Breakingmom Tales: Or A Collection of Stupidity & Dumb Choices

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I've (38M) been seeing this woman (35F) for a few months. She has 3 kids (8,10,15) and I have none, by choice, but I would love to be stepdad one day. I am the oldest of 4 boys and my youngest brother is 18 years younger than me. Ive been around kids since I was 6 years old. My brothers have a combined 6 kids now. (this comes into play later) We have been doing great for the duration of our relationship. No arguments or anything. We have been doing "family activities" together, everything has been great.

So we are at dinner Friday night, and there is a table of 8 adults and one baby. The baby (1.5-2 years old) is just relentlessly screaming bloody murder for like 15 minutes straight. All gas, no brakes. The parents are acting like nothing is going on, completely ignoring it. I say to her "This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think one of the parents should take their baby to the restroom or outside until they calm down.. Its kinda inconsiderate of everyone else around them"

This sparked something in her soul and she absolutely lost it. Told me "If you really feel that way, that just makes you a horrible human being" and that I was a "male karen" for even thinking that.. She blames the whole issue on me "not having kids and not knowing what its like", etc. "If you knew it could possibly offend me, then why even say it?" and that she now cant trust me because I might say something out of line to her kids or parents. We finished up and I took her home, where we sat in the driveway and talked some more, I explain that I have been around kids my entire life and even though I don't have any of my own, I absolutely know what its like.. I've had to take my youngest brother outside for the same reason multiple times growing up. If I'm at dinner with my family and one of my nieces or nephews start losing it, I am the one that takes them out, so mom and dad can have a break. That I was just expressing my opinion and it wasn't a big deal if she didn't agree, because it would never come into play with her kids ages. She refuses to let it go and stays livid, continues saying mean shit, until I asked her to get out and drove home.. Gutted.

AITAH?



UPDATE

-Yes I did break it off. We had zero communication until Sunday, when I called her and officially ended it. She just said "Seriously?!?" and hung up. LOL

-I came here for some validation because she really did start to make me feel like I was an asshole for thinking this way. I just wanted to make sure.

-The restaurant was what I would call upscale Mexican. Not your average "Casa Mexicana" but not some fine dining joint either.

-She has been a single mom for around 5 years.

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TL;DR: Moms First, a nonprofit founded by the same woman who founded Girls Who Code, has launched a campaign to demand Congress do something about the childcare crisis—and need your help! By filling out this form (it’ll only take 45 seconds or so!) you can send an email to your elected Representative demanding they join the #CaucusForChildcare and step up for moms across the country!

Hey friends! I work for a nonprofit organization that advocates for working moms (called Moms First) and we just launched a big campaign pushing for federal policy in the US to solve the childcare crisis (including the astronomical costs, the lack of available childcare options, and the unfairly low wages many childcare workers receive).

For the first part of that campaign, we’re pressuring members of congress to join the newly formed Caucus For Childcare by asking moms (and allies to moms) to contact their member of congress using our advocacy tool (which sends an email on their behalf).

In the first 24 hours, we’ve already had 650+ moms take action, including moms in nearly every state across the country! But we need that number to be 10x as big, to send a message to Congress that’s loud and clear:

MOMS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE THIS COUNTRY’S ONLY SOCIAL SAFETY NET. WE DESERVE SUPPORT TOO!

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Cambion
Sticky post from the sub about how mommies need to tell Congress that they need affordable childcare.

Okay sure, but this Moo says she and her fellow heifers want to solve the problems of the high cost of childcare, the low salaries of childcare workers, and the availability of childcare. Yeah that sounds nice on paper, but how exactly does she think she's going to get childcare workers paid more while making Moos pay less for their services? That's not how math works - if the people tasked with minding other people's brats make more, someone else will have to pay more.

Also, this will not solve the problem of lack of available childcare options. Even if you pay people more money, it may not necessarily make more people want to deal with kids for a living. Unless there is some major incentive to get people to want to work in childcare, this campaign to make brat care more accessible to Moos won't change the fact a lot of daycares have huge waiting lists.

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My baby is only 11 days old. I love her so much but sometimes she doesn't feel like mine. She feels like my niece and I'm just watching her. And eventually she'll go back to her mom and I'll have my life back.

Because my life is gone. And this was my biggest fear with having a second. It took me years to get to a good place in my life. Years to find stability and happiness. I was finally good.

Married to a great partner, in a house we own, with split custody of my oldest so I got days off that I spent watching TV, playing games, and sleeping. It was my job to keep the house clean and write my books so I can try to get published.

Now? Now I have a newborn full time. A newborn that needs to be on me to sleep soundly, so I hold her a lot just so I can watch an episode of TV and have an hour to myself. A newborn that wakes me every two hours for a half hour at a time. A newborn that will never go to her dad's so I can get a day off. I'll never have a day off again.

I know how selfish this all sounds. That I care more about my downtime than my daughter. I know it is. But I can't help it. My life has not been easy. I finally got easy and I ruined it for myself.

And now me and my husband are at each other's throats. I'm sad all the time, he's angry all the time. I've been with the baby every second of the day, he's cleaned every room in the house. I've been complaining about everything and he probably doesn't feel appreciated. I just can't get my head on straight.

I just don't want to do this mom thing anymore. I miss sleep. I miss quiet. I miss my alone time. And now it's all gone, for years. This is my life. And I'm so mad at myself for choosing it.

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I'm engaged. Getting married next year. I'm on birth control. I already have a four year old.

I'm screwed.

I've always wanted two. But after having my fire breathing dragon child, I never wanted another. (I also never wanted to get married again, but here I am) She was so difficult. So, so difficult. Colic. High needs. Needed attention 24/7. Would wake up every time I laid her down so she slept in my arms for every nap and night sleep for a year.

Now she's four and up my ass. The only relief I get is when she goes to her dad's. I've been very ill with a sinus infection and she begged to come home and promised she'd be good, and was she? Hell no.

I was off my birth control for a few days because of my illness and I didn't start spotting, which was weird for me. Plus I've been abnormally hungry, craving meat, really emotional. But I'm sick and have a shit ton going on in life so I didn't think much of it. Bought a test because I was at the store anyway and I just wanted to be sure. Instant positive. Literally instant.

My fiance loves my daughter but doesn't like infants. He's 100% behind me terminating. But I know he'll be supportive no matter what I decide.

I don't know what tf to do. I've always wanted two, and I'd love to have a baby with him. But I don't know if I can do it again. And we're not financially stable enough right now so I'd have to get a job (I'm slightly disabled so would have to work from home, which is difficult when you can't afford child care). I don't know if I can bring myself to terminate though. But I KNOW I can't adopt.

I don't know what I want. Advice maybe? Talk me out of it? Into it? I don't know. I just found out three hours ago so I'm still in shock. Thanks.

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I wanted this baby. Absolutely 100% on board with everything that entails. I'm meal prepping for once the baby gets here, I've got the nursery almost ready, I'm excited!

But I'm also 31, it's been several years since I was last pregnant, I'm older and it's not quite as easy this time. But the moment I open my mouth to complain to 2 of my close friends, out of the 3 close friends that I have, I get reminded, "you wanted this" " you signed up for it" " pregnancy isn't comfortable" "well this is what you wanted" "you are pregnant so you have to deal with it"

Like yes, I am aware of these things but I also want to complain on occasion and I feel like I'm not allowed to because my pregnancy was intentional. I immediately get shut down because this is what I wanted.

I'm worried I'm going to keep hearing these things after the baby gets here too and it's frustrating. I would never said these things to a friend of mine, or any pregnant women because just because we are pregnant doesn't mean we should have to just suffer silently and ask like everything is peaches and roses. I drive a car too, doesn't mean I don't get upset when I get hit even though I know it's a risk. It's not what I hoped for! While overall this pregnancy has been fairly smooth, I just wanna complain that my back hurts without getting a lecture on how I asked for this

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That's such a dumb line of reasoning.

"Well, you wanted this."

I could say the same thing about aging ("well you didn't want to die"), working any job ("you're the one who went and got yourself employed"), or even dieting.

Anything worth wanting is going to come with some downsides attached unless you're living in unicorn land.

I don't know why complaining about other things is ok but not pregnancy or child raising.

So dumb.

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Cambion
Moo got herself knocked up on purpose, but doesn't like it when she complains and people tell her she chose to get/stay pregnant.

I mean, it's the truth?? She's been pregnant before, so it's not like she didn't expect some inconveniences/discomforts. If you don't want to be told that you have to deal with the consequences of your own actions, maybe don't bitch to people about every goddamn thing in your life? Or reserve your complaining for your Moo friends online.

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Cambion
Moo finally achieves some kind of stability in life that includes actual free time during which she can pursue hobbies and writing, then she cocks it all up by calving. Junior is not even two weeks out of the uterus and she already is done. She mentions a "great partner" who she now fights with constantly because of the kid and also mentions having shared custody of another kid, so I assume she had a kid with an ex.

According to stuff she shared 8 months ago, she did not want another kid because her first one was an absolute fucking monster. She decided not to take her pill for a few days because what's the worst that could happen lulz?? Yeah well she got herself knocked up. Her husband loves her brat from another man, but hates babies and 100 percent wanted her to abort the mistake.

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Despite the difficulties you’ve described, you are selflessly raising and protecting your daughter. Don’t lose sight of the amazing job you’re doing.

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yurble
A little bit of venting is fine, but if her friends are shutting her down it is because she is opening her mouth to complain a lot, probably every time they see her.

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freya
This what happens when "I wanted two since I was a brat" trumps all logical thinking and it becomes "I will have two no matter what because it is the most important priority in my life." Suicidal ideations, stupidity, pissing off your new husband and the roommate who is probably the only reason you can afford the house you've mortgaged.

Did she stop to think about what will happen if she pisses off the roommate and this person moves out? How about her new husband who readily admits he hates baybees? She can't even leave the loaf with him since he admits this, it isn't safe. What an absolute train wreck this one is.

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bell_flower

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Despite the difficulties you’ve described, you are selflessly raising and protecting your daughter. Don’t lose sight of the amazing job you’re doing.

Um, negatory. And WTF?

To me the first condition of being a good parent is to breed with someone responsible. She failed to do this even before the kid was born.

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My partner (27M) and I (26F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 daughters (5 months and 2 years) and I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship.

We both work, although right now both of us are on maternity/paternity leave. He gets 6 months off full pay, and I get 9 months off with statutory maternity pay. Anyway I am getting increasingly more and more resentful to him, to the point I actually feel like I can’t have a conversation with him without getting annoyed. For one, he’s never washed a single bottle let alone sterilised the bottles, we bought a baby brezza so that it was easy for him to make bottles and yet he still barely uses it, he will wait until I am up on my feet and say well since your up go get a bottle. He’s never once got up during the night with the baby, he’s never once got up in the morning to go get a bottle. He’s changed a handful of the babies nappies, he’s never bathed her, he doesn’t dress her. Nothing, it’s all on me. I’ve said to him he needs to do more cause I’m actually exhausted emotionally and physically and he’s said he isn’t good with babies so he prefers to just do things for our middle child. (He will change her bum, he will occasionally put her to bed if he’s home at bedtime, he will bath her but only if I ask, he won’t do anything unless asked). He then moans that all the baby does is cry when she’s with him and I’ve told him that’s because he doesn’t try with her and just throws her straight at me as soon as she even starts to cry.

Anyway this past week he has been helping his friend out at work because he owns his own company and has had staff off etc so for the whole week it’s just been me and all 3 kids, I’ve barely had time to shower, all I’ve done is house work, I’ve had appointments which I’ve brought all the kids along to, my only ask from him was if he could watch the toddler whilst I went to my first ever baby sensory class and he said he would. The night before as we are going to sleep he said oh yeah btw I can’t watch her, your gonna have to take her or not go (I’d paid for the course in advance and this was 11pm at night and the class started at 9.30am the next morning). I asked him why, said I was fine doing everything my self all week so he could help his friend and this was the only thing I asked him for and now he’s put me in an awkward position. (Toddler can’t come to baby sensory as she’s too old and I’d be chasing her around and not be able to spend any time just me and baby).

He doesn’t help with any of the house work, even since he’s been off. He doesn’t hoover, he’s never put a load of laundry in, anything tbh. I’ve asked him to start helping to make my job easier as he will for instance put all the rubbish on the counter instead of the bin, or leave his laundry all over the house instead of taking it to the laundry basket. He will leave the bin to over flow as he ‘doesn’t touch the bins’, he will get out the shower with no bath mat and soak the whole bathroom. All I’ve asked for is small things to help and he still can’t. I’m absolutely fucking exhausted. Whenever I say I need help because I’m so overwhelmed he will help for a day (by watching the kids so I can clean in peace, not actually help with any of the jobs) and then the next day it’s back to the usual.

At weekends he also goes out almost every weekend so I am alone every weekend and I feel like I need to ask for permission to ever make plans because I don’t want to go out and get texts about how one kids crying cause then I just want to go home because what’s the point in even trying to have me time.

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Cambion
I'm sure Duh didn't magically go from being a responsible adult who splits the household chores 50/50 to a worthless lazy lump overnight. He was absolutely like this before the bratlings came along and Moo just ignored it. Now she's gone and made her life three times as hard by breeding with this lazy asshole twice.

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And my kid is at school! My kid is at school! Ha! Ha! It’s all happening! I’m loving my awesome 4x a week 10 hr shifts even more now because my bonus day off on Tuesdays is actually a DAY OFFFFFFFF. Omfg you guys. I feel like.. so much winning is happening. And I’m really loving this for me.

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mumofsixbirds
Yup, I'm doing exactly that right now. I don't have to be at work until later this afternoon so I'm having a cup of coffee in my robe. My pup is still sleeping right now and everything is absolutely quiet. I think I'd go nuts if I had to work, look after a kid or three, care for all the other responsibilities that life brings, and not have a moment's peace to myself just so I can relax and reflect on everything.

I'm seriously introverted and I need alone time. I'd go insane if I had to deal with kids every nanosecond of the day hassling me for stuff because that's what they do. Then again, even as a kid myself I knew that.

I just don't know how this fact of being a parent slips people's minds before they start breeding? It's everywhere. Even long before the internet was available I knew this just by seeing my sisters with their kids and I myself being a kid...although my mother wouldn't have tolerated me bugging her like that all the time. She would've smacked me. When she wanted to take a nap, do her hair, or watch TV I wasn't allowed to bug her and I knew it. I was actually okay with that because I knew my mother needed a break sometimes from both working and dealing with me.

After breeding your life no longer belongs to you. Especially now where kids seem to rule over their parents with tiny, iron fists of rage.

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Cambion

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And my kid is at school! My kid is at school! Ha! Ha! It’s all happening! I’m loving my awesome 4x a week 10 hr shifts even more now because my bonus day off on Tuesdays is actually a DAY OFFFFFFFF. Omfg you guys. I feel like.. so much winning is happening. And I’m really loving this for me.

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freya

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Cambion

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And my kid is at school! My kid is at school! Ha! Ha! It’s all happening! I’m loving my awesome 4x a week 10 hr shifts even more now because my bonus day off on Tuesdays is actually a DAY OFFFFFFFF. Omfg you guys. I feel like.. so much winning is happening. And I’m really loving this for me.

I saw a comment where a moo was laughing and thinking 13 years when her kid asked how much longer she has to go to school. I thought, what are you laughing at? At least 13 more years before the kid is out of the house. 13 angsty-filled years with her dotter who already has had her fill of school. Poor kid.