felt really sad…

There is a rage of feelings and fear inside of me. I often have nightmares about my family or losing Sabrina.

As the days go by, I feel that my anxiety gets better because Sabrina helped me get away from my mother’s toxicity.

But yet, it feels like I still have a long way to go…

After some time of us not speaking, my mother texted me yesterday and said she missed me. It made my heart ache again, really bad.

Today I kept trying to write stuff for my English teaching project or to just get stuff done around the house but…

Fuck, I feel bad.

But… I have no time to just feel depressed. I need to provide for my family and the clock is ticking!

My son is about to be born and I feel so powerless.

How do I make this feeling go away?
Tell me, friends from Reddit, how do I stop feeling so overwhelmed by my own sadness?

Now that I am trying to be honest with myself and my own feelings I realize that this is almost impossible.

Facing life with honesty is really hard and I’m trying my best, but…

How do you guys do this? Adult life is kicking my ass and facing it with honest emotions are just making it even harder.

As the days go by, life feels lighter and brighter. It’s been a while since I had nightmares and my mind feels clearer.

But there’s still this fear that I have to conquer inside myself of not being able to provide for my family...

I guess that’s what it means becoming a father, right?

Well, anyway, thanks for reading!

I really needed to get this off my chest. smiling smiley

Anytime someone gives up drugs or changes for someone else, that person will usually be the reason they go back to whatever.

Duddy to Be
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 20, 2021
Retard has kids she wasn't sure she even wanted because her partner said "kids or I leave." Aaaand what a shock, things went all to shit once the sprogs were born.

Fucking morons. Why is it so hard to understand that having a brat to save a relationship never fucking works? What a shitshow. These are two people who should have never ever had kids, between one of them being an introvert (needing loads of alone time = not good for a parent) and both of them having conflicting parenting styles, which seems to make their kids act like complete assholes.

She's not a bad person - she's just an idiot. She never should have agreed to have kids with her cunt of a wife when she herself was on the fence about them and then they wound up with double trouble (twins). "I'll have your kids so you won't leave me" sounds romantic and all, but it almost never works out and both people just wind up resenting one another and their kids.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/p7mf7t/seeing_an_attorney_on_monday/

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I'm in a same-sex marriage and the non-bio mom to three year old twins. I was always a 'fence sitter' when it came to kids and my wife gave me an ultimatum years ago, 'we have kids or we need to go our separate ways'. I loved her too much to let go so we had kids (it was the wrong decision).

Twins are so hard. Especially those with colic and severe reflux the first year - 1.5 years of their life. My mental health went in the toilet and my wife and I drifted apart. We have different parenting styles which wreaks havoc, haven't been intimate for years, are constantly bickering, the kids are monsters most of the time plus they feed off each other, she's absolutely lazy and overall, I just kinda hate being a parent/spouse. There's gotta be more to life than buying groceries, making meals, cleaning up messes, doing laundry, wiping butts, getting screamed at, surrounded by people but feeling so lonely etc.

I want peace and quiet. Time to work on my mental health. I NEED breaks (classic introvert). I'll be a better co-parent...I think. I'll only have the twins a fraction of the time. So Monday, I'm seeing an attorney. I feel like scum for considering divorce but I'm so done with this miserable life.

Not sure what I'm looking for but just needed to get this out as I'm sure everyone in real-life will view as a monster.

Side-note: I posted this in another group and was completely slaughtered. Maybe I am just the awful person I feel I am?
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 20, 2021
I'm guessing some of these regretful fence sitters aren't bothering to get out from under a rock and have a conversation with others that have similar views-how many fencesitters turned breeders did this womben converse with prior to having baybees? They also aren't doing any internet searches to see if there are people similar to themselves that have sprogged and now regret that decision. Do they never venture outside their bubble? Or perhaps it is just that ebil oxytocin.

I just don't see how anyone can live their lives short of being a hermit and not see colossal evidence of parental regret all around them. There are remnants on the news every day with kids dying under highly questionable circumstances. The instances of parents not regretting their decision are the anomalies. The entertainment industry's perspective on parunting is laughable fantasy.

Same thing with the money required to raise brats. It is ubiquitous. A huge percentage of parents bitch about it, even the wealthy.

Then reality comes and the shit hits the fan and all of the sudden they are sooo self reflective and making an appointment with a lawyer.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 20, 2021
Brazilian drug addict smells kinda fake to me...
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 20, 2021
Moo is just shaken that she sends a list of bullshit to her kid's daycare and they told her not to bring him at all because they can't accommodate his needs (translation: they recognize a PITA Moo and don't want to deal with her).

Moo needs to know how they will communicate with her over trivial bullshit, needs a complete detailed schedule so she can explain it to her presumably awtarded child before bringing him in, is all the staff vaccinated and what precautions are in place regarding COVID (this is a legitimate concern, so I'll let it go), what they sit in for meals and if he can have some kinda special straw (which the staff will need to be in charge of), what the staff will do if the brat is struggling to be social or do daycare activities and be sure to wake his ass up from naps at 3pm no matter what they normally do for naptime!

Oh, but she just wants to make sure she is not monopolizing the daycare's time because she tooooootally gets they have a bunch of other brats to deal with. Except she totally is trying to monopolize their time with her list of crap.

I'm glad they told her to not bother bringing the kid in. If she wants such specialized child care, she needs to hire a nanny or be a SAHM. These people who run the daycare probably have 30+ other kids to wrangle and they cannot be focusing so much energy on the needs of one brat.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/p81qmz/dumped_from_daycare/

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Sooooo we just got kicked out of our daycare…before we even started. We’ve been on this list since April, to start up in two weeks. Our toddler is 20months and due to COVID has never been in daycare or around more than a handful of kids at a time.

I was SO excited for him to start making friends and getting out in the world. We visited for an hour last week to get him used to the place, and had another visit coming next week. The teacher encouraged me to email or ask any questions, but I’m not very good at asking questions of “authority,” (something I’m trying to work at so I can be a better advocate for my son). I asked a friend who works in child development therapy for suggestions about making the transition to daycare, and she suggested I ask a few questions around schedule and such that I hadn’t thought of. I also realized that while this daycare owner and I had talked about vaccines back in April, she never said if she was vaxxed or would be vaxxed. When we visited I asked about their COVID policies, and she said they were doing no masking because the local schools weren’t masking (something I later found out wasn’t true, from a friend whose kid goes to a local school).

So, I wrote this email below, and then you can see her response. I am a wreck, to put it bluntly. It is so hard for me to speak up or “cause waves” and these are literally the only questions I asked, other than logistics around like, drop off times. And i never expected them to accommodate any/all of it—I was doing the opposite, actually, in my mind and trying to make sure I could best prepare my kiddo for a new set of rules in a new place.

Email:

Hi [teacher name]! I thought of a few more questions that might be easier over email, so I am not too distracting while you're working during our visit Monday!

Do you have a communication system (day sheet, notebook passed back and forth, etc.) or a preferred way to communicate little things like if he's not sleeping well, or larger concerns/questions?

Do you share schedules for the week or days that I can talk through with [kid name] to give him a basic understanding of the structure? Even something as simple as "first you'll play outside, then you'll have a snack" etc?

Are you and your current assistants vaccinated against COVID? Do you plan on requiring that your new assistant be fully vaccinated?

Similarly, how will you determine if any additional COVID precautions need to be taken again? I've heard from friends that at least one local school is requiring masks indoors, and the CDC has recommended indoor masking for child care centers, so I'm curious if there is a guiding star you are following while navigating that?

What seating do you have for meals? Is it all small chairs at a table (I will practice that with [kid] if so, we are still using a high chair for him)?
Can we send him with a bite-straw cup for his drinking? He isn't ready for open mouth cups but sippy cups would be a step backward at this stage.

As you may have noticed, [kid] tends to need a little time to warm up to new activities/people. What is your general approach if a kid like him is having a hard time engaging with others? Do you encourage them to get involved or let them wait it out?

We keep a strict nap schedule at home; I know the times for going down will vary a bit at [daycare] but is it possible to always wake [kid] up by 3? [assistant teacher] mentioned that you typically let the kids sleep until they wake up, so just wanted to see if that's negotiable for him.
Happy to talk to you in person for these if you prefer, I know it's a lot but I wanted to make sure not to monopolize your time during the visit since I know you've got a lot of kids to keep an eye on! smiling smiley

Thanks, [me]

Daycare owner response:

I understand your concern in these uncertain times, especially with your young son. However, right now our program will not be able to accommodate all of your concerns. We are a multiage group in one small setting so we have many different needs to care for throughout the day. How our program currently operates, I do not feel that [daycare] would be a good fit for [kid]. I'm terribly sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Although my contract states that there is a non-refundable deposit, I will mail back your deposit. I wish you and your family well.
Sincerely,

——— It’s about the vax issue, right? I can’t imagine that asking about sippy cups and wake times and table seating is that extreme?? Am I Karen-ing? Luckily we are in a position where we can keep having a family member watch him, but this daycare owner doesn’t know that. I’m so confused, angry, and sad, and now questioning how I will ever find a daycare if this is the kind of response for asking what I thought were basic questions. Was my email that unreasonable?? Any advice? What am I missing??
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 21, 2021
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toraneko
Brazilian drug addict smells kinda fake to me...

At least he's mastered line breaks. Paragraphs, not so much.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 21, 2021
The lesbian is especially dumb because having kids in a gay relationship requires money and technology and she could have backed out at any moment.

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I was always a 'fence sitter' when it came to kids and my wife gave me an ultimatum years ago, 'we have kids or we need to go our separate ways'. I loved her too much to let go so we had kids (it was the wrong decision).

I don't know why she didn't just tell her, go find some sperm and leave me out of it. This woman likely had to sign papers for legal custody of this freak show and if that didn't wake her up, there was no hope for her.

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I just don't see how anyone can live their lives short of being a hermit and not see colossal evidence of parental regret all around them. There are remnants on the news every day with kids dying under highly questionable circumstances. The instances of parents not regretting their decision are the anomalies. The entertainment industry's perspective on parunting is laughable fantasy.

QFT, pure gold, etc.

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the kids are monsters most of the time plus they feed off each other, she's absolutely lazy and overall, I just kinda hate being a parent/spouse. There's gotta be more to life than buying groceries, making meals, cleaning up messes, doing laundry, wiping butts,

While I can understand that it would be extremely irritating to be with someone who threatened/begged for a baybee, then didn't do shit, I would venture to say this trait was probably evident pre-sprogging.

And YES anyone with a room-temperature IQ can figure out that all those things she listed are 100% part of having a kid. Baybees cannot go to the grocery store for themselves, ya know?

You cannot fix stupid.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 21, 2021
Re: Daycare Moo

Yikes. As a former teacher, I can guarantee that the daycare owner was heading off a problem at the pass. She offered the refund to make moo go away quietly. Moo tries to play it off like “I just want to know what the schedule is so I can prepare my child,” but several of the questions were asking the owner to justify the policies, and at least two of them were asking for exceptions to be made for her kid. And the way she keeps insisting that she didn’t ask any other questions and the whole thing about “it is so hard for me to speak up and I am learning how to advocate for my child” tells me that she probably asked a boatload of questions during her (multiple!) visits and probably has gotten combative at least once already.

Teacher probably forwarded the email directly to the owner, and the owner promptly dodged the bullet. If daycare there is anything like here, the owner probably has a waitlist full of moos to fill the open spot.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 23, 2021
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LoveToLurk
Re: Daycare Moo
Teacher probably forwarded the email directly to the owner, and the owner promptly dodged the bullet. If daycare there is anything like here, the owner probably has a waitlist full of moos to fill the open spot.

I agree, if she would have written the school for suggestions to see how she could prepare her child to fit in since he hasn't been in daycare previously then that would have sent an entirely different message. Clearly, she expects daycare to bend space and time to accommodate her unfurling brat. Glad the daycare sniffed this out and is graciously returning her deposit. The day care won't be sorry. There is no telling what she asked about in person during her multiple visits. She is the type that would call all the time, email all the time and wait for her kid to cry, see a red mark on him, think his diaper wasn't changed within 5 minutes of wetting himself, or other trivial B.S. and throw a big hissy fit.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 23, 2021
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bell_flower
The lesbian is especially dumb because having kids in a gay relationship requires money and technology and she could have backed out at any moment.

I agree, gay sprogging is 100% on purpose. There are no gay sprogging accidents. This is proof that having the baby batter on the brain makes them as idiotic as any other breeder.

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the kids are monsters most of the time plus they feed off each other, she's absolutely lazy and overall, I just kinda hate being a parent/spouse. There's gotta be more to life than buying groceries, making meals, cleaning up messes, doing laundry, wiping butts,

Yes there is more to life than that if you aren't a parunt. Welcome to parunting where every milestone hit (wiping butts) means another issue rears its ugly head: toadler roaming and sassy back talk, screaming fits and bouts of no and why...
You made the decision to give up your freedom and nothing will be sacred for you ever again. This may include your retirement. The milestones will continue until the brats move out and they may just boomerang right back to home or worse, they could both sprog THEN boomerang back home. Your best defensive bet is to move into a one bedroom apartment the day they move out in one of those 55+ communities.

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bell_flower
You cannot fix stupid.

Yes, she isn't going to get this. I feel bad for her wife as obviously she convinced her she was onboard 100% instead of being honest. She will be lamenting and harping on about all the milestones and how nothing really gets easier. When someone gives you an ultimatum unless you are the problem (you're cheating, doing drugs or gambling, etc.) it is best to move on.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 23, 2021
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yurble
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toraneko
Brazilian drug addict smells kinda fake to me...

At least he's mastered line breaks. Paragraphs, not so much.

Just reading it was cringe-worthy. More so than most of the Breakingmom Tales.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 25, 2021
MOO HOO HOO nobody will throw Moo a babby shower for her second child! Apparently she is very butthurt over it because it's her second brat, but her husband's first. She asked her sister to throw her one and her sister didn't seem too enthused. Motherfucker if they want to celebrate their creampie they baked together, can't they do it themselves? Why does there need to be a whole-ass party?

Ohh silly me, I forgot these are breeders - they can't get free shit if they celebrate on their own! Oh, but she made sure to say in the comments that it's totally NOT about getting presents - it's about celebrating the incoming loaf. Mmhmm, sure it is. eye rolling smiley She brings up how much she and the Duh do for others, which of course means they owe her a shower. I'm sure she won't use this as leverage against them in the future. "NO I WON'T DONATE MY KIDNEY TO YOU SHEILA, YOU DIDN"T THROW ME A SHOWER 15 YEARS AGO!"

Apparently nobody wanted to throw her a first shower either - she had to ask her mommy, who reluctantly agreed to do it. Could it simply be that nobody gives a flying fuck about her uterine stuffing? Maybe she ought to take the hint. Go out and celebrate on your own for fuck's sake. Go out to eat and tell the staff you're celebrating in impending brat and I'm sure someone will give the heifer a free cupcake.

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/pbdd6i/no_one_wants_to_throw_a_baby_shower/

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I told myself I wasn’t going to let this bother me.

I told myself spending $500 to host our own baby shower somewhere was a waste of money. Our house doesn’t have enough parking in the street to even host a party.

I told myself since covid is ramping back up, we did not need to have a shower.

I see now I was just making excuses because I did not want to face the reality that no one wanted to throw us one.

So I broke down and asked my older sister to throw me one. She said, “she would get back with me.” Haven’t heard a thing.

This is my second child. I had my first 7 years ago. However it is my husbands first child. He wants to celebrate this child. So do I.

Only two people have asked us if we are even having a shower. One was my MIL - not a super close relationship with her. Hasn’t asked me once how I am doing while I have been pregnant. I told her no because the cost. Didn’t say anything. That same day but earlier my in laws gave us their baby gift to us. So it’s kinda like she already knew. One was some friends we went out to eat with this last week. They both said, “you have to throw a party for your baby.” Yeah, we would love to. But no one has offered.

My mom came to visit a few weeks back and I brought up a shower. Saying we weren’t having one because the cost and because of covid. Basically I was just trying to see if she would say anything. Y’all, she said nothing. Absolutely nothing. No response.

With my first I had to ask my mom. She wasn’t thrilled but did it. The first time I was pregnant my older sister was also pregnant. After my shower my older sister apologized for not throwing me one because while she was pregnant she still threw her friend a baby shower.

I have friends. My husband has friends. We live three hours from home and still make a trip every other month to see family. We are loyal and always trying to make plans with people. We do what’s rights. We buy people dinner who we know are less fortunate than us. We drop what we are doing to help people when they need it. We have given money to family who needed it. We give gifts and never get anything in return. We aren’t bad family/friends.

I think it finally hit me when I had to ask someone to throw me a baby shower just how hurtful this really is. Does no one want to celebrate our new baby?
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 25, 2021
It is a second baybee, so a shower isn't expected under any definition of etiquette. Besides, etiquette isn't about who is entitled to what. And boy, does she sound entitled, which is likely why there has been such an icy reception when she tries to get others to host a baybee shower for her.

Also, does she realize we are still in the middle of a pandemic? Most people don't want to gather to celebrate much of anything but I can't imagine anything less important to celebrate than yet another baybee. And they certainly don't want to chance a high risk scenario: a stoopid shower is just that.

Just spend the $500 on whatever crap and shut it moo. Wrap the "gifts" and film yourself opening them if it makes you feel better. She could splurge for a cake too.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 26, 2021
Heh, I started to post this one myself. She must be really bad if no one cared about the first one, either.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 26, 2021
I suspect this particular moos entitled whining about a second baby shower is on the heels of 7 years of entitlement.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Sometimes in life it's the only weapon we have. Roger Rabbit

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 28, 2021
Mommies who realize they want to be childfree after breeding. Not many comments, but one retard describes how she posted a regret post on r/childfree and got her ass handed to her because people in the sub are "toxic." No, no they're not - regretful parents don't belong on a childfree site, they belong on r/regretfulparents. Dumbass.

As for the original thread, why do people not get that having your own brats is vastly different from, say, babysitting or playing with your niece a little bit at a family picnic?

https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/pcrjnh/i_seriously_dont_know_why_i_ever_wanted_to_become/

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Original thread
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Before I was a mom, I wanted to be one so badly. Now that I am one, I am miserable every fucking day.

It’s a really shitty feeling when you develop the “child-free” mindset after you’ve had kids.

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I get what you mean about wanting to be childfree AFTER having kids. I tried posting in the childfree sub once as a ‘regret’ post and I got lambasted and also it will ban you from this sub because it is a toxic place I found out very quickly.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 29, 2021
I found a huge wall of regret posted on childfree here: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/regret/

She would have been better off posting her regret on fencesitters if her goal was to change the mind of someone who is unsure about breeding. I appreciate her honesty and think it needs to be encouraged in light of it being such a social taboo, if we had more honesty perhaps some people would decide against kids. And we'd have more happiness, less unwanted kids and less overpopulation in the world as a result.

One of the responders make some comments about disabled kids and those are a life long commitment. Also how no one helps out with the disabled kid...because most people don't have the knowledge or experience to do this in the first place. And as the poster says, there isn't any funding for it. At $250K per year per autistic kid it won't ever be realistically solved by forcing the taxpayers to pay for it, there isn't enough people who make more than $250K per year to pay for it.

An autistic child is a huge lifelong expense and I know several people who are working well past retirement age to pay for their autistic grandchildren or will work the rest of their lives to pay for their autistic children---with no retirement, ever. It is one of the many, many liabilities about brats to seriously consider prior to having them. Along with realistically figuring out if they want to potentially be 75 or 80 years old, broke, single, working full time and taking care of a perma-kid or two until they can barely take care of themselves.

It is nice to know that as a childfree I don't have to wait until I'm in the grave to stop feeling obligated/guilt-tripped to take care of brats, grand brats, etc.
Re: Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices
August 29, 2021
I call bullshit on the moo who claims she was torn apart and then banned from the childfree sub. r/childfree is full of breeder pleasers. They have a flair especially for regretful parent stories and one of the mods is a step-moo. CFers who complain about the presence of breeders are the ones who get banned, not the moos themselves. That’s why r/actuallychildfree exists.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
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